What do you get when you mix literature with alcohol?

Tequila Mockingbird

Why did Hitler fail literature class?

He was anti-semantic.

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A small Japanese town has only two literature teachers, Ishu and Takashiro

One day Ishu falls ill and asks Takashiro to teach his classes for the week. Ishu had planned to give a surprise assessment tomorrow but hadn’t finished writing the questions, so he asks Takashiro to finish them for him.

Ishu miraculously gets better the day after the assessment. He’s still ...

What do you get when you cross Russian literature with balanced chemical equations?

Tolstoichiometry

What do you get when you cross Literature and Queen?

"I'm just a Poe boy,
Nobody loves me"

1984 is a great work of literature.

I think all kids should be forced to read it.

I'm having a hard time trying to decide on which pencil to use for my English literature exam.

2B or not 2B - that is the question.

I don't understand why so many people major in English Literature.

I mean there's only so many ways to ask, "Do you want fries with that?"

Penguin books seem to only publish extremist literature...

For them, everything is just black and white.

I wanted to buy some literature on DIY shelving

Sounds easy, but try going into a book store and asking if they have "any books on shelves"

What did the math book say to the literature book?

You're so full of great stories, I'm just filled with problems

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Students taking English Literature at a local college were assigned to read two books, 'Titanic' and 'My Life' by Bill Clinton.

One student turned in the following report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories. He got an A+.


Titanic: cost - $29.99

Clinton: cost - $29.99
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Titanic: ...

A local prison introduced an English Literature course...

.. during the inmates' free time. The thought behind it was that if the prisoners had lessons on great writers such as Joyce, Hemingway, or Poe it would help them express themselves as well as helping with their rehabilitation back into society. Unfortunately, the program failed. It seems that when ...

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Erotic literature for premature ejaculators

-------------------
Chapter 1.
-------------------

She looked at him.

-------------------
The end.
-------------------

Why is there so little Puerto Rican literature?

Because the spray paint can wasn't invented until 1949.

I'm ambivalent about Mongolian literature.

It has its prose and Khans.

Escalator Literature.

a step by step guide to reaching new levels

This is what I learned from Russian Literature

Alright so 2 guys and 1 girl are stranded on a island

If they were French then they would have a "menage a trois" and get along just fine.

If they were English then they would be mad at each other because none of them were properly introduce.

And if they were Russian then the gi...

John's English Literature teacher saw that John had fallen asleep:

"Now let me ask you guys a question, who wrote HAMLET? John? Can you tell me?"

John woke up and rubbed his eyes: "Hum, aaaaa, Mrs. Black, honestly, hum,I didn’t do it!"

The class filled with laughters. The teacher was angry: "Get out of my class and tell your parents to come to see me ...

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A generic science major and an english literature major walk into a bar and are asked by a mutual friend how to best evaluate a book.

I just wrote a joke: A generic science major and an english literature major walk into a bar and are asked by a mutual friend how to best evaluate a book.

The generic science major takes a few moments to think, then says, "Well, I would read up on the history of the book, process the literat...

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The Telling Tale of Oliver Tin

When he was young, Oliver Tin knew nothing about what he wanted to do, except that he wanted to do everything.

At the age of 5, he had already mastered reading, and had grown bored of all the literature he could find, fiction or not. Oliver Tin took this boredom as an obligation to produce wo...

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William Shakespeare, Herman Melville, and a Redditor all meet up in heaven one day

Eventually, the conversation turns to the impact their literature had on the world.

Herman Melville starts boasting. He says “I wrote 15 books, and my book “Moby Dick” is still studied in schools and famous to this day”.

William Shakespeare interjects: “That’s nothing! Why, I wrote 192...

A mental health facility offers supervised hobbies for its patients.

They have access to painting, exercise, a small library, cooking, all sorts of stuff.

When they paint, they are often instructed to paint their mood, or something they would like to see or do when they are released. Some paint melancholy things, dark with depressive imagery and muted colors. ...

If a seagull flys over the sea, then what flys over the bay?

A bagel!
(Came up with this Louis CK style slapstick literature at 5 years old, give me bronze)

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When you have an "I hate my job" day

When you have an "I hate my job" day, try this out:

Stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson.

Be very sure you get this brand.

When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect ...

A man goes to visit a frog in the woods

The man knows the frog loves reading, so he brings him a variety of literature. He finds the frog hanging out by a pond and presents him with classics, comedy, and nonfiction, but the frog shakes his head at each book one by one.

Finally the man, exasperated, says, "I don't understand! You...

What was Kim Jong Un's favorite class in school?

Literature. He is a supreme reader after all.

I'm an English teacher and I'm obsessed with staying clean.

I hope there isn't any literature house.

I asked my friend about his time in prison.

"I have mixed feelings. On one hand I was surrounded by the worst society had to offer. I shared cells with thieves, murderers, and rapists. On the other hand the prison library was filled with the best collection of literature that I've ever seen. I don't know. It has its prose and cons."

Math

A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic
knowledge in pill form.
A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks
what kind of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says
"Here's a pill for English literature." The student takes the
pill an...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side is the most common answer, however this answer leaves a great deal of room for interpretation. As noted historian and sociologist Ian Ormwell stated, "A joke cannot be taken at face value; all jests are subjective in their appearance and impact." Contrasting this view, the p...

A waiter approaches a table celebrating their daughters graduation...

Father: Our daughter just graduated from SCU with an English degree!

Waiter: That's so great! Congratulations! I actually have a Master's degree in English Literature myself. Can I get you folks started with some chips and salsa?

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The Immortal Bard

*This is not my joke, it is actually a short story written by Isaac Asimov, but it is written like a joke. One that I found quite humorous. Hope it belongs here.*

"Oh, yes," said Dr. Phineas Welch, "I can bring back the spirits of the illustrious dead."

He was a little drunk, or maybe ...

"A boy jumped through the window". What is the subject?

English literature

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Boudreaux decides he needs to go to college

So Boudreaux heads down to Nicholls State and talks to the Dean. The Dean tells him "Well Boudreaux, you don't have much education, so we'll start you with the basics. Literature, Math, History and Logic."

Boudreaux says "I heard of dem math and books and history, but what's logic?"

Th...

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A Trip to the Psychic of Piccadilly Lane

A man driving his morning route spots an old corrugated plastic sign planted in the brown, yet overgrown yard of a decrepit house. The once-colorful sign reads "Psychic readings performed; $20.00 per palm reading, first question answered FREE." The man, intrigued, decides that he could skip his usua...

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Exam for athletes

The following is a college entrance exam for athletes.

Time Limit: 3 Days.

Write Your Name: ________________________________________
(20 point bonus if spelled correctly).

1. What language is spoken in Germany?

2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire wi...

There was a pub quiz last week

And there was a round on Literature. The question was "Name the book where the characters all lived behind a wardrobe". Imagine the disgust when I shouted "The diary of Anne Frank"!

A sufficiently advanced society has synthesized all human knowledge

in pill form. So an undergraduate goes to the drug store and asks the pharmacist if he has history, economics, and literature. The pharmacist disappears into the back. When he returns, he has three little boxes and says

"Here, take this purple one for all of human history—from the origins all...