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A guy named John Asshole goes to the courthouse change his name

The judge asks him: "What's your name?"

John was a ashamed of saying it out loud so he wrote his name down and passed it to the judge

The judge holds his laugh and asks him "Well, obviously your name must be changed. What name do you prefer to be called from now on, sir?"

"Mark ...

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A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist named Susan, and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ.

Unfortunately, she distracted the male part of the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled.

They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.

So one of the ladies approached Susan very discreetly about the problem, ...

If you have a child, you can name them “one million subscribers on YouTube”

Then you can tell people you hit one million subscribers on YouTube

A young Mexican man named Jose was curious about America so he snuck across the border

He wanted to go see a baseball game so when he went home, he could tell his family all about it. When he got there, the game was sold out, so he decided to climb to the top of a flag pole to get a better look. When he returned home, his family was anxious to hear about his experience:

"What h...

When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet.

I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.

A king has 3 cups in front of him. The first 2 cups are full, the third cup is empty. What is the King's name?

King Philip III

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A student visits the principal’s office one day and the principal says to him, “What’s your name, son?” He replies: “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” The principal looks up and asks him, “Oh, do you have a stutter?”

The student replies, “No sir, my dad has a stutter and the guy who registered my name was an asshole.”

In case you don't know Yoda's last name

It is LAYHEEHOO

I called a dwarf by the wrong name.

He wasn't Happy.

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The 1st day at school: the new student named Jose Armando, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the 5th grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Jose, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775."

"Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, "Government of the people, by t...

My boyfriend and my dad have the same name

This causes me to mess up a lot. For example I accidentally sent a nude to my boyfriend

I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...

He's a small arms dealer

Dad, why did you name the new baby Teresa?

Well son, Teresa is an anagram. If you rearrange the letters, it spells “Easter”.

-Oh, so you named her that on account of how much you and mom love Easter.

Yes, that’s right, Alan.

-Thanks, Dad!

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Do you know what the generic name for Viagra is?

Mycoxafloppin

What would you like to name your horse?

Me: Mayo

Stablemaster: Why? He's not even a white horse!

Mayo: *neighs*

A boy named Carol had a particularly rough childhood because of his uncommon name. He always got a lot of teasing and abuse at school. Eventually, he overcame his hang-up and married his high-school sweetheart.

When their first child was born, he let his wife name her.

She named the baby girl "Love" inspired in the same spirit as Carol's unique name.

Unfortunately, Love grew up and endured much of the same teasing that Carol did, because of her strange name.

She came home from school...

I, foolishly, named my daughter Daenerys before seeing how Game of Thrones ended. But you live and you learn.

Now to take a big sip of coffee, sit down with my son, Judas, and read about how things worked out for this Jesus fella.

Did you see they went back and found yoda’s last name?

LayHeeWho

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What would Hitlers name have been if he was born an Asian?

Lin Cha-Ju.

My wife talked to me, about what to name our twin daughters, yesterday. I replied Kate, and the other one?

DupliKate

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My sister and my girlfriend share the same name

That's too bad, because every time we have sex I have to think about my girlfriend.

My friend Jay recently had twin girls, and wanted to name them after him.

So I suggested Kaye and Elle.

George Foreman named all his kids George Foreman.

He even used the name when he had a little grill.

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A recently widowed Jewish lady, was sitting on a beach towel at Cocoa Beach, Florida.

She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand nearby and began reading a book.

Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. “Hello, sir, how are you?”

“Fine, thank you,” he responded, and turned back to his book.

“I lo...

Whats the name of Xi Jinpings successor?

Xii Jinping

My wife just asked, "What was Jesus' full name?"



So I dropped a bowling ball on her foot.

Noelle is a weird name.

Mostly because there‘s 2 of them right towards the end.

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There was a man in Jamaica who had only one testicle. Jamaicans being Jamaicans gave him the street name 'Onestone'.

He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!"

The word got around and nobody called him that any more.

Then one day a young woman named Bl...

There was a man named Walter and his Wife Ethel

Walter took Ethel to the state fair every year, and every time he would say to her, "Ethel, you know that I'd love to go for a ride in that helicopter." But Ethel would always reply, "I know that Walter, but that helicopter ride is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars."

Finally, they went...

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Buck was selling his car and and girl name Kelly was interested in buying it. He said it’s $4,000. She thought a minute and said, “How about $3000 and a blow job?” He said that sounds great . . .

