Come To Jokes - 27 Hilarious Come To Jokes

Engineer and Anti-vaxxer come to the bridge

Anti-vaxxer says to the engineer: Is it safe to cross the bridge?

Engineer: It is 99,97% safe to cross that bridge.

Anti-vaxxer: I'd rather swim.

Why haven't aliens come to our solar system?

They checked our reviews.

One star.

So aliens come to earth and they're Sooo nice ...

There's a huge televised event with all the world leaders in attendance.

The Pope asks, "Do you know of Jesus Christ?"

The aliens say, "Do we Ever? Awesome guy!! Swings by the planet every couple of years to say Hi!"

The Pope exclaims, "Every couple of years?? What!!?? We're sti...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife said she was going to come to the Halloween party dressed as our Sex life

So she didn’t come

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rabbit is hopping through the woods. Hop! Hop! Hop! When he comes upon a giraffe. Now, this giraffe is about to smoke some weed. The rabbit looks up at the giraffe and say, "Giraffe, don't smoke weed! Weed is a drug and drugs are bad, come running with me through the forest!"

The giraffe looks at the weed, then looks at the rabbit, then back at the weed.

The giraffe tossed his blunt aside and they go running through the forest together. Run! Run! Run! Hop! Hop! Hopping along.

Soon they come to a clearing with a sheep.

This sheep is about to shoot up ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two arabs come to america.

They make a bet who would be the most "americanized" in a year.

After this year, one brother says, "i just dropped my kids off at baseball and we're having mcdonald's later".

The other brother says, "fuck off, towelhead!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nun is sitting on the bus when a hippie comes in and sits next to her...

After a while the hippie asks the nun "hey you, wanna fuck?" But the nun replies "no, God forbids it!" And she get's out on the next stop.
A few minutes later the hippie want's to get out too and right as he want's to leave the bus, the bus driver yells "hey you, hippie, come over here.
I hea...

I asked my boss if I can come to work a little late today

He said “Dream on.” I think that was really nice of him.

A man comes to see a urologist...

"When is your earliest urination in the day and how regular is it"? - the doctor asks him.

"Every day, at exactly 8:00, I urinate" - the man responds.

"That's good. How about defecation? Any obstruction"?

"Every day, at exactly 8:10, I defecate, without any obstructions ...

Boss: Why has Mike not come to work today?

Colleague: He is in the hospital

Boss: But i saw him last night dancing with a girl.

Colleague: Yes. His wife saw him too

Putin asks Zelenskyi: 'When I'm dead, I bet you will come to urinate on my grave?"

Zelenskyi: "Nah. Never been fond of waiting in line."

Come to the dark side. We have cookies.

The dark side only removes cache.

Today, in honor of 4/20, I'm letting my entire custodial staff partake before they come to work.

It's the only day I'll tolerate high maintenance people.

Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge.

They sit themselves at their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that t...

Me: As I've gotten older, I've come to feel that 60 is the new 30.

Policeman: I don't care what you "feel", buster, 30 is the speed limit!

Why did Death come to r/jokes looking for a redditor with the username Oast?

Like everyone here on r/jokes, he came to reap Oast.

Funny you should come to me…

A Jewish son comes home from university and tells his father, “Dad, after graduating from university, I have decided I can longer stay in the Hebrew faith, I’m a Christian now.”

Distraught the father goes to the rabbi of his synagogue and tells the rabbi, “I brought him up in the temple, we s...

Teacher : Why didn't you come to the school yesterday?

Student : My dad is in the hospital

1 week later..

Teacher : Is your dad still in the hospital?

Student : Yes, he is a doctor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men arrive in heaven at the same time. St. Peter comes out to greet them.

"Sorry about this guys," says St. Peter. "God didn't realize just how many people would get into heaven, so we have a new policy. You now have to tell me the story of how you died, and if I think it's sad or interesting enough, I'll let you in."

He walks up to the first man who is a nerdy, bo...

People come to us whenever they want to talk to the dead.

Sometimes they are startled when they see us. My sister is pretty large and I’m pretty small. But together, I tell them, we are a medium.

Why did the spoon come to the party dressed as a knife?

...The invitation said to look sharp

I believe that it is time for all the world's countries to come together and create one universal currency

I mean it's just common cents

We've all come to expect that corporations lie.

But I didn't find a single baby working at Babies 'R Us.

How do you get your mother in-law to come to your house at the last minute?

"Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!"

It's so typical of my late uncle not to come to my funeral.

I went to his the selfish git.

The Smiths were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower and their descendants included senators and Wall Street wizards.

They decided to compile a family history, a legacy for their children and grandchildren.
They hired a fine author.
Only one problem arose, how to handle great-uncle George, the criminal, who was executed in the electric chair.
The author said he could handle the story tactfully.
The book...

she texted "come to my house, nobody's home"

I went over, nobody was home..

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