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I'm proud that I got 40% on my Latin exam.

After all, you should always XL.

I hate the misuse of Latin phrases...

...and vice versa.

Latin isn't a dead language,

It's still Roman around.

A Roman walks into a bar... (Latin joke)

A Roman walks into a bar and says "I'll have one martinus please." The bartender a little puzzled replies, "don't you mean one martini?" The Roman scoffs and says "oh please, if I wanted two I would have asked."

an old joke told to me at school by my Latin teacher:

A man goes into a restaurant and orders dinner, then the wine waiter comes over.
"I'd like a bottle of Hock please"
"I beg you pardon, sir?"
"I said a bottle of Hock, you know, as in hic haec hoc"
"Very good sir"
The man eats his meal, but the wine never arrives, so he called the wine...

An engineering student is called into the Dean’s office…

The dean says “While we know you are doing well in your engineering studies, there some very troubling reports from your core curriculum professors. In English, your professor says you constantly use the passive voice in your essays; your art history professor says you are constantly confusing Carav...

Why is Oedipus bad at Latin?

He conjugated where he should have declined.

>!Latin verbs have conjugations and latin nouns have declinsions.!<

I get confused with these Latin phrases.

Is it carpe tunnel or per diem?

Can somebody help me translate 'orbis terrarum ad mihi' from Latin?

It would mean the world to me.

Host: Which string instruments are commonly used in Latin music?

Guest: Violins?

Host: "Violins" is not the answer.

Why did the eligible bachelor get stressed out every time he dated a Latin woman?

Because they are Hispanic.

People who act all intellectually superior by ending their thoughts with a Latin phrase—- usually have no idea what they are doing.

Et al.

The professor gave me a C on my Latin exam...

Aced it!

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What did the Latin guy say after he had sex?

Veni. Veni. Veni.

50% of being a lawyer is the ability to use latin phrases that people don't understand

the other 50% is *ad hoc ergo propter hoc*

What do you call a Latin popstar with big nipples?

Areola Grande

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True latin story

Some friend of mine and his wife have some OnlyFans account, if you dont know about that, its a sucessful market, and obviously to create that awesome porn scene a real male needs some viagra. You know that long ass strokes aint real fam, come on man, 40s is the normal time for healthy men.

...

How do you say ‘direction’ in pig Latin?

Hope you had a good one!

What’s Nothing in Pig Latin?

ay

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German language is easy.

The German language is relatively easy. Those who can speak Latin and are used to declinations, normally learn it very rapidly. At least that is what German teachers say in their first class. They start learning: der, die, das, des, dem, den and the rest just comes naturally. It's amazingly easy! If...

It was Xmas Eve and I could hear faint Latin rhythms and long guitar notes coming from behind the fireplace.

Santana was stuck up the chimney.

Bo started Pig Latin school

Bo started Pig Latin school, but he had a very hard time saying his name.

The teacher eventually kicked him out of class because he couldn't "obey."

If you play a Coldplay song backwards, you'll hear a lot of creepy, Satanic chanting in Latin

But if you play a Coldplay song the normal way, you'll hear something much worse. A Coldplay song.

For all those people that didn’t know that some Latin American countries don’t primarily speak Spanish...

You better Belize it.

An etymologist, an entomologist, and an etiologist walk into a bar.

"What'll it be?" The bartender asks.

"I'll have a beer," the etymologist says. "A word which comes from Latin *bibere*, meaning "to drink".

"I'll have a Campari," the entomologist says. "It was originally dyed with crushed beetles!"

The bartender gets them their drinks. "And for...

Explaining Words



Poli.....Latin for "many"

Tics....blood sucking insects



Politics

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Two Jews have done well in business.

They decide to celebrate and advertise their success they should get matching black suits. They go to the tailor, Pincus, and tell him they want two black suits. They make it clear they want a true deep black, not blue black, grey black, or brown black but a black black. A real black, "The kind n...

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A British Jew is waiting in line to be knighted by the Queen.

He is to kneel in front of her and recite a sentence in Latin when she taps him on the shoulders with her sword. However, when his turn comes, he panics in the excitement of the moment and forgets the Latin. Then, thinking fast, he recites the only other sentence he knows in a foreign language, whic...

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Sirius B is moving towards us at 10 km per second at may get the latin name "tribulatio" ( trouble ) and may hit an outer the outer planet Uranus one day.

