UPJOKE
educationuniversityacademycollegeteacherclassroomgrammar schoolstudentprimary schoolsecondary schooleducateseminaryschoolhousekindergartenconservatory

My daughter brought a friend from school and she said his great-great-great-great-grandfather was coming to pick him up later

I was impressed and asked: "Does he know how his so many greats grandfather lived for so long?"

My daughter answered: "It's because of my friend's stutter."

It could’ve been worse.

James is walking on a downtown street one day, and he happens to see his old high school friend, Harry, a little ways up ahead. "Harry, Harry, how are you?" he greets his old buddy after getting his attention.
"Not so good," says Harry.
"Why, what happened?" James queries.
"Well," Harry say...

True story: Wife asked the 7yo, "Do you have any girlfriends at school?"

7yo, "No, just 'personal complications'."

What do you call a person who gets the worst grades in medical school, but still graduates?

Doctor.

Teenager's Mom is worried that her daughter has been skipping Sunday School

Mom: Now then Barbara why have you not been attending Sunday School?

Barbara: Because its boring and I don't learn anything.

Mom: That's ridiculous, you can a lot about life, for example do you know who made you?

Barbara: Originally or recently?

Gynecologist appointment

A woman has an appointment with her gynecologist, but oversleeps and wakes up 30 minutes before her morning appointment.

She has to drop her daughter at school first, so she runs to the bathroom and quickly wipes her neither regions with a flannel lying on the side of the bath and runs out th...

My 4 year old son has been learning Spanish at school and still doesn’t know the word for please…

I think that’s poor for four.

A Little 10-year-old girl was walking home, alone, from school one day, when a big man on a black motorcycle pulls up beside her.

After following along for a while, turns to her and asks,
"Hey there little girl, do you want to go for a ride?"
"NO!" says the little girl as she keeps on walking.
The motorcyclist again pulls up beside her and asks,
"Hey little girl, I will give you $10 if you hop on the back."
"NO!...

Trump as president visiting kindergarten, school and prison...

So, Trump with Mike Pence visits institutions around US to see what he can do to make infrastructure better for people.
First, kindergarten. He sees leaking roof, worn out toys and playground, underpayed teachers.
- Mike, write down, let's donate from federal budget 1 milion $ to each kinderg...

I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine.

Apparently I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.

How does a duck carry his school books?

Bwack pwack

A Chinese factory recently had massive layoffs, leaving hundreds angry...

...at having to go back to school.

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Where do horny high school dorks daydream of being?

Home coming…

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I saw two kids fighting on the elementary school playground and being the only adult around, I had to step in...

Little bastards didn’t stand a chance…

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What school do men attend, to learn how to masturbate?

The school of hard socks.

Where do seahorses go to school?

At the Hippocampus.

"The report"

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.
...

My brother asked me for some weed so I gave him some.

He’s the new kid in school, doesn’t really know anyone and doesn’t have the best social skills. I guess that’s how it goes in kindergarten.

Vladimir Putin visits a school...

He asks a boy: "Who is your true mother?". "Mother Russia of course!", says the boy. Putin then asks a girl: "who is your true father?". "You, great president!", replies the girl. Putin then asks the quiet kid sitting at the back: "You there, what do you want to be when you grow up?". The quiet kid ...

Little Timmy learns something

One day little timmys dad asks him what he learnt in school that day. Little Timmy says: "Well, my teacher was mad as hell at me today." His dad asks:"Why was that?" "Well," says Little Timmy "she showed us two glasses filled with water and whiskey and then she put two worms in them. The worm in the...

So this young chap had always fancied this girl

All though high school he had admired her from afar. But never had the courage to ask her out.

Come the Prom he thinks to himself, if he doesn't ask now, it's never going to happen. So straightening his jacket, slicking back his hair, he puts his heart in his hands goes up to her and asks;...

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession.

Like many young men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects:

1. A Bi...

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[Almost a real story] My middle school friends and I, when we were in middle school, were talking about our wet dreams. everyone was having a good time talking about the naughty stuff, but my friend Hassan was all quiet and unamused. Later he came to me and said that he wants my thought.

\- So what's up Hassan?

\+ Ali all the guys are having wet dreams and I am not. Am I sick or something?

\- I don't think so. but there must be a reason that you don't. tell me, Do you fap?

