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Appeal Jokes

I heard R Kelly is appealing his 30 year sentence.

Said he is gonna try to swap it for two 15's

I had five hundred Hershey Bars in my fridge and my friend had one in his. I pressured him into giving his to a homeless person.

That's basically how celebrity charity appeals work.

What did the judge say after Novak lost his court appeal?

"Mr. Djokovic has no challenges remaining."

A politician visits a rural area to gain appeal for the upcoming elections

He schedules a meeting with the local leaders to discuss problems the town has been experiencing so that he could provide help and solutions.

"Governor, our town has been experiencing two big problems," says one of the leaders

The politician pounds his table, "Ok tell me what they are,...

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I have the sex appeal of a god.

Specifically Yog-Sothoth

Why do women find Christian Grey so appealing?

Beats me.

I don't get the appeal of school shooter jokes.

I guess they're aimed at a younger audience.

Why do prison doctors hate the Court of Appeals?

They're always trying their patients.

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A farmer is worried that his sex life with his wife is getting a bit dry They go to see a therapist, who asks them what they think the problem is.

The wife says, "I just don't have time for it, I'm too busy cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry and everything else. Sex is starting to lose its appeal".

The farmer is disheartened to hear this, but listens to the therapist, who tells him, "You need to change things up a bit. You'll just hav...

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I have the sex appeal of a math book.

Ive never seen anyone open a math book and didn't say "fuck me".

“Isn’t all contemporary fiction just a retelling of older stories, arranged in such a way as to appeal to the broadest population, given their familiarity with technological advancements that would seem magical to authors of earlier ages….

…” I asked the chicken as we both stood on the sidewalk. It suddenly and without comment walked across the road.

“Hey,” I called after the chicken, “why’d you do that?!”

Olympic bilateral amputee Oscar Pistorius lost his appeal for the crime of murder. The Judge said...

He didn't have a leg to stand on.

Nike have unveiled a pair of trainers made from pineapple leather to appeal to Vegans...

They tried other fruits, but reviews said the ones made from bananas felt too much like slippers.

The next LG phone needs to appeal to all audiences and be a plus size phone

We'll call it the LGbtq+

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The owner of the sex shop sold some lingerie to my girlfriend that has zero sex appeal.

But the lingerie is decent.

I think I sent my son to a rough school, I asked him what do you use to end a sentence

He said "an appeal".

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The Penis Poem–by Willie Nelson

My nookie days are over,
My pilot light is out.

What used to be my sex appeal,
Is now my water spout.

Time was when, on its own accord,
From my trousers it would spring.

But now I’ve got a full time job,
To find the gosh darn thing.

It used to be embar...

My SO has a foot fetish which I've never found appealing. After a bit of pressure and experimenting, my SO finally won me over.

I ultimately accepted defeat.

A charity puts out an appeal for medical supplies...

The charity, Concern put out an appeal for medical supplies.

Unfortunately nobody at all came forward.

The charity remained surprisingly upbeat about it, later tweeting:
There is no gauze for Concern.

Did you hear about the serf who tried to appeal to his master to let him go?

It was feudal! (my dad just made up this joke while we were cooking dinner I thought it was cute so I wanted to share)

I don't understand the appeal of Rorshac tests.

They all look like my parents fighting

I get the appeal of being an anti-vaxxer...

Choosing to "be an anti-vaxxer for life" is a much shorter-term commitment than many other "for life" decision.

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I don't understand the appeal of strip clubs...

All you do is throw money at women who refuse to have sex with you. If I wanted that I would be married.

So a German, an Englishman and an Irishman

were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when they were arrested by Saudi police. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so they are all sentenced to death!

However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to app...

The Defense pleads 'Not Guilty by reason of insanity' and loses

They go to appeal and plead 'not guilty by reason of insanity' again, expecting a different result.

They win the appeal.

In an attempt to appeal to a wider audience, Hollywood remakes footloose for the Muslim and Jewish world

Its basically the same movie, just without Bacon

I went to a tough school.

In English class, the teacher asked 'what comes after a sentence', and someone yelled out 'an appeal'.The science teacher asked the class how to prove the law of gravity. They threw her out the window."I tell you...at the football games, after our team sacked the quarterback, they went after his fam...

