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Why do prison doctors hate the Court of Appeals?

They're always trying their patients.

What did the judge say after Novak lost his court appeal?

"Mr. Djokovic has no challenges remaining."

My SO has a foot fetish which I've never found appealing. After a bit of pressure and experimenting, my SO finally won me over.

I ultimately accepted defeat.

I had five hundred Hershey Bars in my fridge and my friend had one in his. I pressured him into giving his to a homeless person.

That's basically how celebrity charity appeals work.

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The Penis Poem–by Willie Nelson

My nookie days are over,
My pilot light is out.

What used to be my sex appeal,
Is now my water spout.

Time was when, on its own accord,
From my trousers it would spring.

But now I’ve got a full time job,
To find the gosh darn thing.

It used to be embar...

A politician visits a rural area to gain appeal for the upcoming elections

He schedules a meeting with the local leaders to discuss problems the town has been experiencing so that he could provide help and solutions.

"Governor, our town has been experiencing two big problems," says one of the leaders

The politician pounds his table, "Ok tell me what they are,...

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A farmer is worried that his sex life with his wife is getting a bit dry They go to see a therapist, who asks them what they think the problem is.

The wife says, "I just don't have time for it, I'm too busy cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry and everything else. Sex is starting to lose its appeal".

The farmer is disheartened to hear this, but listens to the therapist, who tells him, "You need to change things up a bit. You'll just hav...

In the year 2010, the Lord came unto Noah and said:

“Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flash before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending ra...

Nike have unveiled a pair of trainers made from pineapple leather to appeal to Vegans...

They tried other fruits, but reviews said the ones made from bananas felt too much like slippers.

Court Summons

I can’t believe it!

I was just walking in the Town Centre and I was stopped and issued with a Court Summons for:

“…being too good-looking in a Public Place”.

I am “Appealing” (very appealing) lol

I don't get the appeal of school shooter jokes.

I guess they're aimed at a younger audience.

Did you hear about the serf who tried to appeal to his master to let him go?

It was feudal! (my dad just made up this joke while we were cooking dinner I thought it was cute so I wanted to share)

Olympic bilateral amputee Oscar Pistorius lost his appeal for the crime of murder. The Judge said...

He didn't have a leg to stand on.

The next LG phone needs to appeal to all audiences and be a plus size phone

We'll call it the LGbtq+

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I have the sex appeal of a god.

Specifically Yog-Sothoth

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The owner of the sex shop sold some lingerie to my girlfriend that has zero sex appeal.

But the lingerie is decent.

In a bid to appeal to more Texans, Tesla has introduced a Republican setting to its autopilot software. When given the choice to either run over a person or save the driver, the car will not even hesitate and..

Will fly you directly to Cancun.

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For some, looks are the most sexually appealing trait, while others are turned on by personality. But for me it’s all relative.

Relatives*

A man dies and is waiting to be transported to heaven

He asks Death about what happens next. Death replies "YOU WERE A GOOD MAN ON EARTH , YOU WILL GO TO HEAVEN , WHERE YOU WILL ENJOY ETERNAL YOUTH , YOU CAN DO BASICALLY ANYTHING YOU WANT , ANYTHING YOUR HEART DESIRES ". The man thinks to himself, "that's wonderful", and settles down for the journey....

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I have the sex appeal of a math book.

Ive never seen anyone open a math book and didn't say "fuck me".

A Trucker was looking to get a little action one night

So he gets on his CB radio and asked if anyone knows a good place to find some "company". Another trucker radios back with a nearby address, and tells him he'll have the best time ever for just $20.

The trucker goes to brothel with his $20, eager to see what that will get him. When he walk...

In an attempt to appeal to a wider audience, Hollywood remakes footloose for the Muslim and Jewish world

Its basically the same movie, just without Bacon

Why do women find Christian Grey so appealing?

Beats me.

An Australian rugby fan, a South African rugby fan and a New Zealand rugby fan are all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze...

...when Saudi police rush in and arrest them.


