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SON: Dad, I'm not comfortable with how often you use humor to change the subect when I bring up your debilitaing drinking problem.

DAD: "Hi 'Not comfortable with how often you use humor to change the subect when I bring up your debilitaing drinking problem', I'm Dad".

My buddy asked how to bring up having a 3way to his wife.

I told him “ I’ve talked to your wife before. Do you really have it in you to disappoint two people at once?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw my therapist today, and said "You are going to bring up my obsession with predicting the future, aren't you?" She said Yes.

I said "I knew it!!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I really hate it when people bring up masturbation in a conversation.

It’s a very touchy subject for me.

Nearly 200,000 Californians evacuated due to Oroville Dam reaching a likely catastrophic failure. You may think this isn't the time to bring up politics however this is Trump's fault.

No man made structure was built to hold so many liberal tears.

My parents love to bring up the time that I peed on the doctor

Which really sucks for me because it happened the same day that Karen took the kids.

Whenever I introduce myself, I always bring up the titantic.

It's just such a good ice breaker!

Why do people bring up pesticide free food so much during conversations?

I don’t know, I guess it comes up organically.

You thought i would bring up an old meme from 5 years ago?

Nope, Chuck Testa

I was enjoying a beautiful steak for dinner with a girl i recently met as she suddenly said "Enjoying your meat? MURDERER!??"

Like can she not bring up the fact that i shot her parents for one meal?

A vegan bitcoin investor who does CrossFit and didn't vote in the 2016 election walks into a bar.

Now everyone's wondering what he's gonna bring up first.

You can't have Juan ...

Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health

From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan's side. It even learned to dig for clams.

One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week.

His wife answe...

Here's an old one.

I cant remember where I got this one from but here it is.

This man wants to reconnect with nature and disconnect from society for awhile. So he drives to his uncle's cabin in the woods. The uncle has no electricity, no phone or internet. The man thinks it's the perfect get away.
The firs...

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After a heated argument she told me i should just be a plumber

Because i like to bring up old shit.

A hotel in Soviet Russia

Four strangers have to share a room. But they get acquainted with each other, one of them cracks open a bottle of vodka and they start drinking and telling stories. One of them wants to sleep, but the others don't care about him and keep telling more and more raunchy stories and political jokes. So ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I held the door for a Japanese man the other day...

And he said, “sank you.”

So I punched him right in the face.

I can’t believe he’d bring up Pearl Harbor like that.



Happy Pearl Harbor Day!

A man and his wife were sitting having breakfast when the wife said...

"If I were to die would you get married again?".

The man said "That's a terrible thing to say. It's such a beautiful morning and we're having a wonderful breakfast together you bring up this horrible thing about death. Forget about it."

But his wife didn't forget about it and she brou...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Italian, an Irishman, and a Polack are in line for a job interview.

The Italian is up first. He walks into the boss’s office and notices the boss is completely ear-less.

The boss says to him “Mr. Marino, I don’t have a lot of time so I’ll get to the point. I like people who are observant and can speak their mind. Say one thing about me!”

The Italian sa...

My best friend is frustrated with dating and says he can't find a good girl. I reassured him that good girls are found in every corner on Earth.

What I didn't bring up is the fact Earth is round...

Rabbi and a priest

The rabbi said to the priest "why haven't I seen you riding your bicycle to mass lately?"

The priest replied that his bike had been stolen and he had been forced to walk to mass every day. "The worst part do it all" he said "is that I think someone from my congregation stole it."

The r...

Why doesn’t the NFL like having women refs?

Because they would bring up penalties from two years ago.

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