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Sandwiches Jokes

Why do Texas women make sandwiches with their left hands?

Because they have no rights.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich...

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich. The barman looks at him and says… “Hang on! You're a duck!”

"I see your eyes are working.” replies the duck.

"And you can talk!!” exclaims the barman.

"I see your ears are working, too.” says the duck. "Now if...

Why are sandwiches so popular in Alabama?

They're inbread

Why do rednecks love sandwiches?

Because they're inbred too.

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Two men are drinking in a bar

They pull out the sandwiches their wives had lovingly prepared and tuck in.

The bartender comes over and says "you can't eat your own food in here"

So they swapped sandwiches.

My mom would wake up early just to cut the crusts off my sandwiches for lunch….

She knew the crust was my favorite part. She hated me so much.

What does Emma Watson put on her sandwiches?

Her mionnnaise

I'll see myself out!

Everyone knows Alan Turing, who cracked Enigma codes.

But nobody knows his sister Kate, who provided drinks, snacks and sandwiches for him and his colleagues during that time.

An Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman are working on a building site...

High above the city, they sit together, eating their lunch as they do every lunchtime.
The Englishman, Arthur, opens his lunchbox and picks out his sandwiches.

"I say! roast beef sandwiches. I'm sick of roast beef sandwiches! If I've got roast beef sandwiches tomorrow, I shall throw myse...

How does Harry Potter like his sandwiches to be cut ?

Diagon alley

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Bought chicken to make sandwiches.

It doesn't. Just shits on the floor.

2 lawyers are in a restaurant eating their sandwiches.

The owner walks in and says, "You can't eat your own food in here!"

The lawyers sigh and swap sandwiches.

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Three girls, a blonde, a readhead and a brunette, are having lunch break together...

The brunette opens her lunchbox and sighs:"My husband is so kind, he prepares my lunch every day but... Again a tuna sandwich?"

The readhead opens hers and sighs too:"Crap, tuna sandwich for me too... Again!"

The blonde opens hers and goes:"Guess what? I got the same t...

Did you hear about this Indian who wanted to make and sell sandwiches?

He opened a New Delhi

Sandwiches

The Earl of Sandwich: Take a look at my new invention!
The Duke of Openface: Seems like an awful lot of bread.

Two lawyers went into a diner and decided to order drinks

They felt hungry after a long day so they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat them.

The owner frustratedly marched over and told them, “listen, you're not allowed to eat your own sandwiches in here!”

The lawyers looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders a...

To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money.

On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.

why do people from Alabama love sandwiches?

they like things that are inbread

I don’t eat club sandwiches

I quit cold Turkey

Husband: The kids haven’t eaten their sandwiches

Wife: ok just throw them out

[Later]
Husband: *helping the kids pack a suitcase* look I'm as surprised as you are

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Don't Eat Chicken Sandwiches!

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends.

Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwi...

Sandwiches

There was an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman working on the top of a cliff.

The Englishman said, "If I have cheese in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off this cliff."

The Scotsman said, "If I have jam in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff."

The Irishman said, "...

Vaginas are like sandwiches.

If I see pieces of cucumber inside one, I immediately back away.

Analogies are like ham sandwiches.

I am currently making one.

A beautiful young New York woman was so depressed....

....that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean.

But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young sailor stopped her.

"You have so much to live for," said the sailor. "Look, I’m off to Europe tomorrow and I can stow you away on my ship. I...

A roadside cafe sells ham sandwiches and handjobs

The sign reads “Ham Sandwiches: $3, Handjobs: $10”.

An elderly woman is standing behind the counter. A customer walks up and says, “Are you the one that gives the handjobs?”

“Yes I am!” she replies.

“Well, wash your goddamn hands, I want a ham sandwich!”

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grilled cheese sandwiches.

A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!"

The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my f...

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Two Sandwiches in a Deli

One day two sandwiches are sitting in a deli. One sandwich - a veggie sandwich - asks the other "Hey man, if you could be any kind of sandwich, what would you be?"


The other sandwich - a turkey sandwich - isn't in the mood. He retorts "I'm tired man. I don't feel like having a deep conv...

Mmmm... Sandwiches

My wife asked me just now (irl) if I wanted half of a PB&J, I said, "yeah, keep the P and the &"...

I'm addicted to Boxing Day sandwiches.

I'll have to go cold turkey.

Three construction workers have had it with their sandwiches...

Three construction workers have had it with their sandwiches being the same for the last 20 years! So they struck a deal, if their wives make them same sandwiches yet again, tomorrow, they're gonna throw themselves off the building.

So tomorrow comes, and one opens his lunchbox, sees the same...

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Sandwich

A boy says to a girl, "So, sex at my place?" "Yeah!" "Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we're making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?" Later on the girl is yelling, "Cheese cheese, tomato tomato!" The young...

Subway makes all their sandwiches with love.

Now if they would actually put some meat in them...

Why do hillbillies like sandwiches?

They're in bread

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A boy dreams of one day working at his favorite sandwich shop.

And so, he asks the owner if he could see how the sandwiches are made. Delighted, the owner shows him how he grinds his own peanut butter, prepares his own pickles and even whips up his own mayonnaise. The boy is so excited that he blurts out his deepest wish--to see how the owner makes his signatu...

Why doesn’t Bob Marley eat PB&J sandwiches?

Because he’s more of a jam man.

A despondent young woman who had lost her job and her house had decided to commit suicide.

She was walking along a bridge across the harbor, getting the nerve to jump in, when a young man saw her.

"Don't do it!" he called out. He looked at her and realized she was incredibly beautiful. He came closer.

"What's wrong?" he asked. The woman told him.

"Okay, here's the thi...

How did Bob Marley like his sandwiches?

With jam in

Me and my buddy got into a debate about flat bread being used for sandwiches.

We decided it was a naan issue.

A Ham Sandwich Walks Into A Bar ...

A ham sandwich walks into a bar and the bartender yells out, "Hey! We don't serve ham sandwiches here." To which the ham sandwich replies, "That's okay, I just wanted a drink."

I love bacon sandwiches cut into little triangles...

Strip clubs are awesome!

I was making too many puns in r/sandwiches...

the mods had to banh mi

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Sandwiches

A man is walking down the street when he sees a sandwich board outside of a bar. In big chalk letters, the sign reads:

"Ham sandwiches, $5. Handjobs, $20."

The man excitedly rushes inside and takes a seat at the bar, where he's greeted by an attractive blonde bartender.

She asks...

I prefer my sandwiches to have 3 slices of bread.

I'm looking for other people like that so we can start a club.

All the sandwiches in the fridge at work have names on..

Today I ate a sandwich called Kevin.

Why don't golf courses ever serve sandwiches?

They always turn out to be sub par.

Why do the French never eat tuna sandwiches?

Because bread is pain and fish is poisson

Why won't I go short of toasted sandwiches in hell?

Because Beelzebub has a Breville put aside for me

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