He was happy he got the Kelly Blew Buck price.

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Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.

One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The t...

There's a name for people who judge others solely on how they look

Opticians!

If you name your child jkmn, what will he be called!

Noel.

How can you name a cautious wolf?

Aware wolf

A dentist opened an office on a boat. What was the boat's name?

The *Tooth Ferry*.

Disney finally released Yoda's last name. His full name is:

Yoda Lay-Heehoo

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Hitler built a boat in pixelated blocks and named it

Mein Kraft

The band 4 Non Blondes changed their name to 3 Non Blondes...

Because the 4th one dyed.

One day, a lady named Anne wanted to change her name...

One day, a lady named Anne decided she was bored of her name and wanted to change it to Penny-Anne. That's not what I would choose, I would do something cool like Proffeser Spider Ninja, but that's why I haven't changed my name. Anyway, changing your name can be like $200, and Anne didn't have a lot...

There was once a man named Chondria [OC]

There was once a man named Chondria in prison. Even though he was in prison, he was actually a very kind and generous man who had an accident due to his enormous strength. Because of this, he always helped his fellow inmates finish their various chores faster and better. One day, one inmate said to ...

There was a shipwreck off a deserted island in the middle of nowhere! The only survivors were three boys named Mike, Kyle, and Nate. After the wreck the boys decided to wander the island to see if they could find some food...

As the boys were wandering the island one of the boys stepped on a lamp and began to rub it when out of nowhere a genie popes out and grants them three wishes. They all think about it for a while until they came to the conclusion that they all get one wish. The first wish was Nate’s and he said that...

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Decided to name my Penis Titanic..

Not because it’s big or long, but because it’s a bit sad at the end..

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I should name my dog Ariana Grande

That way I could say that I fucked Ariana Grande

How Long is a Chinese man’s name.

No, it actually is.

What's your name

Dude 1: Hey, my name is John Jacob Jinglehimer schmidt, what's your name?



Dude 2: Ok, look, you're not gonna believe this...

What do you name a grumpy Arab

Amin amood

What is another name for an Asian assassin?

Chinese takeout

Elon Musk and Bill Gates should team up to invent a cure for erectile dysfunction,

and name it ElonGates

What is the name of the elderly man that won three bingos in a row?

Jerry hat-trick ...

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I just met a cute girl named Kidding.

I wish I was fucking kidding.

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Never hang out with someone named richard

He's usually a dick

Name for your Daughter

Man 1: You know what I'm going to name my daughter?
Man 2: No, what name are you giving her?
Man 1: Amanda.
Man 2: Why Amanda?
Man 1: Because that is what A man-does.

Me: "What's your new dog's name?"

Friend: "No idea, he does not want to say it."

Hi Reddit! My name is Joseph, and I am the son of Stephen King. AMA!

I would post proof, but it's obvious that I'm Joe King.

Bullies at school make fun of me and call me a terrorist because my name is Victor...

Tomorrow, I'll bring big brother Vector! He will teach them...

New name

I am changing my name to jesus christ



Because that is what everyone says when they see me.

What's the name of Johnson's dad ?

John





(ok sorry )

I just made love to my girlfriend.

She asked, “If I get pregnant, what should we name the baby?”

I took off my condom, tied a knot, and flushed it down the toilet.

“Well” I said, “If he can get out of that, we’ll call him Houdini”.

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I love Tom Clancy, so I named my penis Ryan.

Now when I masturbate, I Jack Ryan.

Just because you sleep with someone named Stormy doesn't make you an expert on the weather...

Mr. President.

I named a spider on my wall cotton eyed joe

Because I have two questions,
Where did he come from,
And where did he go!?

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I just learned the medical name for Viagra.

Mycoxaflopin

Where did the branches of the armed services get their names from?

From the mili-tree

One day, a young deer named Frank Lee went out with his mother...

As they were carrying on with their daily business, they came across a river with a beaver building a dam.

The young deer asked his mother, “Why is the beaver building a dam?”

His mother responded, “Not for long. Watch and learn, son.”

The mother then proceeded to destroy and wr...

A guy got brought up to Insane Asylum and Docor asked him for his name...

Doctor: Your name, please?

Patient: I am John F Kennedy

Doctor: That's very nice, we got lots of politicians here, Ambraham Lincoln, Richard Nixon, George Washington...

