Whom did the German philosopher quote when his friend dipped his hand in boiling oil?

Johann Gottfried

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What’s a thanos quote that can be used In sex?

“I’m sorry little one.”

My girlfriend said she'd leave me if I quoted Arnold Schwarzenegger one more time.

She can leave me all she likes but I'll be back

“I like how on cop cars “To Protect and Serve” is in quotes, like they’re being sarcastic."

Neal Brennan

I keep seeing the quote on women's tinder profiles, "If I was meant to be controlled I would have come with a remote."

Jokes on them, I've been turning women off for years without a remote.

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a boy was asked to think of three good quotes at school

he went home and asked his mother, she said “a fool and his money are soon parted”

he asked his father, he said “ask and you shall receive”

he asked his grandfather, who served the military, he said, “where the battle rages, there the loyalty of the soldier is proved”

he went ba...

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“Don’t let COVID dominate you” might be the Trumpiest quote ever

My bitch ass was sitting here letting my cells replicate without even asking my permission.

My girlfriend said she would break up with me if I said another Scooby-Doo quote.

My last words to her were “Alright, let’s split up gang.”

The problem with quotes on the Internet...

is that it is hard to verify their authenticity."

\~ Abraham Lincoln

The two quotes that shows a person's true colors:

"It's just a game."

"Sir/Ma'am we ask u to wear ur mask."

Famous Quotes from US Presidents

“The harder the conflict, the greater the triumph.” ― George Washington

“Honesty is the first chapter of the book wisdom.” ― Thomas Jefferson

“If tyranny and oppression come to this land it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.” ― James Madison

“Try and fail, but don...

The Chinese President has decided to make a red book of quotes, like Mao Zedong did.

He's calling it "That's what Xi said"

TIL (Today I learned) who coined the phrase "The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you can never know if they are genuine"

It was former US President Abraham Lincoln.

I will never forget a quote by Mark Zuckerberg that is often misattributed to Voltaire:

“While I disapprove of what you say, I will defend to the death my right to make money off of it”

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Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person

"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf Hitler, 1945

A random quote written in gents toilet

You future is in your hand

.

..

Imagine the quote written in ladies toilet

.

.

Do not play with your future....

I can’t wait to get a girlfriend this year like that motivational quote on Facebook said

I just hope that this year my van will be able to outrun them this time!

Shoot for the moon, if you miss you'll land among the stars is a good quote

Unless you're an astronaut.

Inspiring quote: Build a fire for a man and he'll be warm for an hour.

Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life!

A bright young executive had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech firm. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and handed him three numbered envelopes.

“Open these if you run up against a problem you don’t think you can handle,” he said.

Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a nosedive and he was really catching a lot of heat from the board. At wit’s end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer ...

This should hace been a quote from the Joker movie

What do a bag of chips and a gun have in common?

When you pull one out of your bag at school, everyone suddenly wants to be your friend.

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A teacher decides to let students out early if they can name the origin of a famous quote.

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"





Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."





Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."





Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"





Aga...

There is a horse. The horse says "I don't think." and disappears.

This is a reference to the Descartes quote "I think, therefore I am."

But if I had explained that earlier, it would have been putting Descartes before the horse.

A saw an old man in the park shouting "Come here, Tony Montana! Come here!"...

When a dog came running I had to go up and ask him if he really named his dog Tony Montana?

- Yes, I named him that since all he does is quote the movie Scarface.

I got a confused look on my face and asked if he was serious?

- Hey, I'll prove it to you!

He turned to his...

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a Golf club.

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club.

After a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole.

Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings.

One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:

(H – Husband, W ...

Donald Trump was asked if he could quote any Bible verses.

He replied,"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Deport him and you do not have to feed him again."

Trump 20:16

My english teacher used to quote lord of the rings to us

She used to say "you shall not pass"

My girlfriend and I are huge movie quoters. When we give each other presents, we say, "WHAT'S IN THE BOX?! WHAT'S IN THE BOX?!?!?!?!"

Apparently when she asks, "How do I look?"
"That'll do, Pig. That'll do," isn't the right movie quote...

Famous Quote: "I just want people to remember my name."

\- Anonymous

“When I was a kid, I thought that everyone would pick one quote to pass on to further generations.

But now I realize that literally anything you say can be your famous quote”
— u/skillplants

A Nigerian Governor wants to paint the Government house.

A Nigerian Governor wants to paint the Government house. He calls for quotation....
Chinese guy quoted 3 million.
European guy quoted 7 million.
Nigerian guy quoted 10 million.
The Governor asked the chinese guy.."..
how did u quote 3 million..?"
Chinese guy replied .."1 million ...

Inspirational quotes to live by until I got divorced

# Here's the original 7 quotes to live by:

1. Make peace with your past, so it won't disturb your future.
2. What other people think of you is none of your business.
3. The only person in charge of your happiness is you.
4. Don't compare your life to others. Comparison is the thief o...

I wish the first word I said was "quote"...

....so that just before I die I could say "unquote".

What’s my blood doctors favourite motivational quote?

Be Positive.

In order to attract women I like to use this quote from Shakespeare’s Hamlet, Act III, Scene IV, line 82.

"Hello."

