My bullies broke my MP3-Player at school. Luckily, my parents bought me an MP4 for my birthday, but these idiots destroyed it again.

Tomorrow, I'll bring an MP5.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A train ploughs into the side of a catholic girls school bus.

A train ploughs into the side of a Catholic girls school bus, killing them all. At the gates of heaven, st Peter asks the girls "have any of you ever touched a penis?"

The first girl, Paula, shyly says "I once touched the head of a penis with the tip of my finger." St Peter says "Okay, dip y...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A young boy says to his father "Dad, our maths teacher is asking to see you."

"What happened?" The father asks.

"Well, she asked me, 'how much is 7 * 9?' I answered '63' , then she asked, 'and 9 * 7?' So I asked 'what's the fucking difference?'

"Indeed, what is the difference?" asks the father. ''Sure, I'll go.''

The next day, the boy comes home from sch...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two Students from Asia Came to My High School.

They were twins, a guy, Ving, and a girl, Ling. Ving is in my math class, and the dude is like a math wiz. I’m really struggling, so I ask Ving if he’d give me a hand on the homework.

Ving says yeah, he just wants me to do him a favor.

I’m like yeah sure what?

He asks me to dri...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why condoms come in packs of 3, 6 and 12!

A man walks into the pharmacy with his 8-year old son.

They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"

To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called Condoms son. Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh I see," replied the boy pensi...

Police officer: "I'm here to inform you that your son burned down the school"

Parents: "arson?"


Police officer: "yes, your son"

A former Sergeant in the Marine Corps took a new job as a high school teacher.

Just before the school year started, he injured his
back.
He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper
part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and
wasn't noticeable.
On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to
the toughest students i...

I got a phone call from my son's school today

Hello, is that Mr Jenkins?

Yes, how can I help you?

Hi, This is little Billy’s music teacher calling

Oh, hi

Yeah, hi. I just wanted to let you know it looks like you have a little Elvis Presley on your hands!

Really? Wow! That’s..

Yeah, we just found him dea...

At school, a teacher is teaching little kids Mathematics.

At school, a teacher is teaching little kids Mathematics. She says: "Does anybody of you already know how to count? For example you, what's your name?"
"My name is George Lucas. Yes, I know how to count."
"Please show me."
"Four, five, six, one two, three."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Syrian kid in France.

A Syrian kid and his refugee family move to France. On his first day of school his teacher asks him "what is your name?". To which he politely responds, "My name is Abdul and I am from Syria (Middle-East accent)..She abruptly stops him and corrects him.
"No! From now on you are French and your n...

Did you hear about the kidnapping in the school?

It's fine, he woke up.

Congratulations USA

Zero school shootings so far this year.

Trump is at an elementary school assembly and asks,...

"Does anyone know what a tragedy is?"

A kindergartener raises her hand and the president chooses her to answer, "A car crash."

"No, not quite." Responds Trump, "that would be an 'accident' ".

He then chooses a 4th grade boy. "If a school bus went off a cliff and all the kids die...

In an elementary school English class, kids are learning the word “contagious”. Teacher calls on students, asking them to use it in a sentence.

- “Susan?”

- “I had a flu and mommy made me stay home for 3 days because I was contagious!”

- “Very good. What about you, Johnny?”

- “Our neighbor Mrs. Henderson has started painting her fence last night, daddy says it’s gonna take the contagious!”

How do American school kids learn the metric system?

9 millimeters at a time

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A teenage girl come home from school and asks her mother a question

"Is it true what Rita just told me?" "What's that?" asks her mother. "That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said her daughter. "Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter. ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A high school is having a talent show.

The first act is a girl trying to tie a knot with a cherry stem in her mouth. She tries and tries, but she just cant do it.

A guy from the audience yells out, "Hey, maybe you should practice with my dick!" Most of the audience laughs.

The girl requests a microphone and a nearby teacher...

TIL that a school of piranhas can strip all the flesh off of a child's body in less than a minute...

Unfortunately, I lost my job at the aquarium.

I'm Aussie and Americans are always asking me where in Australia there isn’t something trying to kill you...