\+ Of course I fap.

\- Do you fap a lot...?

\+ not really. once or twice...

Why couldn’t Jesus get into medical school?

He kept getting hung up on the boards

The headmaster of a school arranges a meeting with a student's parents

"I'm sorry to inform you but your son has been blowing smoke in the locker-rooms everyday for around a week" The headmaster says

"What? I can assure you i have no idea where he learns such things! Could You call him here please?" The woman asks, angrily

A few minutes later a boy arrive...

A kid in my school did a project on the history of rocket science.

It was a blast to the past

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school today?

The kid woke up, he was fine

I chose not to put my own picture up on my dating profile, just a picture of my pickup. But that's okay...

... because she'd just put a picture of her dog. I sent her a message, something almost-clever like "your dog can ride in my pickup any time," and she responded.

We clicked pretty quickly, and started chatting regularly. Every day, sometimes throughout the day. Slowly we learned more about...

A woman goes to a new dentist for the first time.

When she sees his name on the diploma, she thinks she must've gone to high school with this guy. Then she sees him and thinks it couldn't possibly be the same guy. This overweight, balding guy with wrinkles on his face and tobacco stains down the front of his shirt. But she sits in the big chair and...

In school i hed learned three things:

Reeding and caunting.

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At school

At school, 5th grade classroom.
The new teacher is asking some questions to the kids just to know them a little better.

T: so, Lucy, tell me about your family.
Lucy: I'm the only child. Dad work in a factory and mom is a housemaid.

T: a typical family... Nice. And what about your...

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The screw and the bellybutton

So a guy I work with told us this joke on the plane, went on for full 30' which made it even funnier smh, this is a short version:

A boy is born and is perfectly normal, arms legs ears and stuff, except a tiny detail: He had a screw on his bellybutton. Parents send him to all doctors imagina...

A boy named Carol had a particularly rough childhood because of his uncommon name. He always got a lot of teasing and abuse at school. Eventually, he overcame his hang-up and married his high-school sweetheart.

When their first child was born, he let his wife name her.

She named the baby girl "Love" inspired in the same spirit as Carol's unique name.

Unfortunately, Love grew up and endured much of the same teasing that Carol did, because of her strange name.

She came home from school...

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My kid got lice at school, can you believe he got upset when I directed him to r/jokes?

I just know people here are great at going over stuff with a fine toothed comb and nitpicking the shit out of it.

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It was my school reunion at the weekend, and the main topic of conversation was still about the stunning supply teacher we had one day in the early eighties who gave a lad a blow job in front of the entire class.

She went down in history.

It's crazy that we make kids go to school at six a.m.

They should be at work then

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A certain talk.

One day a vicar bumped into the headmistress of an exclusive girls' school.
"O Vicar, our girls are a certain age and we would like them to to have a Christian perspective on sex. Will you talk to them next Tuesday afternoon?"

The vicar agreed and decided he had better put the talk on his ...

DAD! Please don't be mad at me but I am pregnant!

Little David is in school one day when his teacher tells the class that she wants to hear each of them say a little about their families, and specifically what is needed in their lives.

The first student is a little girl, she stands up and says "my family is mostly happy but what we really ne...

Imagine you were friends with Oasis lead singer, Liam Gallagher.

You two grew up together and were the best of friends. That friendship was like no other.

You both bonded over many things, but the hobby you both got into was baseball. You’d both play catch, practice your pitches, and even went to watch pro games together.

During high school, y...

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A woman got married not long after high school and her husband broke her heart when he ran off with another woman. She eventually got back into the dating scene, and fell in love again with another man. They married but he turned out to be an asshole who hit her when he was angry.

She divorced him as well. Over time she met a third man who seemed perfect for her in every way but one- he was terrible in bed. She married him anyway, reasoning that sex would improve the more they knew eachother but it didn’t, and after a year she finally divorced him.

Having now been div...

Vladimir Putin Visits a School One Day

And he gives a lecture about how great the government is, and how Russia is the best country in the world.
At the end of the lecture he invites people to ask questions and one kid stands up and says:

“Hello my name is Sasha and I have two questions”

Putin: “go ahead”

Sasha: “...

