Physics Jokes

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(Shameless karma farming on cake day)

It's where the students have the most potential.

A guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender. The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."
The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "168."
The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration, and m... read more

He said, “Sorry. There’s no time.”

He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incid... read more

There was no chemistry.

I would make a science joke but.. Ion know..

I could try physics, but I don't wanna force it

Maybe chemistry? ...Na

Or biology, but those jokes don't cell well, and I don't like denature

I'd ask my teacher for help with jokes but he's not a very fungi

which presents a paradox in which a Russian in Ukraine is somehow simultaneously both alive and dead.

Sir Newton: I like them thicc af

Apprentice: but sir, we cannot write that.

Sir Newton: then say.. the greater the mass, the greater the force of attraction.

Well -- it was and it wasn't.

and I heard non-ideal gas law in a crowded elevator PU=faRT

And the Director tells him: "You physicists and your experiments are so damn expensive with all your special machines and exotic materials. Why can't you be more like the mathematicians? All they ever ask for is paper, pencils and a trashcan. Or even better, the philosophers. They don't even need a ... read more

Two chicken nuggets were on a see saw. They looked into each other's eyes and realised they were in love. One of the chicken nuggets crawled over to the other side of the see saw and kissed the other one. It was a tender moment.

It'd be a catastrophe

He also like quantum physics, so I suggested he make up some jokes. Here's the first two.

What so you call a particle who likes taking pictures?
A photongrapher

Why did the apple fall out of the tree?
It ran out of gluons.

If you have any Similar he'd love to hear them and... read more

They make you walk the Planck.

She asked him "Do you know Newton?"
He said no.

She said " if you had been paying attention to your lessons, you would have known him."

The son asked her " do you know Rachel?"
She said no.

He said " if you had been paying attention to your husband, you would have known he... read more

For splitting an Adam.

I heard that there is a new novel out about Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dog going on an adventure but I couldn't remember the name. Sounded good so I decided to go down to the library to see if they've got it. Looked around and couldn't see it so I asked the librarian if they have it in, she repl... read more

How many general-relativity theocratists does it take to change a light bulb? - Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate space.

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him. "Why do we have to learn this stuff? " the frustrated student blurted out. "To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture. A few minutes later th... read more

..the teachers were on their way to an engineering confrence. The pilot came on the intercom and welcomed the teachers on board. He then said, "Teachers, we have word that your students completed all the math and physics that went into building this plane."

In a hurry, all the teachers rushe... read more

He constantly tried to walk the Planck.

...Give me a Large Hadron

"Hey, God, I just ruined Adam and Eve's lives! I got them to eat the Fruit that you specifically asked them not to eat!"

"Ok."

"I gotta ask though, why did you not want to them to eat it? Why do you care if they have knowledge of Good and Evil? Is it because you want to be the only one... read more

Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them.

Pascal is no where to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He’s sitting in a square drawn on the ground, a meter to a side.

Einstein says “Newton, you’re terrible, I’ve f... read more

The cop wrote down my location, so I told the judge if he knew where I was, he couldn’t possibly measure my velocity.

But my physics teacher says the higher you are, the larger your potential!