The 118+ Best Research Jokes

Hello everyone! I'm a scientist and I am researching bestiality between humans and dogs.

I will be in my Lab if you need me.

(This is not a joke) I'm a linguistic researcher that is working on the semiotic of jokes and need help to find exemples of a particular type of joke.

Hi, I hope this is not against the rules but I need help for a research paper centered around jokes, and this obviously looks like a good place for that.

I am working on linguistic structuralism to try to find the linguistic value of surprise in a joke. (I'm simplifying a lot, but i can expla...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today, than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections, and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today, than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections, and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

I was going to finalize my research as to why vaccines are bad today

But all of the research sites are down.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman visited an Amazonian tribe on a research trip...

She spent several days taking notes on the lifestyle and habits of the tribe and interviewing their ruler, King Paolo, via an interpreter. As the tribe's land was near several rich gold mines, the king and his people were extremely wealthy.

During the woman's time with him, the king fell hop...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I did some research...

and Chinese people like listening to music on their phones with earbuds, black people like portable speakers, Mexicans prefer cheaper systems in their home with big speakers and white people like higher end but compact systems...

Sorry, I guess I shouldn't be discussing racial stereo types.

Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.

Please don’t become angry and resort to violins if you don’t notice.

A vampire decided to use his immortality to research the best career

He tried every type of job there was, from innovation to construction to civil service, and he landed on the job of mirror cleaner.

In his book on the subject, he said that the tai chi like motions of the arms were very relaxing, and the mirror will certainly get dirty again leading to job s...

I just realized why so many women are researching why women make less than men ...

It's cheaper than paying a man to do it.

My in depth research says that 73% people are good at maths

The rest 37% are dumbasses though

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My doctor told me that his research on intestinal flora could be close to curing depression, but that they were missing samples.

And I gotta tell you; for the first time in my life, I actually gave a shit.

Where do DJs do their research?

Wiki-wiki-wikipedia

"Thesus, your entire thesis is plagiarized from another researcher!"

"That's impossible! I copied it one line at a time!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After years of research and experimentations, a Generic Engineering Biologist was able to make a perfectly healthy Hybrid between a Fish and Duck.

The only problem left to be solved now for him is:

Whether to name it a Dish or a Fuck?

Researchers have found that men complain less in the month of February.

Because it only has 28 days.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I spent time researching porn on the internet and learned I am a furry...

When I was deep in a rabbit hole.

I just came up with this one, and I feel embarrassed, but... Researchers have found a personality trait common to all people missing a limb from birth, but NOT among amputees.

.. they're all stubborn.

The Russian Agency of Research and Automation has been commissioned by Putin to develop a new robot to make gloves for the pandemic that are superior to all others. They have named it in his honour.

It's called RARA's grasp-Putin, Russia's greatest glove machine.

I researched about LGBT on internet today

Just couldn't get a straight answer.

I was trying to do some research on human and dog relationships

But I got stuck in my lab

According to my research, only 12% of people at the gym actually go to work out

The other 88% are there to demand I stop my filming

Researchers have discovered a lost Hemingway novel where the main character is trying to learn a computer language.

The Old Man and the C.

A research says that 75% of the people are good at Math.

I am probably the remaining 35%

What's the difference between research and gynaecology?

One is about looking it up and the other is about looking up it.

Research

Guy in a bar reading the newspaper: “Wow. Listen to this! A ‘highly regarded research laboratory’ was just found to be using lawyers instead of rats.”

Barman: “Why would they do that? Aren’t lawyers a lot more expensive?”

Guy: “Sure, but there are some things even a rat won’t do.”

New research on dead crows!

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definit...

A research paper should be like a women's skirt.

Short enough to keep my attention, but long enough to cover the subject.

After years of research, scientists discovered bees are allergic to pollen

Turns out when exposed to pollen, bees develop hives

Researchers at Institute of Incomplete Statistics inform that

9 in every 100 people

Researchers have discovered a self-sustainable utopia where the recycling rate is as high as 98%

But you already know about this place. Welcome to /r/jokes.

A researcher sets out to disprove the stereotype that all blonds are dumb...

A researcher sets out to disprove the stereotype that blonds are dumb. So, he calls a meeting with all the blonds in the town to disprove this stereotype once and for all.

The researcher gathers alls the blonds in an auditorium and announces his plan to the crowd.

"To disprove the st...

