Chemistry Jokes

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know ... read more

*A student raise his hand to answer.*

Student: No it won't dissolve sir.

Teacher: Really good! Now can you explain to the rest of the class why?

Student: You're so cheap, there's no way you would've sacrificed that $20.

A good party wasn't the correct answer, apparently.

Me :Is it a crime to throw Sodium Chloride at a woman?
Judge: Yes, that's assault
Me: I know it's a salt but is it a crime?

Alcohol IS a solution.

Unfortunately my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted

I accidentally made nitroglycerin.

A Chinese chemist took part in a chef competition in UK. His English was barely passable during the presentations, but his cooking skills were great, and he went on qualifying. In the last round, he got tied with another contestant for the first place. So an innovative tie-breaker was devised. Each ... read more

Turns out he had a compound interest.

There were four University sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an A so far. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday an... read more

Hey girl, do you have a vacant d-orbital?

Cuz I want to back-bond with you.

Student: “It’s what you do after you killum.”

But, they Argon.

A chemistry student walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How did your finals go?" the bartender asks. "Not so hot," the student replies. "The instructor asked my class to write 1000 words on acid. Unfortunately, I was unable to complete it as my pen turned to a gorilla and the floor melted."

Some people drop acid while others drop the base.

Good or bad, it always gets a reaction out of you.

I guess all the good chemistry puns argon.

Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

I was in the middle of performing a chemical reaction but I got sued by the Fine Bros.

It was pretty Fe-ic

Student: Do we get zinc sulfate when zinc reacts with sulfate?

Teacher: I zinc SO

One has problems, and the other has solutions.

No reaction

"Do you know any chemistry jokes?

I do but they're all boron."

I have to say, I slapped my neon that one.

...But all the good ones argon.

however thought that i wouldnt get a reaction…
It was supposed to be a Sodium joke, but Na.

Student: I didn't even know protons were Catholic.

I said sure, knock yourself out.

Silver walks into a bar
He sees gold in the distance and yell’s,
“AU! Get outa here!”

Helium walks into a bar
The bartender says,
“Sorry we don’t serve noble gases here”
Helium doesn’t react

you are part of the precipitate.

I've only heard them talk about esters!

I keep seeing the same jokes reposted periodically.

Periodically.

But I was unable to find a base

Proton and neutron were chilling in the nucleus one day, then proton asks neutron: “Why you only hangout with me in here instead of electron?”

Neutron replies: “He was too negative to begin with.”

My roommate bursts into our apartment, totally stressed out from her chemistry finals.

Her: If anyone even says one more word related to Chemistry, I'm going to scream!

Me: K

Her: (goes bananas…) ARGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Auuuuuuu!

They kept dropping the base.

He's got a lot of compound interest.

Just ask them to read this word: unionized.

A hetero-genius mixture!

Periodically

It was chemistry class and the teacher asks-

"Can anyone tell me the chemical formula of water?"

Little Timmy raises hand.

"Yes, Timmy?"



"Hijklmno"

Then why do most of the elements end in yum?

Two atoms were walking down the street together.

Atom 1: Oh no! I think I lost an electron.

Atom 2: Are you sure?

Atom 1: Yes, I’m positive.

Teacher “there are two liquids water and butane can someone please give me a quantity for them”
Student at the front “a ton”
Teacher “ok then what is the heavier the ton of water or the ton of butane”
The teacher asked each student the same question and each of them answered that they wer... read more

I guess oxidants do happen!!

My notes say adding water decreases concentration

Fluorine, Uranium, Carbon, Potassium, Yttrium, Oxygen, Uranium.

Periodically. I made one yesterday, but it had no reaction.

I've been looking for chemistry puns for a long time. But it seems the good ones Argon

I thought "hey, just try to enjoy the bad ones" but I couldn't. The only thing I could do is Berium.

You might be thinking "I bet they aren't that bad" but after you see the same ones as much as I sa... read more

Hall of Famer Al Kaline wore #6 throughout his career, which actually makes him slightly acidic.

I got no reaction, and now all my friends Argon

Hospital bill is pretty high.

But I'm scared I'll get a volatile reaction.

My chem teacher once asked me what S was on the periodic table, and I didn’t know so I said “the element of Surprise,” apparently he was surprised with my answer.

So I was driving down the road, getting pretty tired on my way home and saw a sign that said "Chemistry Hotel"

the sign said:

*"Cheap Day Rates, and Even Cheaper NO3-'s"*

Name: Woman
Symbol: Wm
Atomic mass: Light when first found... tends to get heavier with time.


**PHYSICAL PROPERTIES**

- Boils at any time
- Can freeze at any time
- Melts if treated with love
- Very Bitter if Mishandled


**CHEMICAL PROPERTIES** ... read more

Today there hasn't been even one reaction from him.

A chemist bumped into an old friend while out for a walk with her baby.


Chemist: wow, it's been so long! This is my daughter benzene-a.



Friend: Benzene-a?



Chemist: Well we were considering calling her cyclohex-ana, but we thought benzene-a had a nicer ring to... read more

A genius high school chemistry student takes a test, gets his score back and is dismayed to find that he missed exactly one question and thus would not be accepted to his university of choice. He is especially bummed because the question he missed was “How many valence electrons does a Hydrogen atom... read more

...in fact I knocked him right over.

You should have seen his reaction.

He said that alcohol is a solvent. I've been drinking for years and it hasn't solved any of my problems.

I'll start:
I was at -273.15°C one time. It was OK.
What do you do with a dead chemist? Barium

I'm sorry guys there really are no good chemistry jokes: all the good ones argon.

They answered "The element of surprise!"

H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking

I’m trying to find the best chemistry jokes but all the good ones argon


Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"

Everytime I hear one, Ion

1. Did you hear about the chemist who got cooled to -273.15°C? He's 0K now.

2. What's the most electronegative state? Fluorida.

3. Wanna hear a joke about sodium bromite? NaBrO

4. Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses here!" H... read more

If you pour alcohol into the ocean. You have a global solution.

- Mary, what is H2SO4?

- Oh god, this is so easy, why can't I remember, it's on the tip of my tongue.

Quickly, Johnny says:

- Then spit it out, that's sulfuric acid!

Why not...


She is a Fe-male.

I guess you can say I’m a boron.

A man was tracking down a chemistry teacher who owed him money. He arrived at the school lab and found the teacher hiding behind a desk. The man reached for the nearest container, labeled CaCl2, threw it at the chemistry teacher, and yelled, "Where is my money?!"

The chemistry teacher held up... read more

A sodium atom and a chlorine atom meet in a bar. During the conversation, these 2 atoms really start to *bond*.

Everything seems to be going well but shortly after the chlorine atom bursts into tears.

"What's wrong?!" the sodium atom asked.

"I'm negatively charged!" the chlorine... read more

I replied, "NaBrO"

But I was only testing the HO².

I ordered a glass of H2O, my friend ordered a glass of H2O too but he died.

Why can't acids argue well?

All their statements are baseless.

"What do you get when you cut an avocado into 6.02214129×10^23 pieces?"

Guacomole.

OMg

A Co- Van Halen bond

All the best Argon.

Me: "Hey girl, if you were a compound, you'd be copper telluride. You know why?"

Girl: "Because I'm cute?"

Me: "Nah, you're just really dense."

Nobody got hurt, but the chemist responsible is the laughing stock of his group.

We use a lot of helium in the military, that's why when there's a shortage you can't get it for balloons - it's being stockpiled by the DOD. We use it to stabilize a variety of substances for storage.

On... read more