The recipe said, “Set the oven to 180 degrees.”

Now I have no idea what to do, because the oven door is facing the wall.

If you commit a 1st degree murder in Canada

is it a 34 degree murder in the US?

My daughter informed me that the earth is tilted at a 23.5 degree angle

I responded, “That’s not right.”


With a scowl, she pulled up google and proved to me that the earth is, in fact, tilted at a 23.5 degree angle.


“Precisely,” I agreed. “If the angle were right it would be 90°.”

With all that's going on, I told my dad that finishing my degree in astrophysics may not be the kind of science the world needs right now.

He looked away from the TV long enough to say, "Black holes matter."

Sigh... "Yeah, Dad. They are."

A woman who had no degree, achievements, or useful skills, except for being good looking, used to be known only as a trophy wife

today they're mostly known as social media influencers

My sister suddenly started sobbing talking about her job prospects with a philosophy degree.

I said, “Are you having an existential cry, sis?”

My daughter didn't tell me she was studying a math degree

Must have been discreet math

What do you call a swamp-dwelling reptile with a legal degree?

A litigator!

My uncle died of hypothermia. Robbers took him and locked him inside a freezer of which the temperature was just slightly below 4 degrees.

It was the worst case of 3rd degree murder I've ever heard of.

Even though I have an Engineering degree and I’ve re-wired my house to add updated lighting...

People are typically shocked when they find out I’m not a good electrician.

Did you hear about the comedian who got a degree in agriculture?

He got a job on a funny farm.

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."

The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the ki...

What does a graduate student with a science degree ask? "Why does it work?" What does a graduate student with an engineering degree ask? "How does it work?" What does a graduate student with an accounting degree ask? "How much will it cost?"

What does a graduate student with a liberal
arts degree ask? "you want fries with that?"

If a car is going 30 km/h and makes a 35-degree turn, which of its wheels turns the slowest?

The spare tire...

What do you call a can that earns a degree?

A graduated cylinder.

Graduate degree fishing

So there’s a guy who wants a graduate degree, but he’s not sure what he wants to study. He remembers a time in his youth where he learned about all different types of fish and things used to catch fish. That memory intrigued him. So he started looking into marine biology, but thought, nah that’s not...

What do you call something that explodes at -273.15 degrees Celsius?

0 K boomer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man got into an accident and got third degree burn

The doctors told his wife that only her butt cheek's skin is suitable for a plastic surgery for her husband's burnt face

The wife agreed.

Operation was done and the man look even more handsome than before.

After 1 year past, the husband randomly asked his wife..

Husband: ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call the degree of heat present in a typical japanese dish usually consisting of seafood, meat and vegetables that have been battered and deep fried?

Tempurature.

I have degrees in psychology,economics and politics.

I don't have a job but at least I know why.

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me?

I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground.
You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"...

They say my fine art degree is useless. But I'll have you know I doubled my income last year!!

Finding that quarter on the ground really helped.

Three liberal arts degree students walk into a bar

Next week, it was a Starbucks cafe

After spending a semester of my engineering degree studying the construction of the channel tunnel.

I can reveal it was dug by a huge boring machine.

I’m going to freeze myself at a temperature of -273.15 degrees celsius.

My friend thinks I’m crazy, but I’ll be 0K.

It's 69 degrees right now in December

I didn't realize it would be this nice out

The wife of Korean immigrant was bed ridden with a high fever.

She hadn't had consciousness for a while and she was a burning 40 degrees Celsius. Worried, the husband tries to call for an ambulance, using his broken English.

"911 emergency, how can we help you."

"Wife in bed. She so hot."

"Okay... good for you."

What do you call a Dr. Seuss character with a medical degree?

Doctor Who

90 degrees is pretty hot for most people,

But for mathematicians, it's just right.

A Degree in Gynaecology.

On the whole it's very educational.

What do you call a serial killer who kills 2 people in one year, 4 the next, and 16 the year after?

A second degree murderer.

When I was going for my medical degree, I spent a lot of time on the Hippocampus.

The University of Hull has a ton of fat birds.

Why is the Sun so smart?

It has a lot of degrees

When I was in college I went to a fortune teller and she told me that if I stay in school and get my degree I will be making a ridiculous amount of money

Turns out she was right!
Now I work as a crossing guard.

What's the difference between a Pizza and a Lib-arts degree?

A pizza is able to feed an entire family.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farm boy graduated from college with a degree in journalism.

