Hey girl, are you my Physics examination paper?

Because I can stare at you for 3 hours and not understand a single thing

I had a female Physics teacher in my school.

One day, a guy asked her, "What is the unit of power?"

"That's watt", she said.

My physics professor told me I had potential

Then he pushed me off the roof.

A physics professor asks this question in his class.

If a plane is flying in South East direction at 795 miles an hour and it takes a torque of 58000 N/m2 to unscrew a nut from the main pillar of Brooklyn Bridge, then calculate my age as of today?

The ivy league geniuses in the class immediately went to work. Firing up thier computers and calc...

Women defy the laws of physics...

They are easier to pick up the heavier they get...

I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.

It's pretty straight to the point.

A physics teacher writes a question on a board

"A 40 kg child that 100 cm tall is holding a parent's arms swinging them 0.5 revolutions a second. If the parent let go of the child after 2 seconds, where will the child end up?"



A few moments later, the teacher then comes over and reads a student's answer:



"In a foste...

A physics student ask his teacher

A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity"
The teacher answers: "I'll see if I can pull some strings for you"

How do fat people defy the laws of physics?

They have mass but they don’t matter.

My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy

Then i fell down the stairs and lost it all

At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”

He said, “Sorry. There is no time.”

What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?

"Oops"

An old professor of Particle Physics and his assistant were having beers at a pub in London when the conversation drifted to the experiments with the Large Hadron Collider near Geneva, Switzerland.

The assistant mentioned one of the wonderous things the famous particle collider can do. "The Collider can accelerate protons," the assistant began.

The professor smiled and said, "Yes, I've seen it do that, personally."

Surprised and intrigued that his mentor had worked with ...

The frequency of bad physics jokes in this sub...

It Hertz

Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?

They have greater potential.

Why did the biology teacher and rhe physics teacher break up?

Because they had no CHEMISTRY.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"As has often been noted, physics is to math what sex is to masturbation"

Student : "So you're saying both fields are good, but without an attempt to understand the universe, the search for deeper mathematical truth is empty?"

Professor : "I'm saying you'll spend most of undergrad doing math."

What do the laws of physics and the predsident of Russia have in common?

You can't choose them

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Physics Teacher's Story

Speed and Velocity are brothers.

Velocity went to college and got a science degree with which he's earning a six figure salary.

Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents in their basement.

Speed lacks Direction.

Some people think nuclear physics is interesting

Well, in my opinion it's really Bohring

A Level Physics lmao

Why was the physicist studying gravitational fields so much more handsome than the one studying electrical fields?




Electrical Fields are repulsive sometimes, but Gravitational Fields are always attractive.

Why can you tell that Theresa May failed physics?

She had power and time but didn't get the work done.

Creds to my friend for that one.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two students are taking a physics exam

One of them enters and the professor says:

-Imagine you are riding a train and its really hot inside. What would you do?

-Well,i'd open the window.

-Excellent. Now, the windows surface is 1,5m^2, your compartments volume is 12m^3, train is going west at the speed of 80km/h, the ...

Physics student asks to go to bathroom

Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Physics Student

Some time ago, I received a call from a colleague who asked if I would be the referee on the grading of an
examination question. He was about to give a student a zero for her answer to a physics question, while the student
claimed she should be given a perfect score and would, if the system we...

What is better than a physics joke?

A meta physics joke.

Everyone knows Albert Einstein because of his research in physics. But most people don’t know about his brother who did research in monster making...

His name was Frank

A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge

When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."

Physics is like incest.

It’s all relative.

Right after I got my PhD in theoretical physics, I was able to land a job at Stanford!

My first shift starts tomorrow, after the senior janitor gives me a quick rundown.

Why is it best to teach physics on the edge of a cliff? (Original joke)

Because that's where students have the most potential.

I got a G in Physics and my parents grounded me.

They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation!

We had a lively debate in physics...

It was a conversation of energy

A student is having trouble in his Physics class.

He raises his hand and says, “50 percent of the time, I don’t understand *all* the time.”
The teacher then says, “that doesn’t make any sense.”
The student replies, “neither does your lesson.”

According to physics, light travels faster sound...

... If that's really the case though, why can I hear the car behind me honk before I see the traffic lights change?

Physics

Two theoretical physicists are lost at the top of a mountain. Theoretical physicist No 1 pulls out a map and peruses it for a while. Then he turns to theoretical physicist No 2 and says: "Hey, I've figured it out. I know where we are." 
"Where are we then?" 
"Do you see that mountain over ther...

I sit in front if my ex in physics

There’s a lot of friction between us

I got caught cheating on my physics exam. Furious, my professor said to me "I hope you understand the gravity of the situation".

But if I had known that, I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.

My Physics teacher said I have no Potential

Joke's on her, I just bought a ladder.

The physics professor in the oral exam asks the student

"What is faster, light or sound?"

"Well obviously light"

"Alright, why?"

"Well, when I turn on my TV, I first see the picture and then comes the sound"

The professor of course fails the student. The next student he asks the same question.

"What is faster, light or ...

The head of the Physics department needs money...

... so he goes to the University's Bursar to ask for a grant, 10 million to start work on a particle accelerator.

