I'm proud that I got 40% on my Latin exam.

After all, you should always XL.

I hate the misuse of Latin phrases...

...and vice versa.

An elderly classical languages professor goes to Rome for a conference.

He hails a taxi as he leaves the airport, and the driver points to a sign saying "Tell driver your destination". The professor hesitates for a moment. He doesn't speak Italian, but doesn't want the driver to misunderstand his directions in English. Suddenly realizing that Italian is descended from L...

In Latin America, Valentine's Day is called “The Day of Love and Friendship”

Because you want love, but she wants friendship

Know what I call my Latin hooker that’s just better than any other?

Mejor

Latin

Two undertakers went to see Pincus the tailor to get new suits.

The older one said, “We are undertakers. We need the blackest black you have. The last ones you sold us were a little gray.”

Pincus said, “I can make you suits from the same fabric the nuns use for their habits. There’s no...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

True latin story

Some friend of mine and his wife have some OnlyFans account, if you dont know about that, its a sucessful market, and obviously to create that awesome porn scene a real male needs some viagra. You know that long ass strokes aint real fam, come on man, 40s is the normal time for healthy men.

...

Latin isn't a dead language,

It's still Roman around.

Can somebody help me translate 'orbis terrarum ad mihi' from Latin?

It would mean the world to me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man sits next to a pretty woman on an airplane. While they’re in the air he makes conversation...

... “so where are you flying to”? He asks.

*im going to a nymphomaniacs’ convention*

“Really” he says

*yes, I’m a teacher there... I teach about sex*

“Interesting” he says

*im doing a lecture about sexual stereotypes... for instance, everybody always says that blac...

So I learned some interesting things today

I get a kick out of words and word histories, so reading up I learned the word "CENTURION" came from the old Latin word for one hundred, because they were an officer in charge of one hundred soldiers. I also learned that the term "DECIMATE" comes from a collective punishment centurions would mete o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sirius B is moving towards us at 10 km per second at may get the latin name "tribulatio" ( trouble ) and may hit an outer the outer planet Uranus one day.

We have Sirius trouble in Uranus

It was Xmas Eve and I could hear faint Latin rhythms and long guitar notes coming from behind the fireplace.

Santana was stuck up the chimney.

Bo started Pig Latin school

Bo started Pig Latin school, but he had a very hard time saying his name.

The teacher eventually kicked him out of class because he couldn't "obey."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the Latin guy say after he had sex?

Veni. Veni. Veni.

Explaining Words



Poli.....Latin for "many"

Tics....blood sucking insects



Politics

A Roman walks into a bar... (Latin joke)

A Roman walks into a bar and says "I'll have one martinus please." The bartender a little puzzled replies, "don't you mean one martini?" The Roman scoffs and says "oh please, if I wanted two I would have asked."

What’s Nothing in Pig Latin?

ay

British: We call it autumn which comes from the french word "autumpne" and later, the latin "autumnus"

American: WE CALL IT FALL BECAUSE LEAF FALL

What do you call a Latin popstar with big nipples?

Areola Grande

She called me "Fevereiro"

I started dating this gorgeous Brazilian girl.

One night, right after having slept with her for the first time, she started to call me *Fevereiro*.

I felt that nickname had a really cool latin vibe, so I went along with it.



After a few weeks, I asked her, "By the way, h...

How do you say ‘direction’ in pig Latin?

Hope you had a good one!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Christian vs Jewish

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to leave Italy. There was, of course, a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He would have a religious debate with a leader of the Jewish community. If the Jewish leader won the debate, the Jews would be perm...

No wonder Latin is a dead language

They kept summoning demons

50% of being a lawyer is the ability to use latin phrases that people don't understand

the other 50% is *ad hoc ergo propter hoc*

For all those people that didn’t know that some Latin American countries don’t primarily speak Spanish...

You better Belize it.

The professor gave me a C on my Latin exam...

Aced it!

If you play a Coldplay song backwards, you'll hear a lot of creepy, Satanic chanting in Latin

But if you play a Coldplay song the normal way, you'll hear something much worse. A Coldplay song.

I came, I saw, I died

or as we say in Latin:

Veni, Vidi, Avicii.

Why do perverts pick Latin as their first foreign language?

It's vulgar.

I wasted my life

I fear I've wasted my life. I spent years and years learning Latin, Spanish, Mandarin, and Swahili but it turns out I just misheard my uncle when I though he told me "girls love a cunning linguist".

What's the similarity between a latin speaker and a necrophiliac?

They both appreciate a dead tongue.

Polyamory is wrong!

Either multiamory, or polyphilia, sure.

But mixing Greek and Latin roots? It's just wrong!

What's a morticians favorite language?

...Latin.

My friend said he was into Latin

I said me too. Guess we have a Latin common.

