This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A shark is teaching his kid how to eat humans

and he says "look son, first you swim full force at the human but at the last second, you turn away. Then you swim at him full force again, but again at the last second you swim away. Then you can go back and eat the human."

The son looks confused and asks, "But dad, why can't we just go ...

I told my cat that I'm going to teach him to speak English.

He looked at me and said, "Me, how?"

A girl promises to teach her boyfriend what 69ing is. He lies down on the floor and she squats down over his face to assume the position and farts. Embarrassed she stands up and apologizes. She squats down for another go but farts again,

she gets up and apologizes again.
Before she can have a third go, her boyfriend gets up and goes to walk out saying “yeah this isn’t really for me, I’m not having 67 more of those in my face”

A teacher at a religious school was trying to teach her students that violence is never the answer.

Teacher: "When do you think it's alright to use violence?"

*A little girl raises her hand.*

Teacher: "Yes, Sophie?"

Sophie: "When someone tries to take your stuff(?)"

Teacher: "No. If someone tries to take your belongings, try to talk to them or tell a superior. Anyone el...

Why doesn’t Snape teach herbology?

His lily died

I always wear sunglasses while I'm teaching

because my students are too bright.

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner.

They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher teaches class on drug abuse

He walks into the classroom, draws a big circle and a small circle on the blackboard and asks: “What are these?”

As nobody answers, he says:” The big circle is your eye pupil, when you’re clean, and the small circle is your eye pupil, when you’re high! If the police see this, they put you in ...

A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students

A new lady teacher, came to teach 8th standard students. As it was the first day, she gave her intro, and asked all the students to introduce themselves with -name, and hobby. She said " Let's start with the boys first. Boys start giving their introduction.

First boy : " My name is john, and ...

A math teacher welcomed a new French exchange student into her class and then started teaching a lesson on fractions.

The French exchange student raised his hand and said, "Excuse me Madam, but I don't know how to say fractions. How do you say those?"

"Easy," said the teacher, "you just say the top number and then the bottom number is read as an ordinal number. For example, 2/3 is 'two-thirds', 3/4 is 'three...

A New Yorker Was Teaching A Midwesterner How To Ski

A Midwesterner is on vacation in the Poconos. Over there, he decides to take up downhill skiing. He's done a lot of cross country skiing, but he's never skied downhill, since there are no mountains over in Fargo. Fargo's flatter than a pancake.

He decided to try downhill skiing. "How hahr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why can't ISIS teach it's members driver's Ed and sex Ed in the same day?

Their camel's get too tired!

A teacher is teaching her kindergarten class the alphabet.

Teacher: “Now, can you tell me the next two letters after M?”

Class: “NO”

Give a man a fish he eats for a day. What happens if you teach a man to duck?

He avoids walking into a bar.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old farmer is teaching the new farmhand on where certain wastes go

The farmer says "Sometimes the milk from them old cows goes bad too quick, so we gotta dump it out over there-" He points to a high fence on the western side of the farm.

"Most of it's manure-" he continues, "-which we dump over yonder for later use in the cropfield." He points to another hig...

I wanna teach everyone here how to sit on a toilet.

But first...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy walks into a bar with a box under his arm, sets it on the bartop and orders a beer. Curious, the bartender asks about the box and the man replies 'it's my pet octopus. He just got done teaching music lessons so I stopped in for a drink on the way home.'

Bartender doesn't believe it and asks for proof.
"Sure," the man says. "bring me any instrument, and this octopus will play it beautifully."

Bartender produces several instruments from behind the bar, and the man opens up the box, sets the octopus on the bar and it immediately begins playi...

I used to wonder why my history teachers loved to teach about the Roman Empire so much. I think I get it now.

They both hated vandals and goths.

The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question: "When you die and go to Heaven... which part of your body goes first?"

Suzy raised her hand and said "I think it's your hands.” "Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?" Suzy replied "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first.” “What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.

