UPJOKE
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For an experiment, a chemistry teacher takes out a $20 bill and put it's in a bottle of ethanol. He then ask his students if it will dissolve.

*A student raise his hand to answer.*

Student: No it won't dissolve sir.

Teacher: Really good! Now can you explain to the rest of the class why?

Student: You're so cheap, there's no way you would've sacrificed that $20.

My chemistry teacher asked me what's an acid + base.

A good party wasn't the correct answer, apparently.

A chemistry professor posted a bonus question to an exam:

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know ...
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It turns out my high school Chemistry teacher was right....

Alcohol IS a solution.

The chemistry final make up exam.

There were four University sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an A so far. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday an...

Chemistry Jokes

Me :Is it a crime to throw Sodium Chloride at a woman?
Judge: Yes, that's assault
Me: I know it's a salt but is it a crime?

For our chemistry exam we had to write a thousand words on acid.

Unfortunately my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted

That awkward moment when you tell a chemistry joke, and get no reaction.

I guess all the good chemistry puns argon.

my kid asked if he could buy a chemistry set to make chloroform.

I said sure, knock yourself out.

Organic chemistry is difficult.

Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

I failed my chemistry lab exam.

I was in the middle of performing a chemical reaction but I got sued by the Fine Bros.

What's the difference between a math book and a chemistry book?

One has problems, and the other has solutions.

Chemistry Joke

So the Hydrogen Brothers are a gas, but are known to get a reaction from Governor Adam Oxygen.

Well, the law is on alert when they enter that state.

If they find themselves introduced to the agents, they're asked,

"Water you doing here?"

Chemistry teacher: “What is barium?”

Student: “It’s what you do after you killum.”

A chemistry lab is a lot like a party...

Some people drop acid while others drop the base.

[A chemistry pickupline]

Hey girl, do you have a vacant d-orbital?

Cuz I want to back-bond with you.

Why should you never tell a chemistry joke?

Because you won’t get a reaction.

A bank teller decides to leave his job to go back to college for an education in chemistry.

Turns out he had a compound interest.

What does a chemistry teacher says when gold bar fells on his/her feet?

Auuuuuuu!

The chemistry final exams

A chemistry student walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How did your finals go?" the bartender asks. "Not so hot," the student replies. "The instructor asked my class to write 1000 words on acid. Unfortunately, I was unable to complete it as my pen turned to a gorilla and the floor melted."

Chemistry teacher: Did you know protons have mass?

Student: I didn't even know protons were Catholic.

Pigeons must be very interested in chemistry...

I've only heard them talk about esters!

My chemistry teacher exploded when he caught me goofing around in the lab

I accidentally made nitroglycerin.

I was thinking of making a chemistry joke

But I was unable to find a base

What does a chemistry student call their overperforming, straight, bi-racial classmate?

A hetero-genius mixture!

How do you tell the difference between a chemistry professor and a politician?

Just ask them to read this word: unionized.

I wanted to tell a Chemistry joke…,

however thought that i wouldnt get a reaction…
It was supposed to be a Sodium joke, but Na.

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Chemistry Joke

So a Physicist, Chemist and Biologist walk down the beach to the ocean. They stand together and watch the waves as the water splashes up to meet their feet. "Look at those waves, the shear crushing weight of the water powered by tidal forces! I must study them further!" Says the Physicist, as he wal...

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In chemistry class the experiment called for 36 grams of the 83rd element on the periodic table. I could see that the girl next to me had weighed out 42 grams. When I told her she was getting a bit heavy she said....

I should mind my own bismuth.

My friends told me to stop making chemistry jokes, but then I told just one more

I got no reaction, and now all my friends Argon

Chemistry jokes.

Good or bad, it always gets a reaction out of you.

Why did the DJ get fired from the chemistry lab?

They kept dropping the base.

How often is a chemistry joke posted on reddit?

Periodically.

Chemistry joke.

A Chinese chemist took part in a chef competition in UK. His English was barely passable during the presentations, but his cooking skills were great, and he went on qualifying. In the last round, he got tied with another contestant for the first place. So an innovative tie-breaker was devised. Each ...

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A chemistry professor is giving his final exam...

