Oldie

The UN organised a 30 minutes meeting where they asked one question to all attendees:

"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

It was a huge failure.

The Africans didn't know what "food" meant.

In Eastern...

I'm proud that I got 40% on my Latin exam.

After all, you should always XL.

My linguist friend hates all languages with accents, slashes, or any funny symbols over Latin letters.

He was born a critic, he lived a critic, but he will *never* diacritic.

British: We call it autumn which comes from the french word "autumpne" and later, the latin "autumnus"

American: WE CALL IT FALL BECAUSE LEAF FALL

A man was very fond of his new Corvette. So, he invited a Rabbi, a Priest, and a Pastor to come and bless it.

The Priest sprinkled the car with holy water and chanted in Latin, the Pastor invoked the name of god and led everyone into silent prayer, and the Rabbi sang a hymn and cut of the tip of the car’s tailpipe.

I hate the misuse of Latin phrases...

...and vice versa.

No wonder Latin is a dead language

They kept summoning demons

A mother walrus is lecturing her child

wagging her flipper, she lectures "you shouldn't be selfish, after all it's walrUS, not walri.". The child walrus, thinking walrus was a Latin word, is naturally confused.

Hey, Latin isn't dead

It's just Roman around

My rich friend just hired a maid who he calls Non Sequitur.

Because she’s Latin and does not follow.

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Homosexuality should not be accepted in a civilized society.

It is an abomination. "sexuality" has a Latin root and "homo" is Greek. Really the word should be ideosexuality!

Bo started Pig Latin school

Bo started Pig Latin school, but he had a very hard time saying his name.

The teacher eventually kicked him out of class because he couldn't "obey."

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A British Jew is waiting to be knighted.

He is to kneel before the Queen and recite a sentence in Latin as she taps him on the shoulders with her sword. However, in the excitement of the moment, he panics and forgets the Latin phrase. Thinking fast, he recites the only other foreign phrase that comes to mind, which comes from the Passover ...

Why do perverts pick Latin as their first foreign language?

It's vulgar.

A Latino was standing in line for a long time

While waiting for a Super-Deluxe Juicinator 9000TM, A Latin man was casually strumming a small ukulele to pass the time for the sale.

After a couple of hours, the man is at the counter with 3 other people nearby; one has AirPods, the second is uncomfortably close to the counter, while the th...

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The end is nye

Fun fact; you know the saying The end is nigh? Well the latin origin of the word nigh use to be spelt: n y e.

Another fun fact; nye can be an abbreviation of New Year Eve.

Anyways what's your guys' new year's resolution? Mine is to stop making shit up for small talk.

I came, I saw, I died

or as we say in Latin:

Veni, Vidi, Avicii.

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A blonde participates in the television show Who wants to be a millionaire...

The TV host asks her the following questions:

1st
How long did the 100-year war last?

a) 116 years
b) 99 years
c) 100 years
d) 150 years

The blonde chooses to use the opportunity not to respond.

2nd
In which country did you find the Panama Cabin?

a) ...

How do you say ‘direction’ in pig Latin?

Hope you had a good one!

What do you call a Latin popstar with big nipples?

Areola Grande

What’s a Roman law enforcement officers favorite language?

Pig Latin

What's the similarity between a latin speaker and a necrophiliac?

They both appreciate a dead tongue.

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A rabbi and the Pope have a religious debate

Several of the Pope's officials are concerend about the growing Jewish population in Rome, so the encourage the Holy Father to set up a religious debate with the head Rabbi. If the Rabbi loses, he must leave Rome. If he wins, they can stay.

However, the Rabbi doesn't speak Italian or Latin an...

Why should you always write love notes in Latin?

It's a Romance language

A professor teaches his students about Chinese history

Professor: Allright class, let me start off today with a fun fact. During early industrial times, a lot of British engineers went to China to start up new businesses there, because of their low taxation rates. Because of this huge increase in migration, the Chinese government invested in the proper ...

For all those people that didn’t know that some Latin American countries don’t primarily speak Spanish...

You better Belize it.

What’s Latin for abortion?

Fetus Deletus

What Language Do Trees Speak?

Latin, because of all their roots.

What's the difference between a Yankee zoo and a Southern zoo?

The Yankee zoo will have the name of the animal and its Latin name. The Southern zoo will have the name of the animal and a recipe.

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Desert Deployment Story [OC] [Long]

When I was deployed to middle east there were these Asian or Arabic guys who made food and cleaned out the port-a-johns and things like that. (I can’t tell what ethnicity they were because I’m from the Midwest and I don’t meet anyone who isn’t white or Latin-American or Vietnamese.)

