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Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community...

If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate.

However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they agreed that it would be a 'si...

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My Math teacher went nuts today in Geometry class and started ranting about Japan, Italy, and Germany.

He said we need to know about the ex axis.

Did you know there was a Jedi from Italy who was really strict about diets?

His name was Only One Cannoli.

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What do you call boobs in Italy?

Gnocchers

What do you call a poor area with high crime rates in Italy?

A sphagetto.

A young woman ...

A young New York woman was so depressed she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean.

Just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her. "You have so much to live for," he said. "I'm a sailor and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you...

did i ever tell you about the time that i was contacted by a former partner who was working in italy via the money transfer service i was using?

I was not ready when my ex communicated by the paypal authority

I checked my phone bill after my trip to Italy, and it said I spent DCXII dollars.

I must have left on Data Roman.

What part of Italy has the highest crime rate,

The spaghetto

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Why is Italy shaped like a boot?

Because you can't fit that much shit into a shoe

If I lived in Italy, worked in a Chemist, and loved Reddit

Would that make me a Parma, Pharma, Karma Farmer?

3 spies from England, France and Italy were sent to the USSR.

After a week they were captured and put in jail. The Russians took the English spy, tied and tortured him and after 20 minutes he gave all the info.

Then the Russians took the French spy. They tied and tortured him, and after 20 minutes he too gave all the info.

Then they took the Ital...

France and Italy are at war. Who wins?

No one. France surrenders and Italy changes sides

What do you call the sketchy parts of Italy?

The Spaghettos :)

Why is the Leaning Tower of Pisa in Italy?

Because it's italicized.

If France and Italy go to war, who would win?

None of them, France would surrender and Italy would switch sides.

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An elderly Italian man lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession.

When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said:

“Father, during World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic.”

The priest replied: “That was a wonderful ...

Why do tics from Italy make the best significant others?

They’re Romantics.

How does Italy execute its criminals?

Guidotine

What do you call a cop in Italy?

A guinea pig.

OC per my crazy Italian Uncle. All mail should be directed to my ass.

Why Does Italy Have Such A Low Teen Pregnancy Rate?

Because the kids learn in Italian history to always pull out

A Canadian man went hitchhiking in Italy

He wandered aboot for three weeks.

Why is having a BBQ not popular in Italy?

Spaghetti keep falling through the grill

Genoa bout the bridge collapse in Italy?

Ah well, we won't go over it then.

A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport

A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.

"Thank you, honey", she says.

"What would you like me to bring back for you?"

He laughs and says, "An Italian girl!"

When the conference is over, he meets her at the airport and asks, "...

What do you call a couple of ants sharing a slice of pizza in Italy?

Romance

"There's a woman trapped under a motorway bridge in Italy."

"Genoa?"

"I'm not sure, I can't see her face."

Why did the lonely entomologist go to italy?

To find rome ants

a nice Italian couple . . .

At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Toronto, they have weekly husbands'
marriage seminars.

At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was
approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and
share some insight into how he had managed to stay married...

Alessandro was all excited to emigrate to America from Italy

But just few days later he was back in his home town. His friends asked him “Alessandro wha happen?”
Alessandro said “Well I landa in New York and its a too cold. I say America land of the free, I go anywhere do anything. I taka the train to Florida. On the train, I smoka cigarette. The conducta ...

I was walking in Little Italy yesterday

when I saw a man patiently standing by his car as he was being written a parking ticket. The officer finished, and the man thanked her and opened his car.

Confused as to why he seemed so unconcerned I approached him. "Sir! You just got a ticket! How are you so calm about this?"

He just...

What speech did Abraham Lincoln give when he went to Italy?

The Spaghetties-burg Address.

Why are there no jehovah's witnesses in Italy?

The mafia doesn't like witnesses.

What’s the difference between a word that’s spelled the same forwards and backwards and your friend in Italy?

One’s a palindrome and one’s a pal in Rome

A foreigner was walking around Italy

When suddenly a thief grabbed her purse and started running away
The woman shouted "Hey! It's my purse!"
The thief shouted back "It's my job!"

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If World War One were a bar fight.

Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria's pint. Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg. Germany expresses its support for Austria's point of view. Britain recomm...

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WHY PEOPLE HATE SCHOOL RE-UNIONS

Jan, Sue and Mary haven't seen each other since leaving school.

They rediscover each other via a reunion website and arrange to meet for lunch in a wine bar.

Jan arrives first, wearing a beige Versace. She orders a bottle of Pinot Grigio.

Sue arrives shortly afterward, in grey...

Visiting Italy this week and I tried some donkey sausage at the market.

It tasted like ass.

What is the proper way to explore Italy?

You Rome.

What do you call a Jamaican man born in Italy?

Reggae-Toni

How do you break up with somebody in Italy?

It's not you! It's a me, Mario!

Why are Italy out of the World Cup?

They didn't pasta ball good enough.

In Italy, they call me Olive Oil

Its because im extra virgin. :(

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect.

At the very last minute, she realized that she
didn't have any snails for this dinner party, so
she asked her husband to run down to the beach
with the bucket she was handing him to gather
some snails.

Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket,
walked out the door, dow...

Why did everyone want to go to Italy during World War II?

They were Fascistanating

Building Inspectors should be stricter in Pisa, Italy.

Since they are a bit too *lean*ient.

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An American walks into a cafe in Italy and orders a drink. The waiter then takes the man to a back room and a fat American chick is there waiting. The chick says "so you want me to suck your dick or what?"

Then he realized he had ordered a "grande Americano with room".

