The 96+ Best Italy Jokes

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.

If She Stayed In Italy To Raise The Child, He Would Also Provide Child Support Until The Child Turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for t...

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Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community..

If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate.

However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they agreed that it would be a 'si...

Which part of Italy has no Jehovah's Witnesses?

Sicily. It's a really dangerous place for witnesses.

Two beggars were sitting side by side in front of the Love Fountain in Rome, Italy.

One had a Cross in front of him; the other one was holding the Star of David. Many people went by, looked at both beggars, but only put money into the box of the beggar sitting behind the Cross.

The Pope came to the area. He stopped to watch the throngs of people giving money to the beggar wh...

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The pope decided to kick out all the Jews from Italy

So one day the pope decided to kick out all the Jews in Italy, and of course the Jews had a thing or two to say about that.

After much uproar the pope relented and said "take 3 days to find your most wisest rabbi and he and I will have a silent battle of knowledge. If I win you leave, if you ...

A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.

“Thank you honey,” she says, “Is there anything I can bring back for you?”

He laughs, and says, “An Italian girl!”

When the conference is over, he meets her up at the airport and asks, “How was the trip?”

“Very good,” she replies.

“And what happened to my present?”
...

It’s Sadder in Italy

“Doctore, all five of my bambinos! They have the no ambition! They all want to be valets when they grows up, jus’ like their lazy father! Can you do anything?”
…
…
“I’m afraid it is hopeless, Senora Abatangelo. It is the worst case of parking son’s disease I have ever seen.”

A Spanish man is driving a tractor trailer across France and into Italy.

A Spanish man is driving a tractor trailer across France and into Italy. At the border he gets stopped by the French police and questioned about the contents of his truck. "Caracoles" he says. Not understanding, the police open it up and say "Oh, escargots." The Spanish man replies, "Sì, es cargo."

I wanted to try Spaghetti in Italy to see if it was better, but it tasted the same.

Though it was a bit cold from the flight over.

I’m ready for a holiday.

Paddy says to Mick,
“I’m ready for a holiday, only this year I'm going to do it a bit different.
3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant.
2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant, last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant."
Mick asks,
"So what are you going...

An Italian father wants to give his son a gun for his 18th birthday

"As is tradition in Italy, I'm going to give you a gun for your 18th birthday." The father says.

"But I don't want a gun. What about a nice watch? I would really like a watch, like a Rolex or something." The son replies.

"Son..." The father sighs, "This is an Italian tradition. You're ...

Too soon for COVID jokes?

COVID is like fashion…

We started hearing about it in Italy…

Became popular in LA and NYC…

Florida ignored it…

And it was all made in China in the end.

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Remember, it's only real bologna if it comes from the Bologna region in a Italy.

Otherwise, it's just sparkling pig anus.

An American goes to breakfast in a restaurant in Italy.

After the meal he looks at the coffee menu and orders an Espresso Ristretto, because the name sounds good. The server brings him a tiny coffee cup with a little coffee at the bottom. The American takes the cup, dumps the content in his mouth, makes few slushing sounds with his tongue and says to the...

A Voyage to Italy

A young woman from New York was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean, but just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.

"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomo...

On a tiny island between Italy and Greece,

Maria and Nico were young, in love, and engaged to be married. On the night before they were to be wed, Maria’s mother sat her down to have “The Talk”. Knowing Nico’s Greek heritage, she counseled her daughter:

“Maria, mia bella figlia, if Nico ever asks you to turn over, you must say NO! Nic...

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Why was Christ not born in Italy?

Because God searched that whole country and he could not find 3 wise men or a single virgin.

A group of politicians are flying over Italy...

The mayor from Pisa exclaims "We're flying over Pisa!"
"How can you tell?" the others ask.

"Look, you can see the Leaning Tower!"
Later, a Roman parliamentarian shouts "We're flying over beautiful Roma!"
How can you tell?" the others ask.
"Look, you can see the Coliseum!"<...

