Look Up Jokes - 28 Hilarious Look Up Jokes

I tried to look up lighters in Amazon.

All they had was 13,749 matches.

Just watched "Don't Look Up"

Oscar-worthy performance by Leonardo pretending to like women his own age.

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Never look up Furry porn

It a different type of rabbit hole.

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After a long day, I like to lie down on my bed, look up at the stars and think to myself:

Where the fuck has the roof gone?

eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters

All I found is 13.749 matches.

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Never look up to birds for inspiration

cause they’re most likely to shit on you, and your ideas.

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I look up to my grandfather as a national hero

He did many great thing, he was a soldier in ww1 and even killed hitler in ww2.

An old man has been standing in line at the pearly gates for so long, when he gets to the front, he can't remember his name for St. Peter to look up in the Big Book...

Peter doesn't know what to do, so he gets Jesus to help him figure it out.

Jesus says "Tell us about your life, maybe that will jog your memory."

The old man says "Well, I only had one child, a son."

Jesus smiles and says "Heh, I was an only child too. Go on."

The man say...

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Panda and a Prostitute

A panda spent the night in bed with a prostitute. The following morning as he is about ready to leave, the prostitute yells after him, "Hey, aren't you going to pay me?"

The panda appears confused, so she throws a dictionary at him and tells him to look up 'prostitute.'

The definition ...

People keep telling me it’s weird to look up to the Pillsbury Doughboy...

But I think he’s a great roll model.

I really look up to beautiful plus size women in ads.

They’re my roll models.

Do you know what athletes I really look up to?

Basketball players

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TIL it's impossible to stick your tongue out and look up at the same time

Without looking like a twat

What do you find if you look up the word thesaurus in a thesaurus?

Synonyms.

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It's funniest if you look up the verses yourself

A pastor has just moved to a new town, and the day before services, he goes around visiting members of his new congregation. He comes to one house and knocks... no answer. He rings the doorbell... no answer... but he can tell someone is home, so he pulls out a card and writes on the back, *Revelatio...

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So a koala bear walks into a brothel.

He picks out the best looking girl, and heads upstairs with her. While up there, he eats her out like a madman, doing things she's never even heard of. After about an hour he gets up heads out the door.

The girl stops him and demands payment.

The koala doesn't understand. She has him l...

Why does Sideshow Bob look up to Moe?

Because Bob also wants to be a Bart-Ender.

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Comedian Jeff Dunham has been accused of sexual assault

After allegations from his coworkers saying that he's been fisting them for decades.

Just look up his Youtube channel if you want to see evidence of this abuse. Millions have just sat by and watched while these poor souls suffered through tremendous pain right in-front of them.

My GPS is difficult to use whenever I try to look up specific coordinates.

It has a bad latitude.

I have to look up the word innuendo...

If you know what I mean ;)

Courtesy of Suits

If you're ever lost in the woods, just look up at the sky for the North Star.

Its twinkling will comfort you as you die.

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A sex addict, an alcoholic and a pot head die and arrive at the gates of heaven.

Jesus is standing there looking at them sternly he says, " I stand at these gates to judge the souls that have passed on. If you do not deserve to enter heaven then you will be cast to the fire filled depths of hell where you will spend all eternity in agony."

The three sinners knowing the l...

If I ripped out the first 100 pages of my dictionary, will I then be able to look up well, but and actually?

Well yes, but, actually no

If you’re ever ever hiking in the woods and get lost, just look up and find the brightest star in the sky.

The you’ll know which way space is.

Where could you look up Joan of Arc's profile?

On Tinder.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, Holmes said:” Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?"

Watson said, "I see millions and millions of stars."

Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"

Watson: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant...

A young girl.

A young girl, who was writing a paper for school, came to her father and asked...

"Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?"

The father replied, "It is mostly a matter of degree."

"Let me show you what I mean... "

With that, the father went to the tele...

I like to look up jokes on Reddit and tell them to my friends so they think I'm funny...

Just kidding...I don't have friends.

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