There’s only 1 rule in learning English

1.) Their our know rules

Why did the pirate take so long learning the alphabet

Because he spent years at C

Learning to waltz is hard.

It feels like I'm taking two steps forward, then one step back.

We were learning chords in our piano lesson today...

Our teacher said: “if you want to stretch yourself, use four fingers.”

You're an intern when you're learning to be a doctor

But when you learn to pull teeth, are you indentured?

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I recently started learning Morse code, but it's really hurting my sleep schedule

FUCK U TOO RAIN

I recently started learning to play the violin, and I think my neighbor enjoys it.

I assume he's throwing bricks through my windows to hear me better.

I hope the coming New Year will be a year known for personal reflection and learning from past mistakes...

Because "Hindsight is 2020"

My friend is learning to write code and he just lost an eye..

He wants to write a patch but he can’t see sharp.

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Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.

One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The t...

Now that I’m an dad, I’ve been learning dad jokes. But I Can never find the opportunity to use them.

Guess I gotta look father

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My Girlfriend is leaving me after learning that I spent our life savings on a penis extension.

She said that she could not take it any longer.

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Three children at a catholic school are learning the alphabet

"Hi, kids," says the priest. "Today we're going to learn about the letter S."

The priest holds up a white board with the letter S on it.

"How many sins can you name that begin with S?" asked the priest.

The children thought for a moment, then Johnny spoke up.

"Slavery!" ...

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Kids in a class are learning how to use the word “definitely”

One girl says “the sky is definitely blue” that is wrong

One boy says “the leaves are definitely green” that is wrong

One boy asks “are farts lumpy?”

The teacher says no,

He says “then I definitely shit my pants”

I think my new roommate is learning a new language using post-its.

I think that's why he is acting really strange lately.

It's a pretty strange language, though. Every food item is called "Frank."

What do you call someone who has an unhealthy relationship with learning too many languages?

They’re polyglottenous.

(Sorry it’s a bad joke)

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A man with a lisp went on a blind date to a heavy metal concert

Paul had been ridiculed all his life for having a lisp. As a kid, he was bullied in school. As an adult, he caught coworkers making fun of him when they thought he couldn't hear. He would even notice cashiers trying to stifle their laughter. No woman would ever go out with him, and he felt resigned ...

Not learning from mistakes runs in the family.

Which is why I have a little brother.

A Machine Learning Expert at an interview

Interviewer: "What can you say is your biggest strength?"

ML Expert: "I'm an expert in machine learning."

Int.: What's 6 + 10?

ML E.: Zero.

Int.: That's not even close! it's 16!

ML E.: Okay, it's 16.

Int.: What's 10 + 20?

ML E.: It's 16.

When I was a kid, my dad and I went to the zoo to see the birds.

I loved birds as a kid, and really wanted one as a pet. I would spend hours looking through picture books about birds, studying their plumage, learning all that I could. So when the day came that my dad took me to the zoo to see the bird enclosure, I was really excited.

I had read about the...

I thought about learning how to shoot a longbow

but there were just too many drawbacks

Learning letters

"I would like vitamins for my son,” a mother said. “Vitamin A, B or C?” the pharmacist asked. “It doesn’t matter,” the mother replied. “He can’t read yet.”

When I was learning to drive in the winter, my Dad told me, "If you're ever lost in the snow, wait for a plow truck, then follow it."

One cold, snowy Minnesota night, I got lost on the way home. The snow was blowing so fast and piling up so high, I couldn't see any street signs. With no map in my car and a dead cell phone, I thought I might be stranded so I pulled over to the side of the road.

Then breaking through the flu...

What do you call an amputee learning karate?

Partial arts

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Little Johnny is learning the alphabet...

And you guys all know little Johnny, right? The kid is *no good.* He uses any excuse to disrupt class and say something rude. And his teacher is going through the alphabet and asking for examples of the letters.


"Who can tell me a word that starts with 'a'?"

Johnny's hand shoots up...

In an elementary school English class, kids are learning the word “contagious”. Teacher calls on students, asking them to use it in a sentence.

- “Susan?”

- “I had a flu and mommy made me stay home for 3 days because I was contagious!”

- “Very good. What about you, Johnny?”

- “Our neighbor Mrs. Henderson has started painting her fence last night, daddy says it’s gonna take the contagious!”

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An uneducated man decides to give college a second chance. He walks up to the Dean of his local community college and says, "I want to learn something new, I haven't learned much and I want to learn more,". "Great, which class would you like to take?" said the Dean.

"Which classes do you offer?" responded the man.

"We have all sorts of classes, from science to logic," said the Dean.

"What's logic?" asked the man.

"Well, I can use information to assume something." Said the Dean.

"How?" asked the Man.

"Take this scenario, d...

The English we Speak....

**Helen:** Hello and welcome to The English We Speak from BBC Learning English, I'm Helen. With me today is quite a frustrated-looking Neil. Neil, what are you doing to that mobile phone?


**Neil:** Argh, I can't get it to make a phone call. It does everything else: it takes photos, it c...

I'm having trouble learning new languages. Every time I try to pronounce "Blyat"...

The Russians look at me funny.

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