Little Johnny raised his hand and...

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention

So she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking."

Johnny asks the teacher, "If yo...

A teacher was teaching her class about whales.

She said that it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human being as even though it was a gigantic animal, its stomach was very small. A little girl put up her hand and said that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher insisted that a whale couldn’t possibly swallow a hu...

Teach a man a joke, and he will laugh for a day.

Teach a redditor a joke, and they will repost it for a lifetime.

It's cake and y'all know the rules!

How do you teach an Italian to swim?

Ask them to explain something to you then jump into the ocean with them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lady approaches a priest and shyly tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots but, they only know how to say one thing... they keep saying 'Hi, we’re hot... do you want to *fuck us*?'"

"That's terrible!" says the priest. "But, I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two parrots over to my house tomorrow. I will put them with my two male talking parrots... to whom I've taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will then teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible filt...

My wife has been trying to teach our son sign language

I was skeptical at first because she started so young, but he is starting to catch on. Without a word I watched her ask if he was “all done” or “wanted more” food during dinner. He tapped his fingers together, signaling he would like more food. I sat in disbelief as she added more food to his plate....

A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem...

A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up.


One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up so she asked him,


“Why did you stand up?”
He answered, “I d...

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy

The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."

The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the ki...

Give a man a fish you'll feed him for a day

Teach a man to fish and he'll spend thousands of dollars on equipment and go once a year

"How would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

While teaching a class a teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question:

"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Michael said: "Just a minute I have to go pee."...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'‌‌m datin‌‌g a‌‌n Englis‌‌h teache‌‌r wh‌‌o keep‌‌s correctin‌‌g m‌‌y gramma‌‌r durin‌‌g sex.

Sh‌‌e get‌‌s particularl‌‌y annoye‌‌d abou‌‌t m‌‌y imprope‌‌r us‌‌e o‌‌f th‌‌e colon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A student says to the teacher, "you only teach useless crap"

to which the teacher replies, "hey there no need to be so hard on yourself"

Why is it best to teach physics on the edge of a cliff? (Original joke)

Because that’s where students have the most potential.

One the first day of class, the professor writes their name on the chalkboard and says "Welcome to Anthropology 101. Every student here is guaranteed to pass because of how little I care about teaching..."

"Seriously folks, I don't give an F."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Monkey Who Does Great Sex

A young sexy woman passing by a pet shop saw a board -

"Monkey who does great sex".

She went in, bought that monkey & walked away with the Instruction Manual.

The Manual said *'Give a good bath to the monkey, then you take a bath. Make him sit on the bed and you lie down w...

I walked up to the master of procrastination, and asked him to teach me his ways.

He looked at me, smiled and said "Later."

Teach a man how to joke and he'll get 6 upvotes

Teach a man how to repost, and watch him get loads of awards

Why did the cyclops stop teaching?

He only had one pupil.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A navy man and a marine are in the latrine, taking a piss (mildly nsfw)

A navy man and a marine are in the latrine, taking a piss. The navy man finishes up and goes over to the sink to wash up. The marine finishes up, zips up, and heads for the door. The navy man pipes up "in the navy, they teach us to wash our hands after taking a piss."

The marine replies "in t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Give a man a fish, and he will eat once.

Teach a man to fish and you can fuck his wife while he’s fishing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My school started teaching sex ed online.

Finally! All my years of online research can be put to good use.

What is it called when your professor teaches you about the mind?

A mental breakdown

Virtually every Harry Potter character can teach us a lesson.

For example, Barty Crouch Jr. taught us that drinking can make you Moody.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The third grade teacher was teaching English and repeated for her class...

"Mary had a little lamb, whose fleece was white as snow/And everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go." She explained that this was an example of poetry, but could be changed to prose by changing the last line from "the lamb was sure to go" to "the lamb went with her."

A few days lat...

I was at the gym yesterday, and I asked the Personal Trainer if they could teach me how to do the splits. 'How flexible are you?' they asked...