School is my answer!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Rosy and Sunday school

Rosy goes to Sunday school every week, but falls asleep every class!

One day, to “inadvertently” call her out on it, the teacher calls on Rosy and asks this question:

“Who created the universe as we know it to be?”

At this point, to just have a laugh, Rosy’s friend, Adam, sittin...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A fathers child just came home from school, his dad said “what did you learn today?” The son replied “We learned two words hypothetically and realistically but I’m not sure what they mean.” He said “go ask your mom and sister if they would sleep with a man for a million dollars.” They both said yes.

His Father said, “Hypothetically we have two million dollars, realistically we live with 2 whores.“

Late for school

Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: No. I was standing on it.

The school hired me as a photographer

So I was hired to photograph a school event and when I walked up to the doors these security guys stared me down and asked what I was doing

I started to reach for my camera and said I was the school shooter

And the douchebags jumped on me and cuffed me!

(True story, for what it’s worth) My neighbour has a new Spanish teacher at school, his name is Mr Armada.

“Like the Spanish Armada?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he said and I shook my head in disbelief.

“Well,” I sighed. “At least he isn’t called Mr Inquisition. Nobody would have expected that.”

The only time kids are shot in school in Canada is..

Picture day

High School Virgin

Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."

Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades and they will stop."

What’s the difference between high school and the friend zone?

I have a chance of making it out of high school.

I've always wanted to be a train engineer. I spent 15 years in engineering school, 10 years learning about train history, and 5 years learning how to operate a train.

I really thought I would've been trained by now.

I wasn’t cut out for skydiving school

So I dropped out

A husband and his wife were sitting at a table at her 20th high school reunion

She kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink, as he sat alone at a nearby table.

The husband asks: “do you know him?”

“Yes”, she sighed. “He’s my old boyfriend. I understand he started drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and i hear he hasn’t been sober since....

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was a big metal fan back in high school.

Back in high school I was a big metal fan.

At the beginning of the summer holidays I was at this awesome house party.

It was just high school kids in the house so we were able to turn the volume way up and had a pretty awesome playlist: Metallica, Black Sabbath, Judas Priest, Iron Mai...

What do Anti-Vax kids play in school?

Marco Polio

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class wank him off.

I said “ son, that’s 3 schools this year... maybe teaching isn’t for you.”

Did you hear about the boy who turned up to school with only 1 glove?

He said the weather man said it's going to be cold, but on the other hand it might be warm.

School Projects are fun

A science teacher sent off his year 8 class with a homework task, come up witch a science experiment, and either film it to show to the class, or show the experiment in front of the class next week.

Tim went home and thought long and hard about what he would do, but he came in next week with ...

I was at my school disco..

Walking across the hall to get a drink. One of my classmates came up to me and said ‘dude, your shoes are on smoking hot!’

I gave them a smile and kept walking to get a drink. Another classmate then approached me and said ‘hey bro, you’re on fire tonight!’

I gave them a wink and some ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Sunday School Suzy

There was once a girl named Suzy. She went to Sunday school at her local church every week. Her parents were lenient so she slept through most of the days. One day while Suzy was asleep she was called on by the teacher. The teacher asked “Suzy, what is the name of our lord and saviour?”. Suzy didn’t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Today i saw a kid getting beaten up at school by 4 bullys so i decided to take a step

This fucker got no chance versus 5 of us

A classmate dressed up as a storm trooper for Halloween and shot up the school

Don’t worry, no one got hurt.

What sort of grades did Tommy Wiseau receive in school?

Oh, high marks.

I asked a high school teacher "What do you teach?" He said...

Idiots

What is the best Donald Trump joke you've heard?

Don’t know if this one is in here yet, but here goes:

Trump is visiting a class in an elementary school where they are talking about words and meanings. The teacher asks Trump if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word “tragedy”. (No, not the punch line yet)

So he a...

The other day I passed a school with a car brand as their name

Can you imagine, who would call a school Tesla

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

*Nsfw* Went to school with a kid who had no eyelids.

They used his foreskin to make eyelids.
He could see fine, he was just a little cockeyed.

^I'll ^see ^myself ^out.