For my senior quote, I’ll have a saying from a famous person

“Nah” - Rosa Parks, 1955

Albert Einstein once famously said...

"Every great quote will eventually be misattributed to Albert Einstein"

"Dead or alive, you're coming with me."

Great movie quote, horrible pickup line…

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Trump wants to paint the Whitehouse. He asks for a quote from a Chinese guy, a European, and a Turk.

The Chinese guy says he can do it for 3 million dollars, the European says he can do it for 7 million, and the Turk says he can do it for 10 million.

Trump asks the Chinese man why it would cost 3 million and he responds "one for paint, one for my workers, and one for my profit".

Tru...

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Prince Harry had his Bachelor Party last night in London and here is his "Quote of the Day" from that memorable event:

"It's really weird stuffing money into a stripper's G string when every bill has a photo of your grandmother printed on it."

My girlfriend threatens to leave me every time I quote Mr Brightside.

But it’s just the price I pay

My girlfriend tells me that I quote Donald Trump way too much.

She's spreading fake news. Sad!

A quote of the President: Donald J. Trump

“I have broken more Elton John records. He seems to have a lot of records. And I, by the way, I don’t have a musical instrument. I don’t have a guitar or an organ. No organ. Elton has an organ. And lots of other people helping. No, we’ve broken a lot of records. We’ve broken virtually every record. ...

What's the difference between Donald Trump and Satan?

Satan can quote scripture.

What is a quote by Goku called?

A Super Saiyan

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I'm not happy with the quote to insure my colon...

I'm gonna be paying out the ass.

Stalin was quoted as saying "Dark humor is like food..."

"Not everyone gets it."

I´ve just done a quote for painting Dr Who´s TARDIS.

$50 for the outside, $400 for the inside.

“The thing about quotes from the Internet is that it is difficult to define their authenticity.”

-Abraham Lincoln, 1933

If you're ever losing an argument, randomly quote a statistic

People will believe you 80% of the time.

To quote all of Bill Cosby’s victims:

No.

I hate people who quote misspelled text

They make me (sic).

My wife just left me, screaming, "ALL YOU EVER DO IS QUOTE ELVIS PRESLEY LYRICS TO ME!"

I'm all shook up…

Inspirational quote of the day:

You can't spell "success" without "succ".

"One man's trash is another man's treasure" is a great quote...

... but it is not the best way to tell your kid that he's adopted.

What was that Spiderman quote again?

With great reflexes, comes great response ability.

Asked a Landscape gardener for a quote

They said they couldn’t help me as my garden was portrait

I had an idea for a Writing Prompt where there is an insane asylum full of people who think they are part of a Monty Python skit and quote the lines endlessly.

Someone told me that's called 'college'.

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"Don't criticise what you can't understand." - Bob Dylan

I fucking hate that quote. What does it even mean?!

“You simply cannot trust quotes found on the internet.”

—Abraham Lincoln, November 19, 1863.

Some dude went to tell cheerful quotes at a rapper’s funeral.

They were all like “Homie where your heart is.”

Statistics are like bikinis.

What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.

Edit- This is a famous quote by Aaron Levenstein. A Professor told this to a friend.

A quote from the guy who invented the stationary exercise bike...

"My life is going nowhere."

Really freaked out for a bit, my computer was giving me personalised Jesus quotes.

Turns out I had it set to depeche mode.

My favorite quote is: "Kill it with fire"...

Shouldn't have wrote that on my resume when I applied for a fireman.

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My favourite porn category is the one where girls quote 19th century Irish writers

Girls Gone Wilde.

"You're not gonna get a quote out of me." - Donald J. Trump

"Wrong." - Donald J. Trump

My wife said she is leaving me because I always mis-quote the Terminator films.

She'll be back.

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If you had to describe your sex life with a famous historical quote

Mine would be 'I did not have sexual relations with that woman' - Bill Clinton

Kenny Rogers has died at the age of 81

In a statement to confused reporters, Kenny Loggins was quoted as saying “I’m alright, Don’t nobody worry bout me”

(It’s a Caddyshack joke)

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My boss is a dick

My boss is a dick. He emails motivational quotes to the whole company every Monday morning.

This weeks was ‘Do one thing everyday that scares you.’

So I emailed back telling him to go fuck himself.

My friend hired a hot air balloon for his wedding.

They quoted him 200 and on the day charged 400. Said it was due to inflation.

[OG] [Based on a true story] My dad and I hopped into the car to go do the weekly shopping.

It was a chilly day from the breezy autumn months.

Leaves have been falling off the trees for two weeks.

The car was dusty and covered in dry leaves from the overhead trees.

Dad started the engine and I sat shotgun next to him.

There was a deep silence because we have bee...

A quote from a WWII veteran...

If you see a group of soldiers but don't know where they're from fire a stray bullet in their direction and see how they react.

If they respond with precise rifle fire they're British.

If they respond with a frenzy of machine gun fire they're German.

If they try running away the...

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UPS Man

One Monday morning the UPS man is driving the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles. "Wow. Bob, looks like you guys had...

Do you know what I hate? Inspirational quotes

Because no matter what you read, only you can be the driving force behind your success.

My grandma once told me an inspiring quote about the ocean

I can't remember exactly how it went. I just remember it being very deep

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