...I said 'well, I can do any day apart from Tuesdays and Fridays'.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Billy was the first person in his small town to go to college.

After he’d been there a few weeks, he lost all his money at a fraternity card game. He thought about his options and had an idea.

His father had just written him to ask how things were going. Billy wrote back and said, “Dad, you won’t BELIEVE what they can do at this school! They can teach...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A father decides it's time to teach his young son how to pee standing up...

So he brings his son into the bathroom.

"Son, it's a 7 step process. Step 1: you unzip your pants. Step 2: you pull your penis out. Step 3: you pull back your foreskin. Step 4: you go pee. Step 5: you push your foreskin back over your penis. Step 6: you put your penis back in your pants. And ...

Vanilla Ice has started a new business teaching Microsoft Office to people’s parents.

Word to your mother.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pathologist is teaching her class how to do autopsies

The students are taken to the morgue and once in there they are shown the corpse of a dead man. The cadaver is bloated and old, several traumatic wounds are visible, its skin is pale and dried and the faint smell of chemicals and rot emanates from him.

"To become a good pathologist you need t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Teaching Virgil

Ma and Paw are sitting on the porch when Paw says "Ma, Virgil is 18 its about time he learns about fuckin".

"Well how you reckon we teach him Paw?" Says Ma.

"You go in the bedroom and get naked on the bed and spread your legs. I'll be in in a minute."

Paw goes to his son and say...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why dont they teach sex ed and drivers ed on the same day in the Middle East?

The camel gets tired

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Gordon Ramsay teaches a sex-ed class

“The way you make babies is FUCKING RAW!!”

I'm teaching my white blood cells math and my red blood cells computer science

Once they become STEM cells I am hoping to regrow a finger.

True story. Chicago-area preschool teacher teaching remotely today because of the storms. Her dogs started barking like crazy, interrupting the Zoom. She looked out her window and told/apologized to the class that the shovelers were there. 4 year old classmate replies,

“Wow, your shovelers sound like dogs!”

Been laughing at that one all day.

For centuries the catholic church censored everything that wouldn‘t fit with their teachings.

You know what I call that?

Chancel culture!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my French teach how to say “I am tired.”

She just called me fat and gay.

The whole story

It was evident from the start that Joe Bob was kind but wasn’t very bright. His bumbling and stumbling often irritated people greatly, and so, they became impatient with him. Joe Bob’s mother worried endlessly for her son until one day she went to seek the advice of a wise old woman that lived in a ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month."

Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Disney and PornHub?

Disney teaches you to hate your stepmother.

Lawyer teaches his son!

A lawyer obviously wanted his young son to become a lawyer too, so he began training him in the right earnest, quite early. He began teaching him how to tell lies



One day to test his son, he asked, "Son, if you tell a lie without thinking for a second, then I will give you 100 bucks!"...

how to eat a human

a shark teaching his son " always circle around these humans 5 times before eating them"

the son replied " why can't I just eat them directly ?"

the shark replied " well, if you wanna eat them along with their feces it's your choice"

Teach a man to fish and he'll never be hungry.

Teach a fish to man and he'll wonder why he can't climb a tree.

I asked a linguist, "I'd like to speak to my cat. Can you teach me how?"

"For starters," she said, "the h is silent."

Life is like the ocean

In the years before World War II, in a little Polish village, a learned rabbi used to teach his students, “Life is like the ocean.” And they would nod and respond, “Yes, life is like the ocean.” One young student was particularly taken with this philosophy, and he carried it with him through the lon...

The new CEO wanted to teach about productivity

After gathering the managers he spoke at the importance of cutting out the fat, streamlining the company, numbers and projections against the crisis and the need for a more energetic administration. After that, they left for lunch.

While passing through the offices, the new CEO found a young...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was teaching his wife golf...

The wife struck the golf ball so hard that it went to the neighbours house and they heard a crash like it broke something.