I was doing some research yesterday about the Dunning-Cougar effect.

It seems the more someone knows about a topic, the less likely they are to claim they know that much. Conversely, the less someone knows, the more likely they'll try to use that information to pick up an older woman in a bar.

Did Some Research

I was reading up on some local ghost stories in my area, (I'm from Ohio), and, I was surprised at how spooky some of them were. Maybe it's because I'm biased, living here and all, but I thought they were really terrifying. And, I think the reason for that is because our lake is the eeriest.

I was reading a research paper on why there's such a high child mortality rate in China.

Apparently it's something to do with the youth in Asia.

A proctologist gets sick of his medical career and decides it's time for a change. He does a bit of research and settles on trying his hand at being a mechanic. He attends mechanic school diligently and pays attention in the hopes of being the best mechanic in town.

After taking his final exam, he notices a mistake with the grade on the test and asks the teacher.

"Sir, you have me 150% out of a possible 100% on the practical exam. This must be a mistake!"

The teacher replies, "It's no mistake. 50% of the grade is for perfect disassembly of the en...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How it's like being a researcher for pornographic content on the Internet?

It's Hard.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(nsfw) according to research, 3 of 10 men enjoy blowjob for its wet sensation

the rest of them just want to have quite time

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a short Mexican researcher in Antarctica?

A Burrito

First joke I've ever come up with. My Hispanic wife laughed her butt off.

Where did the researcher keep all of his dad jokes?

In a dad-a-base.

Research has shown that smoking weed causes short term memory loss.

Next thing you know they'll be saying smoking weed causes short term memory loss.

(NSFW) I heard that Research In Motion, the company that makes BlackBerry phones, is hiring.

So I ran a Google search on RIM Jobs. And you know what? I don't think I'm cut out for this line of work after all.

I tried to research what the term “confirmation bias” means

All I found was a bunch of fake news, so I stopped reading

what did the new volcanologist researcher say to the other volcanologist after the lead researcher died?

We should probably give him a proper fumarole.

A woman stopped an Irishman in the street the other day. She asked, ‘Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?’

'All right,' the Irishman replied, 'but we won't get much done.'

Upon reexamination, groundbreaking research suggests a new theory of dinosaur extinction

Traffic accidents. Amongst the thousands of dinosaurs unearthed, not one has been found wearing a seat belt.

The Institute of Unfinished Research has concluded that

6 out of 10 people

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An very old professor decided to undertake a research project...

He wanted to determine if a group of poorly treated, anti-social rats could develop friendly relationships with one another if they used team work to complete a complicated task.

At first, he set the rats a goal of stealing his colleagues stationary, without the colleague catching them in the...

Turtle research

Library Patron: Excuse me, do you have any books on turtles?

Librarian: Hardback?

Patron: Yes, with little heads and feet

I will have to do some research on fireworks

to know which one will give me bang for the buck.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Oxford University researchers have discovered the densest element yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like partic...

What do you call research that rubs you the wrong way?

science friction

Sure, we can do something about climate change now, but if we find out in 50 years that the researchers made a mistake and that climate change doesn't exist...

We would have improved air quality in all major cities, gotten rid of noisy and smelly cars, cleaned up toxic rivers and destroyed dictatorships funded on money from oil for no reason.

What's the difference between a magician and a psychology researcher?

A magician pulls rabbits out of hats, a psychology researcher pulls habits out of rats.

I've called my dog Cadbury Research Department

He's a chocolate lab

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The telephone at the antarctic research station is ringing.

A male voice on the other end of the line:

"Are their five-foot penguins?"

"No."

"Fuck. Then I just ran over a nun.

A researcher is startled to find that 90% of the internet is bots

When confronted that this was realistically impossible, he exclaimed “But all they do is quote movies, books, and shows, and EACH OTHER! No human could possibly be this unoriginal!”

If you were to steal a historical figures research notebooks what you steal?

Charles Darwin’s would be my natural selection.

After extensive research I've come to the conclusion that 10 is smaller than 5!

I finally understand factorials!

I asked my researcher friend, what would happen if I try to swim in containment pool of a nuclear reactor. He said, "Um, you would die pretty quickly..."

"...from gunshot wounds."

I work at a pharmaceutical research lab, and we managed to kill a rat with marijuana today.

To be fair, it took around 20 lbs of it and we had to drop it on him a few times.