Patient: No, Doc. I'm the airport.

What is the name Tinkerbell’s Mexican sister?

Taco Bell.

When I see lover's name on a tree, I dont think it's sweet

I think it tastes more like bark, to be honest.

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A dominatrix was trying to improve her PR so she changed her name to Harm

One day she was getting a medical check-up and she realized she would have trouble paying her doctor. Being a sex worker, she tried to see if there was an alternative way to pay.

“Doctor, isn’t there something we can figure out?”

“I see where this is going and I appreciate the sentim...

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What’s the pharmaceutical name for Viagra?

Mycocksafloppin

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Cops beat Chinese man after asking for his name

"I've lost all faith in our police" says Fuk Yu

I named my cat Brexit

Because he meows loudly to be let out but just stands there when I open the door.

I like bands that are named for their lead singer.

You know, like Alice Cooper and Tool.

Did you hear about the drummer who gave his daughters all the same name?

Anna 1
Anna 2
Anna 3
Anna 4

There are three girls, one named Tulip, one named Daisy, and one named Brick.

One day, three girls and their mom are walking down the street. One is named Tulip, one is named Daisy, and one is named Brick. Tulip asks, "Mommy, why am I named Tulip?", "Oh, because a bunch of Tulips fell on you when you were born," Her mom said. "Well, why am I named Daisy?", "Because a bunch of...

How’d you get the name Tony?

I was born with no shins.

Teacher: Little Johnny, name two pronouns

Little Johnny: Who, me?

Teacher: Very good

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My name is Quinton and I have the most amazing luck!

You might be wondering how I became known as the Amazingly Lucky Quinton. I've won the lottery 3 times now, have never broken a bone, always find pennies face up, and still have my pet goldfish that I won from a fair when I was 6 years old.

You see, my whole life changed when I got lost in a ...

My Mexican friend had twin boys and couldn't come up with names..

I suggested Juan and Two

Whoever named the irrational fear of long words,

didn't have hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia.

Whats the name of the procedure to turn a woman into a man?

A strapadictomy

Little Johnny is sitting in class behind a girl named April

The teacher asks “who created the universe”
Little Johnny poked April with his pencil and April yelled “MY GOD”
the teacher replied with “ yes, god did create the universe”
Then the teacher asked another question “where do you go when you live a good life after you die”
Little Johnny pok...

Batman's dad's new name will be John in a retcon

He will be played by The Wayne, John's Son

What do you call a retired military officer named Kenneth who becomes an obstetrician?

General Ken OB

Whats another name for a canadian bank?

A Loonie Bin

A man was married to a woman named Lorraine but had a mistress named Clairee.

One day, his wife left him. He wasn't too upset. In fact, he began to sing:

"I can see Clairee now, Lorraine is gone."

Sorry... I'll see myself out...

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3 couples die and go to heaven. St Peter is at the gate. He is asking each couple for their names ...

“Bill and Penny” The first couple say.
“I’m sorry but I cannot let anyone in who has a name associated with money” St Peter tells them.
“Jack and Brandy” The second couple say.
“I’m sorry but I cannot let anyone in who has a name associated with alcohol” St Peter tells them.
“Hey Fanny, ...

*Cowboy walks into a saloon and approaches the biggest guy there*, “What’s yer name partner?” “My names Terry.” He replied. “Terry?! That’s a girls name!”

Poor Nameless Cowboy.

Died from dissin’ Terry.

“What’s your name?" asked a policeman when he stopped me.



"Bartholomew." I said.



"And your last name?" he continued.



"It's always been Bartholomew." I said.

I told my wife if we had twin daughters I'd 100% name the one first born to be "Kate"

She asked what would I name the other one

"Dupli-Kate"

If the “southpaws” got their name from a guy who pointed his paw to the south..

How did the Eastwoods get theirs?

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I have a friend named Oedipus.

He's a real mother fucker.

What would you name a dog with two legs?

Paw paw

I watched a brawl between a man named Ascot and a man named Windsor

Needless to say, the match ended in a tie

A tourist while passing a little shop noticed the name inscribed as A. Swindler- Proprietor upon its glass window.

Curious about the rather amusing name, the tourist went inside the store and asked the shopkeeper would it not be better to use the latter's first name instead of his initial.

