A New Metal has been added to Chemistry

Name: Woman
Symbol: Wm
Atomic mass: Light when first found... tends to get heavier with time.


**PHYSICAL PROPERTIES**

- Boils at any time
- Can freeze at any time
- Melts if treated with love
- Very Bitter if Mishandled


**CHEMICAL PROPERTIES** ...

For an experiment, a chemistry teacher takes out a $20 bill and put it's in a bottle of ethanol. He then ask his students if it will dissolve.

*A student raise his hand to answer.*

Student: No it won't dissolve sir.

Teacher: Really good! Now can you explain to the rest of the class why?

Student: You're so cheap, there's no way you would've sacrificed that $20.

Chemistry?

I'd like to make a joke about sodium and chemistry in general, but all the good jokes argon, so Na

I was going to tell a really funny joke about Sodium hydride, but I'm really bad at Chemistry

so... NaCl

How often should you tell chemistry jikes?

Periodically.

What phrase should you never hear in Chemistry class?

"Bottoms up."

Do you want to hear a chemistry joke?

You might not like it though because last time I got no reaction.

They say that a good romance starts with a strong foundation, chemistry and flirting

Whereas a bad romance starts with a RA RA AH AH AH, ROMA ROMA-MA, GAGA OH LA LA

Two men walk into a chemistry supply store

The first man says: 'I'll have some H2O'.

The second man says: 'I'll have some H2O too'

The second man died

Bad chemistry puns

I've been looking for chemistry puns for a long time. But it seems the good ones Argon

I thought "hey, just try to enjoy the bad ones" but I couldn't. The only thing I could do is Berium.

You might be thinking "I bet they aren't that bad" but after you see the same ones as much as I sa...

Does making a chemistry joke make you sound smart?

Nitrogen Oxygen.

I’d tell you a chemistry joke...

but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

This should be a standard response to chemistry jokes

Flourine Uranium Carbon Potassium

Yttrium Oxygen Uranium

Arsenic Sulphur Tungsten Iodine Phosphorus Einsteinium

:)

How do you tell the difference between a chemistry professor and a politician?

Just ask them to read this word: unionized.

My chemistry teacher asked me a question in class.

She told to me to rank all the bonds.

So I did.

1) Connery

2) Craig

3) Brosnan

4) Dalton

5) Lazenby

She sent me outside the class. I still wonder if there were any Moore?

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th-grade class

a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms."Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.<...

I stopped drinking water while studying chemistry

My notes say adding water decreases concentration

If a chemistry student is too stupid to learn about Oxygen,

does that make him an oxymoron?

It turns out my high school Chemistry teacher was right.

Alcohol IS a solution.

Why was the LSD addict fired from the chemistry lab?

He kept dropping acid.

Basic Chemistry

If you pour alcohol into the ocean. You have a global solution.

My chemistry teacher threw Sodium Chloride at me.

She got arrested, since that's a salt.

Chemistry teacher: Did you know that protons have mass?

Me: I didn't even know they were catholics

I failed my chemistry exam today. They asked me to give an example of free radicals.

Apparently, 'ISIS fighters' was not the correct answer.

My jokes are like when i try to do chemistry at school.

I never seem to get a reaction.

My friend asked me why I always tell bad chemistry jokes

I replied “because all the funny ones Argon”

How does someone solve a chemistry problem?

With a solution!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The chemistry is gone from our relationship.

My wife can't get anti-depressants any more and I've run out of Viagra.

What do you call a 10th grader that’s into Chemistry?

A Sophmole.

What did the scientist say when he found two isotopes of helium?

HeHe...

Im making bad chemistry jokes coz all the good ones argon

Truly original chemistry jokes no longer exist.

They argon.

I told a chemistry joke the other day...

I thought it was good personally, but the reaction was disappointing!

Organic chemistry is difficult.

Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Today in chemistry we learnt about how Ammonium nitrate could be used in fertilizer and as an explosive.

That's when I knew we were dealing with some explosive shit

I was in a chemistry class

We were dissolving a solid pill in water. While everyone else's dissolved completely, mine had a few chunks left in the water. I asked the instructor what's the problem, but she just told me "whatever it is, you dont have a solution".

I tried to ask Google for some good chemistry jokes.

But it just kept returning "Fluorine Uranium Carbon Potassium Oxygen Fluorine Fluorine."

For our chemistry exam we had to write a thousand words on acid.

Unfortunately my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted

Teacher: "What's the most important thing to learn in a chemistry lesson?"

Student:

**"Don't lick the spoon."**

I hate chemistry jokes...

I wish we could just dig a hole and Barium

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What is the key to a good chemistry joke?

The delivery must bismuth.

Things I learned in organic chemistry

1.How to draw hexagons.

