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Twelve priests were about to be ordained.

The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.

Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would n...

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A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeeez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?" The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!" "I got every word," says the parrot. "Ask me anything, I'll answer whatever you want."

"Okay," the guy says. "How can you hang onto your perch without any feet?" "Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but si...

What's smaller than a teenie weenie flea?

A flea's teenie weenie.

Men have 3 knees.

A right knee, a left knee, and a weenie.

A Weenie Contest.

Three 3rd Graders, an Irish, an Italian, and a Black are in the bathroom during recess and they decide to have a weenie contest to see who has the biggest weenie! The Irish boy pulls his out first and it's pretty small. The Italian goes next and it's about average. Then the Black Boy pulls his ou...

Why can’t witches get pregnant?

Because their husbands have hollow weenies.

What’s smaller than a teeny, weenie fly?

A fly’s teeny weenie.

Why can't ghosts have babies?

Because they have hollow weenies.

Where do baby ghosts come from?

We all know the girl ghosts have booooo-bies but how do the boy ghosts do anything with their hollow weenies?

The Weenie Geenie

A man walks into a bar and compliments the manager on the little piano player. After the man asks where the manager found such a small man with exquisite talent, the manager gave the man a lamp. The man rubs the lamp and a genie comes out granting him one wish. The man in complete disbelief wishes f...

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The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus.

They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any Two points in his body.. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his hea...

Little Sally came home from school

Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face, and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!" Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut." Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's mom asked, "Really small,...

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I was teased about my penis size almost every day of elementary school.

I got called names like teeny weenie, micro dong, and pickled pecker.

If it weren't for that, being home-schooled wouldn't have been so bad.

What do you call a hot dog with no center?

A Hollow Weenie!

A man walks goes to visit his local butcher...

He asks the butcher for 5 pounds of the shop's best sausage.

The butcher walks to the back and returns a few minutes later with a package wrapped in butcher paper.

The butcher says it'll be $20.

The man pays the butcher, but upon picking up the big package he immediately reali...

Went to the doctor today for a bad limp

Turns out it’s because I have three knees.
A left knee
A right knee
And a weenie

Why couldn't the guy ghost get the girl ghost pregnant? (This is my annual joke)

Because he had a hollow-weenie

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A golfer was on vacation in Ireland

and while playing he made a hole in one. With that, a leprechaun jumps out from the trees and says, "I am the lucky leprechaun of the 13th hole. I'll grant you any wish."

The player thought a bit and said, "Could you make my weenie a bit larger?"

Well, by the time he got to the 14th te...

Why couldn't the witch get pregnant?

The husband had a Hallo-Weenie

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Measurements

A man and his wife were outside their house doing yardwork. The husband looked over at his wife bent over her flower bed and said "ya know honey, I never really noticed how big your ass is. Why, I bet it's just as wide as the range on the grill." To prove his point, the man went and grabbed the tape...

Why can’t a ghost have babies?

Because he has a hollow-weenie.


Just for the fun of spooktober!

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Heard about the new condoms that just cover the head of the penis?

They're called Weenie Beanies

Grandpa

A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.

"Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!" he exclaimed.

The old man looke...

Why did the daushund hate halloween?

Because he was a little weenie!

What's your best limerick?

There once was a fellow McSweeny

Who spilled some gin on his weenie

Just to be couth

He added vermouth

Then slipped his girlfriend a martini

Astronaut Scot Kelly grew 2 inches after being in space for a year

You'd think they'd be doing more important stuff in space other than measuring their weenies.

Are you a 1950's vintage hotdog toy?

'Cause you make my weenie whistle

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A mother wanted to kill her three boys...

A mother wanted to kill her three boys. She grabbed the first thing she could and put BBs in the kids mashed potatoes in hopes of choking or poisoning.

The next day, the first boy came to his mother and said "Mommy Mommy! I got a BB stuck in my weenie and I can't go pee" ... She replied "Ok ...

I bought a new car recently.

I got it for a great deal. Oscar Mayer Weiner was going under so they sold me one of their weenie vans. I was really excited so I drove it around town to show off. I pulled up to a Starbucks because I was thirsty and as I was parking I saw the most beautiful girl in the world. She watched me park an...

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Why did the skeleton's dick float?

because he had a hollow weenie.

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A man has an unfortunately sized penis...

And he doesn't have a lot of money. He goes to a doctor and says "Doc, please can you help me? My penis is so small, I don't know what to do!" The doctor says "Well yes, but the procedure is $10,000."
"Aw geez doc I could NEVER afford that!" he says defeated

The doctor replies "Well, if ...

HALLOWEEN JOKE: Why don't witches ever have babies?

Because warlocks have hollow weenies!

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