How do you call a dangerous neighbourhood in Italy

"SpaGetto"

Elsa dolls outsell Anna dolls in every country in the world, except Italy

because when Italians ask their kids which doll they want, they say “You wanta Anna or Elsa!”

What do you call the bad neighbourhoods in Italy?

Spaghettos

A mummified macaroni pizza was uncovered in Italy today.

The man who uncovered it says "It's a pizza of our pasta."

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A young man is sitting in a tavern in a small town in Italy, drinking and looking glum. A stern looking local man approaches him and asks, "What's wrong my friend?"

He says "My partner left me for another man."

"Ah, life can be cruel" says the local. "Take me, I built this bar with my bare hands. Foundation to chimney. You think they call me Mario the builder? No. Come with me."

Mario takes the man to the window.

"You see...

Italy's national airline, Alitalia, filed for bankruptcy last week.

I've heard a rumor General Electric's aircraft division might be bidding to acquire it.

Supposedly, the new company would be called Gen-Italia.

I Identify as Italy in the 1600’s

Baroque

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How come Italy is shaped like a boot?

Can’t fit that much shit in a shoe.

3 spies from England, France and Italy were sent to the USSR.

After a week they were captured and put in jail. The Russians took the English spy, tied and tortured him and after 20 minutes he gave all the info.

Then the Russians took the French spy. They tied and tortured him, and after 20 minutes he too gave all the info.

Then they took the Ital...

President of France, Italy and Serbia are flying over the world in a jet.

They fly over France and the president of France says:
"Look, there's France!!"
Everyone asks:
"How do you know?"
He responds:
"You can see the Eiffel tower."

They fly over Italy and the president of Italy says:
"Look, there's Italy!!"
Everyone asks:
"How do you know?"...

How do people in Italy contact the dead?

With a Louija board.

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So Pornhub is offering free premium membership in Italy because of the coronavirus.

Glad to see someone is willing to take a hands on approach to the situation.

What Beatles song charted highest in Italy?

Penne Lane

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The pope decides to remove all of the jews from italy.

The jews, obviously, disagree with this; so the pope agrees to have a debate with a rabbi for if the jews should stay in italy or not. The jews vote and decide on an old, wise rabbi.

The time for the debate comes, and it dawns on them that they can't understand each other, so they decide to ...

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A family of 5 in an Audi Quattro are driving through the south of Italy.

They stop for a ferry to Sicilia. A worker tells them to stop.

The driver says, "Why should we stop?"

The worker replies with, "You know, its illegal to have 5 people in a Quattro.

D (driver): Why?

W(worker): Quattro means 4. There are 5 of you, one will have to stay behi...

The UN recently published the results of a poll. The topic was: "Please truthfully give your opinion on food shortage in the rest of the world."

Results:

Europeans requested explanation of the term "shortage".

Africans asked what "food" is.

Chinese inquired about the term "opinion".

Americans wondered what "rest of the world" might possibly mean.

And in Italy they are still discussing the meaning of the ter...

When I was young, one Halloween I told my parents, "I'm going to dress up as a small island off the coast of Italy."

Exasperated, my mother said, "Don't be Sicily".

In Italy, it's traditiom to accept apologies after a dinner.

That happens because it's all in the pasta.

Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...

...But now he’s an Air Friar.

France and Italy simultaneously declare war on each other

France surrenders

Italy changes sides

Both lose

Did you hear the pasta makers in Italy revolted?

It was a ravioli-tion

In England, on TV, they say, “It’s 10 PM. Do you know where your children are?”

In France, on TV, they say, “It’s 10 PM. Do you know where your husband is?”

In Italy, on TV, they say, “It’s 10 PM. Do you know where your wife is?”

In Poland, on TV, they say, “It’s 10 PM. Do you know what time it is?”

Did you know there was a Jedi from Italy who was really strict about diets?

His name was Only One Cannoli.

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Why Does Italy Have Such A Low Teen Pregnancy Rate?

Because the kids learn in Italian history to always pull out

Why is the Leaning Tower of Pisa in Italy?

