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Weenie Jokes

The Weenie Geenie

A man walks into a bar and compliments the manager on the little piano player. After the man asks where the manager found such a small man with exquisite talent, the manager gave the man a lamp. The man rubs the lamp and a genie comes out granting him one wish. The man in complete disbelief wishes f...

What’s smaller than a teeny, weenie fly?

A fly’s teeny weenie.

What's smaller than a teenie weenie ant?

An ant's teenie weenie!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was teased about my size almost every day of elementary school.

I got called names like teeny weenie, micro dong, and pickled pecker.

If it weren't for that, being home-schooled wouldn't have been so bad.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Too many officers~

The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two parts of his body.

The officer got to choose what those two points wo...

Nudist Joke

What do you call a group of nudists around a fire?

.

A Weenie Roast

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Measurements

A man and his wife were outside their house doing yardwork. The husband looked over at his wife bent over her flower bed and said "ya know honey, I never really noticed how big your is. Why, I bet it's just as wide as the range on the grill." To prove his point, the man went and grabbed the tape...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why can’t witches have kids?

They have crystal balls and hallow weenies

Why couldn't the witch have babies?

Because her husband had a hollow weenie.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Italian ?

More like ling-weenie

Why can’t witches get pregnant?

Because their husbands have hollow weenies.

Have you ever heard of Clinton Soup?

It consists of a weenie in hot water

Why can't ghosts reproduce?

Because they have hollow weenies!

Happy Spooktober!

What do you call a hot dog with no center?

A Hollow Weenie!

Went to the doctor today for a bad limp

Turns out it’s because I have three knees.
A left knee
A right knee
And a weenie

Men have 3 knees.

A right knee, a left knee, and a weenie.

What's your best limerick?

There once was a fellow McSweeny

Who spilled some gin on his weenie

Just to be couth

He added vermouth

Then slipped his girlfriend a martini

Why couldn't the witch get pregnant?

The husband had a Hallo-Weenie

Why couldn't the guy ghost get the girl ghost pregnant? (This is my annual joke)

Because he had a hollow-weenie

Why can’t a ghost have babies?

Because he has a hollow-weenie.


Just for the fun of spooktober!

Why did the daushund hate halloween?

Because he was a little weenie!

Astronaut Scot Kelly grew 2 inches after being in space for a year

You'd think they'd be doing more important stuff in space other than measuring their weenies.

HALLOWEEN JOKE: Why don't witches ever have babies?

Because warlocks have hollow weenies!

I bought a new car recently.

I got it for a great deal. Oscar Mayer Weiner was going under so they sold me one of their weenie vans. I was really excited so I drove it around town to show off. I pulled up to a Starbucks because I was thirsty and as I was parking I saw the most beautiful girl in the world. She watched me park an...

Grandpa

A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.

"Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!" he exclaimed.

The old man looke...
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