UPJOKE
surveylearnconsiderreadmeditatecontemplateworkexaminesubjectauditexaminationreviewresearchdiagnoseassay

Studies Jokes

Studies show that atheists are more likely to own cats than Christians.

Because owning Christians isn't legal, obviously.
upvote downvote report

Accordion to scientific studies, 90% ..

of people do not realise I replaced the beginning of this joke with a musical instrument.
upvote downvote report

I have a degree in men's studies.

It's called "world history".

#TRUMP 2016! YOU CAN'T STUMP THE TRUMP!
upvote downvote report

Studies say most stabbings are committed by someone close to the victim.

Within arm's length, to be specific.
upvote downvote report

The son of a rich Saudi sheikh arrives in Germany for his University studies.

He soon writes home to his father. "Dear Dad, Berlin is wonderful, the people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad I am a little ashamed to be riding to class every day in my 24k gold Ferrari 599GTB when my professors, friends and many fellow students all travel by train. Your son, Ahmed"
...
upvote downvote report

Studies have shown that smoking weed causes short term memory loss.

Next thing you know they'll be saying smoking weed causes short term memory loss.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Studies show that 98.9% of men masturbate

The rest don't have arms.

What do you call a black guy who studies rocks?

a geologist, you racist!
upvote downvote report

Studies show that...

Most people dont know the opposite of following words:
Always coming from take me down
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Studies suggest when it comes to dealing with stress, masturbation is twice as effective as sex

So one in the hand really is worth two in the bush.

Recent studies have shown that 67% of women have used vibrators

The other 33% have brand new ones
upvote downvote report

My friend studies mushrooms

So I told him he's a fun guy.

He says that's the moldest joke in the book.

I said it's a classic, one you myght call OG.

"Amanita explanation on that one," he says.

"Nevermind," I say, "s'porely written anyway."
upvote downvote report

What's the singular of "Women's Studies?"

Study abroad.
upvote downvote report

The Institute of Incomplete Studies (ISS)

determined that 7 out of 10 people
upvote downvote report

A mathematician and an engineer play a game to get laid…

At the other end of this room,” the Game Master points out, “is a beautiful, young, naked, consenting woman. If you reach her, she will fulfill any and all of your fantasies.”

The mathematician and engineer both look at each other with excitement.

“The only rule is that each step you...
upvote downvote report

What do you call a person who studies the color blue?

A cyantologist.
upvote downvote report

Not a joke but a real incident that happened to an indian acquaintance of mine when he moved to Australia for higher studies..

So he comes out of the airport and gets into the cab.

The Aussie cab driver asked where he is from ?

He replied 'India '.

The cab driver asked ' So did you come to die?'

He froze as it was the times when there were racial attacks by white Aussies on people of indian des...
upvote downvote report

Studies show that 75 percent of blondes have lower-than-average intelligence.

Luckily, I’m a blonde and I’m in the remaining 35%
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A girl is sleeping in her religious studies class...

The teacher asks the class, 'According to the Bible, who created man?'. The boy sitting next to the sleeping girl is bored and wet willies the girl. She wakes up and screams, 'OH GOD!'. The teacher replies, 'Correct!' The girl falls asleep again.

Next, the teacher asks the class, 'Who is th...

Studies show that cows produce more milk...

when the farmer talks to them.

It's a case of "in one ear, and out the udder".
upvote downvote report

Studies show "not jokes" are coming back and are likely to be funnier than ever.

Not.
upvote downvote report

Studies show one out of every 3 people is a murderer.

It’s not me, it’s not you… oh, what about that guy behind you?
upvote downvote report

Why do women get to name their studies “women’s studies”

but men’s studies is just named STEM?
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft?

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft.
The study took two years and cost over 1.2 million pounds. The study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to provide the man with more...

Studies have shown that American youth has already started using the metric system

Nowadays you can even find students from various schools in America using 9mm
upvote downvote report

If a biologist studies biology and a nutritionist studies nutrition

Trump must be an expert at studying races.
upvote downvote report

My friend who studies history just reformatted his online notes in time for his finals

Too bad though, war crimes are now justified
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate the new homosexual studies class I'm taking this year...

It only has oral tests.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband: Babe, studies show that having sex is the same as running 10 kilometres

Wife: Bullshit, who runs 10 kilometres in 30 seconds?

Studies show that a lot of women turn into good drivers

So If you're a good driver, look out for women turning
upvote downvote report

Studies show that women who carry a little extra weight live longer

than the men who mention it.
upvote downvote report

A German joke from 1944

How do you tell an Optimist German from a Pessimist German? The Optimist studies English, while the Pessimist studies Russian.
upvote downvote report

What do you call someone that studies idiots?

A derpetologist.
upvote downvote report

What do you call a Christian who studies fossils?

An Episcopaleontologist.
upvote downvote report

Recent Studies...

...have shown that 1 out 6 people do not like Russian Roulette.
upvote downvote report

Studies find if a woman has a glass of wine a day increases the chances of a stroke.

If you let her have more she might suck it too.
upvote downvote report

Studies have shown:

100% of bald men have no hair
upvote downvote report

Rich sheik's son studies abroad

The rich sheik's son is sent to Europe to study. After a month, he writes an e-mail to his father:

"Father,
I'm doing great here. My classmates are nice, the professors are great and the courses are well-structured and organized. There's one small thing though - I feel kind of embarrassed ...
upvote downvote report

Scientists recently have been doing some new studies with the mummy of Egypt's famous boy king.

With the aid of highly advanced mri scans they were able to ascertain he suffered from a major gastro intestinal disorder. Apparently he was lactose intolerant. So it turns out, me and the Egyptian kid got a toot in common
upvote downvote report

Studies have shown that cigarettes can harm children...

...may need to start using an ashtray.
upvote downvote report

A Blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He st...
upvote downvote report

My daughter is in her room with two of her male classmates for group studies.

I guess they are acing the Q and A as I can hear her shout "Yes ..yes" for quite a long time..
upvote downvote report

Financial studies are too hard.

I always lose interest.
upvote downvote report

My friend studies history in college

I told him there's no future in it.
upvote downvote report

I dispute those studies that claim people often die from smoking.

My uncle smoked, and he only died once.
upvote downvote report

Studies show that fertility is hereditary.

If your parents didn't have children, chances are, you won't either.
upvote downvote report

Studies say weed can cause multiple personality disorder

I think that’s stupid
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Studies show...

Studies show that intelligent people swear more than stupid motherfuckers.

Studies show

That 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren't happy
upvote downvote report

This girl in my museum studies class said she likes touching old things.

I want to make this a good semester for her.
upvote downvote report

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test ...

... and asked his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car" The boy thought about that for a moment,...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Studies show that doggy is the most common sex style among married couples.

The husband sits and begs. The wife rolls over and plays dead.

Studies show that more Americans watch television...

than any other household appliance.
upvote downvote report

Studies suggest that approximately 90% of the world's population is right-handed.

On the other hand, 10% of the world's population is left-handed.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a fat weather man that studies penises?

A meaty-urologist

Studies suggest that parents can do 1/3 of their kids’ math assignments

However, they struggle with the other 3/4
upvote downvote report

Studies show 9 in 10 Americans do not have basic math skills

I'm so glad I'm in the 1%
upvote downvote report

Why didn't the urologist finish his studies?

He couldn't handle the testes!
upvote downvote report

What do Women's Studies majors like after dessert?

A tip
upvote downvote report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.

Do Not Sell My Personal Information