Because it's italicized.

what do you call a poor part of a town in Italy

the spaghetto

I met a girl in Italy

Genoa?

Coronavirus really changed my Tour of Italy...

... the waitress at Olive Garden had to bring it out to my car.

I’m a supervillain from Italy, I have the power to infect people with deadly diseases.

It’s-a-me, Malario.

What do you call a genetic engineering company in Italy?

Genitalia.

A few weeks ago my sister took a trip to Italy

Looking back, that was a Sicily decision

My friend from Italy was visiting & asked to use the restroom. Her English isn’t very good, so from the other room she called out, “What’s the word for what I’m doing?”

I replied 'European.'

I bought a 400 year-old chair from Italy...

...but as soon as I sat on it, it baroque.

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A man wins the lottery, and gleefully rushes home to tell his wife. Pack your bags honey, I've won it big! That's amazing she says. Should I pack for the beach? The mountains? Italy? France?

It doesn't matter, he says, just get the fuck out!

Did you hear about the COVID-19 spreading like crazy in Italy?

Looks like it's being pasta around.

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Linguists from France, Italy, and Germany were debating which language was the most beautiful.

The German representative was waving his hand frantically to be chosen to speak, when the French representative began to speak.

"French is certainly sublime. Consider the word Papillon. How could the word for butterfly be more beautiful than the butterfly itself”

The German is dying ...

‪This is the first year I’m not going to Italy because of the coronavirus. ‬ ‪

Normally I don’t go because I’m poor‬

What do pups eat in Italy?

Pawsta :D

What language do they speak in Italy

Times New Roman

What do you call a couple of ants sharing a slice of pizza in Italy?

Romance

„Man you heard about that Virus Outbreak in Italy?“

„Yeah man, looks like it’s being pasta round“

Why is having a BBQ not popular in Italy?

Spaghetti keep falling through the grill

What is the proper way to explore Italy?

You Rome.

John manages a band where his dog plays guitar and his cat sings

Everyone is amazed. No one understands how they're doing it and it becomes a huge hit. The band travels around the country and John makes a lot of money from the band's success.

Eventually, it catches wind in Italy and Berlusconi wants to hear the band live. He invites John to Rome and he com...

"There's a woman trapped under a motorway bridge in Italy."

"Genoa?"

"I'm not sure, I can't see her face."

How do you break up with somebody in Italy?

It's not you! It's a me, Mario!

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Alessandro was all excited to emigrate to America from Italy

But just few days later he was back in his home town. His friends asked him “Alessandro wha happen?”
Alessandro said “Well I landa in New York and its a too cold. I say America land of the free, I go anywhere do anything. I taka the train to Florida. On the train, I smoka cigarette. The conducta ...

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Man from Italy tells story about visit to America:

One day I ma gonna Detroit to bigga hotel. I go down to breakfast. I tella the waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She bring me only one piss. I tell her I wanna two pisses. She say go to the toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna two piss onna my plate. She say you better no piss onna plate, you s...

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My Italian Grandfather's Trip to Italy

Let me tell you a story about my Italian grandfather and a trip he took to visit his hometown in Malta. It's easier to understand if you remember he has a thick Italian accent, which I'll try to type phonetically.

"So one-a day I'm-a decide I go back to visit my hometown-a Malta. I get on de ...

The level of humor when telling dark jokes is like a boat full of refugees on it's way to Italy

It sinks.

I checked my phone bill after my trip to Italy, and it said I spent DCXII dollars.

I must have left on Data Roman.

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My Math teacher went nuts today in Geometry class and started ranting about Japan, Italy, and Germany.

He said we need to know about the ex axis.

A Canadian man went hitchhiking in Italy

He wandered aboot for three weeks.

did i ever tell you about the time that i was contacted by a former partner who was working in italy via the money transfer service i was using?

