UPJOKE
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Hey girl, are you my Physics examination paper?

Because I can stare at you for 3 hours and not understand a single thing

A physics teacher writes a question on a board

"A 40 kg child that 100 cm tall is holding a parent's arms swinging them 0.5 revolutions a second. If the parent let go of the child after 2 seconds, where will the child end up?"



A few moments later, the teacher then comes over and reads a student's answer:



"In a foste...

(A joke my physics teacher told) There was a Bulgarian man who drove trains for a living...

He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incid...

What’s the most terrifying word in experimental nuclear physics?

Oops!

(Shameless karma farming on cake day)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"As has often been noted, physics is to math what sex is to masturbation"

Student : "So you're saying both fields are good, but without an attempt to understand the universe, the search for deeper mathematical truth is empty?"

Professor : "I'm saying you'll spend most of undergrad doing math."

A physics joke

How many general-relativity theocratists does it take to change a light bulb? - Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate space.

Why is quantum physics so much harder than regular physics?

Because in regular physics, if something can go wrong, it will.

But in quantum physics, if something *could* go wrong, it will.

Why is it best to teach physics on the edge of a cliff?

It's where the students have the most potential.

At the end of the physics lecture, I asked the professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”

He said, “Sorry. There’s no time.”

Found in my Physics text book.

A man lives in a foreign country, and his job is to operate the train that connects one town to another. He is not very good at his job, and he is also very greedy. Since his income does not meet his expenses, he decides to steal from his passengers' fares. At first he steals only a little. However,...

Physics

Sir Newton: I like them thicc af

Apprentice: but sir, we cannot write that.

Sir Newton: then say.. the greater the mass, the greater the force of attraction.

Albert Einstein created many concepts for modern physics.

His brother, Frank, however, created a monster.

The frequency of bad physics jokes in this sub...

It Hertz

I was watching a really good documentary about Quantum physics the other day



But I decided to stop watching in case I affected the outcome

Yo Mama Joke by a Physics Professor

Yo Mama is so fat you can see the objects that are directly behind her

My physics teacher told me I had a lot of potential,

Then he pushed me off the roof.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Physics exam…

My english is not the best but i hope yall understand:

20 Students had their final physics exam. There was one teacher in a room where he tested them each with one question that was always the same.

So the first student walks into the room and the teacher asks him: Youre in a Train and...

Why did the Biology teacher break up with the Physics teacher?

There was no chemistry.

A joke from my old physics professor..

How Long is a battleship. True or false?


False. How Long is a man from China.

Physics Joke

A photon walks into a hotel and the bellman says "can I help you with your bags?" And the photon replies, "no it's ok, I'm traveling light."

Physics joke

People always ask me why i like the last row in movie halls.


I just feel like they have alot more potential than the the first row.

Nerdy physics and psychology joke thought I'd share.

I heard that there is a new novel out about Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dog going on an adventure but I couldn't remember the name. Sounded good so I decided to go down to the library to see if they've got it. Looked around and couldn't see it so I asked the librarian if they have it in, she repl...

Laws of physics vs the law

Heisenberg, Shrodinger and Ohm were driving down a highway when they get pulled over by a cop. The cop asks Heisenberg if he knew how fast he was going, as you can surmise, he claimed he didn't know because he knew exactly where they were. The cop, finding this suspicious asks them to open the t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Physics teacher: "Did you know protons have mass?"

Student: "Fuck, no -- I didn't even know they were Catholic!"

Bad physics joke

Two chicken nuggets were on a see saw. They looked into each other's eyes and realised they were in love. One of the chicken nuggets crawled over to the other side of the see saw and kissed the other one. It was a tender moment.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a philosopher, a mathematician, and a physicist were at starbucks.

So a philosopher, a mathematician, and a physicist were at starbucks.

The mathematician turns to the physicist sitting next to him and says "You know, physics is just applied mathematics!"

They all have a good laugh, at which point the philosopher interjects from across the table. "And...

Physics joke

A physicist and his son go to a petting zoo. They come up on this animal and of course the physicist asks his son what it is. The son says "Daddy thats a rooster!", the physicist shakes his head "Son, its a lambda".

Why did the pirate fail his Physics class?

He constantly tried to walk the Planck.

I keep asking my physics teacher

I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"


But he just keeps responding with "yes."

Gravity is the most important topic of physics.

If you remove it, you only have gravy.

Schrödinger's Russian soldier is a famous physics thought experiment,

which presents a paradox in which a Russian in Ukraine is somehow simultaneously both alive and dead.

particle physics...

...Give me a Large Hadron

Why were the wives of a polygamist awarded a degree in physics?

For splitting an Adam.

Physics Professor is sitting in the office of the Director of the University

And the Director tells him: "You physicists and your experiments are so damn expensive with all your special machines and exotic materials. Why can't you be more like the mathematicians? All they ever ask for is paper, pencils and a trashcan. Or even better, the philosophers. They don't even need a ...

What do pirates do when they get sick of your physics questions?

They make you walk the Planck.

Physics vs Philosophy

The physics department of a college seeks funds to buy a cyclotron.
"This is millions and millions of dollars!" says the Dean.
"That's our microscope," says the physicist. "We can't do our research without it."
"Why can't the physics department be more like the mathematics department?...

