Hey girl, are you my Physics examination paper?

Because I can stare at you for 3 hours and not understand a single thing

Why is it best to teach physics on the edge of a cliff? (Original joke)

Because that’s where students have the most potential.

Albert Einstein created many concepts for modern physics.

His brother, Frank, however, created a monster.

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I was working on my quantum physics homework when my mom came barging in...

I switched to porn because it was easier to explain

What is the most terrifying word in Nuclear physics?

Oops!!!!

Laws of physics vs the law

Heisenberg, Shrodinger and Ohm were driving down a highway when they get pulled over by a cop. The cop asks Heisenberg if he knew how fast he was going, as you can surmise, he claimed he didn't know because he knew exactly where they were. The cop, finding this suspicious asks them to open the t...

What is the worst you can say when you are a physics teacher and see a student about to jump from a building?

"You have so much potential, use it"

Graffiti on the wall of the physics department

Heisenberg might have been here

Gravity is the most important topic of physics.

If you remove it, you only have gravy.

Physics Joke.

A bunch of neutrinos walk through a bar

Did you hear about that new physics institute?

It’s so big, there is a dedicated infrared-light district!

Quantum Physics jokes

I don't always make jokes about Quantum Physics, but when I do, I don't

Why is quantum physics so much harder than regular physics?

Because in regular physics, if something can go wrong, it will.

But in quantum physics, if something *could* go wrong, it will.

What's the difference between Quantum Physics and Politics?

In politics, the results won't change no matter how you measure them.

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Why do the Laws of Physics in fast and furious universe not exist?

Newton wasn't a virgin and a physicist in that universe. He had a family.

Biology tell me you're 70% water. Physics tells me that you're 99.99% empty space. Chemistry tells me that you're 60% oxygen.

But I'm telling you that you're a 100% CUTIE!!!

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A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeeez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?" The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!" "I got every word," says the parrot. "Ask me anything, I'll answer whatever you want."

"Okay," the guy says. "How can you hang onto your perch without any feet?" "Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but si...

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A male teacher is teaching physics in an all girls school. One day, he was teaching the topic of electricity.

"A net electrical charge means the resulting electrical charge on an object. It normally means if an object has a majority of positive or negative charge. Do you understand?"

To this, his students stared at him blankly, some shaking their heads cautiously.

The teacher sighed and tried...

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A joke I thought of when doing physics homework

What happens when distance gets a boner? It get a direction. Sorry for the bad joke.

When he finished his lecture, I asked my physics professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”

He said, “Sorry. No time.”

Physics vs Philosophy

The physics department of a college seeks funds to buy a cyclotron.
"This is millions and millions of dollars!" says the Dean.
"That's our microscope," says the physicist. "We can't do our research without it."
"Why can't the physics department be more like the mathematics department?...

What's the only thing weirder than physics

A physicist

A physics teacher writes a question on a board

"A 40 kg child that 100 cm tall is holding a parent's arms swinging them 0.5 revolutions a second. If the parent let go of the child after 2 seconds, where will the child end up?"



A few moments later, the teacher then comes over and reads a student's answer:



"In a foste...

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My physics teacher asked me how much a church weighs with and without people in it.

I had to consider mass.

As I was leaving physics class, a classmate walked up to me and called me a nerd.

What an acceleration’.

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The Physics Professor says "Explain the Uncertainty Principle."

The student stand up. He says:

There's four nuns and they want to know about a penis so they ask the vicar and he says "Okay each of you have a feal."

Afterwards the first nun says: The penis is soft like the flowers in a meadow.

The second nun says: You are wrong my sister, ...

I will name my son Physics.

So that I will be called Father of Physics.

Physics

Theoretical Physicist: You have a great potential, why don't you use it?

Me standing on a rooftop: @@

At my physics exam today, I was asked who discovered the black hole.

Apparently, Ron Jeremy was not the right answer.

A flat earther snuck into a physics seminar

While the speaker was giving speech on recent development about gravity, flat earther shouted


" Why do you even think that gravity is real? "



Speaker dropped the mic.

After learning physics I finally got it

You know how when things heat up, they expand?

That means I'm not fat, I'm hot.

Difficult questions

A son asks his dad "Daddy, what is string theory?"

The dad replied "Why are you asking me such difficult questions, come on ask me something easier"

The son then asks "Um ok so why does mommy get mad sometimes?"