Education

As a sergeant in a parachute regiment I took part in several night time exercises. Once, I was seated next to a Lieutenant fresh from Jump School. He was quiet sad looked a bit pale so I struck up a conversation. "Scared, Lieutenant? ", I asked. He replied, "No, just a bit apprehensive. "I asked, "W...

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I was voted “Least likely to succeed” by my High School class.

I hate my teaching job.

Education is important

I just found out my best friend slept with his teacher to improve his grade.
I wouldn't have minded so much...if he wasn't home schooled.

My group mates told me to practice my lines for the school performance

Don't know why I got expelled. All I did was bring out a dollar bill and mom's credit card and did what I was told

Freshman from rival colleges...

...were each camping out around their fires on opposite banks of a river.

The freshman on the left bank got to talking. The first student points toward the river and says, "You know, I heard that the students that go to that school are all idiots."

The second student says "Yeah! I hear...

Little Johnny came late to school one day.

"Why are you late, Johnny?" Asked his teacher.

"Well," explained Johnny. "Just round the corner, there was a poor old lady looking everywhere for a £20 she lost. She was looking for half an hour! I couldn't walk away."

"I see. That's really nice of you to help her."

Johnny repl...

Caller: “Jack Smith will not be in school today.”

Teacher: “Is he sick? Who is this speaking please?”

Caller: “This is my father speaking.”

Is it ok to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school...

....or, am I a really bad teacher ?

There is only one mom

At school, the children were given the topic "There is only one mom" for their homework.

On the second day at school, Daisy reads her homework:

*My mom is good, she takes care of us, looks after us. There is only one such mother.*

Frank reads the homework:

*No mom is as g...

Dad jokes

Do you know what they call the student that finished last in medical school?

Doctor

Ben and Jerrys have opened a school of Martial Arts

It's called Cookie-Do

When I was a kid, my parents would always say "Excuse my French" after a swear word...

...I'll never forget that day at school when the teacher asked if we knew any French.

Southern

A University of Alabama student was visiting a Yankee relative in Boston over the holidays. He went to a large party and met a pretty co-ed. He was attempting to start up a conversation with the line, "Where y’all go to school? " The coed, of course, was not overly impressed with his grammar or sou...

I don't believe in hitting my children as punishment

So I send them to school wearing crocs and skechers and let other kids beat them instead

Schools are no fun nowdays.

20 years ago, me and my friends could run round the playground giving wedgies, and at most we'd have to write lines.

We tried it today and got arrested.

I once flunked out of executioner school.

I couldn't get the hang of it.

Schools should teach useful things such as parenting skills to children.

Okay, that's not a good idea. Children will immediately realize that they have bad parents.

I started dating this girl in high school just because we had the same class schedule

What can I say? We had Chemistry together.

The story of Arthur Nelson

Arthur Nelson is one of the least known pioneers of professional wrestling. He invented many of the submission holds that we still see today, and two of them bear his name: the half Nelson and the full Nelson. According to numerous sources, he also created many of the variations of the chokehold....

Why are so many americans stupid?

Cause they shoot the ones that go to school

Where do you learn to make banana splits?

At sundae school.

My son was just thrown out of school

My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job.
I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."

Where do manta rays learn to read?

In elemantaray school.

Kim Jong-un walks into a school in North Korea.

He asks a student "Who is your father?

The student replies "The Supreme Leader, infinite in wisdom and kindness, provider and protector of the Koreans, he is our only father."

Kim Jong beams. "Excellent. Now tell me who is your mother?"

The student doesn't hesitate. "The Land of...

I took a Microsoft Office class in high school.

I Excelled in it

Since we’re doing little Jonny jokes

Catholic school teacher asks the class, “Children, what part of your body do you think enters heaven first?”.

Mary stands up and says “Your head, because it’s the top of your body.”.

“Very good logic Mary, anyone else?”

Matt stands up, “Your hands, because they are what we use...

A soviet joke about censorship that I found in my school book

An American tells a Russian that people in USA have the freedom of speech and that he even could go to the White House and shout:"Go to hell, Ronald Reagan!"

The russian answers:"Oh, we also have freedom of speech. I, too, can go to Kremlin and shout:" Go to hell, Ronald Reagan!"

I don't think my doctor went to medical school

He keeps insisting I have cancer, no matter how many times I tell him I'm a scorpio

I defeated our local chess champion in less than three moves ...

Finally, my high school karate lessons paid off.