I was not ready when my ex communicated by the paypal authority

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A woman has to decide between three bachelors

A woman in her early thirties is desperate to get married and goes on dates with three elegible bachelors: One from Italy, one from France, and one from China. They have all been equally amazing to the woman, who took years and years to make her decision because she just couldn’t pick.

One da...

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In Italy, they call me Olive Oil

Its because im extra virgin. :(

Genoa bout the bridge collapse in Italy?

Ah well, we won't go over it then.

An old joke I was told by my mother as a kid

In a small town in Italy, there was a church with a priest that was known over the entire country for his strong beliefs in Jesus.

One day a huge flood came into the village. all the people climbed onto the roofs of their houses and waited for boats.

The Priest hid on the roof of the c...

An Arab walks into a bra store owned by Jewish guy.

The Arab finds a bra he likes and asks for the price. The Jewish guy being the business man that he is says "This is a great bra, it's really starting to get popular. I can sell you each for 50 bucks." The Arab guy nods and says "Sure, I'll buy 100." The next day the Arab comes back to the bra shop ...

How does Italy execute its criminals?

Guidotine

What’s the difference between a word that’s spelled the same forwards and backwards and your friend in Italy?

One’s a palindrome and one’s a pal in Rome

I've grown an interest with Mussolini's Italy.

I guess you can call it a fascistnation.

Building Inspectors should be stricter in Pisa, Italy.

Since they are a bit too *lean*ient.

A man is on business in Italy...

A man is on business in Italy and in between meetings one day he decides to go to lunch at a restaurant nearby. While he is walking down the street he sees a sign that says come in and try our bull fight special. The man walks in the restaurant and orders the bull fight special, a few minutes later ...

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect.

At the very last minute, she realized that she
didn't have any snails for this dinner party, so
she asked her husband to run down to the beach
with the bucket she was handing him to gather
some snails.

Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket,
walked out the door, dow...

Explanation of the crisis in Italy & Greece.

A small town in Italy twinned with a similar town in Greece.
The Mayor of the Greek town visited the Italian town. When he saw the palatial mansion belonging to the Italian mayor he wondered how he could afford such a house. The Italian said; "You see that bridge over there? The EU gave us a gran...

Violin Manufacturers

Three violin manufactures have all done business for years on the same block in the small town of Cremona, Italy.
After years of peaceful co-existence, the Amati family decided to put a sign in their shop window saying: “We make the best violins in Italy.”
The Guarneri family soon put a sign i...

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Visiting Italy this week and I tried some donkey sausage at the market.

It tasted like ass.

Why did the lonely entomologist go to italy?

To find rome ants

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Italy, year VI of the Fascist Era.

A very very poor farmer is desperate. He doesn't have food, money or clothes for his children. He's so desperate that he decides to write a letter to God, asking for 500 lire (Italian money).

So he takes a pen and some paper, writes the request, and encloses it in an envelope. Now he has to ...

I was walking in Little Italy yesterday

when I saw a man patiently standing by his car as he was being written a parking ticket. The officer finished, and the man thanked her and opened his car.

Confused as to why he seemed so unconcerned I approached him. "Sir! You just got a ticket! How are you so calm about this?"

He just...

Why did everyone want to go to Italy during World War II?

They were Fascistanating

Why are Italy out of the World Cup?

They didn't pasta ball good enough.

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An American walks into a cafe in Italy and orders a drink. The waiter then takes the man to a back room and a fat American chick is there waiting. The chick says "so you want me to suck your dick or what?"

Then he realized he had ordered a "grande Americano with room".

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Hello, my name is Umberto ...

One day the doorbell rang at Mr. Smith‘s house. He opened the door and found a young Italian man standing there, who greeted him nicely:

"Hello, my name is Umberto, I just moved here from Italy and I‘m very horny. Since I haven‘t been with a woman for several weeks, I‘m here to fuck your...

What do you call a Jamaican man born in Italy?

Reggae-Toni

I've got a map of Italy tattooed on my chest

I've got really sore Naples though

What speech did Abraham Lincoln give when he went to Italy?

The Spaghetties-burg Address.

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