Hey girl, are you my Physics examination paper?

Because I can stare at you for 3 hours and not understand a single thing

Biology tell me you're 70% water. Physics tells me that you're 99.99% empty space. Chemistry tells me that you're 60% oxygen.

But I'm telling you that you're a 100% CUTIE!!!

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My physics teacher asked me how much a church weighs with and without people in it.

I had to consider mass.

Physics

Theoretical Physicist: You have a great potential, why don't you use it?

Me standing on a rooftop: @@

What's the only thing weirder than physics

A physicist

Physics says "We can't touch anything"

So technically I'm not jacking off, Officer

At my physics exam today, I was asked who discovered the black hole.

Apparently, Ron Jeremy was not the right answer.

I will name my son Physics.

So that I will be called Father of Physics.

A flat earther snuck into a physics seminar

While the speaker was giving speech on recent development about gravity, flat earther shouted


" Why do you even think that gravity is real? "



Speaker dropped the mic.

After the physics lecture ended, I asked my professor “What happened before The Big Bang?”

He said, “Sorry. There is no Time.”

My Physics teacher said to me: you have a lot of potential. You should use it.

We were at the top of the building.

Physics is oppressive

All it does is keep us down.

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The guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop. After looking around, he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs.

The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."

"Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me!"

"I understood every word," says the pa...

After learning physics I finally got it

You know how when things heat up, they expand?

That means I'm not fat, I'm hot.

The relationship between the Physics teacher and biology teacher in my brother's school didn't last long...

They had no chemistry et. al.

I mixed up the temperature units when doing my Physics test

As a result, I got an absolute zero.

I just learned that my college physics professor had a heart attack and died after climbing Mount Everest....

It’s so sad. He had so much potential

A physics teacher writes a question on a board

"A 40 kg child that 100 cm tall is holding a parent's arms swinging them 0.5 revolutions a second. If the parent let go of the child after 2 seconds, where will the child end up?"



A few moments later, the teacher then comes over and reads a student's answer:



"In a foste...

My physics teacher asked what I think it’d be like to walk in a town at night only illuminated by candles

I said it would be pretty lit.

They're serving mystery meat at the cafeteria in the physics lab again.

I've been asking what the main ingredient they put in their heisenburgers was, and nobody knows.

Women defy the laws of physics...

They are easier to pick up the heavier they get...

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"As has often been noted, physics is to math what sex is to masturbation"

Student : "So you're saying both fields are good, but without an attempt to understand the universe, the search for deeper mathematical truth is empty?"

Professor : "I'm saying you'll spend most of undergrad doing math."

My physics professor took an entire class to lecture us about Cole’s law

Turns out, it’s just thinly sliced cabbage

A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed.

A guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"

The man replied, "130."

So the robot proceeded to make conversation about physics, astronomy, and so on. The man listened intently and thought, "This is really cool."

Another guy came in for a drink and th...

Me: "What do I need to do to start a school?"

Person A: Well, for the Physics Department, you'd need to set up the lab equipments, instruments, apparatus and so on...

Person B: For the Chemistry Department, you'd need them chemical compounds, test tubes, all that stuff.

Person C: Oh, imagine setting up the Biology Department! Skel...

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My highschool physics teacher always used to say "Time will pass."

"Will you?"

I had a female Physics teacher in my school.

One day, a guy asked her, "What is the unit of power?"

"That's watt", she said.

Why can Einstein rank only 2nd among all physics?

Newton's first law

I keep asking my physics teacher

I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"


But he just keeps responding with "yes."

This kid in physics class was being mean to me

So I called him the derivative of acceleration.

Physics teacher: James, what do you call the standard measurement of power?

James: What?

Teacher: Oh, I guess you were paying attention.

Why did the physics teacher only allow 3 VIPs to his party?

Because he only wanted 3 significant figures.

A life-saving topic

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a student interrupted him.

“Why do we have to learn this stuff?”, the frustrated student blurted out.

The professor ignored him and continued the lecture.

"I mean, why is this even re...

My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy

Then i fell down the stairs and lost it all

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A physics professor asks this question in his class.

If a plane is flying in South East direction at 795 miles an hour and it takes a torque of 58000 N/m2 to unscrew a nut from the main pillar of Brooklyn Bridge, then calculate my age as of today?

The ivy league geniuses in the class immediately went to work. Firing up thier computers and calc...

What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?

"Oops"

Con-fusion

I know a con artist who loves nuclear physics.
- He creates confusion.

Why is it best to teach physics on the edge of a cliff? (Original joke)

Because that's where students have the most potential.

Ever wonder what the love life of a high school physics teacher is like?

Assume there is no friction.

I love Physics, but I'm terrible at Math.

I hope in doesn't Matter.

The frequency of bad physics jokes in this sub...

It Hertz

Engineers solving a problem

A guy goes on a trip with 3 Friends; an electrical engineer, a physics engineer and an IT specialist. Few hours into the trip the car breaks down. The electrical engineer says: "Well i know this issue, there must be some problems with the electronics of this car". The physics engineer says "Of cours...

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The Physics Student

Some time ago, I received a call from a colleague who asked if I would be the referee on the grading of an
examination question. He was about to give a student a zero for her answer to a physics question, while the student
claimed she should be given a perfect score and would, if the system we...

Did you hear about the physics student who committed suicide by jumping of a building?

A shame, really. He had so much potential.

A physics student ask his teacher

A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity"
The teacher answers: "I'll see if I can pull some strings for you"

Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?

They have greater potential.

A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge

When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Physics Teacher's Story

Speed and Velocity are brothers.

Velocity went to college and got a science degree with which he's earning a six figure salary.

Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents in their basement.

Speed lacks Direction.

I got caught cheating on my physics exam. Furious, my professor said to me "I hope you understand the gravity of the situation".

But if I had known that, I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.

Some people think nuclear physics is interesting

Well, in my opinion it's really Bohring

An old professor of Particle Physics and his assistant were having beers at a pub in London when the conversation drifted to the experiments with the Large Hadron Collider near Geneva, Switzerland.

The assistant mentioned one of the wonderous things the famous particle collider can do. "The Collider can accelerate protons," the assistant began.

The professor smiled and said, "Yes, I've seen it do that, personally."

Surprised and intrigued that his mentor had worked with ...

I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.

It's pretty straight to the point.

Physics student asks to go to bathroom

Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas"

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Two students are taking a physics exam

One of them enters and the professor says:

-Imagine you are riding a train and its really hot inside. What would you do?

-Well,i'd open the window.

-Excellent. Now, the windows surface is 1,5m^2, your compartments volume is 12m^3, train is going west at the speed of 80km/h, the ...

What do you call a glass robot that is good at physics?

A new-clear physicist

Hundreds of years after their deaths, Galileo, Leonardo Da Vinci, and Marco Polo are walking in heaven and decide to have a conversation with Jesus...

Galileo says, “Jesus, I’ve been thinking about my past life on Earth, and I wanted to know what I am remembered for all these years later.”

Jesus pauses and replies, “Galileo, you are remembered as the Father of Modern Physics. By being one of the first to apply mathematics to motion, you le...

According to physics, light travels faster sound...

... If that's really the case though, why can I hear the car behind me honk before I see the traffic lights change?

How do fat people defy the laws of physics?

They have mass but they don’t matter.

What is better than a physics joke?

A meta physics joke.

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