The bursar puts his head in his hands in exasperation.

"Every time I see you, you're after more money for the physics department! Ten million here, six million there... you...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do sex and quantum physics have in common?

I don't get either of them.

I was at the bar chatting up a physics major

I said: "Are you gravity, 'cause I find you very attractive?"

I was surprised when she said she didn't like fat jokes. All I did was say she's attractive.

Sometimes I wish that I was a physics Professor named Albert

Sometimes I wish that I was a physics Professor named Albert and that occasional situations would arise where somebody would come fetch me for consultation. I would burst into the room wearing a terry aerobics headband and exclaim, "did somebody say let's get physics Al?

A student places dead last in an important physics test.

He doesn't feel too phased and boasts to his classmates that he can still pass. His teacher later pulls him aside and tells him that he doesn't understand the gravity of the situation.

'Time is certainly a very complex topic in physics, and there are people who believe that time does not actually exist. One common argument they use is that Einstein proved that everything is relative, so time is irrelevant'.

I said boldly to my boss! But he still fired me for being 3 hours late.

I was talking to my physics teacher...

Teacher: hey, do you know what salt lake city is?
Me: yeah
Teacher: cool, you know what den city is?
Me: no?
Teacher: oh, its mass over volume

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; when life gives you apples, make physics equations

F=ma

I thought of a great joke about physics

but it would probably Bohr most of you..

A joke from my old physics professor..

How Long is a battleship. True or false?


False. How Long is a man from China.

A physics student was standing on top of a building, threatening to jump

I tried to talk him out of it, because he had so much potential.

What are some funny physics jokes?

A farmer noticed that his chickens were sick, and called in a biologist, a chemist, and a physicist to help diagnose the problem. The biologist observed the chickens, concluding, "I can tell you there's something wrong with your chickens, but I don't know what's causing it." The chemist took fluid s...

Wanna hear a physics pun?

If an aircraft always takes off at an angle, doesn't that make it an inclined plane?

Dean, to the physics department: “Why do I always have to give you guys so much money.....

Dean, to the physics department: “Why do I always have to give you guys so much money, for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff? Why couldn’t you be more like the math department - all they need is pencils, paper, and waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department. All...

Physics Joke

I just bought a pair of bad frequency shoes. I keep doppling over and my foot hertz.

Quantum physics has its ups and downs

But it all quarks out in the end

After years of studying, a physics student comes rushing into Einstein's office shouting...

"Professor, Professor, I think I finally understand your theory of Special Relativity!"

Einstein rolls his eyes

"It's about time!"

What did the scientist say when he stole a physics book and flew away?

"These laws don't apply to me!"

Physics saves lives

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him.

"Why do we have to learn this stuff?" The young man blurted out.

"To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture.

A few mi...

I was pretty good at nuclear physics...

Everytime I yawned in class, I'd set off a chain reaction.

A physics professor and his assistant are working on liberating negatively-charged hydroxyl ions...

A physics professor and his assistant are working on liberating negatively-charged hydroxyl ions, when all of a sudden, the assistant says, "Wait, professor, what if the salicylic acids do not accept the hydroxyl ions?" And the professor responds, "That's no hydroxyl ion; that's my wife!"

My physics teacher asked me if I understood the chapter on linear motion.

I said "yeah it's pretty straightforward"

Found in my Physics text book.

A man lives in a foreign country, and his job is to operate the train that connects one town to another. He is not very good at his job, and he is also very greedy. Since his income does not meet his expenses, he decides to steal from his passengers' fares. At first he steals only a little. However,...

Difference between Physics, Philosophy and Theology

Physics is like going after a black cat in a dark room.

Philosophy is like going after a black cat in a dark room, while blindfolded.

Theology is like going after a black cat in a dark room, while blindfolded, shouting "Heureka, I found her!"

I took an AP Physics test today and finished early, so I wrote this joke in the test booklet out of boredom

Heisenberg and Schrodinger are driving along when they get pulled over.

The police officer asks them if they know how fast they were going.

Heisenberg says, "I'm uncertain."

The officer then asks for them to open the trunk, and they oblige.

"Did you know there is a dead c...

A recent study found that cats are highly entertained by theoretical physics!

*Especially* string theory.

Physics Joke

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are all hanging out and bored so they decide to play hide and go seek. Einstein decides to count first, and as they are counting Pascal leaves to hide in a bush. Newton on the other hand draws a box under himself and just stands there. When Einstein is done counting he w...

Finally got around to taking a class on temporal physics.

It's about time, right?

Physics jokes are like spherical chickens...

...they work in theory.

The Physics department in a university submits a request for an expensive piece of equipment

The university president is not pleased. "You people in the Physics Department always ask for money. You always need costly technologies. Why can't you be more like the Mathematics department? All they need is paper, pens, and trash cans. Or even better, like the Philosophy department, they need onl...

A Joke by my Physics Teacher

A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the roof of his building.

Just before the man jumps, the physicist yells: "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

My physics professor fails any student turning in a report without a blue coversheet

After working on my report all night, I accidentally used a white coversheet in a sleepless stupor. When I got to class the next morning, I panicked and threw the report at him at close to the speed of light!

I got a B+

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