Embarrassed and apologetic, they go over to the neighbours house and let themselves in.

They see a broken vase on the ground and a man standing near it.

...

I’ll never forget the time I had to do PE in my underwear after forgetting my shorts.

It ended my teaching career there and then.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Foul mouthed parrot

An old woman has a pet parrot with a filthy vocabulary. She warns him again and again to clean up his language. He just replies, "S\*!#w You, you old B\*\^$h.

So she grabs him and sticks him in the fridge to teach him a lesson.

As the poor parrot is there in the fridge, getting colder ...

This was an actual conversation that took place between my wife and my 7 yr old son just now.

My wife has been teaching my son to fold his own laundry but he complains about it everytime. My wife, trying to convince my son, said to him "If you pick up this habit, your future wife will love you very much."

My son replied "I don't want my future wife to love me very much. I want my futu...

So this a joke I made up one day and my 8 yr old almost died laughing and went in to teach his 2 yr old sister to repeat it as well. It might have been made up before but I swear it came to me on it own. So here goes...

Knock knock


Who’s there?


Dr.


Dr. Who?


Exactly

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A stockbroker walks past a kid selling lemonade

“Hey mister, ya want some lemonade?”

The stockbroker is just getting out of his brand new BMW in a nice tailored suit. He was about to walk past when he a double take at the sign that says “Lemonade $50”.


“Your sign is wrong kid. I think you mean fifty cents.”

The little gi...

What do you call a dinosaur that teaches preschool?

A Montessaurus!

The warden only allowed boys who did a good deed that day to eat supper in the hostel dining room.



During their induction she taught them what were considered good deeds - running an errand for someone, helping an old lady cross the road, teaching other students things they don't understand and the like are examples of good deeds and should be rewarded, she explained.

The young bo...

Little Johnny’s teach asked him

“If there were three birds on a fence and you shot one, how many would be left?” To which Johnny replies “none, after I shot the first one, the other two would fly away”. Not exactly the answer she was looking for she gave Johnny credit for the thoughtful answer.

After a second Johnny asks th...

Mary had...

Mary had a little lamb. That'll teach her to sleep with a sheep.

A teacher's letter to a parent: "Dear Parent, Mark, your son, doesn't smell nice in school. Kindly encourage him to take his bath."

Parent replies: "Dear Teacher, Mark is not a rose flower. Don't smell him, just teach him! Thank you."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Gordon Ramsay is the best person to teach about safe sex.

Because if theres one thing he hates in life,

"It's fucking raw"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Bicycle: "A teaching moment"

A Priest was about to finish his ten-year tour of missionary duty and was leaving his Mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives about the Bible and Christian values, in their own language, when he realizes that the one thing he never really taught them was how to speak Engl...

I got an email the other day teaching me how to read maps backwards

Turns out it was just spam

Teach a man a joke, he'll tell it too everyone,

But teach a man to copy & paste, he'll tell everyone's jokes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An art teacher, a math teacher, and a science teacher are all arguing over which one of them is the smartest.

The art teacher shows the others a giant clay sculpture of a dog he made. “This thing took me nearly a month to make.” He said. “Clearly this proves that I’m the smartest.”

The math teacher just laughs at him. “That’s nothing” she says. She then pulls out a huge 1’000 question math test which...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dad is teaching his 2 year old son to say "Papa"

Dad: Say Papa!


Baby: Mama!


Dad: Say Papa!


Baby: Mama!


Dad: Fuck-


Baby: FUCK!


Mom: WHO THAUGHT HIM THAT WORD?!


Baby: Papa!

A father was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol. He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in whiskey curled up and died. "All right, son." asked the father, "what does that show you?"

"Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms."

poor teacher

A teacher was teaching a class, when the students started creating chaos.

The teacher shouted "Whoever is standing will be declared as stupid"

Everyone went back to their seats except for one.