... he says on the friday before the final, "If you miss the final you have to have a great excuse for missing the final next monday." Two students decide to study together all weekend so all friday night they study, all saturday morning and night they study, then they study all sunday morning and d...

Can we please stop posting chemistry jokes?

I keep seeing the same jokes reposted periodically.

If you're not supposed to eat in a chemistry lab

Then why do most of the elements end in yum?

How often are chemistry jokes posted to reddit?

Periodically

Chemistry joke

Proton and neutron were chilling in the nucleus one day, then proton asks neutron: “Why you only hangout with me in here instead of electron?”

Neutron replies: “He was too negative to begin with.”

Did you hear about that new Netflix series about a chemistry teacher that finds out he has cancer and secretly opens a bakery to provide for his family when he's gone?

It's called Baking Bread.

A chemistry teacher gives his class a question

Teacher “there are two liquids water and butane can someone please give me a quantity for them”
Student at the front “a ton”
Teacher “ok then what is the heavier the ton of water or the ton of butane”
The teacher asked each student the same question and each of them answered that they wer...

As a practical joke I arranged a bucket of liquid nitrogen so that it fell on our chemistry teacher when he opened the door.

He must have found it funny. He completely cracked up!

I stopped drinking water while studying chemistry

My notes say adding water decreases concentration

Walks into a bar chemistry jokes

Silver walks into a bar
He sees gold in the distance and yell’s,
“AU! Get outa here!”

Helium walks into a bar
The bartender says,
“Sorry we don’t serve noble gases here”
Helium doesn’t react

I'd like to apologize for all of my terrible chemistry jokes.

All of the good ones argon.

I would make a chemistry joke, but seems like all the chemists here...

...Argon.

Here's one for all of you baseball and chemistry fans

Hall of Famer Al Kaline wore #6 throughout his career, which actually makes him slightly acidic.

My chemistry teacher offered me a Pb and J sandwhich.

Hospital bill is pretty high.

Ah.. chemistry!

My roommate bursts into our apartment, totally stressed out from her chemistry finals.

Her: If anyone even says one more word related to Chemistry, I'm going to scream!

Me: K

Her: (goes bananas…) ARGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

(Chemistry) Two men walk into a bar

Both ordered drinks. But the second guy died after drinking his.

Apparently, the first guy asked for H2O.
The second guy ordered H2O too.

Chemistry joke

It was chemistry class and the teacher asks-

"Can anyone tell me the chemical formula of water?"

Little Timmy raises hand.

"Yes, Timmy?"



"Hijklmno"

The chemistry teacher was asked what their favorite element was.

They answered "The element of surprise!"

My chemistry teacher asked me if I knew anything about sodium hypobromite.

I replied, "NaBrO"

I'd post a chemistry pun on here....

But I'm scared I'll get a volatile reaction.

What is the most important thing to learn in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon.

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What did the Japanese chemistry teacher say when he mixed sodium and nitrogen?

NaNi???

A genius high school chemistry student takes a test

A genius high school chemistry student takes a test, gets his score back and is dismayed to find that he missed exactly one question and thus would not be accepted to his university of choice. He is especially bummed because the question he missed was “How many valence electrons does a Hydrogen atom...

A female chemistry teacher gets called out as Ironman!

Why not...


She is a Fe-male.

Bumped into my old Chemistry teacher yesterday

...in fact I knocked him right over.

You should have seen his reaction.

Myself, along with a small group of fellow Chemistry majors have been close friends since our college days.

I guess you could say that we have developed strong bonds.

Chemistry joke #2

Two atoms were walking down the street together.

Atom 1: Oh no! I think I lost an electron.

Atom 2: Are you sure?

Atom 1: Yes, I’m positive.

A New Metal has been added to Chemistry

Name: Woman
Symbol: Wm
Atomic mass: Light when first found... tends to get heavier with time.


**PHYSICAL PROPERTIES**

- Boils at any time
- Can freeze at any time
- Melts if treated with love
- Very Bitter if Mishandled


**CHEMICAL PROPERTIES** ...

My chemistry teacher keeps talking about this guy "Kelvin" like he's soooo cool,

but in my opinion he is absolutely 0K.

Just made up this chemistry joke, what do you think?

A sodium atom and a chlorine atom meet in a bar. During the conversation, these 2 atoms really start to *bond*.

Everything seems to be going well but shortly after the chlorine atom bursts into tears.