He got hired immediately and was told his first assignment was to write a human interest story. Being from the country, he decided to go back home to do his research.

He went to an old farmer's house way out in the hills, introduced himself to the farmer, and explained what he was there to ...

A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked, “Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?”

The father replied, “It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean.”

With that, the father went to the telephone and dialed a number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he said, “Hello, is Melvin there?”

The man answered, “There is no one living here named Me...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons.

My first time in the air, my instructor informed me but he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don’t succumb to his sexual advances I would have to jump out of the plane.

His buddy says "well did you jump?"

The guy says yeah, a little at first.

When I was 20...

and got an erection, I couldn’t bend it with both hands.

When I was 30, I could bend it maybe 15 degrees with both hands.

When I was 40, I could bend it 30 degrees with one hand.

Now that I’m 50, i can bend it all over the place with 2 fingers.

My question is....just how ...

Two battleships were out at sea during heavy weather for several days...

The visibility was poor with patchy fog, so the captain remained on the bridge keeping an eye on all activities.

Shortly after dark, the lookout on the wing of the bridge reported, "Light, bearing on the starboard bow."

"Is it steady or moving astern?" the captain called out.

Lo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy from the country attended the prestigious university in the city.

With his degree, he got prizes in mathematics and metaphysics. The lad's father came up to the college to see his son graduate.

"Weel, Dr. Thompson" asked the old farmer to a professor, "And what may these mathematics be for which my son has getten a prize?"

"Mathematics is to do with ...

What do you get with water at 69 degrees?

Noice

Dennis lives in Washington DC, and is working as a dental assistant while he gets his degree in chemical engineering...

... He plays tennis every week with his professor, but is always playing pranks and getting into trouble during their matches.

One fine day in late April, after their weekly tennis match, Dennis and his professor are walking past the White House when they see through the raggedy old fence tha...

I always turn my room temperature just below 70 degrees before I go to sleep. Why?

Because it doesn't get hotter than 69 in my bed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man meets a woman at a bar and tells her he went to M.I.T

"I graduated in two years" he said as he ordered her a drink. "Now I have a good job."

She was very impressed, but slightly confused. "How did you graduate within two years? I thought most people need at least four?"

"Oh, I'm not that dumb" he said as the drinks arrived. She thought no...

What do you call a farmer with a physical therapy degree?

A chirotractor

They asked me if I have a degree in theoretical mathematics.

I told them I have a theoretical degree in mathematics.

They laughed, I laughed, HR laughed, the whole R&D department laughed. Then I got kicked out and they told me to never come back to NASA.

People can be so mean sometimes.

I have a degree in men's studies.

It's called "world history".

#TRUMP 2016! YOU CAN'T STUMP THE TRUMP!

Did you hear about the discerning entomologist with a degree in accounting?

He was into fine-ants.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The prize fighter and the Texan

A prizefighter was driving across West Texas with his wife. He said, "Honey, I've been thinking. I've always heard how tough Texans are. Here I am with a 20-0 record in the ring. I feel like I'm tough but I've never fought a Texan. It's got me to wondering."

The wife said, "Oh Honey, that doe...

60 seconds have passed in this 90 degree weather...

It's been a hot minute.

James Bond was charged with criminal possession of stolen property in the fourth degree.

The judge, while not surprised, did say it was Class E felony.

What do you say to someone with a degree in art?

Hamburger and fries, please.

Math teacher: "What do you call an angle of 90 degrees?"

Me: "Fahrenheit or Celsius?"

Do you know which questions is the most asked by someone with a college degree in art or history?

Do you want fries with that?

Teacher: "What is a compliment to a 45 degree angle?"

Student: "My you're looking acute today."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In Texas we don't measure temperature in degrees

It's either "hot as balls" or "cold as shit."

What did the water sing at 4 degrees celsius?

- Lets dense !

My dad said It was Daniel Gabriel Fahrenheit and Anders Celsius to create the terms used for thermometer scales

I replied: Don't you think it's egocentric to name everything after yourself?
He said: well, to be fair they both worked hard for their degrees!

What do you call a drug dealer with a math degree?

A methematician.

A person with an art degree walks into a bar.

They then head behind the counter and start serving drinks.

In Alaska, it’s 50 degrees below zero.

It is so cold that I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

Where do nuts get a degree from?

M-acadamia

I got my degree from Southeast Northwestern University.

Go Compasses!

A person with an engineering degree asks...

...how things work.

A person with a psychology degree asks why things work.

A person with an art degree asks, "would you like fries with that?"

