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Arts Jokes

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Martial arts

The Israelis developed Krav Maga - the art of disabling an opponent as quickly as possible.

The Japanese developed Jujitsu - the art of defeating an armed and armored opponent.

The Brazilians developed Capoeira - the art of defeating an opponent using dance and acrobatics.

The F...

I'm a dyslexic Mixed Martial Arts fighter

AMA.

What kind of martial arts do monkeys do?

Flungpoo

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I was at the bar in the International Airport when a small Chinese guy comes in, stands next to me, and starts drinking a beer. I asked him, "Do you know any of those martial arts, like Kung-Fu, or Karate?" He says "No, why in the hell would you ask? Is it because I am Chinese?"

"No", I said, "It's because you're drinking my beer, you little fucker."

what do you say to the liberal arts student that just gotten a job

Can I get the cappuccino to go?

What's the difference between a guy with an Arts Major, and a guy with a Philosophy Major?

One will ask WHY you want fries with that!

You hear the one about Electronic Arts?

The punchline in $25.

I went to an Art Gallery, it was $60 to enter and $80 to look at each picture.

It was called Electronic Arts.

I’m pitching a show about magical arts in the legal system

Subpoena the Teenage Witch

Isn't it annoying when engineering students call themselves engineers?

It's stupid. You don't hear medical students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves baristas.

I used to do fine arts, until I decided I didn’t like the arts.

Now I’m doing just fine.

I’m sick of martial arts.

I have kung flu.

(Brought to you by my 8 year old)

The Marine and the Liberal Arts Major

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom
approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a v...

How to get a liberal arts graduate off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

One day, I was speaking with a martial arts master.

I asked, "Is it true that you once defeated one hundred men in only a few seconds using the Way of the Fist?"

He replied, "Nay, Palm."

Ben and Jerrys have opened a school of Martial Arts

It's called Cookie-Do

What's the difference between 4-layer toilet paper and a liberal arts major?

You don't find 4-layer toilet paper at McDonalds!

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Did you hear the one about the guy who was training his dogs in martial arts and the Torah?

They were trying for Jew Shih Tzus.

A friend of mine, a performing arts student, was recently killed in an accident in Toronto…

He was putting himself through school by working as a birthday clown and he had to take the subway to get around. He was going to his next gig and his floppy shoes caught on his baggy trousers and, since he was a little too close to the edge, he fell in front of the train. We have tried to get the t...

I've developed my own style of martial arts that involves defenestration.

I call it Yeet Kune Do.

A martial arts expert is arrested for murder.

When the case is taken to court, he is asked by the judge why he doesn't have a lawyer with him.

'I don't need a lawyer', the martial arts expert replies.

'Why not? It could really help your case if you have a defense lawyer' the judge says.

'No, thank you', the martial arts exp...

What do martial arts and matzah have in common?

Judo

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What kind of Marshall Arts does Challah Bread do?

JEW DOUGH!!

A martial arts competition is taking place

There is a line to practice kicks, grapples and throws. But something’s missing....

I started a new martial arts that consists only on air waves

I call it, Fujitsu

What did the bully use when he experimented with the dark arts?

A Wedgie Board.

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What was Hitler's Least Favorite Martial Arts?

Jew Jitsu

What do you call a 1 armed man who does karate?

Partial arts

How do Romans make arts and crafts?

With Caesars and gluesticks.

There are so many forms of martial arts, it’s hard to keep track of.

Kind of.. Kung Fusing

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A world known pair of thieves were visiting the Escoffier Museum of Culinary Arts in France.

They were looking to make their final steal the biggest yet. They walk up the pearly white steps and into the old yellow plastered building.

As they walk in, the man turns to the woman and asks, "What do you think we should take? I want our last job to be remembered for years!"

The wo...

Arts>Science

Just realised arts students can now pay for their college fees... if they specialise in electronics as well.

Three liberal arts degree students walk into a bar

Next week, it was a Starbucks cafe

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What's the martial arts All jews are afraid of?

Jew Git sue.

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Bonzo The Martial Arts Dog

I once had a dog named "Bonzo" and he was really talented. One day, Bonzo and I went to find him a job, so we went to a martial arts studio. The owner looked at us and told us to get out. Bonzo looked unhappy, so I convinced the owner to allow us to give a demonstration. So the owner points at a...

What's the difference between a Pizza and a Lib-arts degree?

A pizza is able to feed an entire family.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a joke that isn't racist

a guy is sitting in a bar and turns to the Asian guy next to him and asks:

"hey do you know, tai quon do, ju jutsu, kung fu or any of that shit?"

offended the Asian man replies:
"what you think that just because i'm asian i know martial arts?"

the man replies: "nah its becaus...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young liberal arts student walks into a bar...

A young liberal arts student walks into a bar. He sat down and ordered 2 beers.

An Asian guy sitting on his right hand side stared at him and went: so, how does it feel to be in the mid 20s but still live with your parents?

The young liberal arts student was instantly surprised. "Yes...

Why don't you put a post office next to a liberal arts college?

They'll always argue over the male agenda.

What do you call a pig that knows martial arts?

Pork Chop

What do you call a bear with martial arts skills?

Grizz Lee.

^I'll ^see ^myself ^out.

Yet another art major joke

An artist walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Hey, here's an art joke. How do you get an art major off your front porch? You pay for the pizza!" the bartender jests. "Oh, very funny. I'll have you know that now that I have my fine arts degree I don't have to deliver to people anymore. In fact, peop...

I was sitting at a bar last night

And this Asian looking fella sits down next to me and takes a sip of beer.

I glance over at him and ask if he knows any of those martial arts like Kung fu, or Karate or Ju Jitsu. He says no, WTF man!? Are you asking because I’m Chinese?

I said no, it’s because you’re drinking my beer.

What did the culinary arts student say when his teacher gave him a piggyback ride?

Weeee Chef!

I'll see myself out.

What did the Arts student say to the Science student

Why did I waste 3 years of my life?

What do you call an amputee trying to do karate?

Partial Arts.

Edit: It's been pointed out that the grammatical construction of this joke could have been better. How about: "What is it called when an amputee does karate? Partial Arts.

Edit edit: best follow up question: What's an amputee's favourite karate weapon? Nub chucks.

When a martial arts practitioner gets hurt...

it's called a ninjury.

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