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For some, looks are the most sexually appealing trait, while others are turned on by personality. But for me it’s all relative.

Relatives*

They say Trump isn't appealing to minorities...

...but according to the latest polls, he's winning 100% of the Naive American vote

How do you make a kilogram of fat appealing?

Put a nipple on it

Just what is it that makes Italian desserts so appealing?

One cannoli guess.

Where does Hillary Clinton eat at to appeal to Asian voters?

Pander Express.

My Dad installed a shelf in the wall of the shower today. It's nice, but it wont appeal to everyone

It's a bit niche

The candidates keep appealing to "Hard Working Americans"...

But what about the Reddit community?

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A man dies and ends up in Hell.

A man dies and ends up in hell, Satan shows up and walks him down a hallway, explaining that he would choose his torment from a selection of doors.


The first door opens up onto a vast expanse and millions of people standing on their heads on concrete. This doesn't have much appeal so the...

I was in court recently. The judge found me guilty of being 'Egotistical'

I am appealing

Russian joke: a tourist gets pulled over by a cop in Russia.

Cop: You were speeding! I am going to confiscate your driver's license and I'm calling for a tow truck to take away your car.

Tourist: But I need to get to the airport and the car is a rental!

Cop: I dont care.

Tourist: Please, be be reasonable, you cant do this!

Cop: We...

Did you hear about the wrongly-convicted banana?

Don’t worry, he’s okay. He won on appeal

A man dies and is waiting to be transported to heaven

He asks Death about what happens next. Death replies "YOU WERE A GOOD MAN ON EARTH , YOU WILL GO TO HEAVEN , WHERE YOU WILL ENJOY ETERNAL YOUTH , YOU CAN DO BASICALLY ANYTHING YOU WANT , ANYTHING YOUR HEART DESIRES ". The man thinks to himself, "that's wonderful", and settles down for the journey....

World's Funniest Joke

The "world's funniest joke" is a term used by Richard Wiseman of the University of Hertfordshire in 2002 to summarize one of the results of his research. For his experiment, named LaughLab, he created a website where people could rate and submit jokes. Purposes of the research included discovering t...

An old man and his son loved to do the gardening together.

There was an old man who loved doing the gardening with his son, every week they would get together and do the gardening.

One day the dad is diagnosed with lung cancer, not got long left to live. So the son decides that to raise money to pay for treatment he starts to sell drugs. Weed meth co...

Why did the apple break up with the orange?

Because the banana was more appealing.

A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar...

The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them.

After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat.
An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. Later, a D comes ...

Did you hear they’re selling the house where they filmed American History X?

The interior is okay but it has really bad curb appeal.

A husband rudely said to his wife that she had really let herself go and put on a lot of weight since they got married

The wife replied by saying before she got married she used to get home at night and look in the fridge but because nothing looked appealing she would go to bed. But now that she's married when she gets home at night she'd look in the bedroom but as nothing in there looks appealing she goes to the fr...

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A kid shows up to class with $2,467...

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Suzie led off: “I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,” she said proudly, “My sales approach was to appeal to the custo...

Courtesy of Alexa: how does a banana get out of jail?

It wins on appeal.

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A list of puns

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

People keep talking about black holes

I guess they have a lot of mass appeal.

A study found that 97% of people prefer bananas with the skin on.

Without one, it just lacks appeal.

Why are orange and banana phones so popular these days?

They have appeal

My friend told me that she wanted to marry a witch doctor

My friend told me that she wanted to marry a witch doctor

I asked her, “Why? What’s the appeal?”

She replied, “Pwobabwy the financial secuwity”

I had a pretty good joke about a Catholic priest

But it got old and lost it's appeal

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I'm getting real tired of people comparing Trump to Hitler.

I mean, I get it: they both appeal to the radical far right Uber-nationalists and blame problems on minority groups but whatever, it's getting out of hand. Grow up and show some damn respect!Hitler at least actively served in the military and didn't get a deferment.

A uninsured monkey crashes car into a man and gets sued for all his bananas.