"What's wrong?!" the sodium atom asked.

"I'm negatively charged!" the chlorine...

I think my chemistry teacher might be dead

Today there hasn't been even one reaction from him.

My chemistry set blew up...

I guess oxidants do happen!!

I was putting atoms together for chemistry. Until I put magnesium and oxygen together.

OMg

Biology tell me you're 70% water. Physics tells me that you're 99.99% empty space. Chemistry tells me that you're 60% oxygen.

But I'm telling you that you're a 100% CUTIE!!!

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This should be a standard response to chemistry jokes

Flourine Uranium Carbon Potassium

Yttrium Oxygen Uranium

Arsenic Sulphur Tungsten Iodine Phosphorus Einsteinium

:)

In a chemistry class, the teacher asks a girl

- Mary, what is H2SO4?

- Oh god, this is so easy, why can't I remember, it's on the tip of my tongue.

Quickly, Johnny says:

- Then spit it out, that's sulfuric acid!

When I was in school I got a B in biology, a C in chemistry

And an F in Physics

We had an explosion in one of our chemistry labs last week.

Nobody got hurt, but the chemist responsible is the laughing stock of his group.

We use a lot of helium in the military, that's why when there's a shortage you can't get it for balloons - it's being stockpiled by the DOD. We use it to stabilize a variety of substances for storage.

On...

I was going to make a chemistry joke

But I don’t think it’ll get a reaction

What's it called when chemistry teachers share a favorite band?

A Co- Van Halen bond

My chemistry teacher is a damn liar!

He said that alcohol is a solvent. I've been drinking for years and it hasn't solved any of my problems.

Bad chemistry puns

I've been looking for chemistry puns for a long time. But it seems the good ones Argon

I thought "hey, just try to enjoy the bad ones" but I couldn't. The only thing I could do is Berium.

You might be thinking "I bet they aren't that bad" but after you see the same ones as much as I sa...

A chemistry professor was taking the first class for a new batch of students who just joined the college.

So, he made all of them stand infront of a table that had a beaker with some liquid in it.

"Observation is very crucial in Chemistry.. the more you observe, the better you can learn", he said as he dipped his left index finger into the beaker containing the liquid.

After 15 seconds, he...

A man was tracking down a chemistry teacher...

A man was tracking down a chemistry teacher who owed him money. He arrived at the school lab and found the teacher hiding behind a desk. The man reached for the nearest container, labeled CaCl2, threw it at the chemistry teacher, and yelled, "Where is my money?!"

The chemistry teacher held up...

My chemistry professor once asked the class if it was a good or bad thing that ice is less dense than water?

I said "It wasn't good for the Titanic."

Recently, monkeys escaped from an animal testing lab and broke into the adjacent chemistry lab. Some ingested potassium metal and exploded.

There were Rhesus pieces everywhere.

Our chemistry professor told us he was excited about winning a platinum award on reddit. Someone responded “ Well, thats petty. “

He said, “No, actually, it’s Pt”

What phrase should you never hear in Chemistry class?

"Bottoms up."

Short chemistry joke

A chemist bumped into an old friend while out for a walk with her baby.


Chemist: wow, it's been so long! This is my daughter benzene-a.



Friend: Benzene-a?



Chemist: Well we were considering calling her cyclohex-ana, but we thought benzene-a had a nicer ring to...

TIL Out of boredom and to create more band chemistry early in their careers, the Ramones used to go on single's cruises together around New York harbour looking to pick up chicks.

They wanted to be sea dated.

I find chemistry jokes really boring

Everytime I hear one, Ion

It's hard to find a funny chemistry joke here

All the best Argon.

There is only one fact I gathered from chemistry.

It was that alcohol is always a solution.

The chemistry department cafeteria has good food, but finding a place to sit can be a challenge.

They only have periodic tables.

In chemistry class, the teacher asked a girl, what is 'nitrate'?

Girl: "$100 + hotel room bill.. this is my night rate!!"

If a chemistry student is too stupid to learn about Oxygen,

does that make him an oxymoron?

Chemistry jokes #3

H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking

I’m trying to find the best chemistry jokes but all the good ones argon


Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"

I told a chemistry joke the other day...

I thought it was good personally, but the reaction was disappointing!

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