bear on cabin

so a man wakes up and goes out to his porch, he freaks out because his sees a bear sitting on top of his cabin. he goes inside and calls animal control. a little while passes and van shows up. Out steps a man and an mean old looking pitbull. the man point out the bear to the animal control guy and h...

What's the difference between a brown bear on a bicycle and a black bear on a bicycle?

Bearly much, they're bicycly the same.

Two friends are out hiking, and they see a black bear on the trail in front of them

One guy takes off his pack, takes off his hiking boots, and puts on running shoes

His friend says, “What are you doing? You can’t outrun that bear!”

The first guy says, “I don’t have to outrun the bear. I have to outrun you!”

I once killed an adult male Grizzly bear on a ski trip in Alaska with a small serrated knife.

I had no idea grizzlies could ski or where the bear got the knife.

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Bear on drugs

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.

The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.

The bartender...

What does a mama bear on birth control have in common with the world series?

No cubs

An angry man is walking through the bazaar with a bear on a leash

And he yells: Where's the guy that sold me a ''hamster'' last week?!

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The bear on drugs

A bear walks into a bar, sits down, and has a drink. The woman next to him says "Why the fuck are you allowed in here? Bears aren't supposed to be in bars!" The bear ignores her.

A while later the woman gets up and says, "I'll ask you again, you piece of shit, who let you in here?" The bear ...

Did you hear about the polar bear on the news last night?

That one broke the ice.

Reddit I come to you with a request - Do you have any good ice breaker jokes? Better than the one I just used? This is because I have used that one for almost 3 years now and it might be wearing thin on it's life of being funny.

The only other one I have heard i...

A russian village has a tradition...

...where each year they they hold a very unusal contest, that consists of 4 challenges: First, the contestants must down a bottle of vodka, then they must swim across an icy lake, third they must shake hands with a chained up wild bear on the other side, and finally they have to run to the closest v...

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There is a fly flying about 12 inches over a lake with a fish swimming below thinking "If the fly drops 6 inches I can jump and catch it."

Meanwhile, a bear on the edge of the same lakes sees the fly and thinks "If he drops 6 inches, the fish will jump after it and I can catch it."

Across the same lake is a hunter eating a sandwich watching the bear and the fly thinking "If the fly drops and the fish jumps I can shoot the bear a...

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Nsfw a rabbit and a bear cross a field and stumble on a green lamp.

The rabbit spoting the lamp instinctively rubbed it and in his astonishment and with a large puff of smoke a genie appeared coughing and splutering...

"Wow thank you both for releasing me its been ages since my last release. As customary i grant you both three wishes of your hearts desire"...

Papa Bear and Mama Bear are getting a divorce

You know Goldilocks and the 3 bears? Well mama bear and papa bear are getting a divorce. In court they bring in baby bear. The judge puts baby bear on the stand and asks him who he'd like to live with?

"Well not papa bear he beats me," says baby bear.

"So mama bear?" asks the Judge....

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There’s this fly.....

There’s a fly hovering six inches above the surface of the water.
A fish below the fly says to himself “if that fly drops six inches, I can leap up and catch the fly for dinner.”
There’s a bear on the bank of the water.
The bear says “if that fly drops six inches, that fish is going to go...

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There’s a fly buzzing over the water.

A frog is sitting on a lily pad and he says if that fly drops three inches I’ll eat him for lunch.
A fish under the water is looking up and he says if that fly drops three inches that frog will jump, then I’ll jump and I’ll eat that frog for lunch.
There’s a bear on the side of the pond and...

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A hunting tale

There’s a fly flying above a stream and there’s a fish watching the fly and it’s thinking “if that fly drops 6 inches I’m gonna have a great meal.” Meanwhile, there’s a bear on the bank watching the fish thinking, “if that fly drops 6 inches that fish is gonna get the fly and I’m gonna have a great ...

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Bear removal

A man in northern Minnesota woke up one morning to find a bear on his roof. He looked up in the yellow pages, and sure enough, there was an ad for “Up North Bear Removers”. He called the number listed and the bear remover said he would be over within the hour.