The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for consuming the booze they are all sentenced to death. However, after many months and with the help of good lawyers, they are able successfully to appeal their sentence...

My Dad installed a shelf in the wall of the shower today. It's nice, but it wont appeal to everyone

It's a bit niche

A charity puts out an appeal for medical supplies...

The charity, Concern put out an appeal for medical supplies.

Unfortunately nobody at all came forward.

The charity remained surprisingly upbeat about it, later tweeting:
There is no gauze for Concern.

I get the appeal of being an anti-vaxxer...

Choosing to "be an anti-vaxxer for life" is a much shorter-term commitment than many other "for life" decision.

I don't understand the appeal of Rorshac tests.

They all look like my parents fighting

A husband rudely said to his wife that she had really let herself go and put on a lot of weight since they got married

The wife replied by saying before she got married she used to get home at night and look in the fridge but because nothing looked appealing she would go to bed. But now that she's married when she gets home at night she'd look in the bedroom but as nothing in there looks appealing she goes to the fr...

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I don't understand the appeal of strip clubs...

All you do is throw money at women who refuse to have sex with you. If I wanted that I would be married.

Just what is it that makes Italian desserts so appealing?

One cannoli guess.

When you market TV shows and movies in other countries, it's not uncommon to change the title in order to appeal to the local population.

For example, the Chinese title for "Black Mirror" is "Really Cool Ideas".

Where does Hillary Clinton eat at to appeal to Asian voters?

Pander Express.

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Salesmanship

The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship. Little Sally led off, "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30." She said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civic ...

Birds of no Feathers....

A man from Los Angeles took a job in San Francisco, leaving his 70 yr old, widowed mother of 6 mos to fend for herself. As her birthday was approaching, he went around asking his co-workers for ideas to get his mom a bday gift.

None of their ideas appealed to him, until someone suggested a p...

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Old man and the IRS

There was this old man in his 80's, that got a letter from the IRS telling him to contact them immediately.

He calls and the IRS agent and is told he needs to come to his office regarding some irregularities with his account.

The old man thought about it and decided he should bring h...

They say Trump isn't appealing to minorities...

...but according to the latest polls, he's winning 100% of the Naive American vote

How do you make a kilogram of fat appealing?

Put a nipple on it

Courtesy of Alexa: how does a banana get out of jail?

It wins on appeal.

My school was tough. My teacher asked a kid what comes after a sentence?

The kid said an appeal.

Russian joke: a tourist gets pulled over by a cop in Russia.

Cop: You were speeding! I am going to confiscate your driver's license and I'm calling for a tow truck to take away your car.

Tourist: But I need to get to the airport and the car is a rental!

Cop: I dont care.

Tourist: Please, be be reasonable, you cant do this!

Cop: We...

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Snatch eating frog

This woman goes to a pet store to purchase some dog food. She puts the bag of food up on the counter and notices a box full of frogs. She reads the sign on the box, and it says: “Snatch Eating Frogs... $20 each (comes with instructions).”

She looks around to see if anybody’s watching her and ...

I went to the grocery store today to buy some oranges and couldn’t find any that i wanted

none of them looked appealing


pls be nice, i thought of this in the shower :)

The candidates keep appealing to "Hard Working Americans"...

But what about the Reddit community?

People keep talking about black holes

I guess they have a lot of mass appeal.

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A list of puns

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

A judge called me egotistical and conceited

I think I'm appealing

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Marine Biologist

My uncle is a marine biologist who grew up in Kansas. He moved to Los Angeles for grad school and never left. His first real job was as a lab tech at USC, where he spent several years before stumbling into a part-time instructor job, which he finally parlayed into a tenured faculty position. The wor...

Just some cake, please

Nothing looked good on the chow hall/mess line, so he only selected a large piece of chocolate cake.

The cook asked him, "Is that all you're gonna eat?"

To which the sailor replied, "Yeah, the rest of the choices don’t look too appealing to me."

