UPJOKE
pastaraviolisouplasagnaoatmealmeatloafcheesebreadsausageitalypizzasaladsteakrigatonipesto

Macaroni Jokes

I once told a joke about macaroni.

It was pretty cheesy.

What do you call pasta with a cold?

Macaroni and sneeze

Was told to me by my 3 year old

A Macaroni, a Penne and a Spaghetti were drinking wine in a bar one evening. They saw a noodle sitting by himself and discussed inviting him to join them.

They all agreed he looked Cannelloni.

EDIT; Thank you for all the awards, I guess I pasta test!

What happened to Macaroni's wife?

She pasta away

My dad died in front of me

Before he died, he scribbled me a note. They were his last words. I decided not to open it till I was ready. A year later, I opened it and this is what is said, "You are stepping on my oxygen line".

Edit: Holy macaroni with a side of O2, thank you so much for 190 votes!!!

Edit 2: My, m...

A mummified macaroni pizza was uncovered in Italy today.

The man who uncovered it says "It's a pizza of our pasta."

Wanna hear a joke about Kraft Macaroni and Cheese?

I would tell you but its dangerously cheesy.

Everything is better with cheese

Macaroni? Good.
Macaroni and Cheese? Gouda.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to make macaroni and cheese

Boil a pot of water, put pasta in water and wait until soft.

Drain water from pasta.

Go into trash can to retrieve box because you forgot how much butter to add

add butter and mix

go back into trash to retrieve box because you forgot how much milk to add

add milk a...

My partner laughed at me when I told her I was going to make a bike out of Macaroni

You should've seen her face when I cycled pasta.

Why are people buying out all the pasta/macaroni products?

Because when you are in lockdown.. A nice bowl can pasta time quicker

Yankee Doodle: *sticks feather in cap* This is called macaroni

Yankee Doodle's friend: Ok, cool. Listen man, everybody's worried about you.

What did the macaroni say went he was offered cocaine?

No thanks, I’ll stick to the pot.

The President of France has published a recipe for a new dessert with coconut and pasta

It’s Macron’s macaroon macaroni macaron.

There was a macaroni in my box of orzo

Impasta!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks in to a brothel and puts $1000 down on the table. He then says to the madame "I want your ugliest girl and macaroni and cheese."

The madame replies "for that kind of money, you can have one of our finest girls and a three course gourmet meal." The guy replies "Sorry honey, I'm not horny, just home sick."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a Panda walks into a restaurant...

And the host, thinking this is a little out of the ordinary, asks the panda if he is here to eat.

"Of course." says the panda.

A little ashamed, the host walks the panda to a table and tells him the waiter will be along shortly. Soon enough the waiter comes along and asks the panda wha...

What do you call a small serving of macaroni?

Snac And Cheese

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two drunks at a party..

Two guys go to a party and get **very** drunk.

They are sat at a table beside the dance floor, and one of them sets eyes on a lady on the opposite side, sat alone.

"Man, she's really beautiful, I'd like to have a dance with her." says the first guy.

"Which one?" says the second....

I have a medical condition where I’m allergic to only one type of pasta

It’s called macaroni and sneeze

Why did macaroni and cheese get sober?

They were tired of smoking Kraft.

My daughter called to tell me she saw a man driving a fast car made of macaroni and cheese.

She was doing 80 in a Honda and he was driving pasta.
E: my first (I think) original dad joke. Don’t slaughter me

Warning.

Don't let them take your forehead temperature at the supermarket, because it erases your memory. I went for macaroni and cheese.

And came home with two cases of beer.

Not my joke but my 5 year old sister's

Mom is cooking up some mac and cheese for my little sis and says," Come get your macaroni and cheese."
To which my sister replies," I said I want mac and cheese, NO Caroni!"

My 5yr old sis is smarter than me

What do Giraffes eat?

Macaroni and leaves.

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down...

The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there."

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two soldiers are walking through a forrest.

They’re both starving and searching for food, when they come to a crossroads. They agree, that each will go down one path and look for food. After about an hour they meet back at the crossroad. One of them is empty-handed, but the other one is holding a helmet full of macaroni with bits of meat. The...

Why can't you make something that's sort of like a macaron but not really?

Because then it'd just be macaroni

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doing the Boss

A woman's boss calls her into his office asking her if she would house sit when he's gone for a weekend.
Accepting right away she says , "I'll make a list right now of what you'll need. Whatll you need me to do?"

"I've a mini pig that has a rash, can you rub some soothing oil on it?" The b...

"This macaroni keeps sliding around my kitchen counter by itself, and I keep finding it at the foot of my bed at night", my brother told me.

"Man, this is some creepy pasta" I replied.

I recently got a girlfriend who likes to eat healthy.

So, tonight, we’re eating at my place.I went to the store, got some macaroni and cheese, and burnt it. When she got to my house, she tried the burnt meal.

“Are you sure this is healthy?” She asked.

“Of course it is.” I said. “It tastes disgusting.”

Whats the difference between a Yankee and Native American?

If you stick a feather in a Yankee's hat, you have to call it macaroni.

...How did you do it?

There was once a train operator who had been driving trains for well over 20 years. Over the course of his career, he had experienced a number of close calls in the accident department. At long last, sadly, he hit a schoolbus full of children on its way out of the elementary school parking lot, kill...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny talks like an adult

This is my sister's favorite joke

\--

One day in Kindergarten...

Mrs Smith: Ok class, today we're going to try and talk like adults. OK? Let's try it. Kevin, what did you have for dinner last night?

Kevin: We ate cheesy macaroony!

Mrs Smith: OK, but let's talk...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Spaghetti sex

I'm at the bar the other night and this beautiful woman approached me.

She said "I'll screw your brains out if you buy me a bowl of macaroni."

I said, "Really!? What are you, a pasta-tute?"

And then, that very same girl came up to me the next day and I asked her what she charg...

Three little pigs walk into a restaurant

They are seated at a table. After a few minutes to look at the menu, they decide to start with some appetizers. The waiter asks the pigs what they will have.

"I'll start with some chips and salsa," the first pig replies.
"I will begin with some mozzarella sticks," the second pig says. "Wat...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.