This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A psychology professor starts his lecture by telling the students:

"Today we'll learn about the three stages of human emotion: surprise, irritation, and rage."

With that, he takes his phone out of his pocket, puts it on speaker, and dials a random number.

"Hello, may I please speak to Dave?" says the professor when the other person answers.

"No...

I was in psychology class yesterday...

and we couldn't stop laughing at how stupid Pavlov's dogs were.

Then the bell rang and we all had lunch

A guy asked a girl in a university library:

A guy asked a girl in a university library:
"Do you mind if I sit beside you?”

The girl replied with a loud voice:
"I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"

All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, the ...

I have degrees in psychology,economics and politics.

I don't have a job but at least I know why.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology....

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of "Mixed Emotions".
The husband turned to his wife and said, "Honey, that's a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time".
She said: "Out...

Psychology is key

When the children passed an old house on their way home from school, they were always rubbing their sticks on the balcony railing and enjoying the sound. The older owner, who had been bothered by the noise for a long time, had a really good idea instead of scolding the kids.

He called the chi...

Trying out a new joke about Reverse Psychology.

You didn't find this funny.....

Basic Psychology

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrol...

I’m writing a book about reverse psychology

Please don’t buy it...

Psychology

Today I realized I had to go see a psychologist when I compared myself to people in the subway. For instance: Seeing an ugly woman. "That woman is as beautiful as I am sane".

My psychology professor asked for an example of a "Pavlovian Response".

I said that thanks to my Mom's cooking, I salivate when I hear a smoke alarm.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Coincidentally, my friend asked me if I knew who Pavlov was while I was taking my intro to Psychology class.

I told him: "yeah, that name rings a bell"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have uncovered the human psychology behind all this toilet paper hoarding...

That’s just how we roll...

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses

She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand

up!"

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you

think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”

I've never really understood Psychology

It's just mental

I've been doing my psychology PhD thesis on the mental health and wellbeing of little people. After 4 long years and multiple studies, I've concluded...

6 out of 7 dwarves aren't Happy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guys sees a pretty girl sitting alone in a library...

He leans over and asks her "Do you mind if I sit with you?".

The girl answers loudly "Hell no I don't want to sleep with you, you fucking pervert!!!"

Everybody in the library looks at the guy and he feels humiliated.

After a few minutes, the girl walks over to him and softly say...

PSYCHOLOGY WORK

A doctor of Psychology was doing his normal morning rounds. He enters a patient's room to find his patient sitting on the floor, sawing at a piece of wood with the side of his hand. Meanwhile, another patient was in the room, hanging from the ceiling by his feet. The doctor asked his patient what he...

I wanted to major in reverse psychology.

My dream school turned me down.

So I wrote them back and told them I wasn't even interested in their stupid program. They sent me a diploma.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Psychology Definitions....

* A psychologist is a person who tells you what everybody knows in a language nobody can understand.
* The superego is that part of the personality soluble in alcohol, or the superego is that small inner voice that warns us that someone may be looking.
* A neurotic is a person who has di...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A professor gives his psychology class a pop quiz. . .

One question he asks is, "What part of the human anatomy may expand up to ten times under certain circumstances?" He picks a rather overdressed girl in the front row to answer it. "Miss Callahan!" The indicated girl, who heard the question, stammers with some embarrassment: "Professor, I'd rather no...

In a library a guy asked a girl if he could sit beside her.

To this the girl shouted her reply saying: I dont wanna sleep with you at night pervert. Embarrassed the guy went to sit somewhere else.
After a few minutes the girl quietly went to the guy and told: I study psychology and can understand human mind and behavior. You were embarrassed weren't you? ...

At this point I know so much about psychology

... that I could probably write a whole book about the Diane Kruger effect.

Normally I really like movies about child psychology but

Honey, I shrunk the kids was nothing like I expected

My Psychology Professor asked me what Super Power I would like to have...

Apparently "Cold War Era Russia" is not an acceptable answer.

I'm a scientist studying the effect of bestiality on animal psychology.

If you have any questions, you can find me in my lab.

Southern University Psychology Joke

At a southern university, students in the psychology program were attending their first class on emotional extremes. “Just to establish some parameters,” said the professor to the student from Arkansas, “what is the opposite of joy?” “Sadness,” said the student. “And the opposite of depression?” he ...

I’m a psychology student and I love it

I guess it’s true that if you do what you love you’ll never work a day in your life

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day in a well known University, a Sr Psychology Professor

One day in a well known University, a Sr Psychology Professor started his class on a very serious Topic. The moment he turned towards the blackboard, one of the students Whistled. He turned, looked at the class and asked the whistler's name .............
As usual and as expected no one answered...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke told to me by my psychology professor...

I'll start by letting you know the backstory to this. It was the first day of class and my professor was giving a brief overview of physiological studies and theories. He then went into a very long description of a supposed psychologist who studied the training of dolphins and it went something like...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A graduate student in psychology

A psychology graduate student working at a local university was sent on a field assignment to evaluate the mental condition of three patients in a local mental institution and assess their possibilities for reintegration into society.

The facility was well funded and nicer than the student ex...

I watched a video on psychology from the end

I learned about reverse psychology

I was at university for a lesson today, and my psychology lecturer asked us what makes a terrorist tick.

Apparently, "a bomb" was not the right answer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Psychology Student

A psychology student at a local university was sent on a field assignment to evaluate three patients in a local mental hospital.

The first patient was locked in his room throwing tennis balls everywhere. The student asked why, and the patient answered "When I get out of here I am going to be...