Little Johnny is in Catholic School

The nun teaching the class asks, "Where do you sense Jesus in your life?"

Little Susie, being a good girl says, "I see Jesus when I pray."

Little Timmy says, "I can feel Jesus' presence during Mass."

Little Johnny, with his hand waving eagerly in the air, is finally called on. J...

8-year old Billy comes home from school with a note from his teacher.

It says, "Billy stole a pencil from the student next to him." Billy's father is furious. He goes to great lengths to lecture Billy and let him know how upset and disappointed he is, and he grounds the boy for two weeks.

Finally, he concludes, "Anyway, Billy, if you needed a pencil, why didn't...

Outside my school there is an unfortunate tree

It has been hit by a car, struck by lightning, and now infested with termites.

What a poor sap

Schools are always telling you to "follow your dreams..."

But my teachers never let me sleep in class.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So, today at school i saw a hot girl. And i thought to myself:

"don't get a boner, don't get a boner" then she did it, she got a boner

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Little Jonny was at school and his best mate Timmy had a new watch.

Jonny asked where he got it and Timmy said “last night I walked into my parents room and they were naked on the bed having sex, my dad gave me his watch and said
“TAKE THIS AND GET OUT”.

Little Jonny wanted a new watch too so that night he decided to go into his parents room to try and ca...

Two high school graduates are discussing their future college plans. The first says "I'm planning on going into farming, it's what my father did and it makes good money." The second asks "What type of farming? Wheat, corn, livestock?"

"I don't know man, there are so many fields to choose from."

A young kid came back from school and learned a new way to earn money from his friends..

He simply had to say to anyone close to him:

“I know everything.”

And that will reward him with money!

The kid first went to his father, he approach him and said “Dad, I know everything.” His dad’s eyes widened and quickly gave him 100$ and said “Shh. Don’t tell anyone please.”....

The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's been telling lies."

I replied, "Well, tell him he's bloody good - I ain't even got any kids!"

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."

The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the ki...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Group of middle school students visit the Vatican

The teacher guides them through the hallways and tells them about the paintings.

Teacher: "This famous painting made Michelangelo represents the God creating Adam. Can someone tell us what they see here?"

Susan decides to speak:

"Nice muscles", she says

Teacher is furiou...

(Recent) Justin Trudeau did pretty well in school...

...But as soon as he got to the "yes/no answers" section of the exams, he couldn't answer the questions and accidentally apologized to the indigenous people on behalf of someone else at a different period in time.

They banned me from the school talent show.

But i know they were just salty, because they knew they couldnt make their clothes disappear as well as i did.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's the difference between normal schools and schools in Alabama?

Schools in Alabama teach the relative theory in sex education

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.

Usually, she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

"GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted...

A med school student walks into a bar...

but he was not prepared for it

Bill & Hillary are on a trip back to Arkansas..

They're almost out of gas, so Bill pulls into a service station on the outskirts of town. The attendant runs out of the station to serve them when Hillary realizes it's an old boyfriend from high school.

She and the attendant chat as he gases up their car and cleans the windows. Then they al...

What’s the difference between a Taliban outpost and a Pakistani school?

I don’t know I only fly the drone.

Why did the communist hate school?

Because it had classes

Going to school

Mother: "Did you enjoy your first day at school?"
Girl: "First day? Do you mean I have to go back tomorrow?

A girl is dared by a boy to climb the school flagpole.

She bets him five dollars that she can and he agrees. She climbs all the way to the top and gets her five bucks.

She tells her mom after school, feeling proud of her accomplishment.

“Oh honey, he just wanted you to climb the pole so he could see your underwear.” She says, shaking her h...

My son came home and said "I got the Zucker Award today at school!"

I said, "What's that?"

He said, "A big building with teachers and kids in it, dad, but that's not important right now"

So I heard this word problem from grade school.....

If you have five crystals, and billy takes four crystals, and sally gives you two crystals, how many crystals do you have?

It was then that I realized the kids were all doing crystal math.

John, a high school student, wants to join an afterschool club.

He looks through the catalog and decides on Yearbook. One day after school, he walks through the halls but realizes he doesn't know which room is Yearbook.