My chemistry teacher was talking about Hydrogen Bonding today.

Sounds like a lot of FON.

There's a bottle full of methanol in a chemistry lab...

...there's a note attached to it: "don't drink it, or else you will go blind."
The next day, the bottle is half empty and someone added to the note: "I will risk one eye."

Hell explained

The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid-term, and an actual answer turned in by a student.

The answer by this student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure...

I was going to write a chemistry joke but all the good ones...

No who am I kidding? There are Nitrogen Oxygen Neon

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I really wish they'd taught sex in schools.

My chemistry teacher didn't have a fucking clue what he was doing.

Why do chemistry students learn about ammonia first?

It's pretty basic stuff

Words to live by from a chemistry professor: If you're not part of the solution...

you are part of the precipitate.

Favorite lame chemistry joke

Argon walks into a bar, bartender says, "Hey, we don't serve noble gasses here".

Argon didn't react

In a chemistry class, the teacher asks a girl

- Mary, what is H2SO4?

- Oh god, this is so easy, why can't I remember, it's on the tip of my tongue.

Quickly, Johnny says:

- Then spit it out, that's sulfuric acid!

I tried to impress my date with a chemistry joke.

Sadly I didn’t get a reaction.

Chemistry joke.

A Chinese chemist took part in a chef competition in UK. His English was barely passable during the presentations, but his cooking skills were great, and he went on qualifying. In the last round, he got tied with another contestant for the first place. So an innovative tie-breaker was devised. Each ...

The chemistry department cafeteria has good food, but finding a place to sit can be a challenge.

They only have periodic tables.

Three friends attending Duke were taking Chemistry, and were confident that going into the final they had a solid A.

They were so confident that the weekend before the final they decided to go up to U Virginia and party with some friends up there.

They had a great time, but were so hung-over that they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until late Monday morning.

They rushed to...

My friends told me to stop making chemistry jokes, but then I told just one more

I got no reaction, and now all my friends Argon

My HS Chemistry teacher told us how to remember the periodic symbols for Silver and Gold-

If someone tried to steal your silver, you'd say A G, I lost my silver. But if someone tried to steal your gold, you'd say A U! Give me back my gold!

I went on a date with a chemistry teacher. She thought I didn't know anything about chemistry.

But I was only testing the HO².

A friend wanted a chemistry joke, so I made this up for her

So a guy and his girlfriend, sophomores in college, were picking classes. They were struggling with their relationship, and picking classes was just stressful for them. They were able to get the exact same schedule except for one class. That's when the guy got up, grabbed his things and say "Sorry, ...

My ex-girlfriend and I still have a lot of chemistry between us.

Admittedly, it's the kind you get between acetone and hydrogen peroxide...

A chemistry triple whammy!

What did one gold atom say to the other?

Au

That last chemistry joke must have been bad, because there was no reaction!

Would you like another chemistry joke?

I would too, but when I start to tell one all the people Argon!

To people who hate chemistry

Half-lives matter

Girl, forget chemistry, you and I have solid *geometry*

Because our points are maximally separated, and it’s perfectly platonic.

The dumbest kid in chemistry class doesn't wear a dunce cap.

He wear a silly cone.

I wanted to build my career on making chemistry jokes to cure my depression.

Then I realized alcohol is a solution.

I have so many Chemistry jokes to tell

I'm just afraid they won't get a good reaction...

Chemistry Joke

Do Photons have mass?

No. They are agnostic.

I would tell you a chemistry joke...

But I'm afraid it'd Bohr you to death.

Chemistry teacher: “can you give me the formula for water?”

Student: “h-i-j-k-l-m-n-o-.” Chemistry teacher: “where did you get an idea like that?” Student: “you told us the other day it was h to o.”

I failed my chemistry lab exam.

I was in the middle of performing a chemical reaction but I got sued by the Fine Bros.

The chemistry professor says to his students:

"There's deadly gas in this bottle. What steps do we take in case it breaks?"
"Fast steps"

Chemistry Joke

I ordered a glass of H2O, my friend ordered a glass of H2O too but he died.

My chemistry teacher is a damn liar!

He said that alcohol is a solvent. I've been drinking for years and it hasn't solved any of my problems.

Chemistry Joke

So a Physicist, Chemist and Biologist walk down the beach to the ocean. They stand together and watch the waves as the water splashes up to meet their feet. "Look at those waves, the shear crushing weight of the water powered by tidal forces! I must study them further!" Says the Physicist, as he wal...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Are you made from Na, selenium and xenon?

Because you are sodium SeXe.

Chemistry Lesson

Me: "Hey girl, if you were a compound, you'd be copper telluride. You know why?"

Girl: "Because I'm cute?"

Me: "Nah, you're just really dense."