An RAF pilot was telling stories about WW2 at a school

"One day, I and my wingman were escorting some bombers to their target. A swarm of fokkers came out of nowhere and started shooting at us. I managed to shoot one of the fokkers down, but another fokker was right on my tail. My wingman shot down that fokker..."

The students started giggling he...

Speedy

Three boys were heading home from school one day when one started the time-honored game of paternal one-upmanship. He said, "My dad's way faster than any of yours, he can throw a 90-mph fast ball from the pitcher's mound and run and catch it just after it crosses the plate! "
One of the other bo...

Murphy's Pub

**Two men were sitting next to each other at Murphy's Pub in London. After awhile, one bloke looks at the other and says, “I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland.”**

**The other bloke responds proudly, “Yes, that I am!”**

**The first one says, “So am I!...

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How can I get in to heaven?

"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?" I asked the children in my Sunday

school class.



"NO!" the children all answered.



"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kep...

A man buys a robot that slaps people when they tell a lie.

He decides to test it on his family at dinner that night.

The man asked his son, "Son, what did you do after school today?"

The son replied, "Oh, I just did some homework" and the robot slapped the son.

The son said, "Okay I actually watched a movie with my friends".

The ...

Little Johny failed fourth grade so badly that the school put him in third grade

He failed third grade even worse that they had to put him in second grade.

Upon hearing the news that he failed second grade even more spectacularly and had to be demoted to first grade, his dad whispered to Johny's mom:

Tighten your underwear, he is coming back !!

You’re Up Next Soldier

While posted to Germany in 1987 I was a Cpl in the Canadian Army. I had been selected to attend a Combat Leadership Course.
One of the first things we were required to do was stand in front of our peers in a classroom and give a brief blurb on ourselves.
The course Warrant Officer said “Righ...

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A young boy says to his father "Dad, our maths teacher is asking to see you."

"What happened?" The father asks.

"Well, she asked me, 'how much is 7 * 9?' I answered '63' , then she asked, 'and 9 * 7?' So I asked 'what's the fucking difference?'

"Indeed, what is the difference?" asks the father. ''Sure, I'll go.''

The next day, the boy comes home from scho...

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at School, I had the biggest knob by far so when we were changing together, I used to run around naked with a towel hanging from there, and the kids always looked laughing.

Looking back maybe that was one of the reasons I got fired.

A little Johnny joke

Little Johnny was a lazy student and was failing Math badly. His parents had enough of this, so they pulled him out of regular school and enrolled him in the local Catholic school. After the first day, he came home and not a word, and headed up to his bedroom to do his Math homework. He was up there...

Dave Grohl’s kid: Dad, these cakes you made for the school fundraiser are great, but we’re one short.

Dave Grohl: I’VE GOT ANOTHER CONFECTION TO MAKE!

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Little Johnny Strikes Again

A very Petty school teacher wanted to stump the children so she instructed them to use the word DEFINITELY in a sentence when she called on them.

The 1st student called said, "The sky is definitely blue."
With a smirk on her face, the teacher said... "No the sky is sometimes other colors. ...

Are you twins?

A new teacher joins school... She finds two boys looking very similar in appearance...

Teacher asks:- " Twins...???"
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Boy:- No... **"NEIGHBOURS"**


**HAPPY FATHER'S DAY...**

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I missed a day at the cosmetology school

My teacher said I now have to take a makeup class.

Why cant Michael Jackson go within 500m of a school zone...

Because he's dead

What happens to illiterate witches in school?

They get expelled!

Politicians go visit a school

High ranking politicians visit a school. The top one goes over the expenses and decides to make adjustments to cut costs.
"The lunch portions are too big. Cut them in half. Internet connection too fast. Too many computers."

After that, they go to a preschool. Again, the expenses are too gr...

I pulled my kid out of pre-school because they were indoctrinating him into a socialist liberal mindset

Today, his teacher was teaching him how to share.

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Poor Timmy...

The teacher asks Timmy "why did you bring your cat to school today?"

To which Timmy replied quite sad, I heard daddy telling mommy this morning, "Baby, I'm gonna eat that pussy when the kids go to school"

The Good Old Days

> You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

- Emo Philips

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did in his sleep.

Not like all the screaming passengers in his school bus.

