My daughter called to tell me she saw a man driving a fast car made of macaroni and cheese.

She was doing 80 in a Honda and he was driving pasta.
E: my first (I think) original dad joke. Don’t slaughter me

Why are people buying out all the pasta/macaroni products?

Because when you are in lockdown.. A nice bowl can pasta time quicker

I once told a joke about macaroni.

It was pretty cheesy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks in to a brothel and puts $1000 down on the table. He then says to the madame "I want your ugliest girl and macaroni and cheese."

The madame replies "for that kind of money, you can have one of our finest girls and a three course gourmet meal." The guy replies "Sorry honey, I'm not horny, just home sick."

Yankee Doodle: *sticks feather in cap* This is called macaroni

Yankee Doodle's friend: Ok, cool. Listen man, everybody's worried about you.

"This macaroni keeps sliding around my kitchen counter by itself, and I keep finding it at the foot of my bed at night", my brother told me.

"Man, this is some creepy pasta" I replied.

A mummified macaroni pizza was uncovered in Italy today.

The man who uncovered it says "It's a pizza of our pasta."

Everything is better with cheese

Macaroni? Good.
Macaroni and Cheese? Gouda.

What do you call making a portrait out of macaroni?

Arts and Krafts

My wife though I was stupid for saying that I could drive a car made from macaroni...

You should've seen her face when I drove pasta.

What did the macaroni say went he was offered cocaine?

No thanks, I’ll stick to the pot.

Why did the macaroni leave the party?

It was pasta his bedtime.

What do Giraffes eat?

Macaroni and leaves.

What happened to Macaroni's wife?

She pasta away

a blind man walks into a restaurant

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. “I’m sorry, sir, but I am blind and can’t read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I’ll smell it and order from there.” A little confused, ...

There was a macaroni in my box of orzo

Impasta!

A man walks up to the register and unloads his basket.

He slaps down some Hungry Man TV dinners, single serving ice cream tubs, a toilet paper four-pack, a single serving of macaroni salad, and one apple. The cashier looks at his groceries and says, “You must be single.”

The man looks up and says, “Can you tell because of what I’m buying?”
...

Wanna hear a joke about Kraft Macaroni and Cheese?

I would tell you but its dangerously cheesy.

An Interesting Proposal

So I drive around the city a lot, see a lot of stuff, ya know, trees and whatnot. Anyways, I just passed a homeless lady who was holding a sign that said " widowed, single, need help, kisses included."

What an interesting sign, so unique, so confident, so single...

So she came up to my...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doing the Boss

A woman's boss calls her into his office asking her if she would house sit when he's gone for a weekend.
Accepting right away she says , "I'll make a list right now of what you'll need. Whatll you need me to do?"

"I've a mini pig that has a rash, can you rub some soothing oil on it?" The b...

My dad died in front of me

Before he died, he scribbled me a note. They were his last words. I decided not to open it till I was ready. A year later, I opened it and this is what is said, "You are stepping on my oxygen line".

Edit: Holy macaroni with a side of O2, thank you so much for 190 votes!!!

Edit 2: My, m...

I have a medical condition where I’m allergic to only one type of pasta

It’s called macaroni and sneeze

What do you call pasta with a cold?

Macaroni and sneeze

Was told to me by my 3 year old

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two soldiers are walking through a forrest.

They’re both starving and searching for food, when they come to a crossroads. They agree, that each will go down one path and look for food. After about an hour they meet back at the crossroad. One of them is empty-handed, but the other one is holding a helmet full of macaroni with bits of meat. The...

Whats the difference between a Yankee and Native American?

If you stick a feather in a Yankee's hat, you have to call it macaroni.

Why can't you make something that's sort of like a macaron but not really?

Because then it'd just be macaroni

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a Panda walks into a restaurant...

And the host, thinking this is a little out of the ordinary, asks the panda if he is here to eat.

"Of course." says the panda.

A little ashamed, the host walks the panda to a table and tells him the waiter will be along shortly. Soon enough the waiter comes along and asks the panda wha...

...How did you do it?

There was once a train operator who had been driving trains for well over 20 years. Over the course of his career, he had experienced a number of close calls in the accident department. At long last, sadly, he hit a schoolbus full of children on its way out of the elementary school parking lot, kill...

Three little pigs walk into a restaurant

They are seated at a table. After a few minutes to look at the menu, they decide to start with some appetizers. The waiter asks the pigs what they will have.

"I'll start with some chips and salsa," the first pig replies.
"I will begin with some mozzarella sticks," the second pig says. "Wat...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Spaghetti sex

I'm at the bar the other night and this beautiful woman approached me.

She said "I'll screw your brains out if you buy me a bowl of macaroni."

I said, "Really!? What are you, a pasta-tute?"

And then, that very same girl came up to me the next day and I asked her what she charg...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.