The cook grinned at the sailor a...

My friend told me that she wanted to marry a witch doctor

My friend told me that she wanted to marry a witch doctor

I asked her, “Why? What’s the appeal?”

She replied, “Pwobabwy the financial secuwity”

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If World War One were a bar fight.

Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria's pint. Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg. Germany expresses its support for Austria's point of view. Britain recomm...

A study found that 97% of people prefer bananas with the skin on.

Without one, it just lacks appeal.

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Jimmy Carter, a president, invited Leonid Brezhnev to the White House for an evening of the usual state activities.

As part of the entertainment, Carter invited Brezhnev to sit down at the official White House piano and play a dirge of the Volga or the Fall of Leningrad. As Brezhnev sat down to play, he could not help but notice a red button at the end of the keyboard.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, he...

Why are orange and banana phones so popular these days?

They have appeal

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A man dies and ends up in Hell.

A man dies and ends up in hell, Satan shows up and walks him down a hallway, explaining that he would choose his torment from a selection of doors.


The first door opens up onto a vast expanse and millions of people standing on their heads on concrete. This doesn't have much appeal so the...

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The ultimate revenge ( long)

Melville was 10 years old and he loved clowns. When he heard that the circus was coming to town he did everything he could to convince his parents to take him so he could see the clowns. They eventually agreed and when the day arrived he was incredibly excited! He was on the edge of his seat with an...

How is a joke like a frog?

If you have to dissect it, it's probably already dead.

See, because a common practice in laboratories, whether inhabited by students or professionals, is to dissect an animal, usually a frog, to understand the internal workings of it's body. Of course, this animal would be in a lot of pain if...

A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar...

The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them.

After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat.
An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. Later, a D comes ...

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New HR policy

Dear Employee:

As a result of the reduced budget, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.


Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase...

Two dogs and a cat appeared in heaven

Two dogs and a cat appeared in heaven and were seeking admission. God Himself decided to hear their appeal from His judgement seat.

The St Bernard said "I was a valued rescue dog and helped find those nuns after the avalanche."

"Fine then, you're in," said God.

The collie said, ...

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I have a habit of reading when I am travelling via train.

This one journey I was reading *Mein Kampf*.

Suddenly this one lady in the cabin caught sight of the title and immediately started a ruckus. She snapped at how inappropriate it is for someone in the modern age to read that regressive book. She even went on to call me a Nazi and continued rebu...

Ad agencies love the Cosmic Banana

They all say its got universal appeal.

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call him maestro... or else

many years ago there was an orchestra in omaha whose conductor was notoriously ill tempered. he would fly off the handle at the smallest mistake, yet he would never offer any constructive criticism. he thought he was the greatest, and demanded to be called maestro. but sometimes, he'd give the wrong...

Ladies talk to me a lot more once my son was born.

I guess now, my appeal is apparent

I had a pretty good joke about a Catholic priest

But it got old and lost it's appeal

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I'm getting real tired of people comparing Trump to Hitler.

I mean, I get it: they both appeal to the radical far right Uber-nationalists and blame problems on minority groups but whatever, it's getting out of hand. Grow up and show some damn respect!Hitler at least actively served in the military and didn't get a deferment.

World's Funniest Joke

The "world's funniest joke" is a term used by Richard Wiseman of the University of Hertfordshire in 2002 to summarize one of the results of his research. For his experiment, named LaughLab, he created a website where people could rate and submit jokes. Purposes of the research included discovering t...

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Pretty meta bro

Cake day posts are annoying and uncreative, so many people make anti cake day posts. These can be just as bad, and are only rarely funny if they are posted on the poster's cake day, (aka: anti cake day cake day posts). This possess a bit of a conundrum, as here in Reddit, we make fun of things, but ...

Some people love camouflage clothing

But I don’t see the appeal

Why didn't Princess Fiona fall in love with Lord Farquaad?

He lacks Shrek's appeal

I am against invisible bananas.

I can’t see the appeal.