How many Latin Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A Brazilian.

What kind of music does an inspired Latin fish listen to?

Carp E.D.M.

Credit to my friend for this one.

An etymologist, an entomologist, and an etiologist walk into a bar.

"What'll it be?" The bartender asks.

"I'll have a beer," the etymologist says. "A word which comes from Latin *bibere*, meaning "to drink".

"I'll have a Campari," the entomologist says. "It was originally dyed with crushed beetles!"

The bartender gets them their drinks. "And for...

If you are at a restaurant and see the Pig Latin Admiral Ackbar special, beware..

It's an app tray.

A man was very fond of his new Corvette. So, he invited a Rabbi, a Priest, and a Pastor to come and bless it.

The Priest sprinkled the car with holy water and chanted in Latin, the Pastor invoked the name of god and led everyone into silent prayer, and the Rabbi sang a hymn and cut of the tip of the car’s tailpipe.

From a Latin FAQ

Q: In latin, when pairing foods with the verb **edo** ("I eat"), what case should you use?

A: The om-nom-nominative.

A mother walrus is lecturing her child

wagging her flipper, she lectures "you shouldn't be selfish, after all it's walrUS, not walri.". The child walrus, thinking walrus was a Latin word, is naturally confused.

Oldie

The UN organised a 30 minutes meeting where they asked one question to all attendees:

"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

It was a huge failure.

The Africans didn't know what "food" meant.

In Eastern...

What's the difference between a Yankee zoo and a Southern zoo?

The Yankee zoo will have the name of the animal and its Latin name. The Southern zoo will have the name of the animal and a recipe.

The nature of Reddit ingrained throughout history

The Latin word Reddo means to return.
This means that Reddit means "it returns"
and Redditor means "one who returns".
This makes a lot of sense, because when you see a post on Reddit, it returns, it returns, it returns.

What’s Latin for abortion?

Fetus Deletus

What language did ancient Roman police speak?

Pig Latin

ḱley (Proto-Indo-European)-> κλίμα, κλίνω (Greek)-> clima (Latin)-> climat (French)-> climate

Climate change is man-made.

[NSFW] What do the Zika Virus and Catholic Priests have in common?

They're both giving kids a little head all over Latin America.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rabbi and the Pope have a religious debate

Several of the Pope's officials are concerend about the growing Jewish population in Rome, so the encourage the Holy Father to set up a religious debate with the head Rabbi. If the Rabbi loses, he must leave Rome. If he wins, they can stay.

However, the Rabbi doesn't speak Italian or Latin an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A British Jew is waiting to be knighted.

He is to kneel before the Queen and recite a sentence in Latin as she taps him on the shoulders with her sword. However, in the excitement of the moment, he panics and forgets the Latin phrase. Thinking fast, he recites the only other foreign phrase that comes to mind, which comes from the Passover ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde participates in the television show Who wants to be a millionaire...

The TV host asks her the following questions:

1st
How long did the 100-year war last?

a) 116 years
b) 99 years
c) 100 years
d) 150 years

The blonde chooses to use the opportunity not to respond.

2nd
In which country did you find the Panama Cabin?

a) ...

A Latino was standing in line for a long time

While waiting for a Super-Deluxe Juicinator 9000TM, A Latin man was casually strumming a small ukulele to pass the time for the sale.

After a couple of hours, the man is at the counter with 3 other people nearby; one has AirPods, the second is uncomfortably close to the counter, while the th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Desert Deployment Story [OC] [Long]

When I was deployed to middle east there were these Asian or Arabic guys who made food and cleaned out the port-a-johns and things like that. (I can’t tell what ethnicity they were because I’m from the Midwest and I don’t meet anyone who isn’t white or Latin-American or Vietnamese.)

Anyway o...

Donald Trump...

-A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East.

-Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured.

-Iraq, Iran and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.

-The rest of the ...

My rich friend just hired a maid who he calls Non Sequitur.

Because she’s Latin and does not follow.

A professor teaches his students about Chinese history

Professor: Allright class, let me start off today with a fun fact. During early industrial times, a lot of British engineers went to China to start up new businesses there, because of their low taxation rates. Because of this huge increase in migration, the Chinese government invested in the proper ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The creation of a pussy, improved version.

Each man was a master-of-craft at his trade,


Now by God in his wisdom a task they'd been laid.


See them gathered together, by calling divine


to fashion a vulva of peerless design.


The first man, a butcher of eminent skill


took a hold of his bla...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Marcus and Yacov, two Hasidic Jews,

went to Pincus the tailor for new suits.

"Pincus," Yacov said, "the last time we came to you for new suits, we told you we wanted black suits. The suits you made were not black. They were sort of dark grey maybe, but not black, We need new suits, and this time we want black suits, from the da...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.