Dracula in Italy

Count Dracula, fed up with the miserable weather in Transylvania, decides to take a holiday, so he packs up his coffin and capes and heads to Rome for a long weekend.
Upon arriving at his hotel the concierge greets him and asks if has a reservation.
"Yessss," replies the Count. "I am Dracula,...

A man is on business in Italy...

A man is on business in Italy and in between meetings one day he decides to go to lunch at a restaurant nearby. While he is walking down the street he sees a sign that says come in and try our bull fight special. The man walks in the restaurant and orders the bull fight special, a few minutes later ...

I've got a map of Italy tattooed on my chest

I've got really sore Naples though

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Man from Italy tells story about visit to America:

One day I ma gonna Detroit to bigga hotel. I go down to breakfast. I tella the waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She bring me only one piss. I tell her I wanna two pisses. She say go to the toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna two piss onna my plate. She say you better no piss onna plate, you s...

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The seven dwarves went to the Vatican

While six stayed back a few yards Doc went up and knocked on the front door.

"Your Excellency," he said. "I wonder if you could tell me if there are any 3 ft tall nuns in Rome?"

"No, my son, there aren't," the Pope replied.

So Doc went back and told the others. Pretty soon Ba...

Traveling through Italy I spent hundreds of Euros on pasta. (Pun)

It was worth every Penne.

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My Italian Grandfather's Trip to Italy

Let me tell you a story about my Italian grandfather and a trip he took to visit his hometown in Malta. It's easier to understand if you remember he has a thick Italian accent, which I'll try to type phonetically.

"So one-a day I'm-a decide I go back to visit my hometown-a Malta. I get on de ...

The leaders of Italy, England, and the United States meet at a river

Sergio Mattarella, Theresa May, and Donald Trump arrive at a river, and as an act of symbolism, agree to all drop something into the river that their country has too much of.


Sergio drops a plate of spaghetti into the river, and says "We have too much in our country."


Theresa ...

Two beggars are sitting side by side on the street in Italy...

Two beggars are sitting side by side on the street in Italy. One has a cross in front of him, the other a Star of David. Many people go by, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross.

A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar...

A 90 year-old man marries a beautiful 25 year-old woman...

They go on their honeymoon to beautiful, picturesque Venice, Italy. After a day of sightseeing, they return to their hotel. He turns to his young bride and says "Honey, I'm tired after all this excitement. I'm going to go to bed. See you in the morning." She say ok, and off he goes to bed, whil...

I bought a 400 year-old chair from Italy...

...but as soon as I sat on it, it baroque.

A man goes to the doctors and says "I feel like an island of the south coast of Italy"

The doctor replies "Don't be Sicily"

Why Wasn't Jesus born in Italy?

They couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.

Explanation of the crisis in Italy & Greece.

A small town in Italy twinned with a similar town in Greece.
The Mayor of the Greek town visited the Italian town. When he saw the palatial mansion belonging to the Italian mayor he wondered how he could afford such a house. The Italian said; "You see that bridge over there? The EU gave us a gran...

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Today I learned that Disney had to rename Moana in Italy because an Italian pornstar has the same name

AND NO ONE KNOOOOOOOOWS HOW DEEP SHE GOOOOOOOOOOOOOES.

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Italy, year VI of the Fascist Era.

A very very poor farmer is desperate. He doesn't have food, money or clothes for his children. He's so desperate that he decides to write a letter to God, asking for 500 lire (Italian money).

So he takes a pen and some paper, writes the request, and encloses it in an envelope. Now he has to ...

Paul Revere’s Chicken (OC)

Paul Revere has a chicken named Gallo. When the American Revolution was well underway, he spent several nights training the chicken secretly in his barn. When he finally felt Gallo was ready, he brought it with him to the Sons of Liberty. At first, they laughed.

“Well, now, laugh if you want,...

I've grown an interest with Mussolini's Italy.

I guess you can call it a fascistnation.

What's the most popular occupation in Italy?

Pastatution.

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There have been troubling developments with Europe’s terror threat levels, recently:

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1...

I work as a spy for the US government.

One of my more deadly assignments involved going after a mad scientist in Italy. I was having dinner with one of my contacts over some delicious cheesy rigatoni. Then, out of nowhere, I was hit by a shrink ray and tossed into my food with the sound of evil laughter. Fraught by the perils of steaming...

What's the best selling soft drink in Italy?

Dr. Pepe

I overheard a work colleague saying they are going to a fancy dress party as a small island of the coast of Italy

I said don't be Sicily

What's the difference between a bad coffee in Switzerland and a bad coffee in Italy?

When you drink a bad coffee in Switzerland you say, "Merci!".

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A joke from Italy

-Dad, do farts have a weight?

-I don't think so

-So....well, I guess I pooped myself

A very rich American gentleman...

A very rich American gentleman was walking along minding his own business, briefcase in hand. He wore glasses, a suit, and a well-trimmed beard.

Suddenly, a shorter, poorly dressed man appeared in his path. He desperately needed a shave and his eyes seemed to bug out.

"Sir! May I ple...

Best Laid Plans

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years.

One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child....

I went to a military history exhibit at a museum in Little Italy.

I saw a cool old German submarine. I walked up to a guy and said, "Hey, is that a U-boat?"

He said, "No, it's-a the museum's!"

Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?

Because all the roads lead to Rome.

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An American businessman is entertaining some overseas business guests on the golf course.

The first guest, who is from Italy, tees off and hits a good shot 200 yards down the fairway. As the American businessman knows a small amount of Italian he says: “Buon tiro”, which means “Good shot”. The Italian businessman replies: “Grazie”.
The second guest, who is from France, tees off and hi...