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I was talking to a landscaper about his work the other day.

He told me: “Most of my work involves painting people’s lawns a different color. It’s some kind of new trend. I, personally, don’t get the appeal of having a pink lawn. Doesn’t make sense to me. But, I dye grass.”

The Email

After being nearly snowbound for two weeks last winter, a Seattle man departed for his vacation in Miami Beach, where he was to meet his wife the next day at the conclusion of her business trip to Minneapolis. They were looking forward to pleasant weather and a nice time together.



...

Why was the vampire removed as CEO?

He couldn't appeal to the stakeholders.

Recently in court I was found guilty of being egotistical...

I am appealing.

Close Call

A Newfoundland farmer named Angus had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company.

In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Angus.

"Didn't you say to the RCMP at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?'" asked the solicitor.

An...

In a medieval town ...

... a beggar comes up to a tavern where the owner is cooking a roast of beef on a spit. The beggar has a piece of bread and holds it out over the roast so that is catches the grease that is rising off the roast into the air. The tavern owner says nothing until the beggar has captured enough grease a...

Out of town trial

A lawyer tries a case out of town, accompanied by his corporate client. After the case is given to the jury, the lawyer and his client wait for the verdict, which doesn't come in for days. After the second day, the lawyer the tells his client to go home, and he'll let him know as soon as the verdict...

An American tourist is traveling in Thailand and stops over in a small border village for a meal. While the inside of the restaurant is rather small and modest, it does have a beautifully designed ant farm covering most of one wall. Curious, he asks the old man running the restaurant about it.

“Ah,” says the old man. “I use the ant eggs to make a dish called maengman chom. The Cambodians who visit here especially love it; they spend so many riel on it that I had that display made to show off the ants. It’s a specialty of mine; would you like to try some?”

“Ant eggs are a little exo...

A 40 year old couple are hiking in the woods

... They eventually stumble upon Santa Claus. "I will grant you one wish each!" Santa told them. "I want a new car!" The man said, "I want a new TV!" the woman said. Santa Claus, with a smile on his face ".. But on one condition". "and what's that?" the man said, already confused with the encounter....

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A prostitute has a problem...

There once was a very prolific prostitute. She serviced many a John and a Jane over her career.

Her biggest insecurity was always the way her vagina looked. She had rather large pussy lips (labia minora). Occasionally, she would be rejected by a client because of the way her lady bits looked...

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Brad was successful and mostly healthy, but he had one problem...

his eyes bulged out of their sockets.

It had started in his teens, and while it didn't cause him physical pain, he had to put up with constant teasing about looking like an insect. It didn't help his dating life either; most girls liked him as a person but found his appearance too strange to ...

An ad campaign for pitted peaches (long)

So there’s a farmer and he wants to market his peaches. They are canned peaches and part of the appeal is you don’t have to pit them. They are pitted by other people before they get out in the cans! Easy! So he has this idea to hire a model to photograph in the process of pitting to communicate this...

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A man goes up to heaven and is being shown around.

A man goes up to heaven and is being shown around. He is surprised to be living with his wife and an ex from college. An angel explains "In heaven, you spend your time with the people you had sex with the most times".

The man thinks this could cause trouble and asks if there is any way to app...

In court I was convicted of constantly boasting about how attractive I am

I’m appealing.

I know it's bad...

Last night's baseball game was epic. The two teams had rosters full of the most popular players in the league. It also marked the comeback of popular SS Jed Marksby from a severe ocular injury. The game ended on a check swing that was appealed to the 3rd base ump. He called it a strike and the h...

Why do potatoes look so good...

Because their APPEALING!

Why was the banana a good prosecutor?

She always made the defense slip up on appeal.

The Apple store in town got robbed last night

the police have sent out an appeal for iWitnesses

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What's the similarity between porn videos and youtube let's plays?

Eventually you realise most of it is overreacted and it kinda loses it's appeal.

I met the man who invented the Big Mac today…

He was much smaller and less appealing than he looked in his photos…

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