This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is school toilet paper referred to as John Wayne?

Because it's rough, tough and won't take shit off anyone

I was referred to a doctor with chronic back pain.

I hope he's still able to treat me.

Why are ships referred to as "she"?

Because they're always wet below.

My father was a conjoined twin. I always referred to his brother as "my uncle on my father's side."

But everythings ok now. They were able to surgically be separated. He's now "my uncle, once removed."

If the love between men is referred to as "brotherly love," what do you call the love between women?

Scissorly love

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My boss just referred to me as "A real pair of butts"

He said I am "A major ass set to the company"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Monkey Who Does Great Sex

A young sexy woman passing by a pet shop saw a board -

"Monkey who does great sex".

She went in, bought that monkey & walked away with the Instruction Manual.

The Manual said *'Give a good bath to the monkey, then you take a bath. Make him sit on the bed and you lie down w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I pissed off two men today because I referred to them as hipsters..

Apparently the correct term is 'conjoined twins'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young woman visits a florist to get some flowers for her mother.

As she's perusing, she notices the most gorgeous rose she's ever seen sitting next to the cashier, and asks for its price.

"Oh, sorry," the cashier replies. "That one's not for sale. I got that as a gift from a fellow florist for hooking him up with a woman I met yesterday."

"Yesterd...

Why was Darth Vader referred to as Lord Vader?

Because calling him Master Vader made all the Stormtroopers giggle.

I heard they are changing the name of Rymans in the North East of England.

Its now going to be referred to as Ry-aye mans.

Do you know any maths jokes?

Yeah |ly|

When I was learning trigonometry my teacher explained the trig functions by referencing the unit circle. And when I asked about the unit circle she referred me to the functions.

I said miss this seems like circular reasoning to me

Little people are often referred to as dwarves...

...but that's a misgnomer

I accidentally referred to my wife as my girlfriend today

Their names aren't even that similar

Why are Catholic priests always referred to as "father"?

Because "daddy" would make it too obvious...

Why are Prisoners referred to as "inmates"?

Because, on their first night, they're most likely to have said to them: "I'm putting it in, mate!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I called in on my doctor yesterday because I had found deep inside between my buttocks a full-stop and also a comma just below it.

He took one look, paused for a moment, and then referred me for a semi-colonoscopy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was referred to this proctologist. I thought he was a nice guy.

But he just turned out to be another asshole doctor.

Why are condoms referred to as "protection"?

I was wearing one yesterday and I still got hit by that bus!

I studied the cantaloupe joke

I’ve done it! I studied the origin of the cantaloupe joke. Then I then fact checked it into the night, and oh my God, it works on every level! I now present to you, the cantaloupe joke, and why it works.

Why must a melon get married in a church and nowhere else?


Because, due to i...

Today my 10 year old daughter referred to the pile of dirty laundry that my wife is doing as.

Mount Wash More.

Why are the Middle Ages also referred to as the 'Dark' Ages?

because there were too many *knights*

Turns out shepherds don't like being referred to as

'ewe people'

Why is bad code also referred to as 'spaghetti code'?

Because it was written by IT-aliens.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

New to the big city, a man is referred to a local bar, high up on the roof of a major newspaper building…

One night he decides to visit it. As he exits the elevator, he sees two other men: A classy, well-dressed bartender and a more blue-collar-looking patron in glasses. He sits down next to the patron and orders a drink.

The patron leans over to him and says, “First time here, right?”

“Ye...

Trump mistakenly referred to 9/11 attacks as 7/11 attacks

It seems someone has been providing him fake cues.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is 17 referred to as the "Hot Cousin" in black jack?

Because you want to hit it but you'd probably bust and everyone be pissed at you.

Why is the Higgs Boson referred to as the "God Particle?"

Because it gives us Mass

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.