Chemistry Jokes

*A student raise his hand to answer.*

Student: No it won't dissolve sir.

Teacher: Really good! Now can you explain to the rest of the class why?

Student: You're so cheap, there's no way you would've sacrificed that $20.

A good party wasn't the correct answer, apparently.

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know ... read more

Alcohol IS a solution.

There were four University sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an A so far. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday an... read more

Me :Is it a crime to throw Sodium Chloride at a woman?
Judge: Yes, that's assault
Me: I know it's a salt but is it a crime?

Unfortunately my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted

I guess all the good chemistry puns argon.

I said sure, knock yourself out.

Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

I was in the middle of performing a chemical reaction but I got sued by the Fine Bros.

One has problems, and the other has solutions.

So the Hydrogen Brothers are a gas, but are known to get a reaction from Governor Adam Oxygen.

Well, the law is on alert when they enter that state.

If they find themselves introduced to the agents, they're asked,

"Water you doing here?"

Student: “It’s what you do after you killum.”

Some people drop acid while others drop the base.

Hey girl, do you have a vacant d-orbital?

Cuz I want to back-bond with you.

Because you won’t get a reaction.

Turns out he had a compound interest.

Auuuuuuu!

A chemistry student walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How did your finals go?" the bartender asks. "Not so hot," the student replies. "The instructor asked my class to write 1000 words on acid. Unfortunately, I was unable to complete it as my pen turned to a gorilla and the floor melted."

Student: I didn't even know protons were Catholic.

I've only heard them talk about esters!

I accidentally made nitroglycerin.

But I was unable to find a base

A hetero-genius mixture!

Just ask them to read this word: unionized.

however thought that i wouldnt get a reaction…
It was supposed to be a Sodium joke, but Na.

I got no reaction, and now all my friends Argon

Good or bad, it always gets a reaction out of you.

They kept dropping the base.

Periodically.

A Chinese chemist took part in a chef competition in UK. His English was barely passable during the presentations, but his cooking skills were great, and he went on qualifying. In the last round, he got tied with another contestant for the first place. So an innovative tie-breaker was devised. Each ... read more

I keep seeing the same jokes reposted periodically.

Then why do most of the elements end in yum?

Periodically

Proton and neutron were chilling in the nucleus one day, then proton asks neutron: “Why you only hangout with me in here instead of electron?”

Neutron replies: “He was too negative to begin with.”

It's called Baking Bread.

Teacher “there are two liquids water and butane can someone please give me a quantity for them”
Student at the front “a ton”
Teacher “ok then what is the heavier the ton of water or the ton of butane”
The teacher asked each student the same question and each of them answered that they wer... read more

He must have found it funny. He completely cracked up!

My notes say adding water decreases concentration

Silver walks into a bar
He sees gold in the distance and yell’s,
“AU! Get outa here!”

Helium walks into a bar
The bartender says,
“Sorry we don’t serve noble gases here”
Helium doesn’t react

All of the good ones argon.

...Argon.

Hall of Famer Al Kaline wore #6 throughout his career, which actually makes him slightly acidic.

Hospital bill is pretty high.

My roommate bursts into our apartment, totally stressed out from her chemistry finals.

Her: If anyone even says one more word related to Chemistry, I'm going to scream!

Me: K

Her: (goes bananas…) ARGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Both ordered drinks. But the second guy died after drinking his.

Apparently, the first guy asked for H2O.
The second guy ordered H2O too.

It was chemistry class and the teacher asks-

"Can anyone tell me the chemical formula of water?"

Little Timmy raises hand.

"Yes, Timmy?"



"Hijklmno"

They answered "The element of surprise!"

I replied, "NaBrO"

But I'm scared I'll get a volatile reaction.

Never lick the spoon.

A genius high school chemistry student takes a test, gets his score back and is dismayed to find that he missed exactly one question and thus would not be accepted to his university of choice. He is especially bummed because the question he missed was “How many valence electrons does a Hydrogen atom... read more

Why not...


She is a Fe-male.

...in fact I knocked him right over.

You should have seen his reaction.

I guess you could say that we have developed strong bonds.

Two atoms were walking down the street together.

Atom 1: Oh no! I think I lost an electron.

Atom 2: Are you sure?

Atom 1: Yes, I’m positive.

Name: Woman
Symbol: Wm
Atomic mass: Light when first found... tends to get heavier with time.


**PHYSICAL PROPERTIES**

- Boils at any time
- Can freeze at any time
- Melts if treated with love
- Very Bitter if Mishandled


**CHEMICAL PROPERTIES** ... read more

but in my opinion he is absolutely 0K.

A sodium atom and a chlorine atom meet in a bar. During the conversation, these 2 atoms really start to *bond*.

Everything seems to be going well but shortly after the chlorine atom bursts into tears.

"What's wrong?!" the sodium atom asked.

"I'm negatively charged!" the chlorine... read more

Today there hasn't been even one reaction from him.

I guess oxidants do happen!!

OMg

But I'm telling you that you're a 100% CUTIE!!!

- Mary, what is H2SO4?

- Oh god, this is so easy, why can't I remember, it's on the tip of my tongue.

Quickly, Johnny says:

- Then spit it out, that's sulfuric acid!

And an F in Physics

Nobody got hurt, but the chemist responsible is the laughing stock of his group.

We use a lot of helium in the military, that's why when there's a shortage you can't get it for balloons - it's being stockpiled by the DOD. We use it to stabilize a variety of substances for storage.

On... read more

But I don’t think it’ll get a reaction

A Co- Van Halen bond

He said that alcohol is a solvent. I've been drinking for years and it hasn't solved any of my problems.

I've been looking for chemistry puns for a long time. But it seems the good ones Argon

I thought "hey, just try to enjoy the bad ones" but I couldn't. The only thing I could do is Berium.

You might be thinking "I bet they aren't that bad" but after you see the same ones as much as I sa... read more

So, he made all of them stand infront of a table that had a beaker with some liquid in it.

"Observation is very crucial in Chemistry.. the more you observe, the better you can learn", he said as he dipped his left index finger into the beaker containing the liquid.

After 15 seconds, he... read more

A man was tracking down a chemistry teacher who owed him money. He arrived at the school lab and found the teacher hiding behind a desk. The man reached for the nearest container, labeled CaCl2, threw it at the chemistry teacher, and yelled, "Where is my money?!"

The chemistry teacher held up... read more

I said "It wasn't good for the Titanic."

There were Rhesus pieces everywhere.

He said, “No, actually, it’s Pt”

"Bottoms up."

A chemist bumped into an old friend while out for a walk with her baby.


Chemist: wow, it's been so long! This is my daughter benzene-a.



Friend: Benzene-a?



Chemist: Well we were considering calling her cyclohex-ana, but we thought benzene-a had a nicer ring to... read more

They wanted to be sea dated.

Everytime I hear one, Ion

All the best Argon.

It was that alcohol is always a solution.

They only have periodic tables.

Girl: "$100 + hotel room bill.. this is my night rate!!"

does that make him an oxymoron?

H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking

I’m trying to find the best chemistry jokes but all the good ones argon


Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"

I thought it was good personally, but the reaction was disappointing!