Hello everyone! I'm a scientist and I am researching bestiality between humans and dogs.

I will be in my Lab if you need me.

Interesting Research

Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.

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What do you call a short Mexican researcher in Antarctica?

A Burrito

First joke I've ever come up with. My Hispanic wife laughed her butt off.

Research down under..

Researchers for the Australian Roads Department found over 200 dead crows on the Great Northern Highway recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was defini...

A Canadian research team has made history by freezing mice to temperatures of absolute zero.

Animal rights groups are outraged by the cruel tests performed on the animals.

But they’ll be 0K.

So I was doing some research on the Anti-Lawn movement today...

Sadly it doesn't seem like they have grassroots support!

A team of researchers have figured out how to reduce the rate of new mental disorder cases by 100%!

“Stop diagnosing them.”

I was doing some scientific research on the House of Hapsburgs and I have now discovered

The Theory of General Relativity.

Research from China shows the Coronavirus really attacks the Lungs

As well as the Chans, Wongs, Lees and Lins.

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Quarrantine Day 7: Research continues on the effect of excessive masturbation on eyesight.

Dont forget to press the "subscribe" button to see my next video!

I just got off the phone with a researcher in China. He says it's not worth getting the Covid-19 now.

As they are expecting the Covid-20 PRO to be released in September

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There was once a scientist doing research on some microscopic organisms.

To his surprise, he found out that a particular species was completely homosexual.

They're algae.

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Donald Trump met with the Queen of England, and politely asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"

Donald Trump met with the Queen of England, and politely asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"

"Well," replied the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Trump frowned, and...

Research Shows Bad Jokes Increase Risk of Getting Sick

Because it makes you facepalm.

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A historian goes to Mexico to do research on Pancho Villa.

After a few weeks of going from village to village, getting 3rd and 4th hand stories, he meets a man who tells him, "Go talk to the old man at the end of the road. He knew Pancho Villa."

So the historian goes to meet the old man, who is well over 100 years old. He asks the old man, "I underst...

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A woman visited an Amazonian tribe on a research trip...

She spent several days taking notes on the lifestyle and habits of the tribe and interviewing their ruler, King Paolo, via an interpreter. As the tribe's land was near several rich gold mines, the king and his people were extremely wealthy.

During the woman's time with him, the king fell hop...

A group of 6 Irish professors and researchers walk into a bar one night...

They have a good old-time drinking, discussing theory, students and their mistakes, current research ideas, and anything and everything in between.

One researcher, who appears to be the leader of this group, orders a round of drinks for everyone and introduces himself to the barkeep as Arthu...

Research done on introverts

revealed nothing

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Bull Testicles (this isn't necessarily NSFW but it's not for people who get grossed out easily so you've been warned)

My dad told me this a few years back

A tourist in Spain is in a restaurant near a bullfighting arena right after a bullfight.
There's a table nearby where a guy is eating a dish with two big balls in it and all around the table people are making merry.
The tourist got curious and asked ...

Sure, we can do something about climate change now, but if we find out in 50 years that the researchers made a mistake and that climate change doesn't exist...

We would have improved air quality in all major cities, gotten rid of noisy and smelly cars, cleaned up toxic rivers and destroyed dictatorships funded on money from oil for no reason.

Research has shown that laughing for two minutes is just as healthy as a 20 minute jog.

So now I'm sitting in the park laughing at all the joggers.

In the early 1970s, researchers discovered that a certain enzyme in a specific breed of seagull chicks granted dolphins that ate them a dramatically increased lifespan…

Hoping that this could be made viable for humans, they started extensive testing.

Unfortunately, the breed of gulls wasn't native to the area around their laboratory.

They sent a research assistant up the coast to gather additional specimens.

On his way back with a truckload o...

NASA should hire birds for time travel researches.

They have been studying wormholes for thousands if not millions of years before human do.

A calm, respected woman walks into a Pharmacy

As she walks in, she goes right up to the pharmacist, looks him straight into his eyes and said;

"I would like to buy some cyanide,"

The pharmacist asked her:

"why in the world do you need cyanide?"

She said:

"I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmaci...

A proctologist gets sick of his medical career and decides it's time for a change. He does a bit of research and settles on trying his hand at being a mechanic. He attends mechanic school diligently and pays attention in the hopes of being the best mechanic in town.

After taking his final exam, he notices a mistake with the grade on the test and asks the teacher.

"Sir, you have me 150% out of a possible 100% on the practical exam. This must be a mistake!"

The teacher replies, "It's no mistake. 50% of the grade is for perfect disassembly of the en...

Research Show that 1 in 3 people cheat...

Not sure if it's my wife or my girlfriend...

Why is reading research on electromagnetic radiation so easy?