My wife just got her degree in procrastination.

She said she would pick it up next week.

What do you call a monk with a philosophy degree?

A deep friar.

You Know What Really Makes My Blood Boil?

Temperatures Of Over 100 Degrees Celsius.

2 squares and 2 circles

2 squares were in an argument and 2 circles were in an argument.

The squares were arguing over who was hotter, even though they were both 90 degrees.

The 2 circles argue all the time so the argument was pretty pointless.

(Thought of this in the shower. It’s a little cheesy)

I just got my degree in skydiving

I had to drop out to graduate

The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946 , the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.

The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.


Henry was curious and invited them into his office.


...

optimistic old guys.

Two old guys on a park bench are talking.

"Ya know, when I was 25 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with both hands.

By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried real hard.

By the time I was 60 I could bend it 20 degrees, no problem.

I'm gonna be ...

Why is a degree like a condom?

It's rolled up when you get it, it represents a lot of effort, and its worthless the next day.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A doctor and a patient at a plastic surgery clinic.

Patient: "I heard doctors put up random stuff to make their work seem more complicated."

Doctor: "That's true to a degree. Some of the stuff in this room are just for show."

Patient looks around the room pointing at a thermometer: "Do you use that?"

Doctor: "Not really."

...

LPT: If you ever get cold and don't have a sweater, stand in a corner for a few minutes; they're usually about 90 degrees.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

For Father's Day, my favorite Father joke.

A doctor who invents as a hobby has invented the Child Birth Pain Transfer Machine (CBPTM), which allows the transfer of the pain of childbirth from the mother to the father at varying degrees.

A couple walks in, and the wife is in labor. They agree to hook her up to the machine, and the doct...

On Mercury's unlit side, it can get as low as -183 degrees Celsius...

But hey, on the bright side, it's 467 degrees Celsius.

I have a degree in the design and mechanics of television controllers

I don't know what I'm going to do with this remote knowledge.

My friend said, “You have a B.A., Master’s, and a Ph.D, but you still act like a moron.”

It was a third degree burn.

Tomorrow's forecast is a high of 98 Degrees.

I hate boy bands.

A doctor who was proud of his degrees...

always had them hanging in his office. His BS in Biology, PhD in Microbiology, and his MD were framed and hung behind him.

One day his clinic caught fire and he was caught inside the burning building. They were finally able to pull his unconscious body from the rubble and rushed him to the em...

What's the difference from when you've just started school, to when you've completed a philosophy degree?

When you just start school you know nothing about anything. But when you complete a philosophy degree you know everything about nothing.

What do you do to stay cool when it’s 100 degrees in NYC?

Dress as a cop.

Why did the German student finish his degree so quickly?

He was afraid of Stalin grad...

A cop stops a Harley for travelling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name

'Fred,' he replies.
'Fred what?' the officer asks.
'Just Fred,' the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a
break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then
presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At a winery, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.

A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position. The director of the winery wondered how to send him away. He gave him a glass to drink.

The drunk tried it and said, “It's a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade, but acc...

The Doctors told me I was just Six Degrees from dying of Kevin Bacon

Fortunately, Bacon was cured.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Timmy just loves clowns. Favourite thing in the world.

He's got clown bed spread, posters in his room, the whole shabang. Totally idolizes them

One day, Timmy sees that the big top circus is coming to town. He gets so excited that, when it finally arrived, he camps outside the ticket booth, waitimg to get the best seat in the house. And when he g...

Saw a right angle resting under a tree this afternoon and thought....

Wow! 90 degrees in the shade!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Man Suffered from a 3rd degree burn in his face...

So his Wife donated a piece of her butt skin for surgery. After that He got his cheeks again and Asked his Wife how he can repay her ever again. She said dear when I see your mother and sisters kissing my Ass It well be more that enough of a reward.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a list of puns!

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

How do you measure the obnoxiousness of middle-aged white women?

In degrees Karenheit.

I asked my chemist friend if it took him 4 years to get his degree...

He said "Sodium Bromate."

Why did the slave go to college?

So he could pick up his Master's degree.

Once I had developed my IQ

my life changed 360 degrees

I know someone who faked his degree in botany.

He wrote his thesis on artificial Christmas trees.

Degree

I was waiting for a green light when I saw an elderly woman walking with a small child.

The excited young girl was walking slightly faster than the old lady, so the woman yelled, “Degree! Wait for me!”

Intrigued by such a unique name, I got out of the car and asked why she called the ...

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