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A group of first year medical students are gathered around a table with a naked cadaver on it…..

Their instructor motions for them to come close for their first 3 lessons of medical school.

“The first lesson is that you must not be afraid of the human body, alive or dead” he says as some of the students are visibly uncomfortable.

He then holds up a finger and says, “you must als...

I’m starting a school to teach short people math.

It’s called little things count.

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Dirty Johnny: Greatest Joke of all time by Norm MacDonald

In school there was a fella named Dirty Johnny. He was always a trouble maker the teachers never liked him. One day in class the teacher is doing a thing we’re the kids raise their hands to tell a story and then say what the moral is of that story. So a girl raises her hand

The teacher says ...

A Cambridge student was sitting an exam...

A Cambridge student was sitting an exam in one of the University's oldest and most traditional schools.

Midway through, he leapt to his feet and loudly demanded a pint of ale.

The startled head examiner asked the student to explain himself immediately.

The student promptly cite...

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A school principal arrives in his office when the phone rings.

"I'm afraid my daughter won't be in school today," says the voice on the other line. "She has a terrible cold."

"I'm sorry to hear this," says the principal. "I hope her cold gets better soon. Who is this calling?"

"This is my mom."

Mom: What did you do at school today?

Mom: What did you do at school today?
Son: We did a guessing game.
Mom: But I thought you were having a math's exam.
Son: That’s right!

A father picks his son up from school and tells him "Today we're gonna go to the forest and learn some survival."

The son asks "Cool! How long will we be there?"

The father replies: "I don't know, I just gambled the house away."

Mother and daughter go to the doctor

After running some tests due to some non specific symptoms, the doctor tell them, “well looks like you are going to be a grandma, your daughter is pregnant ma’am”

The mother is infuriated, insults the doctor telling him that her daughter “knows no man” and leaves the office fuming.

The...

Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon…

... so they go back to Fred's parents' home for their first night together.

In the morning, Fred's little brother Johnny gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No".

John...

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Mom: Wake up, son. It's time to go to school

Son: But why? Everyone in the school hates me


Mom: Oh! that’s not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school


Son: Give me two good reasons why I should go to school?


MOM : One, you should understand your responsibilities.
Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school...

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Russian elementary school assignmen: "please tell us an anecdote that demonstrates the kindness of our great leader Putin"

On the due date, the teacher has some students stand up and read their assignments in front of the class.

Little Igor goes first : "one day President Putin was walking down the street when he noticed a crying little girl. He asked what was troubling her, and she told him that her cat went up ...

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Joke I heard in middle school [1990] and is still funny

A man gets sick of the rat race and decides to retire to farming. Goes to farmer's market to buy livestock. Goes to buy a hen. Seller says, 'Here ya go but here in the country, we call that a poullette (pullit). Man says, 'Okay.'

Man Goes to buy a rooster. Seller says, 'Here in the country...

German Joke from the 1910's

My grandfather told me this joke in the 1960's, when I was a kid. He had heard it when he was a kid in the 1910's (he was born in 1904), in Hungary:

Some boys were walking to school in the morning, and on the way they passed a plum tree. There were plums all over the ground under the tree, s...

What would Ted Cruz have done in the school shooting if he was the responding police officer?

He would have packed his bags and leave for Cancun, citing his daughters don't go that school.

My daughter came home from her first day at school and announced that she "learned how to make babies"

You drop the "y" and add "ies".

In a libertarian society, would there be vending machines selling heroin on the sidewalk right outside of elementary schools?

Of course not! For starters, there wouldn't be any sidewalks.

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When I was in law school, I was rejected by all fraternities because I was circumcised.

Apparently you need to be a complete dick.

Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face.

She told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!"

Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut."

Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's mom asked, "Really small, was it?"

Sally replied, "No, salty."

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"Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin"

"Well, start giving them bad grades and they will stop"

Terrorist

At New York's Kennedy Airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square and a calculator. Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious al-Gebra movement. He is being char...

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-Johnny you can't bring your cat to the school you're gonna be in trouble for it

\-I know but I can't leave it at home

\-why ?

\-I heard my dad talking to my mum and said : "once the kid goes to school I'm gonna eat that pussy"

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It’s a bird… errr

A mother and her young son were traveling to school early one morning when they unexpectedly got behind a garbage truck.