I finally found where the librarian is storing the books on theoretical physics

In the Non-Friction section

I heard about the ideal gas law in physics class PV=nRT…

and I heard non-ideal gas law in a crowded elevator PU=faRT

In Schrodinger's time, was it considered ethical to use live cats in physics experiments?

Well -- it was and it wasn't.

Women defy physics.

The heavier they get, the easier they are to pick up.

Physics

Theoretical Physicist: You have a great potential, why don't you use it?

Me standing on a rooftop: @@

I had a female Physics teacher in my school.

One day, a guy asked her, "What is the unit of power?"

"That's watt", she said.

A flat earther snuck into a physics seminar

While the speaker was giving speech on recent development about gravity, flat earther shouted


" Why do you even think that gravity is real? "



Speaker dropped the mic.

A mother is helping her son study physics

She asked him "Do you know Newton?"
He said no.

She said " if you had been paying attention to your lessons, you would have known him."

The son asked her " do you know Rachel?"
She said no.

He said " if you had been paying attention to your husband, you would have known he...

Physics saves lives

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him.

"Why do we have to learn this stuff?" The young man blurted out.

"To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture.

A few mi...

Quantum Physics jokes

I don't always make jokes about Quantum Physics, but when I do, I don't

Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek.

Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them.

Pascal is no where to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He’s sitting in a square drawn on the ground, a meter to a side.

Einstein says “Newton, you’re terrible, I’ve f...

I got caught cheating on my physics exam. Furious, my professor said to me "I hope you understand the gravity of the situation".

But if I had known that, I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.

I had a speeding ticket dismissed by a judge who knew his physics

The cop wrote down my location, so I told the judge if he knew where I was, he couldn’t possibly measure my velocity.

Physics is oppressive

All it does is keep us down.

Physics says "We can't touch anything"

So technically I'm not jacking off, Officer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was working on my quantum physics homework when my mom came barging in...

I switched to porn because it was easier to explain

What do Smash Mouth do in Physics class?

Sum bodies

What's the difference between Quantum Physics and Politics?

In politics, the results won't change no matter how you measure them.

A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge

When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."

Robot Bartender makes a great Martini

A guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender. The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."
The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "168."
The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, climate change, and AI m...

Wanna hear a physics pun?

If an aircraft always takes off at an angle, doesn't that make it an inclined plane?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They say the Principle of Least Action is the most fundamental thing in physics.

But when I tried it, I flunked my physics class.

According to physics, light travels faster sound...

... If that's really the case though, why can I hear the car behind me honk before I see the traffic lights change?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Physics Professor says "Explain the Uncertainty Principle."

The student stand up. He says:

There's four nuns and they want to know about a penis so they ask the vicar and he says "Okay each of you have a feal."

Afterwards the first nun says: The penis is soft like the flowers in a meadow.

The second nun says: You are wrong my sister, ...

A Joke by my Physics Teacher

A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the roof of his building.

Just before the man jumps, the physicist yells: "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

A physics professor retires and buys a lake house.

The first thing he does is build two long wooden platforms out over the lake. Every day he goes out with a bow and some arrows and stands on one of them while shooting arrows into the lake. One day a curious neighbor goes up to him and asks "what exactly are you doing?". The physicist replies "well ...

Why can Einstein rank only 2nd among all physics?

Newton's first law

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do sex and quantum physics have in common?

I don't get either of them.

Physics student asks to go to bathroom

Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas"

Did you hear about that new physics institute?

It’s so big, there is a dedicated infrared-light district!

Physics Joke

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are all hanging out and bored so they decide to play hide and go seek. Einstein decides to count first, and as they are counting Pascal leaves to hide in a bush. Newton on the other hand draws a box under himself and just stands there. When Einstein is done counting he w...

A Level Physics lmao

Why was the physicist studying gravitational fields so much more handsome than the one studying electrical fields?




Electrical Fields are repulsive sometimes, but Gravitational Fields are always attractive.

A physics student ask his teacher

A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity"
The teacher answers: "I'll see if I can pull some strings for you"

Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?

They have greater potential.

My physics teacher asked me if I understood the chapter on linear motion.

I said "yeah it's pretty straightforward"

I could explain to you quantum physics and you wouldn't understand a thing.

Not because it's hard but because I'm bad at explaining.

Physics Joke

I just bought a pair of bad frequency shoes. I keep doppling over and my foot hertz.

Physics is like incest.

It’s all relative.

This kid in physics class was being mean to me

So I called him the derivative of acceleration.

I was talking to my physics teacher...

Teacher: hey, do you know what salt lake city is?
Me: yeah
Teacher: cool, you know what den city is?
Me: no?
Teacher: oh, its mass over volume

Physics Joke

I tried having a threeway with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three body problem

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two students are taking a physics exam

One of them enters and the professor says:

-Imagine you are riding a train and its really hot inside. What would you do?

-Well,i'd open the window.

-Excellent. Now, the windows surface is 1,5m^2, your compartments volume is 12m^3, train is going west at the speed of 80km/h, the ...

What is better than a physics joke?

A meta physics joke.

There's a technique in theoretical physics that models complex systems as spherical cows.

The Your Mom approach.

Some people think nuclear physics is interesting

Well, in my opinion it's really Bohring

Dean, to the physics department:

"Why do I always have to give you guys so much money, for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff. Why couldn't you be like the math department - all they need is money for pencils, paper and waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department. All they need are pencils and pa...

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