Anyway o...

Can somebody help me translate 'orbis terrarum ad mihi' from Latin?

It would mean the world to me.

An etymologist, an entomologist, and an etiologist walk into a bar.

"What'll it be?" The bartender asks.

"I'll have a beer," the etymologist says. "A word which comes from Latin *bibere*, meaning "to drink".

"I'll have a Campari," the entomologist says. "It was originally dyed with crushed beetles!"

The bartender gets them their drinks. "And for...

My friend said he was into Latin

I said me too. Guess we have a Latin common.

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New US dollar announced today...

They've decided to change the motto. After much pressure from atheist groups, they're removing 'In God We Trust' and going back to Latin. However, 'E Pluribus Unum' sounds too foreign and reeks of socialism, so they're going with a more simple and straightforward 'Carpe Vulva'.

The runner up ...

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Marcus and Yacov, two Hasidic Jews,

went to Pincus the tailor for new suits.

"Pincus," Yacov said, "the last time we came to you for new suits, we told you we wanted black suits. The suits you made were not black. They were sort of dark grey maybe, but not black, We need new suits, and this time we want black suits, from the da...

The nature of Reddit ingrained throughout history

The Latin word Reddo means to return.
This means that Reddit means "it returns"
and Redditor means "one who returns".
This makes a lot of sense, because when you see a post on Reddit, it returns, it returns, it returns.

[NSFW] [NSFW] What do the Zika Virus and Catholic Priests have in common?

They're both giving kids a little head all over Latin America.

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The creation of a pussy, improved version.

Each man was a master-of-craft at his trade,


Now by God in his wisdom a task they'd been laid.


See them gathered together, by calling divine


to fashion a vulva of peerless design.


The first man, a butcher of eminent skill


took a hold of his bla...

What's the dirtiest language?

Latin, its absolutely filled with *cum*.

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Pope and a Jew

Several centuries ago, the Pope decided in all his wisdom that all the Jews had to leave the Vatican.

Naturally there was a big uproar from the Jewish community.

So the Pope cut a deal a juicy deal.

He would have a religious debate with any chosen member of the Jewish communit...

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My Rooster Ramón

I used to have a Mexican rooster named Ramón. He liked to have sex with anything that moved. I kept telling him that all this boning was going to kill him one day. Ramón just laughed about it and kept giving the animals the chorizo. Yesterday, I walked outside and saw Ramón lying flat on his back wi...

A blond is asked the definition of Politics.

She says "Simple! It comes from two words. The first, poly- which is Latin for many. And ticks, which are blood sucking bugs."

credit - Taylor Mason

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German language is easy.

The German language is relatively easy. Those who can speak Latin and are used to declinations, normally learn it very rapidly. At least that is what German teachers say in their first class. They start learning: der, die, das, des, dem, den and the rest just comes naturally. It’s amazingly easy! If...

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While explaining sexual orientations to a classmate...

My classmate asks "wait, what's polyamory?"

-

I begin to explain that it's when one person can be involved in many different intimate relationships with the knowledge and consent from all of the parties involved.

When my professor overhears from the front of the class....and eru...

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A pope in the middle ages is trying to kick the Jews out of Rome...

And the Jewish population is able to convince him to hear out their side first before making them leave. The pope agrees, but the only Jewish man who thinks himself to be a good enough debater is the rabbi, Moishe. But since Moishe only speaks Hebrew and the Pope only Latin and Italian, they agree t...

A big earthquake hits the Middle East...

A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hit the Middle East. Two million Muslims died and over a million were injured.
Iraq and Iran are totally ruined and the governments don’t know where to start with providing help to rebuild. The rest of the world is in shock. The USA ...

Martini

A man who speaks Latin walks into a bar. He sits down and orders his drink.

"I'll have a martinus, please."

The bartender is confused. "Do you mean a martini?"

"No thanks, I'll start with one for now."

Mitt Romney and the King of Saudi-Arabia are having a dinner party...

...the mood of the night is very good and after they spent a while talking about what new amazing things they have bought for themselves and the amount of money they managed to acquire in the past year, as well as all sorts of political matters they come to some lighter topics.
So the King says t...

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sexual misconceptions

so a guy gets on a plane and takes his seat when all of a sudden he sees the most beautiful woman he's ever laid eyes upon come aboard. She walks down the aisle and gets closer and closer and to his luck she takes the seat right next to him. Trying to make small talk he leans over and asks the god...

Why did the pervert buy 16.5 pints of salsa?

[2 gals 1 cup](http://www.reddit.com/r/Canning/comments/yyhsp/my_20_trip_to_the_local_latin_market_netted_165/)

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