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Gravy Jokes

I've just written a book called "Fifty Shades of Gravy"

It's very saucy

I was told I didn't need to narrate every time I make gravy and I disagreed.

The plot thickens.

Gravity is one of the fundamental forces in our universe but if you remove it you get gravy

also austria is not part of nato

I like my girls like I like my gravy

Brown and all over my meat.


(P.S. I can't remember if this is a joke I made up or a joke I heard somewhere else, if anyone has heard it elsewhere could you tell me.)

A priest visits his cousin, who is also a priest.

The two priests, both in their forties, sit down to dinner.

The visiting priest says, "Cousin, I couldn't help noticing that your housekeeper is quite a young and attractive woman. I take it relations between the two of you are not always completely platonic?"

"How dare you! I am a man...

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One day a blind man goes to a restaurant

One day a blind man goes to a restaurant

The server asked him if he’d like to see the menu

The blind man says: “no, I am blind, just bring me a dirty fork and I will smell it and order”.

The server, confused, goes to the kitchen, and brings back a dirty fork.

The blind...

"Doctor, doctor!"

"I've roast beef in one ear, Yorkshire pudding in the other ear and gravy all down my legs!"

Doctor: "Hmmm. I don't think you're eating properly."

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A woman is cooking dinner and her husband walks in the door, shaking his head and laughing...

"You'll never believe the bullshit I heard at work today. Bill Jenkins was bragging that he's fucked every woman on our street but one."

His wife smirks, stirring the gravy. "I bet it's that snooty old Cathy Anderson."

School is good

[Original]
A child walks in the restaurant and asks for tea gravy. The waiter says the don't have it in the menu and the kid pouted and went away.
After this happened 4-5 times, the kid started crying in the 6th restaurant asking for tea gravy again.
When the manager said they have never ...

The silver gravy ladle

The Gravy Ladle

An elderly priest invited a young priest over for dinner. During the meal, the young priest couldn't help noticing how attractive and shapely the housekeeper was. Over the course of the evening he started to wonder if there was more between the elderly priest and the housekeep...

I decided to set up a store that only sells gravy, bone gravy, Oxo & Bisto.

If you want some, you'd better hurry, while stocks last.

My wife screamed at me for spilling the gravy.

That’s when I realized it was all over.

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You know you’re fat when your piss smells like gravy.

You know you’re really fat when it tastes like gravy.

My Canadian friend eats a bowl of fries, cheese curds and brown gravy every single morning.

It's just his daily poutine.

I tried to invest in the gravy industry

But there wasn't much stock in it.

What do you call a man who smells of gravy?

Stu!

A Canadian visits Russia...

As he's strolling through Moscow, he sees a Canadian restaurant, so he walks in. He orders potatoes and gravy.

As he's eating, he says "Ugh, I hate this Poutine..."

He was never seen again.

Yo mama is so fat and so old...

...that she's currently rolling over in her gravy.

What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?

If your father could see you right now he'd be turning over in his gravy!

Gravity is really important as a fundamental force of nature.

But if you get rid of it you get gravy.

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What's the best name for the groups of armed anti-stay-at-home protesters?

Vanilla Isis

Flu Klux Klan

Lack Panthers

HamAss

Meal Team Six

Gravy Seals

Irrational Guard

Y'all Qaeda

Branch Covidians

Boko Moron

The Coughedaracy

101st Chairborne

Cosplaytriots

The Yeehadis

Hogan's Ze...

Be very careful if someone offers you fries, gravy, and cheese curds with raspberries on top.

I’ve heard of people trying to poison raspoutine.

my first published joke

My wife and I were not doing well in the bedroom. So we decided to go to an adult store. My wife, being from Kentucky, was a little hesitant as she felt that good southern girls shouldn't be there. After browsing a while, we each picked a few items, paid and left. When we got home she showed me a bo...

I got booked to perform on a roast

It was ok, but I got gravy on my shoes.

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*Cannibals preparing a soup*

Two missionaries were sitting in a large pot of water as several cannibals built a fire under the pot.

Other cannibals were busy slicing potatoes, carrots and other vegetables an adding them into the pot with the two missionaries.

The water started getting hotter and hotter the missi...

Elephant Stew

## Ingredients

* 1 Elephant
* Brown gravy, and lots of it
* Salt and pepper to taste
* 2 Rabbits (optional)

## Directions

Cut elephant into small, bite-size pieces.

This should take about 2 months.



Add enough brown gravy to cover,

cook over...

Yet Another Bar Joke

Three friends walk into a bar. After a round, the first of the group speaks up. "I would like to reveal to you that I am actually a wizard!" The second friend said, "Good gravy, I am a sorceror too!" The third wasn't anyone magical, but felt pressured to say that he was. The first man said, "Let's h...

Saucy!?

I tried to make a 'fancy' sauce last night at dinner, I mixed vodka, gravy and nitrous oxide, sadly, all I managed was make myself an Absolut laughing stock!

What's the deadliest of the sauces?

Gravy.

I've been craving KFC for weeks...

But due to a COVID lockdown, I couldn't get it delivered.

When the lockdown was finally lifted, I made my usual order of an 8-piece bucket--extra crispy, with a side order of mashed potatoes and gravy.

I waited by the door for 5 minutes...10 minutes...15 minutes... After 20 minutes, I ...

Four farmers are feeding their chickens

The first farmer asks, "So, how do y'all like your chicken?"

The second farmer says, "I like mine roasted with some herbs and spices."

The third farmer says, "I like mine deep fried with some biscuits and gravy."

