UPJOKE
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A chemistry professor posted a bonus question to an exam:

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know ...

For an experiment, a chemistry teacher takes out a $20 bill and put it's in a bottle of ethanol. He then ask his students if it will dissolve.

*A student raise his hand to answer.*

Student: No it won't dissolve sir.

Teacher: Really good! Now can you explain to the rest of the class why?

Student: You're so cheap, there's no way you would've sacrificed that $20.

My chemistry teacher asked me what's an acid + base.

A good party wasn't the correct answer, apparently.

Chemistry Jokes

Me :Is it a crime to throw Sodium Chloride at a woman?
Judge: Yes, that's assault
Me: I know it's a salt but is it a crime?

It turns out my high school Chemistry teacher was right....

Alcohol IS a solution.

For our chemistry exam we had to write a thousand words on acid.

Unfortunately my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted

My chemistry teacher exploded when he caught me goofing around in the lab

I accidentally made nitroglycerin.

Chemistry joke.

A Chinese chemist took part in a chef competition in UK. His English was barely passable during the presentations, but his cooking skills were great, and he went on qualifying. In the last round, he got tied with another contestant for the first place. So an innovative tie-breaker was devised. Each ...

A bank teller decides to leave his job to go back to college for an education in chemistry.

Turns out he had a compound interest.

The chemistry final make up exam.

There were four University sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an A so far. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday an...

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Chemistry Joke

So a Physicist, Chemist and Biologist walk down the beach to the ocean. They stand together and watch the waves as the water splashes up to meet their feet. "Look at those waves, the shear crushing weight of the water powered by tidal forces! I must study them further!" Says the Physicist, as he wal...

Organic chemistry is difficult.

Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

I failed my chemistry lab exam.

I was in the middle of performing a chemical reaction but I got sued by the Fine Bros.

[A chemistry pickupline]

Hey girl, do you have a vacant d-orbital?

Cuz I want to back-bond with you.

Chemistry teacher: “What is barium?”

Student: “It’s what you do after you killum.”

I wanted to make a chemistry joke.

But, they Argon.

The chemistry final exams

A chemistry student walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How did your finals go?" the bartender asks. "Not so hot," the student replies. "The instructor asked my class to write 1000 words on acid. Unfortunately, I was unable to complete it as my pen turned to a gorilla and the floor melted."

A chemistry lab is a lot like a party...

Some people drop acid while others drop the base.

Chemistry jokes.

Good or bad, it always gets a reaction out of you.

That awkward moment when you tell a chemistry joke, and get no reaction.

I guess all the good chemistry puns argon.

Me and my crush asked each other out during chemistry

It was pretty Fe-ic

A student asks his chemistry teacher

Student: Do we get zinc sulfate when zinc reacts with sulfate?

Teacher: I zinc SO

What's the difference between a math book and a chemistry book?

One has problems, and the other has solutions.

Well, i tried to tell a chemistry joke at school the other day!

No reaction

My friend told me a chemistry joke

"Do you know any chemistry jokes?

I do but they're all boron."

I have to say, I slapped my neon that one.

I would tell you a chemistry joke...

...But all the good ones argon.

I wanted to tell a Chemistry joke…,

however thought that i wouldnt get a reaction…
It was supposed to be a Sodium joke, but Na.

Chemistry teacher: Did you know protons have mass?

Student: I didn't even know protons were Catholic.

my kid asked if he could buy a chemistry set to make chloroform.

I said sure, knock yourself out.

Walks into a bar chemistry jokes

Silver walks into a bar
He sees gold in the distance and yell’s,
“AU! Get outa here!”

Helium walks into a bar
The bartender says,
“Sorry we don’t serve noble gases here”
Helium doesn’t react

Words to live by from a chemistry professor: If you're not part of the solution...

you are part of the precipitate.

Pigeons must be very interested in chemistry...

I've only heard them talk about esters!

Can we please stop posting chemistry jokes?

I keep seeing the same jokes reposted periodically.

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A chemistry professor is giving his final exam...

... he says on the friday before the final, "If you miss the final you have to have a great excuse for missing the final next monday." Two students decide to study together all weekend so all friday night they study, all saturday morning and night they study, then they study all sunday morning and d...