The bear remover arrived, and go...

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So there's this fly hovering a few inches above this lake...

(This is a long one but it's good trust me)

So there's this fly hovering few inches above this lake...

There's a fish in the lake thinking to himself "if that fly were to drop a few inches I'd be able to eat the fly".

But there's also a bear on the shore thinking to himself "if...

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Bear and rabbit get wishes

Bear and rabbit were just walking through the forest, as a fairy apearred. it granted both 3 wishes.
bears first wish was, to make every bear girl in this forest like only him. the rabbit on the other hand just wanted a very fast harley.
second wish from bear was that every bear girl on the wh...

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Three Jamaican guys were invited to a fancy dress party where people had to dress up as an emotion.

The first one turns up in a dress.

Confused, the host asks, "what are you supposed to be?"

"I"m in distress, mon," he replied.

The second Jamaican guy turns up stark naked but with a teddy bear on his knob.

Even more confused, the host asks, "what are you supposed to ...

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A fly is flying over a lake (long)

Thinks to himself if I fly lower it will be cooler.

A fish in the lake is thinking at the same time if that fly comes lower I can jump up and have my lunch!

A bear on the side of the lake is thinking if that fly goes down the fish will jump up and I can run out and have my lunch.
...

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A bear, a frog and a genie.

A bear and a frog found a genie in the middle of the forest. As they both found it the genie grant them 3 wishes.

"I wish for a really tasty fly to come by,"
Said the frog.

The bear looked at him amused at his dumb wish and went on to ask,
"I wish female bears preferres me over ...

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A bear is chasing a rabbit through the forest...

...and is nearly on top of him. Just before the bear can pounce, time stops, freezing the animals in place. Jesus steps out from behind a tree and tells the bear that if he spares the rabbit, he will grant each creature two wishes. The bear agrees, and time resumes. The bear says, "I wish I had ...

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A fly dropped six inches...

A fly is flying lazily over a river. The fly drops down 6 inches closer to the water.  A fish in the river sees the fly and thinks to himself, “hey that fly just dropped 6 inches, I bet it's now close enough to where I can jump up and eat it!”


There's a bear on the bank of the river, the ...

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Two men are sitting having coffee in a diner. One of them goes to buy lottery tickets...

Two men are sitting in the diner, having their usual morning coffee.

“Well, I’m off to buy some lottery tickets” says the first guy.

“No.” Says the second man. “You shouldn’t buy lottery tickets!”

“And why not?” asks the first guy.

“Well let me put it this way” the second...

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A bear and a rabbit are walking through the forest..

A bear and a rabbit are walking through the forest and they find a genie's magic lamp. Stoked on life, they pick up the lamp and rub it. Out comes the, who bellows "you may have three wishes each."
The bear makes the first wish. "Guys, ive got it. I wish that every bear in this forest was female,...

A Roman Catholic priest, a Southern Baptist minister, and a Rabbi were all at a bar...

They were all arguing over who could convert the most followers to his respective religion.

A rather drunk man at the bar yells, "Anyone can convert a person! It takes real skill to convert a bear!"

The three religious mean agree, and set out to prove who could most effectively convert...

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Story of the fly

In the dead of summer, a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake. A hot,dry fly who said to no one in particular, "Gosh...if I go down three inches...I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed."

There was a fish in the water thinking, "Gosh...if that fly goes down three inch...

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A bear walks into a bar...

... and orders a beer. The bartender says "We can't serve a bear in this bar. State law."
Bear says "You had better serve me a beer, or I will kill and eat that woman at the end of the bar."
Bartender says "I told you. No beer for no bear in this bar."
Bear goes down to the end of the bar...

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A Bear and Rabbit Find a Genie Lamp in the Forest

A Bear and Rabbit find a genie lamp in the forest. They both rub the lamp and out comes the genie.

Genie says "you each have three wishes, Bear, what first wish?" Bear says "I want every bear in this forest be a female bear." Genie snaps his finger, and all of the other male bears disappear...

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