Finally, after looking around for 10 minutes, he gives up. He sees a room which has people editing photos inside. Thinking it must be Ye...

Studies show ADHD students cost the school more on average

Because they cannot afford to pay attention.

So I saw a kid getting bullied at my school today...

I would've stood up for him, but I'm bound to a wheelchair.

I’d like to die peacefully in my sleep like my dad did.

But not like the children in the school bus with him.

Two kids are hurrying to school on their bikes to get there for their maths exam.

They get into a car accident on the way and have to be rushed to hospital.

In hospital they're surrounded by friends and family, and their maths teacher keeps trying to get into the room and is repeatedly told off by the doctors.

Later that night the teacher sneaks in. Waking the kids...

A boy stays home from school one day and catches his mother having a steamy affair...

He is playing in his parents bedroom when he hears his mother lead her lover up the stairs. The boy hides away in the closet. Before things get heated, however, his father comes home early. “Quick, into the closet!,” she yells, and the lover hides inside.

“It’s dark in here, isn’t it?,” asks ...

My dad told me to get out of bed and go to school.

I said no because I couldn't take this lying down!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My friends and I experimented with sex and drugs when we were in high school.

I was the control group.

I finally plucked up enough courage to beat up the school bully.

It was a different school, and 15 years later,
but damn it felt good

Why don't farts graduate high school?

Because they always get expelled.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Apparently there's a lack of sex education being taught in school

Which is why I'm glad the Catholic church has taken matters into their own hands.

A catholic kid is in school and needs help

While the teacher was helping the student, he suddenly makes a mistake


Teacher: Oh, you need to erase that


Kid: I can't


Teacher: Why?


Kid: Because I didn't bring a rubber


Teacher: Why not?


Kid: Because my dad said it's a s...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A boy comes home from school...

'Dad', he says, 'I had sex with a teacher'

'I'm so proud of you! You're becoming a man! I'm going to get you a new bike!'

Once they had bought a new bike, the dad asks his son if he wants to try it out

'no thanks...My butt still hurts'

I dont know why catholic schools dont like ripped jeans...

They are the holy-est pants I have ever seen!

An Orphan boy at my school did really bad in a test and started crying

I said"don't worry your parents won't say anything

How many grades are in dog school?

Grades K-9

A boy in high school asks a girl to the prom

Amazingly, she says yes so he has to get everything ready. He goes to the tailor so he can get a suit. Unfortunately, he had to wait quite some time, as there were other people getting ready for their proms. But eventually, he gets his suit.

He then went to the florist. But due to some not th...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My first high-school football game was a lot like my first time having sex...

I was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad came.

Why did the American start shooting the river?

He learned fish swim in schools

A man is at boating school, and is learning different phrases before he is allowed to work on a boat

The instructor asks him the first question, “What do you say when a man has fallen off the boat.”

The man energetically said, “Man overboard!”

The instructor has his next question ready, “What do you say when a woman falls off the boat?”

The man yet again states, “Full speed ahe...

The American school system is very disorganised and poorly run

I guess school really does prepare you for the real world

Teacher : Why didn't you come to the school yesterday?

Student : My dad is in the hospital

1 week later..

Teacher : Is your dad still in the hospital?

Student : Yes, he is a doctor.

Why don’t American schools give Fs on report cards anymore?

Because they’ve already paid enough respects to their students.

My stepdad told me it was pointless to apply to med-school because I was “too stupid to be a doctor”

8 years later and one of us is an unemployed loser with a drinking problem and the other is making six figures and going to Hawaii this weekend to renew his wedding vows with my mom.

Govt. Statistics show that 35% of all school kids fall victim to online bullying and this can only mean 1 thing

65% of my emails aren't going out

Met my school bully 10 years after I last saw him. He still takes my money today.

But on the other hand, he certainly knows how to make a decent sandwich.

A photographer came in and threatened to shoot up the school.

Calm down, it was only Picture Day.

During the last school play I felt funny and came over queasy.

At which point I was told to leave the production of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.

My son is starting school soon and thinks the other children will pick on him because of his name.