The monkey is already appealing

Ad agencies love the Cosmic Banana

They all say its got universal appeal.

Ladies talk to me a lot more once my son was born.

I guess now, my appeal is apparent

A judge called me egotistical and conceited

I think I'm appealing

In the year 2010, the Lord came unto Noah and said:

“Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flash before me.
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending...

I am against invisible bananas.

I can’t see the appeal.

Some people love camouflage clothing

But I don’t see the appeal

Why didn't Princess Fiona fall in love with Lord Farquaad?

He lacks Shrek's appeal

I went to the grocery store today to buy some oranges and couldn’t find any that i wanted

none of them looked appealing


pls be nice, i thought of this in the shower :)

Why was the vampire removed as CEO?

He couldn't appeal to the stakeholders.

What does gravity have that you don't?

Mass appeal.

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New HR policy

Dear Employee:

As a result of the reduced budget, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.


Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase...

Nobody wanted to see the naked banana . . .

it just lacked appeal

Two dogs and a cat appeared in heaven

Two dogs and a cat appeared in heaven and were seeking admission. God Himself decided to hear their appeal from His judgement seat.

The St Bernard said "I was a valued rescue dog and helped find those nuns after the avalanche."

"Fine then, you're in," said God.

The collie said, ...

The Email

After being nearly snowbound for two weeks last winter, a Seattle man departed for his vacation in Miami Beach, where he was to meet his wife the next day at the conclusion of her business trip to Minneapolis. They were looking forward to pleasant weather and a nice time together.



...

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I was talking to a landscaper about his work the other day.

He told me: “Most of my work involves painting people’s lawns a different color. It’s some kind of new trend. I, personally, don’t get the appeal of having a pink lawn. Doesn’t make sense to me. But, I dye grass.”

Why was the banana a good prosecutor?

She always made the defense slip up on appeal.

Close Call

A Newfoundland farmer named Angus had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company.

In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Angus.

"Didn't you say to the RCMP at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?'" asked the solicitor.

An...

A Banana has been sentenced to 20 years in jail

After 10 years, he asks for an appeal

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What's the similarity between porn videos and youtube let's plays?

Eventually you realise most of it is overreacted and it kinda loses it's appeal.

Why does Trump like Minecraft?

He doesn’t, it’s fake news but does appeal to his key demographic of miners and wall builders.

In court I was convicted of constantly boasting about how attractive I am

I’m appealing.

Two blokes are out driving in Saudi Arabia.

The driver has a row of stitches around both his wrists. His mate points at them and says, “I see you won your appeal then...”

Just some cake, please

Nothing looked good on the chow hall/mess line, so he only selected a large piece of chocolate cake.

The cook asked him, "Is that all you're gonna eat?"

To which the sailor replied, "Yeah, the rest of the choices don’t look too appealing to me."

The cook grinned at the sailor a...

Act of God

After his wife had a baby, the new minister appealed to the congregation for a salary increase to cover the addition to the family. The congregation agreed that it was only fair and approved it.

When the next child arrived, the minister appealed, and again, the congregation approved the incre...

You know you teach in a rough neighborhood when...

You ask the class what comes after a sentence and they say, "you make an appeal."

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A nomad was traveling through the desert with his camal.

After weeks of traveling all alone the man got very lonely and his camel began to look more appealing.
Eventually he couldn't take it anymore and decided he was going to fuck his camel.
No one was around and no one will ever know, he thought to himself.

That evening he got ready, dropp...

Why would a banana go to court?

To get an appeal


Badum tssh

I was cooking last night and made a joke about being able to figure out the fractions in my head without cutting one of my fingers off. No one laughed.

Guess I wasn’t appealing to the lowest common denominator.

Why do potatoes look so good...

Because their APPEALING!

Old lawyers never die

They just lose their appeal

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Asexual Reproduction.

I never really understood the appeal of asexual reproduction. But, You do you, I guess.

Did you hear about the guy who sued a banana?

He won the initial case but lost on the banana's appeal.

Hillary Clinton has been frequenting a new restaurant, reports say.

I guess the main appeal of it is her own private server.

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