We have Sirius trouble in Uranus

British: We call it autumn which comes from the french word "autumpne" and later, the latin "autumnus"

American: WE CALL IT FALL BECAUSE LEAF FALL

How many Latin Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A Brazilian.

No wonder Latin is a dead language

They kept summoning demons

If you are at a restaurant and see the Pig Latin Admiral Ackbar special, beware..

It's an app tray.

Oldie

The UN organised a 30 minutes meeting where they asked one question to all attendees:

"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

It was a huge failure.

The Africans didn't know what "food" meant.

In Eastern...

What's the similarity between a latin speaker and a necrophiliac?

They both appreciate a dead tongue.

So whats the deal with latin music artists and their obsession with those little automated vacuum cleaners?

RUMBA!

ḱley (Proto-Indo-European)-> κλίμα, κλίνω (Greek)-> clima (Latin)-> climat (French)-> climate

Climate change is man-made.

TIL Chicago is the #1 supporter of Latin women.

They always yell: Go Chica! Go!

An elderly classical languages professor goes to Rome for a conference.

He hails a taxi as he leaves the airport, and the driver points to a sign saying "Tell driver your destination". The professor hesitates for a moment. He doesn't speak Italian, but doesn't want the driver to misunderstand his directions in English. Suddenly realizing that Italian is descended from L...

So I learned some interesting things today

I get a kick out of words and word histories, so reading up I learned the word "CENTURION" came from the old Latin word for one hundred, because they were an officer in charge of one hundred soldiers. I also learned that the term "DECIMATE" comes from a collective punishment centurions would mete o...

I came, I saw, I died

or as we say in Latin:

Veni, Vidi, Avicii.

Why do perverts pick Latin as their first foreign language?

It's vulgar.

A young jock enters a pharmacy to buy condoms

Knowing the pharmacists is an old-fashioned gentleman and noticing a slight frown on his face, the young man decides to have some fun at his expenses by asking for another pack, remarking "you know, my girlfriend truly sounded thirsty last time I talked to her... Better be sure we don't run out!"...

A new pastor in a rural area...

A new pastor in a rural area is ready for his first service, but only one farmer has shown up. The pastor asks the farmer, "If you took a load of hay to feed your cows and when you got there, there was only one cow what would you do?".

"I'd feed it" said the farmer.

So the pastor asks...

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The Great Debate

Several centuries ago, the Pope decided that all the Jews had to leave the Vatican. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Jews, so the Pope agreed to debate with a member of their community. If the Jews won, they could stay. If the Pope won, the Jews would leave.

Knowing they had no choic...

Donald Trump...

-A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East.
-Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured.
-Iraq, Iran and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.
-The rest of the world ...

A man was very fond of his new Corvette. So, he invited a Rabbi, a Priest, and a Pastor to come and bless it.

The Priest sprinkled the car with holy water and chanted in Latin, the Pastor invoked the name of god and led everyone into silent prayer, and the Rabbi sang a hymn and cut of the tip of the car’s tailpipe.

Polyamory is wrong!

Either multiamory, or polyphilia, sure.

But mixing Greek and Latin roots? It's just wrong!

What's the difference between a Yankee zoo and a Southern zoo?

The Yankee zoo will have the name of the animal and its Latin name. The Southern zoo will have the name of the animal and a recipe.

What’s Latin for abortion?

Fetus Deletus

She called me "Fevereiro"

I started dating this gorgeous Brazilian girl.

One night, right after having slept with her for the first time, she started to call me *Fevereiro*.

I felt that nickname had a really cool latin vibe, so I went along with it.



After a few weeks, I asked her, "By the way, h...

I wasted my life

I fear I've wasted my life. I spent years and years learning Latin, Spanish, Mandarin, and Swahili but it turns out I just misheard my uncle when I though he told me "girls love a cunning linguist".

[NSFW] What do the Zika Virus and Catholic Priests have in common?

They're both giving kids a little head all over Latin America.

What's a morticians favorite language?

...Latin.

Chevrolet announced that they’re going to start producing ventilators in their factories.

Preliminary orders for the Chevy Noviva have been strong in the U.S. but surprising weak in Latin American.

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A blonde participates in the television show Who wants to be a millionaire...

The TV host asks her the following questions:

1st
How long did the 100-year war last?

a) 116 years
b) 99 years
c) 100 years
d) 150 years

The blonde chooses to use the opportunity not to respond.

2nd
In which country did you find the Panama Cabin?

a) ...

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