The fourth farmer takes out a bag of marijuana and feeds it to his...

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What's the difference between pussy and mashed potatoes

Mashed potatoes don't make their own gravy

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Betsy makes a home cooked meal for her husband Bob

For their 30th wedding anniversary. She fixes every one of his favorites. Medium-rare steak, mashed potatoes and gravy, a nice salad with homemade cheesecake for dessert.

After dinner Bob leans back feeling great and exclaims to Betsy “That was an amazing meal, honey! Had I known all these ye...

Joke my little brother made up

What is a dead man's favorite food? Biscuits and gravy.

How do you get your dog to like mashed potatoes?

You gravy train

What did the mother turkey say to the little turkeys on Thanksgiving?

Mind your manners! If your dad could see you now, he‘d roll over in his gravy!

I like to keep my Thanksgiving dinner simple: turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and veggies

Everything else is just gravy

I gave $20 to Sanders today, I don't care what any of you say.

I got The Colonel's $20 Fill Up. It has 8 pieces of Original Recipe chicken, large cole slaw, 4 biscuits and 2 large mashed potatoes and gravy. It left my family and I satisfied.

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An old rish woman visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido. "What about trying Viagra," asked the doctor. "Not a chance," she said, "He won't even take an aspirin."

"Not a problem," replied the doctor. "Give him an Irish Viagra." "What is Irish Viagra?" she asked. "It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and let's talk in a week." A week later the doctor called the woman to check on the results. The poor dear ...

I was excited to judge my first cooking competition

The local university was holding an iron chef style cooking competition where three students prepared a meal centering around a theme ingredient. The theme of the competition was turkey dinner, and before I knew it the kitchen was abuzz with the sounds and the smells of cooking.

After an hour...

This one takes some thinking.

A guy takes his date to a dinner at the local country club. It’s an unusual setup: People have to wait in separate lines for each type of food.

As his date sits down, the guy volunteers to go get their dinner. First he waits in the line for the roast beef. Then he waits in the line for potat...

Is this heaven?

A man dies and comes to find himself facing a tall man wearing a beautiful set of glowing robes.

"Is this Heaven?" He asked the man.

"Welcome! Here, let me show you around. This place is where you will spend all of eternity."

As they walked he pointed out the beautiful manicure...

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A man and a woman go out to dinner...

This is during the time the Mad Cow disease ravished Britain. A man and a woman are sitting at a table when the waiter approaches them, asking "what would you like for dinner?"

The man replies, I'll have a fat juicy steak, medium rare with all the trimmings. Gravy and roast potatoes please. T...

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Can someone explain this joke?

I'm assuming it requires some Spanish knowledge.

A Yorkshire couple go to the Costa Brava for a holiday, but on arrival, the wife says "I won't be able to make gravy with your dinner, love - I've forgotten the Bisto" The husband says, "Don't worry, there's an English couple staying in the nex...

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A nice one from my dad who is a chef.

A man goes to a fancy restaurant. The head waiter seats him and he receives the menu. The man orders a three course dinner.

The waitor comes out with the precourse which is a soup. The man couldn't help noticing the waitor having his thumb in the soup,but decides to eat the soup any way.
...

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what a set up, for a dad joke. it's worth it tho

full disclosure, this isn't my joke, was sent to me


I knew a bloke who was a massive fan of tractors his whole life.

When he was a kid, he didn't have toy cars or posters of lambos on his bedroom wall, he had toy tractors and trailers and posters of the latest John Deeres.

...

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Inventor

So there is an inventor who is walking into a patent office, when he gets there he puts an apple on the table.

"I want to patent this" he said

The other guy looked at him, confused.

"I'm pretty sure you can't patent a normal apple, is this a joke?"

"Taste it," he said
...

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Three homeless guys are looking for a place to sleep for the night

(It's a long one but bear with it).

The first guy comes across a dumpster in an alleyway, he decides it's too cold to keep looking and climbs inside.

The second guy walks to the end of the alleyway and finds an abandoned car, he gets to work on picking the lock as he decides that's whe...

"That's as clean as cold water gets 'em!"

A young man is harassed by his parents on the topic of his grandfather, and how he never visits or speaks to him anymore. The man protests, sighing. "He's such a weirdo. And he lives up there all alone in mountain country, I doubt he wants to see *anyone!*"

But his parents continue to insist ...

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A man walks into a bar with a giant orange for a head...

A man walks into a bar with a giant orange for a head. He strolls up to the barman and says “hiya mate, could I get a pint of bitter please?”. The barman looks him in the face and says “no, you absolutely cannot. I’m not serving you. You’ve got a fucking massive orange for a head!”. The man, slightl...

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A little Texas joke

A young man in Oklahoma turns 21. Excited, he tells his father, “I want to finally go to Texas.”

His father warns, “Scooter, you’re a full-grown man, now. I can’t stop you from going to Texas. But I have to warn you… **EVERYTHING IS BIG IN TEXAS!** You can’t be prepared for how absolutely hug...

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A Rare Dish

This is a long one.

An English cook is trying to build up his skills as a chef. He's been working for years learning all sorts of rare and unique dishes to serve at his mentor's restaurant.

One day a wealthy guest at the restaurant asks to meet the cook and says "While I enjoyed the me...

So I was walking through rural Georgia when...

...I passed a little lady with white hair and deep wrinkles sitting on her front porch who waved to me. I decided to amble up, say hello, and see if I could determine the secret to her longevity.

She told me her name was Ida and that she'd lived in this house her whole life, just as her par...

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