How often is a chemistry joke posted on reddit?

Periodically.

I was thinking of making a chemistry joke

But I was unable to find a base

Chemistry joke

Proton and neutron were chilling in the nucleus one day, then proton asks neutron: “Why you only hangout with me in here instead of electron?”

Neutron replies: “He was too negative to begin with.”

Ah.. chemistry!

My roommate bursts into our apartment, totally stressed out from her chemistry finals.

Her: If anyone even says one more word related to Chemistry, I'm going to scream!

Me: K

Her: (goes bananas…) ARGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

What does a chemistry teacher says when gold bar fells on his/her feet?

Auuuuuuu!

Why did the DJ get fired from the chemistry lab?

They kept dropping the base.

Did you hear about the banker who's also learning chemistry?

He's got a lot of compound interest.

How do you tell the difference between a chemistry professor and a politician?

Just ask them to read this word: unionized.

What does a chemistry student call their overperforming, straight, bi-racial classmate?

A hetero-genius mixture!

How often are chemistry jokes posted to reddit?

Periodically

Chemistry joke

It was chemistry class and the teacher asks-

"Can anyone tell me the chemical formula of water?"

Little Timmy raises hand.

"Yes, Timmy?"



"Hijklmno"

If you're not supposed to eat in a chemistry lab

Then why do most of the elements end in yum?

Chemistry joke #2

Two atoms were walking down the street together.

Atom 1: Oh no! I think I lost an electron.

Atom 2: Are you sure?

Atom 1: Yes, I’m positive.

A chemistry teacher gives his class a question

Teacher “there are two liquids water and butane can someone please give me a quantity for them”
Student at the front “a ton”
Teacher “ok then what is the heavier the ton of water or the ton of butane”
The teacher asked each student the same question and each of them answered that they wer...

My chemistry set blew up...

I guess oxidants do happen!!

I stopped drinking water while studying chemistry

My notes say adding water decreases concentration

My chemistry teacher wrote me a heartfelt chemistry poem:

Fluorine, Uranium, Carbon, Potassium, Yttrium, Oxygen, Uranium.

How often do I make chemistry jokes?

Periodically. I made one yesterday, but it had no reaction.

Bad chemistry puns

I've been looking for chemistry puns for a long time. But it seems the good ones Argon

I thought "hey, just try to enjoy the bad ones" but I couldn't. The only thing I could do is Berium.

You might be thinking "I bet they aren't that bad" but after you see the same ones as much as I sa...

Here's one for all of you baseball and chemistry fans

Hall of Famer Al Kaline wore #6 throughout his career, which actually makes him slightly acidic.

My friends told me to stop making chemistry jokes, but then I told just one more

I got no reaction, and now all my friends Argon

My chemistry teacher offered me a Pb and J sandwhich.

Hospital bill is pretty high.

I'd post a chemistry pun on here....

But I'm scared I'll get a volatile reaction.

I didn’t study for chemistry

My chem teacher once asked me what S was on the periodic table, and I didn’t know so I said “the element of Surprise,” apparently he was surprised with my answer.

Chemistry Hotel

So I was driving down the road, getting pretty tired on my way home and saw a sign that said "Chemistry Hotel"

the sign said:

*"Cheap Day Rates, and Even Cheaper NO3-'s"*

A New Metal has been added to Chemistry

Name: Woman
Symbol: Wm
Atomic mass: Light when first found... tends to get heavier with time.


**PHYSICAL PROPERTIES**

- Boils at any time
- Can freeze at any time
- Melts if treated with love
- Very Bitter if Mishandled


**CHEMICAL PROPERTIES** ...

I think my chemistry teacher might be dead

Today there hasn't been even one reaction from him.

Short chemistry joke

A chemist bumped into an old friend while out for a walk with her baby.


Chemist: wow, it's been so long! This is my daughter benzene-a.



Friend: Benzene-a?



Chemist: Well we were considering calling her cyclohex-ana, but we thought benzene-a had a nicer ring to...