"So you admit you're stupid?" said the teacher,

"No, but i didnt want you to be...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Teacher was Teaching her Class about Flavors

She holds up an Orange Lifesaver and asks them what Flavor it was.

They say Orange

She holds up a Red Lifesaver and asks them what Flavor it Was.

They say Cherry

Finally she Holds up a Honey Flavored Lifesaver and asks them what Flavor it was.

They dont know
...

A fresh-out-of-the-uni teacher

A teacher fresh out of the university gets hired to teach a class of 2nd year kids. On the first day she decides to do a little experiment on the kids. She stands in front of the class and says, "Would all of you kids, who think they're stupid, please stand up." No one does except for little Johnny....

In the Marines they teach you to run towards the people shooting at you.

In the Army they taught us to shoot back.

I'm going to teach you how to speak Irish in the spirit of diversity.

Say, "Whale oil beef hooked" quickly.


Bonus: for Australian say, "Good eye might."

A dad wants to teach his kids about politics

So he asks them all, “What do you want for dinner?” They all reply with “Pizza! Pizza!” The sad looks at their votes and decides that he’ll make tacos. When the kids understandably ask why he made tacos when they were clearly unpopular, he says, “See, we don’t live in a swing state. Your vote doesn’...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sailor and an airman were in a base restroom at the same time. Both used the urinals. After completing his business, the sailor zipped up his fly and turned to leave. The airman glowered at him. "In the Air Force, they teach us to wash our hands after using the restroom."

"Oh yeah?" the sailor replied. "Well, in the Navy they teach us not to piss on our hands."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The son of a bitch

Henry was doing maths homework, saying to himself...

"2+5, the son of a bitch is 7"

"3+6, the son of a bitch is 9"

His mother heard this & asked, " Henry ! What is this nonsense you are doing?"

"Oh Mom. Don't disturb. I am doing my maths homework"

Mom: "Is t...

Teaching is a lot like a bad marriage.

You never get your needs met, but you stay in it for the kids.

*One never knows,,, A small boy named Arthur lived in the local village . None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him "You are driving me crazy Arthur!!!!!"

One day Arthur's mother came into school to check on how he was doing. The teacher told his mother honestly, that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and even she had never seen such a dumb boy in her entire teaching career!!!! The mother was shocked at the feedback and withdrew he...

Just got offered a job teaching poetry in prison.

I spent all night thinking about the prose and cons.

I'm starting a charity to teach short people maths

It's called, "Making the little things count"

Can you teach me how the scoring works in bowling?

Of course! It’s something right up my alley!

My dad always believed in learning things by doing them

so when I was a kid, he threw me in the lake








just so he could teach himself CPR

I educate my kids using r/jokes

It teaches them that you gain karma by recycling trash.

I just got a new job teaching English at a maximum security prison. It's going to be tough but like any other job out there.....

It'll have its prose and cons.

On their 40th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration...

"Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?"

Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness --and a great many other qualities you wouldn't...

I just hope my kids get a teacher that can teach them the difference between:

\*They're, their, and there.

\*You're and your.

\*You and Yu.

I decided to teach karate to my neighbors kid for his self-defense

He was enthusiastic for the first two days but then quit before he could finish painting the fence.

Mr. Tom was teaching his class about abstract nouns.

He explained how abstract nouns refer to something you can think of, but can't touch. He then asked a student sitting at the back of the class for an example.

*"My father's Cadillac."*

A policeman pulls over a speeding Ferrari.

He looks through the window and to his annoyance sees a rebellious looking teenager.
The policeman decides he's going to teach this spoiled kid a lesson.
He takes a piece of chalk and draws a circle on the floor.

"Get out of the car and stand in the circle. If I see you step out, I'll...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An English man was trying to teach a Japanese man how to tell time in English...

