UPJOKE
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What's the difference between a large pepperoni pizza and an English degree?

The pizza can feed a family of four.

A man rushes into the doctors' office and screams, "Doctor, Doctor! I swallowed one of those 'do not eat' packets in a bag of pepperoni! Am I going to die?" The doctor tries to relax him by saying, "Well, everyone is going to die eventually."

The man shrieks and responds, "Everyone?! Oh lord, what have I done?"

What do you call a pepperoni in a bunker?

A prepperoni.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to the deli and ordered a pepperoni

The cashier asked me if I wanted it sliced.

I asked "What do you think my ass is, a piggy bank?"

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A man eats a large pepperoni pie by himself...

And is unable to make it to the bathroom in time.

His wife walks in and sees the mess, asking, "is that a pile of shit?"

He replies "no, its a pizza crap."

I just ate a pizza covered in pepperoni and chillies.

To be honest, I looked pretty ridiculous.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cow walks up to a man

"Hey man" the cow says "What the fuck?!" says the man "A talking cow?!' The cow laughs and says "bet you've never seen a talking cow before have you!" The man is shocked and says "well what else can you do?" the cow says "lots of things, here I will show you" the cow walks over to a phone box, pulls...

Google knows!

Subject: Today's Reality


CALLER: Is this Gordon's Pizza?


GOOGLE: No sir, it's Google Pizza.


CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.


GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.


CALLER: OK. I would like to order a ...

Three prisoners are about to be executed. They are asked what they wish to have for their last meal.

The Italian asks for pepperoni pizza, which he is served and then taken away.

The Frenchmen requests a filet mignon, which he is served and also taken away.

The Jewish man requests a plate of strawberries.

The captors are surprised and reply: “Strawberries?”


“Yes, Str...

Why were the Twin Towers mad?

They ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plain.

A man has been found dead at the pizza parlour

He was covered in ham, pineapple, onions, mushrooms, bell pepper, ground beef, pepperoni and four cheeses.

Police are saying he topped himself.

Three dinosaurs stumble upon a lamp in the desert.

One of them rubs the lamp and out pops a genie. "In exchange for freeing me, I shall grant each of you one wish," said the genie.

Excited and clamoring amongst each other, the dinosaurs began to dream of meat.

The first one piped up, "I wish it would rain pepperoni and drumsticks!" The...

Pizza Google

A man calls Pizza Hut:

--Hello, Pizza Hut?

--No, sir. Pizza Google

--Oh, sorry. Wrong number..

--No sir, it's the correct number, it's just that Google bought Pizza Hut

--Oh... okay, so... take my order, please

--Same as always?

--And how do you know ...

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Good Idea!

A man visits the doctor with a perplexing problem.
"Doc, everything I eat comes out exactly the same in the toilet."

The doctor, somewhat confused, asks, "Be more specific."

"If I eat a cheeseburger, later there's a cheeseburger in the toilet after I go."

The doctor says, "...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Oedipus travels to the future.

When he arrives, he is amazed by the wonders he sees around him. He finds the nearest person he can. "Where am I, and what age is this?"

"Athens, 2019" the man says sarcastically.

"Athens!? This looks nothing of the city I know, and you tell me I traveled 2500 years into the future!?"<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy goes to the doctor for his test results...

The doc pulls out the patient’s file and says “I’ve got good news and bad news.”

The guy sighs and says, “Well, what’s the bad news?”

“You’ve been eating so much salami, pepperoni, corned beef, bacon, chorizo and prosciutto that you’ve developed a very rare fatal disease.”

“Wha...

Someone knocked on my door

As I opened, I saw a pizza delivery guy with a large pepperoni pizza in his hand.

"You must be mistaken. I didn't order any pizza!", I said

"Yes, I know", he replied, "Your neighbor forgot his instagram password and wanted to show you what he's having for dinner!"

I’m sorry (warning dark joke ahead)

Why were the people in the twin towers so mad?






























Because they ordered pepperoni, but they got plane

This sub is the best.

It has salami, pepperoni, lettuce, black olives, green peppers, provolone cheese, and oil. 10/10

Drunk in a Taxi

So, a drunk climbs gracelessly into the back of a taxi and says "Drive."

As they pull from the curb, he leans forward and asks the driver, "Do you have room up front for a large pepperoni pizza and a six-pack of beer?"

The driver replies, "Sure!"

The drunk bends over the seat an...

The doctor told me to watch what I eat if I wanted to lose weight.

I stare at my extra large pepperoni pizza with a Diet Coke for at least an hour before I scarf it down and I haven't lost a pound.

An incredible phenomenon of life

A pepperoni of radius 'z' and height 'a' has a volume of pi·z·z·a

A little something for the some of the posts I see in /r/personalfinance

Q: Which one is not like the others? Degree in Mathematics, Degree in Engineering, Degree in Philosophy, or a pepperoni pizza?
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A: Degree in Philosophy... the other three can feed a family of four.

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