A genius high school chemistry student takes a test

A genius high school chemistry student takes a test, gets his score back and is dismayed to find that he missed exactly one question and thus would not be accepted to his university of choice. He is especially bummed because the question he missed was “How many valence electrons does a Hydrogen atom...

Bumped into my old Chemistry teacher yesterday

...in fact I knocked him right over.

You should have seen his reaction.

My chemistry teacher is a damn liar!

He said that alcohol is a solvent. I've been drinking for years and it hasn't solved any of my problems.

Chemistry joke thread?

I'll start:
I was at -273.15°C one time. It was OK.
What do you do with a dead chemist? Barium

I'm sorry guys there really are no good chemistry jokes: all the good ones argon.

The chemistry teacher was asked what their favorite element was.

They answered "The element of surprise!"

Chemistry jokes #3

H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking

I’m trying to find the best chemistry jokes but all the good ones argon


Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"

I find chemistry jokes really boring

Everytime I hear one, Ion

Chemistry jokes

1. Did you hear about the chemist who got cooled to -273.15°C? He's 0K now.

2. What's the most electronegative state? Fluorida.

3. Wanna hear a joke about sodium bromite? NaBrO

4. Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses here!" H...

Basic Chemistry

If you pour alcohol into the ocean. You have a global solution.

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This should be a standard response to chemistry jokes

Flourine Uranium Carbon Potassium

Yttrium Oxygen Uranium

Arsenic Sulphur Tungsten Iodine Phosphorus Einsteinium

:)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Chemistry Puns

What do you do with a dying chemist? If you can't helium, you might as well barium. That joke was quite the knee-slapper, wasn't it. I certainly slapped my neon that one. It was just so-dium funny. Why do chemists like high altitudes? The views arsenic. If you're not laughing yet, don't worry. I'm o...

In a chemistry class, the teacher asks a girl

- Mary, what is H2SO4?

- Oh god, this is so easy, why can't I remember, it's on the tip of my tongue.

Quickly, Johnny says:

- Then spit it out, that's sulfuric acid!

A female chemistry teacher gets called out as Ironman!

Why not...


She is a Fe-male.

I don’t understand chemistry

I guess you can say I’m a boron.

A man was tracking down a chemistry teacher...

A man was tracking down a chemistry teacher who owed him money. He arrived at the school lab and found the teacher hiding behind a desk. The man reached for the nearest container, labeled CaCl2, threw it at the chemistry teacher, and yelled, "Where is my money?!"

The chemistry teacher held up...

Just made up this chemistry joke, what do you think?

A sodium atom and a chlorine atom meet in a bar. During the conversation, these 2 atoms really start to *bond*.

Everything seems to be going well but shortly after the chlorine atom bursts into tears.

"What's wrong?!" the sodium atom asked.

"I'm negatively charged!" the chlorine...

My chemistry teacher asked me if I knew anything about sodium hypobromite.

I replied, "NaBrO"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the Japanese chemistry teacher say when he mixed sodium and nitrogen?

NaNi???

I went on a date with a chemistry teacher. She thought I didn't know anything about chemistry.

But I was only testing the HO².

Chemistry Joke

I ordered a glass of H2O, my friend ordered a glass of H2O too but he died.

Chemistry Joke!

Why can't acids argue well?

All their statements are baseless.

Chemistry Humor...

"What do you get when you cut an avocado into 6.02214129×10^23 pieces?"

Guacomole.

I was putting atoms together for chemistry. Until I put magnesium and oxygen together.

OMg

What's it called when chemistry teachers share a favorite band?

A Co- Van Halen bond

It's hard to find a funny chemistry joke here

All the best Argon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The chemistry is gone from our relationship.

My wife can't get anti-depressants any more and I've run out of Viagra.

Chemistry Lesson

Me: "Hey girl, if you were a compound, you'd be copper telluride. You know why?"

Girl: "Because I'm cute?"

Me: "Nah, you're just really dense."

We had an explosion in one of our chemistry labs last week.

Nobody got hurt, but the chemist responsible is the laughing stock of his group.

We use a lot of helium in the military, that's why when there's a shortage you can't get it for balloons - it's being stockpiled by the DOD. We use it to stabilize a variety of substances for storage.

On...

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