A researcher is doing a study about psychology under certain physical conditions...

He had his subjects lay on a table, then tilted the table making either their feet or their head higher. He then asks a series of yes or no propositions and records their responses.

“It seems to me that with feet tilted up, questioners respond more negatively to the questionnaire, but the o...

Did you hear about the article in Psychology Today about disproving the existence of Observation Bias?

The head researcher was quoted as saying "it turned out to be just as we expected".

I always cheated on my psychology tests...

I don't know what that says about me.

Psychology Professor: “Who here has heard of Pavlov?”

Me: “Rings a bell”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Student and teacher

[b]One day a college professor of Psychology was greeting his new college class.
He stood up in front of the class and said, "Would everyone who thinks he or she is stupid please stand up?" o
After a minute or so of silence, a young man stood up.
a "Well, hello there sir. So you actually th...

I got a degree in psychology and a degree in reverse psychology.

I didn't learn a thing.

Pavlov's Dog

After we finished the pop quiz in our psychology class, our teacher allowed us to quietly talk amongst ourselves. A group of us were discussing the idiocy of Pavlov's dog and how pairing a stimulus with a conditioned response seemed illogical in the real world. Then the bell rang, and we all headed ...

I have a double major in Psychology and Geography.

I lead the field in research on glacial depressions.

A girl tells her parents she's going to major in psychology

"Hey mom! Hey dad! I'm gonna study a real science! PSYCH!"

A shy guy goes into a pub and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar.

After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”.

She responds by yelling, at the top of her voice, “NO! I will not sleep with you!”.

Everyone at the bar is now staring at them. Natural...

Major in Freudian Psychology

Minor in the back seat.

4 college guys go on a weekend road trip.

They are having such a good time that they decide to play hooky and skip out on their Monday exam in psychology. They all send their professor an email saying they had a flat tire while out of town and the professor said no problem, unexpected things happen. They could take it on Tuesday.

Ce...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have a habit of reading when I am travelling via train.

This one journey I was reading *Mein Kampf*.

Suddenly this one lady in the cabin caught sight of the title and immediately started a ruckus. She snapped at how inappropriate it is for someone in the modern age to read that regressive book. She even went on to call me a Nazi and continued rebu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I thought reverse psychology was when..

you made your therapist cry

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend's a psychology major.

He's writing his thesis on the psychology of sexual fetishes. It's not ready yet, though- he still has some kinks to work out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Psychology Professor's Costume Party

An psychology professor at an esteemed university decided to have a costume party for his birthday. Every student was invited but would only be let in if they were dressed as an emotion. This confused but intrigued his class as they were all very astute and eager to party.

The night of th...

Guy 1: "There were these three bright women I liked that I tried asking out..."

..."the first was a mother with a high earning job, but had no luck with her as she seemed too engaged in her work life and ignored me. The next was a university student who nearly had a degree in medicine, but she just frowned angrily at me and later said she didn't want to see me ever again. Then ...

Quincy inherited a large sum of money at a young age from his father, but he wasted it all on illicit drugs and became destitute and homeless.

It's a cold December night in New York City, with temperatures well below freezing point. Quincy shivers in his one and only winter coat, the same one he's had for the past ten years, lying on a park bench sheltered by nothing but tree canopies. Quincy, in a rare moment of soberness and self-reflect...

I spent four years at college and didn't learn anything...

It's really my own fault. I had a double major in psychology and reverse psychology.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A shy man enters a bar

He sees a cute girl sitting at the bar and sits down near her. About an hour later he finally comes up to her and quietly asks her:
-Excuse me miss, could I buy you a drink?
The girl screams:
-No! I am NOT having sex with you!!
Everyone at the bar turns and stares at him. Humiliated, he ...

The late Henny Youngman 1906-1986

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places he said stop going to those places

I’ve been in love with the same woman for 41 years if my wife finds out she’ll kill me

A man walks into a library and asks I hope you don’t have a book on reverse psychology

There was a beautiful y...

A Guard Interrogates prisoner

Guard: Ygolohcysp

Prisoner: Alright I did it I committed the murder, How did you get my to confess so easily man?

Guard: I used reverse psychology

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The colonel rides again...

There was a knock on the door and the colonel opened it to see a young woman standing there. “I don’t know if you remember me colonel ...”. “Course I do gel, you’re from the village, Jenkins’ daughter, went off to university, well done, what can I do for you”? “Well, I’m in my last year now, studyin...

A shy guy walks into a bar...

... and sees a a beautiful girl. After an hour, he goes to try talking to her:

-Excuse me, can we talk for some minutes?

Afterwards, the girl screams:

-NO! I Don't wanna sleep with you!

Now everyone in the bar looks weird to them. Obviously, the guy, ashamed, goes back to...

The anti-phonetic alphabet

I've been making a list for months of words that can be used to deliberately confuse people over the phone when phonetically reading out letters. Some letters like L are tough so I just added funny words to say.

A - aisle

B - bdellium

C - czar

D - Djibouti, Django, djemb...

If you really don't want someone to do something, tell them to do it, then scream "YGOLOHCYSP".

Classic reverse psychology.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An auntie kimber classic. I was 5 when I heard this lol

There was a young man Fredrick in the last course of his psychology major. His final exam was to assess the mental conditions of 3 patients down in the deepest depth of the mental ward. It was 1966.
With his clipboard in hand, he walks down the dim lit hallway and gets to a giant metal door. The ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.