"String theory is a theoretical framework in which the point-like p...

Physics is oppressive

All it does is keep us down.

The relationship between the Physics teacher and biology teacher in my brother's school didn't last long...

They had no chemistry et. al.

I mixed up the temperature units when doing my Physics test

As a result, I got an absolute zero.

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A scientist sat beside a little girl on a plane. He wanted to start a conversation.

He said: » I hear flights shorten if you talk with other passangers…«

The little girl replied: »OK, what do you want to talk about?«

The scientist was being a bit sarcastic: »Why don't we talk about nuclear physics?«

The girl said: »Can I ask you somethig first? A goat, a cow an...

Women defy the laws of physics...

They are easier to pick up the heavier they get...

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"As has often been noted, physics is to math what sex is to masturbation"

Student : "So you're saying both fields are good, but without an attempt to understand the universe, the search for deeper mathematical truth is empty?"

Professor : "I'm saying you'll spend most of undergrad doing math."

I just learned that my college physics professor had a heart attack and died after climbing Mount Everest....

It’s so sad. He had so much potential

My physics teacher asked what I think it’d be like to walk in a town at night only illuminated by candles

I said it would be pretty lit.

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My highschool physics teacher always used to say "Time will pass."

"Will you?"

My physics professor took an entire class to lecture us about Cole’s law

Turns out, it’s just thinly sliced cabbage

I keep asking my physics teacher

I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"


But he just keeps responding with "yes."

They're serving mystery meat at the cafeteria in the physics lab again.

I've been asking what the main ingredient they put in their heisenburgers was, and nobody knows.

I had a female Physics teacher in my school.

One day, a guy asked her, "What is the unit of power?"

"That's watt", she said.

Getting in on this new trend, I have decided I am a Ψ male.

When I am observed I just collapse.


Really sorry for the bad physics joke XD.

Why can Einstein rank only 2nd among all physics?

Newton's first law

My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy

Then i fell down the stairs and lost it all

Physics teacher: James, what do you call the standard measurement of power?

James: What?

Teacher: Oh, I guess you were paying attention.

Why did the physics teacher only allow 3 VIPs to his party?

Because he only wanted 3 significant figures.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A physics professor asks this question in his class.

If a plane is flying in South East direction at 795 miles an hour and it takes a torque of 58000 N/m2 to unscrew a nut from the main pillar of Brooklyn Bridge, then calculate my age as of today?

The ivy league geniuses in the class immediately went to work. Firing up thier computers and calc...

The frequency of bad physics jokes in this sub...

It Hertz

Did you hear about the physics student who committed suicide by jumping of a building?

A shame, really. He had so much potential.

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The Physics Student

Some time ago, I received a call from a colleague who asked if I would be the referee on the grading of an
examination question. He was about to give a student a zero for her answer to a physics question, while the student
claimed she should be given a perfect score and would, if the system we...

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The Duck in the Bottle

A man is on a quest for true enlightenment. His travels led him to sit with the Dalai Lama.

Man: Sir, do you have the answer for enlightenment?

The religious figure walks away but comes back with a bottle and a duck.

He hands both to the man and tells him,

"The day yo...

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Today my classmate told me: "I have a problem with degenerate homos". I was outraged by his bigoted words..

..until I realised he was talking about our physics homework!

(Glossary: Degenerate - Having the same energy level. HOMO - Highest Occupied Molecular Orbital)

I got caught cheating on my physics exam. Furious, my professor said to me "I hope you understand the gravity of the situation".

But if I had known that, I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.

I think this post will definitely raise the bar.

At least that’s what my physics textbook chapter on leverage tells me.

Ever wonder what the love life of a high school physics teacher is like?

Assume there is no friction.

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My shop class teacher told me this one.

A physics teacher, an engineering teacher, and a shop class teacher all get on a plane.

As they're getting comfortable, the pilot comes in over the intercom. "Good evening ladies and gentlemen," he says, "I understand we have some teachers on our flight. We've got a special treat for them: ...

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Two students are taking a physics exam

One of them enters and the professor says:

-Imagine you are riding a train and its really hot inside. What would you do?

-Well,i'd open the window.

-Excellent. Now, the windows surface is 1,5m^2, your compartments volume is 12m^3, train is going west at the speed of 80km/h, the ...

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