Because it’s a pretty light subject.

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Three friends encounter a genie

The Genie is extremely grateful to the three friends for releasing him from his dormant stage and offers three wishes to each man.

The first one says "I want to have enough money that I don't have to work another day in my life." As soon as he finished, his phone beeped saying he had $10 Mil ...

Trump just suggested that injecting sanitizers like bleach might have a cleansing effect on the body

I think medical research would agree that injecting bleach definitely cures stupidity.

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Guy has a massive headache and its not responsive to any medication.

After doctors researching whats wrong with him for months they finally cone to conclusion. They called the guy and deliver the news. Doctor says;

-Its good news, found the problem.

-What is it doc?

-We need to remove your penis.

Guy looks sad. But after some consideration...

I’ve been researching primates, specifically rhesus macaques, and learned that they aren’t “born”; they’re assembled from scratch.

They start off as rhesus pieces.

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Penis study...

I haven't seen this one in +20 years so here goes..

PENIS STUDY

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over $180,000.00 The results of the study concluded that the reaso...

Researchers have recently started using lawyers instead of rats in their lab experiments.

You don’t get so attached to them, and there are some things a rat just won’t do.

Finally revealed: the leading cause of death for rats and mice

Research scientists

Researchers have discovered a self-sustainable utopia where the recycling rate is as high as 98%

But you already know about this place. Welcome to /r/jokes.

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During a recent archaeological dig, researchers believe they have found the worlds first tampon...

...but they don't know from what period.

A researcher is experimenting on a frog

He says: "Jump!".

The frog jumps, and the man writes down: " The frog with four legs jumps".

He then cuts one of the frog's legs and says: "Jump!".

The frog jumps, and the man writes down: "The frog with three legs jumps".

He then cuts another leg and says: "Jump!".
...

Researcher: Do you cheat on your wife?

Me: Who else would I cheat on?

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I know a guy who trained to be a vet and claims to have done extensive research on bovine faeces.

But I reckon that’s bullshit.

Upon reexamination, groundbreaking research suggests a new theory of dinosaur extinction

Traffic accidents. Amongst the thousands of dinosaurs unearthed, not one has been found wearing a seat belt.

It's only stalking if you get caught.

Til then it's called research.

An insane Harvard research study just proved that when ants are tripping on LSD, they can't get heartburn.

Apparently it works as an antacid.

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Research has shown that Obese people who have just had sexual reassignment surgery are more likely to survive cannibalistic scenarios

Because Trans Fat are bad for your health.

A researcher conducted a study on the thoughts and feelings of women after having an abortion.

The findings were not a parent.

I found Einstein's original research notes about anti-gravity.

I just couldn't put them down.

A recent study has shown TSA random searches are in fact random

After hundreds of hours of observation at dozens of airports researchers were able to say with a high degree of confidence that TSA searches are applied randomly. The frequency of brown skinned men entering the line was highly variable and had no discernible pattern.

According to new research, human bodies keep moving for more than a year after death.

That’s crazy news, but it certainly explains why Grandpa was flailing so much during the cremation.

The pregnant researcher gave birth to twin girls.

She named one Constance and keeps changing the name of the other one.

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Eleventh Husband

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom? "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales represen...

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Kim Jong-un has unfortunately died and the North Korean subordinates gathered for a serious meeting.

After hours of discussion, they decided it'd be best to replace him with a look alike to fool the foreign leaders. A Kim Jong-un look alike contest was organised and the winner was to be selected to rule Korea.

Fliers and posters of the contest was all over North Korea and a majority of the...

First post - have mercy

I wanted to research bestiality, but I felt I was going down a rabbit-hole.

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So, my friend bought a cute baby donkey

First, he taught it to walk and run. It grew up to carry anything and still run at great speed. After that, he taught it to be friendly to everyone. It grew up to be a great emotional support animal. He taught it to study and read. It grew up to advance animal consciousness research.

So, afte...

What's the difference between a priest and a cryogenics researcher?

Only one of them is a chilled mole tester.

The National Council on Psychic Research has officially designated this to be true

The
experience of changing planes in New York now officially counts as a near-death experience

After years of research and exploration, an Archaeologist discovered an ancient book...

The book was said to answer any question asked of it. Being a professional, the archaeologist took the book back to his prestigious university, which was home to several leaders of certain fields. To research the book's power in a controlled manner, the archaeologist rounds up three of the universit...

Research shows

that the people of Saudi Arabia don't like "The Flintstones"..

But the people of Abu Dhabi do.

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The family history of Jack Schitt

We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt!" So, I just researched about his family history for y'all.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.

Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Miss O. Needeep They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Sch...

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The latest research shows more money is now spent on boob jobs and Viagra than on Alzheimer’s research.

