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Run Along Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW A boy goes to the zoo with his parents

They're standing at the elephant exhibit when the boy asks his mom: What's that thing hanging down from the elephant?

Mom: That's it's trunk.

Boy: No, further back.

Mom: That's its tail.

Boy: No, in between.

Mom: Oh, that's nothing. Now run along.

The boy i...

A woman pregnant with triplets walks into a bank

The bank gets robbed, and she gets shot three times in the stomach. She goes to the hospital and delivers three sons, everything is fine with them.


Thirteen years go by and her first son comes running up to her shouting, "Mom, mom! I just peed out a bullet!"


She tells him, ...

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A woman was having an affair while her husband was at work

One day while in bed with her boyfriend, she hears her husband’s car pull into the driveway. She yells at the boyfriend, “Quick! Grab your clothes and jump out of the window. My husband has arrived home early!”

The boyfriend looked out the window and said, “It’s raining like hell out there!”...

Boys cutting through the yard

A group of boys are running back home after dark and decided to cut through the neighborhood's back yards to get home quicker. As the boys run along, one of them stops at a window and yells to the others.
"Guys, come here!"
The other boys run to their friend to see he is staring at a lady gett...

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"How did my sister and I get our names?"

NSFW.

One day a young Native American boy asked his father how he and his sister got their names.

His dad told the boy, "when a child is born someone from the family looks outside and names the child after the first thing they see."

"So that's why sister's name is singing blue b...

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A man walks into a bar, he goes up to the bartender and asks him if he likes to gamble.

A man walks into a bar...

He goes up to the bartender and asks him if he likes to gamble.

The bartender says, "Sure, I'll take a bet. What's your action?"

The man offers a $50 bet that he can bite his own eyeball. The bartender, thinking it's easy money, accepts his bet, and is ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A kid walks in on his parents taking a shower...

He hears them saying to one another: "Honey, you have big balls." "Babe, you have big tits".

The boy asks, "Mom, dad, what are tits and balls?"

His parents reply, "Oh, uhhh... that's just another way of saying hats and scarves, now go play." So the kid goes off to play.

Later...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Thanksgiving Dinner

Thanksgiving dinner and all of the family is around.

A little boy wonders upstairs and stumbles upon his dad shaving. His dad slips shaving and cuts himself and exclaims "Shit!"

The little asks "Daddy what does that mean?"
The father replies " Oh, it is just means the shaving cream...

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A Russian, a Frenchman and a German...

...go high diving at a swimming pool. They each get to wish for a liquid to jump in.

The russian goes first. He gets up the tower, of course, wishes for vodka and so he lands ina pool full of vodka.

Next up was the Frenchman. He climbed the tower, shouted "Wine!" and he jumped into t...

On a cruise ship

A man is standing on deck, idly watching the water. On a nearby island, he spots somebody. He strains his eyes to see, and can make out that it is a very thin, dirty looking man with wild hair. He watches him jump up and down, wave, run along the beach and can even faintly make out that he man is ye...

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(Nsfw) The lone ranger and Tonto are travelling when they are captured by a band of outlaws

They bury the Lone ranger up to his neck in the dirt. The outlaws ask the lone ranger if he has any last requests before they leave him to die.


"Yes I do, tonto come here a moment"


Tonto comes over and the lone ranger whispers something in his ear. Suddenly tonto makes a run f...

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A little girl goes to her very busy father to ask various questions

“Papa, Papa!” she calls out to him, “I hate my dance lessons, can I not go today?”

“Quit it. Can’t you tell I’m in a meeting right now? Go talk to your mother,” her father tells her and shoos her from the room.

A little while later the girl returns and says, “Papa, Papa! I found a disc...

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