After hours of research i still cant make puns about trees

You'd think everything I've Redwood help

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

New research shows porn gives young people an unrealistic and unhealthy idea...

Of how quickly a plumber will come to your house.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Scientific research show fucking your dog is healthy

If anyone needs me, I'll be in my Lab.

A scientist is researching how far frogs can jump

He places the frog on the table and says "Frog, jump!" And the frog jumps a full 18 feet. He write 18ft in his notes. The scientist cuts off one of the frogs legs and says "Frog, jump!" And the frog jumps 14 feet. He scribbles 14ft in his notes. He cuts off a second leg, says "Frog, jump!" - the fro...

I’ve been doing some research into my family tree, and it turns out my Great Grandfather was a terrible dictator.

Apparently none of his secretaries understood a word he said.

I have done some research, and discovered what food you are most likely to die of a heart attack.

"Caesar Salad."

[OC.]

what does Cruella De Vil wear when she wants to do research?

a lab coat.

When I graduated high school, my parents enrolled me in medical research

It was a 4-year study of sleep deprivation and alcohol consumption.

Sure, they called it "college", but I knew otherwise.

What do we want? More research into a cure for ADHD! When do we want it?

Let's play swingball!

A research shows that 96.86% of people in the sea are sailors.

The rest are πrates

Why Bilbo had to be Male

Fun fact: Bilbo Baggins had to be a male in order for the plot of The Hobbit to work. If he was instead female, everything would have fallen apart in the goblin cave. Bilbo would have gone off wandering around in the dark and dreary caverns, found the ring, and seen Gollum fishing like in the origin...

Research shows that facial tattoos completely eliminate certain forms of anxiety

For example, you'll never need to worry about finding a job

After many thousands of hours of research, a team of scientists at Loughborough University have finally managed to pinpoint the exact time of day a woman is likely to begin an argument.

Any.

Germanys funniest joke according to research

A man comes to the fortune teller and sits in front of the crystal ball. "I see you have two children," says the fortune teller.

"YOU believe that!" He replies. "I am a father of three."

The fortune teller smiles and answers: "YOU believe that!"

Do you know why the researchers have to take a ship to explore the Arctic circle?

Because there's Norway beyond Scandinavia!

Researchers have recently started using lawyers instead of rats in their lab experiments.

You don’t get so attached to them, and there are some things a rat just won’t do.

Research shows

that the people of Saudi Arabia don't like "The Flintstones"..

But the people of Abu Dhabi do.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

During a recent archaeological dig, researchers believe they have found the worlds first tampon...

...but they don't know from what period.

5 out of six researchers conclude,

Russian roulette is complete safe.

I've been hired to research vehicles for Scott Van Pelt's new fur delivery company

My business card reads *Scott Van Pelt Pelt Van Scout*

I just got off the phone with a researcher in China. He says it's not worth getting the Covid-19 now.

As they are expecting the Covid-20 PRO to be released in September

Research has shown that laughing for two minutes is just as healthy as a 20 minute jog.

So now I'm sitting in the park laughing at all the joggers.

St Peter was doing market research with the applicants at the Pearly Gates. Three men were awaiting entry.

"Cause of death?" St Peter asked the first.

"I suspected my wife was cheating on me," the first man replied, "so I came home early and burst into my apartment on the twenty-first floor. I ran into the bedroom and my wife was lying naked on the bed. I searched the apartment but found no-one. ...

Woman visits a bank on downtown NYC...

...and asks for a short-term $10,000 loan. Banker asks her for collateral, and she hands him the keys to her Mercedes. She says she's going on a vacation, and will return the following week to repay the debt and retrieve her car.

Week later, she picks up the vehicle and pays back the loan, pl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I know a guy who trained to be a vet and claims to have done extensive research on bovine faeces.

But I reckon that’s bullshit.

I thought I might be an alcoholic, so I did some research. It turns out the first sign of alcoholism is denial...

So I guess I'm not an alcoholic.

Did you hear about the scientist who devoted his life to researching how to create potassium out of thin air?

Some could say... >!he’d gone bananas!<

A politically-appointed medical research director had been busy pushing recruitment for round after round of hydroxychloroquine tests. After another poor result, a White House aide walked in. "Doctor, the President has demanded another HCQ test. Can you do it?"

The director sighs, rubs his temples, and sits back in his chair. "No. Quite frankly, I don't have the patients."

