UPJOKE
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Just watched "Don't Look Up"

Oscar-worthy performance by Leonardo pretending to like women his own age.

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Never look up Furry porn

It a different type of rabbit hole.

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Never look up to birds for inspiration

cause they’re most likely to shit on you, and your ideas.

In the book ‘How to Detain,’ where would you look up how many times the word ‘stop’ was used?

The Apprehendix

eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters

All I found is 13.749 matches.

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TIL it's impossible to stick your tongue out and look up at the same time

Without looking like a twat

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It's funniest if you look up the verses yourself

A pastor has just moved to a new town, and the day before services, he goes around visiting members of his new congregation. He comes to one house and knocks... no answer. He rings the doorbell... no answer... but he can tell someone is home, so he pulls out a card and writes on the back, *Revelatio...

People keep telling me it’s weird to look up to the Pillsbury Doughboy...

But I think he’s a great roll model.

If you’re ever ever hiking in the woods and get lost, just look up and find the brightest star in the sky.

The you’ll know which way space is.

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Nowadays teens could just look up porn on the internet. Back in my day, they only had porn in the stores. But they wouldn’t sell it to us because we were underage. So we had to pool our money and give it to the homeless guy outside of the store.

He then would strip and play with himself for us. It wasn’t terrible but my point is you kids got it easy.

An old man has been standing in line at the pearly gates for so long, when he gets to the front, he can't remember his name for St. Peter to look up in the Big Book...

Peter doesn't know what to do, so he gets Jesus to help him figure it out.

Jesus says "Tell us about your life, maybe that will jog your memory."

The old man says "Well, I only had one child, a son."

Jesus smiles and says "Heh, I was an only child too. Go on."

The man say...

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I look up to my grandfather as a national hero

He did many great thing, he was a soldier in ww1 and even killed hitler in ww2.

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After a long day, I like to lie down on my bed, look up at the stars and think to myself:

Where the fuck has the roof gone?

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, Holmes said:” Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?"

Watson said, "I see millions and millions of stars."

Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"

Watson: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant...

If I ripped out the first 100 pages of my dictionary, will I then be able to look up well, but and actually?

Well yes, but, actually no

What do you find if you look up the word thesaurus in a thesaurus?

Synonyms.

I really look up to beautiful plus size women in ads.

They’re my roll models.

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Mary had a little watch, she swallowed it one day. So all she took was castor oil, to pass the time away. The castor oil, it did not work, the time, it did not pass. So if you want to know what time it is, just look up Mary's

...uncle.

He's got a watch.

My GPS is difficult to use whenever I try to look up specific coordinates.

It has a bad latitude.

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Me and the wife were having a chat about the worst pain ever, she said childbirth, I said no a kick in the balls is worse, how do you work that out she said? I replied after two years you look up and say, I want another baby, do I look up and say.

I want another kick in the balls?

Why does Sideshow Bob look up to Moe?

Because Bob also wants to be a Bart-Ender.

(Just happened to me) I was walking in the office corridor, browsing reddit on my phone, when i bumped into a very beautiful girl. She look up and said "I am sorry"

I replied "I am not".
and kept moving.

(Sorry if the wrong sub but I think it was funny)

I like to look up jokes on Reddit and tell them to my friends so they think I'm funny...

Just kidding...I don't have friends.

I have to look up the word innuendo...

If you know what I mean ;)

Courtesy of Suits

Where could you look up Joan of Arc's profile?

On Tinder.

My house was being haunted, so my wife and I decided to look up some exorcists.

I found a really good one, but when we met with him, he seemed depressed. My wife found one that seemed much more upbeat. We discussed our options and decided to go with the happy medium.

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