I said, "Don't be silly, Someoneyourownsize! Why would anyone pick on you?!"

How do you separate the men from the boys at the Catholic school?

with a crowbar

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why is attendance at porn school so important?

Because coming is the most important part.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three school teachers go to a nude beach.

The math teacher, the history teacher, and the logics teacher. Suddenly, the female principal goes by them. So the math and history teachers put their newspapers on their private parts, while the logics teacher puts it on his face. After the principal leaves, the first two ask the logics teacher why...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One of my grandfather's favorite jokes; namely because after he told it to me I told it in front of my speech class in high school and he found that to be the funniest thing he ever heard.

One day a good ole country boy went to work in a general store. Things are fine, but after awhile the owner gets called out on an emergency.

The owner tells the good ole boy, "Whenever someone comes in you get them what they want."

So the owner leaves and a man comes in and tells the ...

My son hates being in pirate school.

I don't blame him, his report card always has seven seas.

The use of a colon can really change the intended meaning of a sentence.

Jimmy went to school and ate his lunch

becomes

Jimmy went to school and ate his colon.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I spent a lot of my time in catholic school in the principal's office

Every interaction with that guy left a bad taste in my mouth.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

When I was in elementary school, we had this old crusty WWII fighter pilot vet come speak to my school…

He was telling us about a dog fight he was in. “So there I was in my Mustang, I had three f***ers to my right, two f***ers to my left, and one f***er right in front of me.” My teacher got red with embarrassment and jutted in, “Boys and girls, the Fokker was a kind of plane used by Germany in World W...

A boy has a crush on a girl at his school. He sees that a dance is coming up soon so he decides to ask her to the dance.

Shes says yes, so he decides he should get some flowers for her. He goes to the flower shop and there is a huge line. He waits and waits for almost and hour, he eventually gets to the front and buys some roses for her. He then decides it would be a good idea to get a limo. He goes to the limo rental...

The Sunday School teacher was explaining Sodom and Gomorrah.

TEACHER: "And God told Lot to take his wife and flee out of the city, but not to look back. But Lot's wife looked back, and turned into a pillar of salt."

The children were obviously shocked. One tentatively raised his hand.

TEACHER: "Yes, Billy?"

BILLY: "But what happened to th...

Why are students prohibited from playing Fortnite during school?

It would be really hard to tell where the gunshots are coming from

My brother didnt like the school shooting jokes I was making

I think I should aim for a younger audience.

I got in trouble in school today

I was caught passing notes in music class.

On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student:

- What are your parents' names? 
The student replied: 
- My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling. 

The teacher said: 
- Are you kidding? 
The student said: 
- No, Kidding is my brother. I am Joking.

School is NOT prison

I always wonder why people call school "Prison". I've been going to school for almost 11 years and i have not once seen 6ix9ine. ffs people lied to me.

It turns out my high school Chemistry teacher was right.

Alcohol IS a solution.

My school seems to respect me alot

My report is filled with Fs

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Back in high school, I had a friend named Ving

He and his twin sister, Ling, had recently moved here from China and so they had very traditional names. One day, Ving mentioned to me how much he hated his name.
“What kind of name is Ving? It’s so stupid,” he said, frustrated.
“You know, you can get your name changed at city hall.”
“Re...

I met this little boy today who told me he is starting at a new school tomorrow and was afraid that the other kids would bully him.

I told him, "Don't be silly, Someoneyourownsize. Why would anyone pick on you?"

They said we need to take part in World Book Day at school

So I’m dressing up as the Invisible Boy

What did the Buffalo dad say when dropping off his kid at school?

Bison

Four students carpool to school.

They had a final exam and wanted to impress their classmates, so they agreed to arrive 30 mins late for the exam.

As soon as they arrived late, their teacher asked them why they were late. The driver responded: "we had a flat tire sir"

The teacher said: "very well, why don't the four ...

Some kid shot up my school

Standing over the bloodied bodies, regret suddenly flooded the killer's face. He turned to the teacher and says, "I cant believe what ive done. Can i turn myself in?" And the teacher replied "i dont know, can you?"