UPJOKE
beefmeatcalfporkvenisonsausagelambcattlemuttonitalian cuisinecheeseburgerfrench cuisinesteakcutletmozzarella

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?

Pilgrims.

I’ll be here all week folks, try the veal.

So I guess there was this rancher who was growing a really weird breed of cattle.

They were a really vivid blue green color.  No one could believe it... They thought he was airbrushing them or painting them or using Instagram filters or photoshop.

Finally an fda inspector--Neal Beal was his name--wanted to go out to the ranch and see for himself whether these cows were re...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How is pussy like veal?

It tastes sweeter the younger it is.

Quasimodo needs a vacation.

He goes to the Dean of the cathedral and asks for a leave. He’s told taking time off is OK if he will arrange for someone to take his place temporarily. So Quasimodo posts a job on LinkedIn for a bell ringer.
Several people respond but the best candidates were a pair of twins. They were quite eag...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Oh, Little Johnny

Little Johnny's teacher began the school year by announcing a new contest. Every Friday, 30 minutes before the final bell, she would ask the class a question. The first student to answer it right could leave early, and the rest of the class would take a quiz.

The first Friday, the teacher a...

Never had good catfish.

My coworker said “I’ve never had good catfish”

Someone else replied “you haven’t been on the internet long enough!”

I’ll be here all week. Try the veal.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck.



Thanks, I'm here all week. Try the veal.

Ukrainian mother-in-law joke

The morning after the wedding, the newlywed couple is sitting at the kitchen table when they are joined by the bride's mother. The husband, still slightly drunk from last night, decides that now is the proper time to display his manly authority.

He starts by calmly issuing his demands. "For b...

A cattle transporter was moving a bus full of baby cows. He tried to make them sit still but they kept rotating.

I guess the veals on the bus go round and round.

A citizen of Moscow went into a restaurant

A citizen of Moscow went into a restaurant and ordered: "Borsht, veal cutlets, rhubarb pie, a cup of coffee....oh and a copy of Pravda please."

"Certainly," said the waiter, "we have all that you have ordered except Pravda. That newspaper ceased publication when the old Communist regime colla...

This boy and girl went to a party dressed as calf meat.

I felt like a bit of a third veal.

I don't get this new hype around synthetic meats.

I mean, why are we re-inventing the veal?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I swallowed a Viagra and it got stuck in my throat...

had a stiff neck for days.


i'm here all week folks. try the veal.

My girlfriend and I went to a restaurant and our German friend tagged along with us. I get the impression he eats a lot of calves.

There wasn't any meat on the menu, but he kept saying he felt like a third veal.

What do you call an evil baby cow?

A veal-lin.

A cop catches a Z4 with European plates doing 134 in upstate New York,

so the cop gets out calling for backup and shouts "Keep your hands on the wheel!" while approaching the driver's side. He instructs the driver to lower the window. It's a pale bald guy wearing a dark turtleneck and thick plastic eyeglasses.

"Ja? I vas just admiring Ihre Autobahn. There is ein...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.