Researchers at the MIT recently found out...

...

After a few minutes, they went back inside.

We have been misunderstanding antivaxxers this whole time! They really do their own research

Specifically, they are the control group.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Quarrantine Day 7: Research continues on the effect of excessive masturbation on eyesight.

Dont forget to press the "subscribe" button to see my next video!

A Canadian research team has made history by freezing mice to temperatures of absolute zero.

Animal rights groups are outraged by the cruel tests performed on the animals.

But they’ll be 0K.

I didn’t know what an orgy was so I decided to do a bunch of research.

It’s all coming together.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

According to a research 90 percent of men date with three women at the same time.

But i have only one. Which of you bitches stole my women?

The local charity realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer.

So a volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office. The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, 'Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community?.

The law...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Researchers have found that human sexuality has drastically changed in the last 50 years alone. (NSFW)

If your grandparents covered their furniture in plastic, it was because your grandmother was a squirter.

Scientists recently conducted research on the human brain.

Scientists recently did a study on the roles the right side and left side of the brain had on cognition. They first took out the left half of a man's brain and asked him to count to 10.

He says, "2, 4, 6, 8, 10".

They put the left half back in and removed the right half, asking...

A researcher is experimenting on a frog

He says: "Jump!".

The frog jumps, and the man writes down: " The frog with four legs jumps".

He then cuts one of the frog's legs and says: "Jump!".

The frog jumps, and the man writes down: "The frog with three legs jumps".

He then cuts another leg and says: "Jump!".
...

Vera Lynn used to work at an Arctic research station. She wrote a protest song about the lack of variety in the staff canteen.

Whale meat again?

I was researching infinity until it hit me...

that endeavor would take me forever

A group of 6 Irish professors and researchers walk into a bar one night...

They have a good old-time drinking, discussing theory, students and their mistakes, current research ideas, and anything and everything in between.

One researcher, who appears to be the leader of this group, orders a round of drinks for everyone and introduces himself to the barkeep as Arthu...

A local charity realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer.

The volunteer in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of more than $600,000 you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer thought about it for a minut...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft?

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft.
The study took two years and cost over 1.2 million pounds. The study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to provide the man with more...

So my brother works at a research facility. His employer only stocks the bathrooms with single ply toilet paper.

They say it leads to the most breakthroughs

A wealthy, but stingy father was trying to put a birthday party together for his 18 y/o daughter.

He wanted the party to be extravagant, but wanted to spend as little money as possible. He had finished all of the other decorations, and he was left to work on the cake.

"Why not get it ordered from an upscale bakery?" his wife said.

So the father visited a ton of different bakeries a...

Research Show that 1 in 3 people cheat...

Not sure if it's my wife or my girlfriend...

Why is reading research on electromagnetic radiation so easy?

Because it’s a pretty light subject.

What do you call a highly cited epidemiology researcher with a social media presence?

An influenzer.

A team of researchers have figured out how to reduce the rate of new mental disorder cases by 100%!

“Stop diagnosing them.”

Our crack team of experts has done the research

They need more crack.

An insane Harvard research study just proved that when ants are tripping on LSD, they can't get heartburn.

Apparently it works as an antacid.

A rather crooked friend of mine said that he was gonna trick some nuclear researchers.

I was a little worried. I asked if it was a conCERN.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A historian goes to Mexico to do research on Pancho Villa.

After a few weeks of going from village to village, getting 3rd and 4th hand stories, he meets a man who tells him, "Go talk to the old man at the end of the road. He knew Pancho Villa."

So the historian goes to meet the old man, who is well over 100 years old. He asks the old man, "I underst...

After years of research and exploration, an Archaeologist discovered an ancient book...

The book was said to answer any question asked of it. Being a professional, the archaeologist took the book back to his prestigious university, which was home to several leaders of certain fields. To research the book's power in a controlled manner, the archaeologist rounds up three of the universit...

New marijuana research reveals that it cures...

Symptoms of motivation by up to 95%.

NASA should hire birds for time travel researches.

They have been studying wormholes for thousands if not millions of years before human do.

After extensive research, I've concluded that unvaccinated children will have a higher chance of not being on the Autistic Spectrum

Instead, they have a considerable higher chance of being dead...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Research has shown that Obese people who have just had sexual reassignment surgery are more likely to survive cannibalistic scenarios

Because Trans Fat are bad for your health.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.