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A crusty old Marine Corps Colonel found himself at a gala event downtown, hosted by a local liberal arts college.

There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Colonel for conversation.

She said, "Excuse me, sir, but you seem to be a very serious man. Are you this way all the time, or is something bothering you?"
"No," the Colonel said, "just ser...

What did the bully use when he experimented with the dark arts?

A Wedgie Board.

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Paul Simon, Art Garfunkel and Peter Fonda are hanging out towards the end of the Swinging Sixties...

*Easy Rider* has just come out, Simon and Garfunkel are about to release *Bridge Over Troubled Water*, and the three men are the epitome of counter-culture cool. They're all pretty stoned, and Paul Simon turns to Peter Fonda, and says, "Hey, Peter, you wanna see something really groovy?"

Pete...

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A detachment of US Marines are conducting jungle warfare training in the Congo, and one night around the campfire, the Congolese troops they're training with tell the Marines the tale of a cave in the middle of the jungle, filled with golden treasure but guarded by a fearsome monster.

According to the local soldiers, the cave is filled with the treasures of an ancient African king, but a sorcerer used his arcane powers to create an unholy creature to guard it. She was formed from a mix of human, gorilla, chimpanzee, and baboon, and stands seven feet tall, enormously strong. She h...

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A martial arts instructor sees one of his students heading in to a nunnery,he thinks I will mention it to him at our next class.

The next class he says to the man. “I seen you heading in to the nunnery the other day there. “ The man replied. “ I was just practicing my nunchucks”

What do martial arts and matzah have in common?

Judo

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A world known pair of thieves were visiting the Escoffier Museum of Culinary Arts in France.

They were looking to make their final steal the biggest yet. They walk up the pearly white steps and into the old yellow plastered building.

As they walk in, the man turns to the woman and asks, "What do you think we should take? I want our last job to be remembered for years!"

The wo...

A martial arts expert is arrested for murder.

When the case is taken to court, he is asked by the judge why he doesn't have a lawyer with him.

'I don't need a lawyer', the martial arts expert replies.

'Why not? It could really help your case if you have a defense lawyer' the judge says.

'No, thank you', the martial arts exp...

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What is the most popular form of martial arts in Israel?

Jew - Jitsu

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What kind of Marshall Arts does Challah Bread do?

JEW DOUGH!!

Three suitors - choose wisely.

A woman is deciding between three suitors which one to be with. She says to the three men, "we are still young and inexperienced, go out there and travel around the world, we'll see when you come back."


So the first guy goes to Europe and tours the different countries there.

...

What do you call an amputee learning karate?

Partial arts

What's the difference between 4-layer toilet paper and a liberal arts major?

You don't find 4-layer toilet paper at McDonalds!

I hate it when engineering students refer to themselves as engineers...

....Like you don't see med students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves unemployed.

What do you call a tree that does martial arts?

Spruce Lee

People ask why I never finish my paintings

I remind them I am a black belt in partial arts!

With all this spare time on their hands people are going to start pursuing their passions. I wouldn't be surprised to sudden explosion in the arts, a renewal in scientific interest, and a mass proliferation of original content.

A coronaissance, if you will.

I don’t like to use painting softwares

Because it is Electronic Arts

I’m sick of martial arts.

I have kung flu.

(Brought to you by my 8 year old)

A Married Couple were at a party chatting with some friends when the Subject of Marriage Counselling came up

"Oh, we'll never need that. We have a great relationship." The Husband explained

"She was a Communications Major in college and I majored in Theatre Arts."

He continued, "She communicates well and I act like I'm listening"

I went to an Art Gallery, it was $60 to enter and $80 to look at each picture.

It was called Electronic Arts.

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A class of high school art students are broken into groups...

...and tasked with making silly and creative paintings combining culture with food.

One group decides to paint an Indy race car made out of roti. Another group decides to paint a business suit necktie being grated into cheese. Another group paints Donkey Kong serving up a creepy bowl of banan...

Electronic arts?

More like electronic farts!

*crowd goes wild*

The big questions

What are the big questions a philosopher, scientist and liberal arts grad seek to answer?

The Philosopher: “What is the meaning of existence?”

The Scientist: “Why are things the way they are?”

The Liberal Arts Grad: “Would you like some fries with that?”

Electronic Arts CEO Andrew Wilson has a one night stand.

The woman he was with contacts him soon after to let him know she was pregnant, and wants him to own up to his mistake.


Andrew then replies, "It's not a mistake, it's surprise mechanics."

There was this guy working at McDonald’s.

and it was his turn to cook the French fries. So he put the frozen fries in the metal basket and dipped it in the oil. You see this guy was a veteran chef and used to be able to sense when food was cooked by looking at it's color or by smelling it, he never needed a timer or a meat thermometer or an...

What did the culinary arts student say when his teacher gave him a piggyback ride?

Weeee Chef!

I'll see myself out.

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