This means that by 2040, the elderly will all have perky tits and stiff cocks, but absolutely no idea why.

Today I made an in depth presentation about ground breaking research on bad effects of the two legged posture in humans

It was well received. In fact they even gave me a standing ovation.

We have been misunderstanding antivaxxers this whole time! They really *do* their own research

Specifically, they are the control group.

Contradicting Coronavirus advice!

First, we hear alcohol may prevent the virus... now research suggests the opposite. Then we’re told heat and humidity has no effect, but wait... direct sunlight might quickly kill the virus. So, if you come across some elderly bloke, standing in the yard, intoxicated and naked, leave me alone... I’m...

A dog walks into a natural history museum

Asking for a piece of the new dinosaur exhibit to prove an important theory

In return the dog offered what looked like a tiny black speck encased in amber

The research assistant was visiting from Ireland and was very much out of his intellectual depth. Not wanting to seem ignorant, the...

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A Navy Rhyme

A Navy man, a war hero, attends a lunch at a Ladies’ Patriotic Society. Cucumber sandwiches on crustless bread – he endures it manfully. Then the ladies, who have been at the sherry, ask to hear a Navy rhyme. Ladies, he says, I will accede to your request. But in place of each atrocious word, I will...

After extensive research I've come to the conclusion that 10 is smaller than 5!

I finally understand factorials!

All those people saying anti-vaxxers should be researching child sized coffins aren't considering both sides

they can also use urns

Every year I organize a patient-relative charity event to benefit Alzheimer’s research.

I tell the patients to invite their whole family but nobody ever shows up.

So my brother works at a research facility. His employer only stocks the bathrooms with single ply toilet paper.

They say it leads to the most breakthroughs

In the months leading up to their expedition,

Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin trained in a remote moon like area in the Western United States. The area was home to several Native American tribes.
One day as they were training, the astronauts came across an old Native American. The man asked them what they were doing there. They replied that t...

New marijuana research reveals that it cures...

Symptoms of motivation by up to 95%.

Why to do a research before buying fireworks?

To get the best bang for your buck.

They told me I before E except after C...

but after doing some research, there’s no science in it.

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After years of speculation, researchers have finally published a journal article documenting how long people tend to spend engaging in sexual activity.

It’s about fucking time.

How many quantitative psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?

1, p <= .05.

How many qualitative psychologists does it take?

_disguy. (2020). *Construction and Deconstruction Methods for Lightbulb Assembly* (Doctoral Dissertation). Reddit University,
San Francisco.

Thomas Alva Edison (February 11, 1847 – October 18, 1931) was an A...

Nicki Minaj researched her family tree and discovered she was part American Indian.

The tribe: Arapahoe.

For my PhD thesis, I wanted to write the best researched paper about General Relativity

But I ran out of time so I failed.

After a magnitude of research I’ve come to the conclusion that...

Vaccinated kids are more likely to have autism. Why? Because they’re the ones alive.

I heard that researchers in Antarctica have the worst, meanest personalities

They must be so cold

Research has shown that smoking weed causes short term memory loss.

Next thing you know they'll be saying smoking weed causes short term memory loss.

I started researching the safety of elevators.

They have their ups and downs.

Only Anti-Vaxers will get this.

Measles.















After extensive research FDA suggests smoking cures

Ham

Research shows that 80% of men don’t know how to use condoms

These men are called dads

A Scientist was doing a research test on frogs

He put it on the counter cut off a leg and yelled "JUMP FROG JUMP!" Then the frog jumped.

So he cut off another leg and yelled the same thing and the frog jumped.

So he cut off yet another leg and then again yelled"JUMP FROG JUMP!" and the frog jumped

So he cut off the final le...

A research scientist studying porpoises discovers a way to make them live forever.

He discovered that a compound made by immature seagulls makes the porpoises stop aging, as long as they're fed them regularly. To protect his research he bought two lions to guard the lab.
One day he forgets to feed the lions before going out to collect the seagulls, so he's forced to call the p...

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There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today, than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections, and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today, than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections, and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

What's the difference between Reddit and research?

Originality is essential for research.

A man goes the doctor complaining of a very sore leg.

He gets in early at 11.55am, and tells the doctor his leg is sore.

He then explains that he’s also experiencing some other weird things with the leg.

The man explains to the doctor that every hour on the hour, his thigh asks for money.

The Doctor is a bit perplexed, but waits un...

A renowned scientist is frustrated with the popularity of misinformation. In an interview, he tells the press “my research is meaningless if taken out of context!”

The next day, the public is taken by storm as headlines spread that “Renowned Scientist Claims That His Research is Meaningless!”

Our crack team of experts has done the research

They need more crack.