The English man says to the Japanese man, “what time is it now?” The Japanese man looks at the clock and says “it’s 4 o’clock.”
The English man asks again, 30 minutes later, “now what’s the time?” The Japanese man replies with “it’s 4:30 o’clock” the English man and Japanese man celebrate by goi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One of the first steps toward becoming a man...

One day, the father of a young boy decides that it's time to teach his son how to pee standing up.

"Alright, son, this is one thing that will help you become a man. It's a privilege we have that women do not, so it's important to take advantage of it. All you have to do is follow these nine s...

Sure, you could teach me how to fly a drone

But I think it would just go over my head

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I tried to teach my dog to dance today

It was fucking useless. He's got two left feet.

To teach my kids about capitalism...

...I made them pay for housing, food, and charged them to use the bathroom.

Then if they wanted to make any money, I had them compete against each other for who could do chores for the least amount of money.

Then when they unionised, I had the neighbour's kid do chores instead and gav...

To teach me how to swim my dad rowed me out to the middle of a lake and threw me in.

The swimming was easy, it was the burlap sack that gave me a hard time.

My mother has been teaching me how to make my favourite meals, but there's one that I just can't seem to get right.

I'm great at lasagne, fantastic with casseroles but as soon as I get my hands on minced beef and beans..

It's chilli-con-carnage.

What movies teach us:

AMERICAN MOVIES TEACH US:

1. Chinese have nothing better to do than teaching or practice Kung Fu.

2. More than 50% of U.S. population are FBI/CIA agents, working undercover.

3. The purpose of school system of U.S. is to promote basketball / baseball.

4. Aliens have specia...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Inebriated Indecency

(Sorry for mobile formatting)
Betty and Barry, a middle-aged couple, went out late one hot Friday night to grab dinner. After they had finished their meal, they sat with drinks and enjoyed dessert. Barry excused himself to the restroom and Betty sat there listening and observed the other patrons ...

Did anyone else's parents teach them to swim by throwing them in the lake? I think the swimming was the easy part.

Getting out of that burlap sack was tricky, though.

I started a summer camp for kids with add/adhd to teach them to manage their symptoms.

It didn’t do so well, people kept telling me “Concentration Camp” was a bad name.

My math teacher said she only teaches subtraction... because she wants to make a difference.

I failed math.

I used to be much more hesitant to teach my dog tricks.

It still gives me pause.

Just wondering, do you think it's alright for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are in school ?

Or am I just a terrible Teacher ?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A professor was teaching the theory of relativity...

when a late student came into class.

The student asked, "what did I miss?"

"it's about damn time." The professor replied.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher is teaching a 5th grade class on Zoom.

The teacher says to Susie, "Tell the class why you want to be a teacher."

Susie says, "Actually, I want to be a stripper."

The teacher asks, "A stripper? I thought you wanted to do my noble profession."

Susie says, "That was before I saw your tiny apartment."


(Origina...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An inspector goes to a prison’s death row.

The warden tells him, “We punish our inmates humanely based on what crime they committed. Instead of the death penalty, we amputate the body part they committed the crime with.”

The inspector thinks this is a good idea, as it teaches the inmate a lifelong lesson. He sees someone without his r...

White priest goes and lives with an African tribe. He spends his days teaching the way of the lord.

After several years, a village woman gives birth to a white baby. The Chief is not happy with this. When he confronts the priest, the priest tries to explain these things happen in nature. With the chief not understanding, the priest tries to explain further.

"Ok chief. See that flock of shee...

A woman gets on a bus with her baby

The driver can't hold himself and says: "Oh my goodness, what an ugly baby"

The woman walks to the back of the bus angrily, thinking about what the driver said. She finds an empty seat next to a man and sits there. The man asks: "Excuse me madam, what happened back there, would you mind telli...

Sometimes I think books can teach me about transcendental idealism.

Other times I think a manual can't.

How do you teach an American an Irish accent

Say the following words:

Whale.

Oil.

Beef.

Hooked.

One more time. . .

Now say them all together fast.

(Heard on NPR yesterday)

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.