This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[On the way to the therapist] Me: You are going to bring up my obsession with predicting the future, won’t you?

Her: Yes.

Me: I knew it!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I really hate it when people bring up masturbation in a conversation.

It’s a very touchy subject for me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the guy with awful internet trying to bring up a porn page?

He couldn't get it up!

Nearly 200,000 Californians evacuated due to Oroville Dam reaching a likely catastrophic failure. You may think this isn't the time to bring up politics however this is Trump's fault.

No man made structure was built to hold so many liberal tears.

Whenever I introduce myself, I always bring up the titantic.

It's just such a good ice breaker!

You thought i would bring up an old meme from 5 years ago?

Nope, Chuck Testa

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I held the door for a Japanese man the other day...

And he said, “sank you.”

So I punched him right in the face.

I can’t believe he’d bring up Pearl Harbor like that.



Happy Pearl Harbor Day!

A hotel in Soviet Russia

Four strangers have to share a room. But they get acquainted with each other, one of them cracks open a bottle of vodka and they start drinking and telling stories. One of them wants to sleep, but the others don't care about him and keep telling more and more raunchy stories and political jokes. So ...

Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health

From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan's side. It even learned to dig for clams.

One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week.

His wife answered the door.

"Sure..." his wife said. "It will cost you $500."

"That much?"...

Why do plastic surgeons finish every race in last place?

They always bring up the rear.

A man and his wife were sitting having breakfast when the wife said...

"If I were to die would you get married again?".

The man said "That's a terrible thing to say. It's such a beautiful morning and we're having a wonderful breakfast together you bring up this horrible thing about death. Forget about it."

But his wife didn't forget about it and she brou...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Italian, an Irishman, and a Polack are in line for a job interview.

The Italian is up first. He walks into the boss’s office and notices the boss is completely ear-less.

The boss says to him “Mr. Marino, I don’t have a lot of time so I’ll get to the point. I like people who are observant and can speak their mind. Say one thing about me!”

The Italian sa...

Why doesn’t the NFL like having women refs?

Because they would bring up penalties from two years ago.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Got the wife a plunger for xmas...

Cause she loves to bring up old shit.

My best friend is frustrated with dating and says he can't find a good girl. I reassured him that good girls are found in every corner on Earth.

What I didn't bring up is the fact Earth is round...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Vegan King is fed up of all the greens he has eaten so far

So he decrees that anyone who can introduce a new fruit or vegetable to him will be given 1,000 gold coins. However, if they bring up a fruit or vegetable that the king is familiar with, the same produce will be shoved up their butthole.

Excited for the prize, the common folk form a line outs...

Rabbi and a priest

The rabbi said to the priest "why haven't I seen you riding your bicycle to mass lately?"

The priest replied that his bike had been stolen and he had been forced to walk to mass every day. "The worst part do it all" he said "is that I think someone from my congregation stole it."

The r...

Little Johnny Back Again...

This time, little Johnny's mother had been noticing that his math grades had been steadily declining. She decided to have a chat with Johnny about his disinterest in math, being more responsible with his studies, and the importance of bringing his grade up.

The next quarter ended- Johnny's re...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There are 3 racehorses sitting in a bar

Called James, Jimmy and Johnny.

James turns to Jimmy and says, "Say, last week I was in a big race and I was losing by miles! But then suddenly, I had a massive pain in my ass and it shot through my whole body and through my mouth and woah! I was in front and I won!"

Jimmy replies, "Cr...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.