Where does Keanu Reeves go to do his research?

Wick-ipedia

lawyer story

The United Way realized that it had never received a donation
from the city's most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid
the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.

The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, 'Our research
shows that even though your annual income is over tw...

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Breaking News: Japanese researchers have developed a camera with a shutter speed so fast...

It can actually capture an image of a woman with her mouth shut.

Everyone knows Albert Einstein because of his research in physics. But most people don’t know about his brother who did research in monster making...

His name was Frank

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Viagra

All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. Example, the trade name is Tylenol and it’s generic name is Acetaminophen.. Aleve is also called Naproxen.

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen. The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra...

Scientists recently conducted research on the human brain.

Scientists recently did a study on the roles the right side and left side of the brain had on cognition. They first took out the left half of a man's brain and asked him to count to 10.

He says, "2, 4, 6, 8, 10".

They put the left half back in and removed the right half, asking...

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Is this an acceptable excuse?

A college professor had just finished explaining how important it was that a research project be turned in on time. He said there were only two acceptable excuses for late projects:
     1) A certifiable medical excuse.
     2) A death in the student's immediate family.


The...

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Medical researchers still haven't found a cure for premature ejaculation.

But I hear that it's coming quickly.

I thought I might be an alcoholic, so I did some research. It turns out the first sign of alcoholism is denial...

So I guess I'm not an alcoholic.

New research

Shows Amish people have lower rates of cyber bullying

What do you call a snake that studies and researchers past events?

A hiiiiiiiistorian.

I'll see myself out.

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Several researchers began a study on linguistics,

Relating to common speech patterns.

The scientists running the study gathered up 10 average people, to take notes and research how the spoke in every day Life.

All the participants we're fitted with microphones that they were to wear around, so their vernacular could be recorded and ...

Studies have shown that if presented with song lyrics, the human mind will produce the melody and have it in the background. According to the researchers,

your head is humming and it won't go, in case you don't know.

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A team of doctors wanted to conduct a research.

A team of doctors wanted to examine the health effects of long time consumption of sweets, liquor and smoking on people who never ate sweets, consumed liquor or smoked previously.

Three people decided to volunteer in the research. One of them was taken to a room full with sweets and was locke...

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Research has shown that sheep have vaginas almost similar to women

Is that why Mary had a little lamb?

A grad student is working with his lab partner on a science project for his robot acoustics research

When the student says to his lab partner, “There seems to be something missing from our robot that is keeping the voice audio from converting into an electrical signal”.

The lab partner, in an effort to help his friend, heads down the street to the computer shop to see if he can figure out w...

A research shows that 96.86% of people in the sea are sailors.

The rest are  πrates

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A research scientist today held a press conference to reveal a revolutionary new bra material that eliminates breast jiggling and nipple protrusion

At the conclusion of his press conference the assembled newsmen dragged him outside and kicked the shit out of him

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A redditor with three sons remarries

The boys have never had a step mother before. So they spend 19 hours researching pornhub, to learn how step mother/son relationships work. When their father goes to work the next day, the first son starts furiously jerking off with his bedroom door wide open. His new mother sees him, screams, and r...

My history teacher told me to research about German mining

So I gave her mein shaft

Researchers have found the leading cause of dry skin.

Towels

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Why haven’t researchers cured sex addiction yet?

Their studies are fucked.

Research Papers Suck

I hate having to cite sources when I’m writing research papers. Sometimes it makes me so depressed that I just want to end et al.

Pun researchers

Psychologists interested in humor wanted to know more about how people respond to puns, specifically what kinds of puns make people laugh. The compiled a list of ten representative puns, and showed them to a group of 100 people to see which of the puns would make those people laugh, and discovered t...

A farmer invested 10 million USD towards research on marijuana effects on cows.

The steak were high

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New research shows, men who masturbate when over the age of 60, risk ending up in hospital.

It only takes one stroke!

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Researchers have developed a groundbreaking new birth control gel for men

How it works is the man applies the gel for about two minutes and then realizes he no longer needs sex.

What do we want? More research into a cure for ADHD! When do we want it?

Let's play swingball!

One sunny day a rabbit came out of her hole in the ground to enjoy the fine weather.

The day was so nice that she became careless and a fox snuck up behind her and caught her.

"I am going to eat you for lunch," said the fox.

"Wait," replied the rabbit, "You should at least wait a few days."

"Oh yeah? Why should I wait?"

"Well, I am just finishing my thesi...

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A researcher was conducting a study on the effects of gore across various cultures

He selected an American, a European, and a Japanese man. To see the reactions of these people, he used a picture of a man with his toes freshly amputated.

The American man seemed a bit squeamish when presented with the picture, but otherwise he was okay.

The European man wrinkled his f...

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