After following the garbage truck for a little bit there was trash occasionally falling out of the back of the truck. All of a sudden a giant purple dildo came flying out ...

I think the reason that schools are so dangerous is because of the name "School"

If we renamed all education centres as "Uterus" then republicans might actually care about what's inside them.

Freddie Mercury went to school to be a pilot, but he failed the license test.

He flew, a little high, a little low and any way the wind blows…

Hair loss competition

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I recently entered a competition to see who gained the most weight and lost the most hair," he tells the bartender. "What the heck? Why?" the bartender asks. "Oh, they didn't call it that," the guy replies. "It was advertised as 'high school class reunion,'...

awkward situation growing up

when he was 15 years old, his friend gave him condoms, just as a prank but he put the condoms aside, because he was only 15.

him and his friends were learning karate from a friend Mike, Mike was a black belt in Karate the rest of them learning from him were beginner yellow belts.

his ...

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A young Spanish teacher, fresh out of college, is hired at a public school.

On her first day, the principal decides to observe, and sits down next to Little Johnny. She starts writing a sentence in Spanish on the board. As she does, a piece of chalk breaks and she bends down to pick it up. When she finishes writing her sentence, she asks, "Now, kids, who can translate this ...

My daughter came home from school yesterday and told us this joke: What do you get from a fat cow?

Homework.

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says “I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else’s job for a day.”

The professor says “I’ll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?” so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the ...

Abe's son arrived home from school puffing and panting, sweat rolling down his face.

"Dad, you'll be so proud of me," he said, "I saved a dollar by running behind the bus all the way home!"

"Oy vay!" said Abe, "You could have run behind a taxi and saved $10"

Life saving

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him. "Why do we have to learn this stuff? " the frustrated student blurted out. "To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture. A few minutes later th...

8 year old son's greatest joke

My son told me this joke years ago and it still is my favourite joke. He came home from school one day and says 'Dad, I have a joke for you.' I said, oh yes, let's hear it. Very low expectations at this point. He said 'Why did the chicken cross the road?', I replied with the usual, 'I don't know son...

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My friend from high-school and I reunited.

Hes more successful than me but we are both married and we share the same wedding day.
I asked him what he got his wife for their anniversary.
I got her a diamond necklace, and a Mercedes.
Why both I asked
So if she doesn't like the jewelry, she still has the car to return it.
My ...

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3 students at a high school get into trouble and are put on detention after school.

But instead of just sitting in a classroom they are tasked with helping the school Janitor clean the school basement.

So they set about clearing the basement. They find loads of old junk, which had accumulated over the 80 years the school had been open.

After about an hour of movi...

An electrician gets tired of being looked down upon for his profession

so he uses the money he has saved up to become a doctor.

As a resident, he always stood out amongst a crowd that was still mostly younger rich kids who could afford medical school somehow right out of high school and undergrad.

One day in particular, the hospital fire alarm got yanke...

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So my crush from high school came into my work today & we had sexy time!

I work at a morgue.

Please don't post any more school shooting jokes, consider them rule 10 - overly offensive.

Let's give each other time to heal and get back to the reposts we all know and love (just kidding) - but enough is enough of these.

Your face is so ugly

when your momma dropped you off to school she got a littering fine

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Yo Mama's so old... and stupid... and fat.

Yo Mama's so old she remembers when Captain Caveman was a lieutenant,

yo Mama's so old, when she went to school history class was just one paragraph.

yo Mama's so stupid, she has a glow in the dark sundial in her garden,

yo Mama's so stupid she went to the Dentist to fix her Blu...

Why are Americans so good at shooting?

We have the best schools for it

Did you hear about the kid who bungie jumped from the school's flag pole?

He was suspended

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Lil Maria

Maria is a happy first grader. She's also the only blonde girl in her class. Everyday she gets home and tells her mom about school.

"Mama, today we learned numbers and i could already count to three when noone else could! 1..2..3! Is that cuz im blonde?" " Yes sweetie, that's cuz youre blonde...

I hope this isn't a repost, I came up with it on my own but it seems like it should be a thing already

My friend (I call him E) and I went to a competition for our children a few months ago on who could name the most vowels. He gave me five dollars to go get a drink. Now when I walk my daughter to school, I see him and always remember that I owe him money. So, I call out, "Hey! E! I owe you!" For som...

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