The shopkeeper shook his head and said "My name is Adam".

A guy named Hugh noticed some monks in front of his house

The monks were selling flowers in a stall. Hugh didn't want them operating a business on his property, so he forced them to stop. One monk who was interviewed later by the media said, "Well, if it was anyone else, we may have gotten away with it. But unfortunately, only Hugh can prevent florist fria...

What did the Mexican Fire Chief name his two sons?

Jose and Hose B

My boss said that for this new contract need someone someone he can trust, someone reliable. I replied "You can count on me, my second name is reliable."

My first name is Un.

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If you take a picture of a man named Richard...

Is it a Dick pic?

Three children named Feather, Droplet, and Brick went to their mother to ask why they were named so.

Feather went to his mother and asked,"Mother, why is my name Feather?" And the mother replied,"because when you were born, a feather fell on your forehead." Satisfied, Feather went away.

After Feather, Droplet went to his mother and asked,"Mother, why is my name Droplet?" And the mother repli...

I told my friend named Gong about the untitled goose game

Gong : So what can you do in this game

Me: Idk just run around and honk at people

Gong: oh is there a mana or resource bar for how many times you can honk ?

Me: no no you can just honk at people

Gong: so it’s unlimited? It’s free?

Me: yes it’s a free honk, gong

A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked: “Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?”

The father replied: “It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean.”

With that the father went to the telephone and dialled a number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he said: “Hello, is Melvin there?”

The man answered: “There is no one living here named Melv...

The queen wanted to go to bed, but the king was trying to think of a name for his soldiers and wouldn't go to bed before he came up with one.

Queen: K night.

King: Babe you're a genius!

Some cool facts about the names of groups!

A group of crows is called a murder.

A group of nuns is called a gaggle.

A group of Catholic Priests is called a Cell Block.

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My girlfriend has the same first name as my sister

It makes it really weird when I'm fucking her and I think of my girlfriend.

-Dad? Why is my sister's name Rose?

\-Because your mother loves roses.

\-Thanks dad

\-No problem Richard

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What type of cheese does Ned Flanders name his penis after?

Pecorino.

Why did the man named his dogs 'Rolex' and 'Timex'?

Because they were watch dogs.

Fun name game

Your Alcoholic name is:


Your first name

\+

Your last name

Dad, why did you name me Victor?

Someone in this whole family of yours needs to be one.

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A woman visits a flower shop to get some flowers for her mother.

As she's perusing, she notices the most gorgeous rose she's ever seen sitting next to the cashier, and inquires about its origin.

"Oh, sorry," the cashier replies. "That one's not for sale. I got that as a gift from a fellow florist for hooking him up with a woman I met yesterday."

"Y...

I decided to name the spider I found in my room, cotton eye Joe, based on two reasons:

1. Where did you come from
2. Where did you go

Once there was a girl named Darling...

... had a particularly rough childhood because of her uncommon name. She always got a lot of teasing and abuse at school and hated her parents for the pain they inflicted on her. By the time she graduated school, however, she overcame her anger and embraced her unusual name finding it brought her so...

What's the name of an Asian photographer?

Phil Ming

I have a dog named Syndrome.

But it gets kinda awkward when he jumps on someone and I have to shout out, DOWN SYNDROME!

My friend named their newborn Interrobang

I mean ?!

I asked my friend to name two places where you could store water

"Well, damn."

He’s so egotistical he even signs his name to anonymous letters.

Anonymous

What is the name of the city ruled by clowns?

Honk-honk

What did the triceratops name her Blouse Making business?

Try Sarah's Tops

What’s the name of the Frozen/Marvel Universe crossover movie?

Thaw

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Can you imagine how awesome ancient Roman porn names would be?

"Anus Maximus Vaginus"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Names Bond

So, James Bond retired and a new 007 took his place. She had trained all her life for this role, and was eager to do her duty for queen and country. Her first day on the job, she was introduced to Q, who debriefed her on all her new gadgets. The one he was most proud of was a dress that could perfor...

Once upon a time, in the magical fantasy kingdom, there lived a young monk named Sam.

His order was renowned for their beautiful choral singing. They trained, hours every day, refining their voices and their art. Their song floated down the mountainside, enriching the lives and souls of the townspeople below.

Sam was particularly gifted, and on his 19th birthday, in mid-song, ...

Once upon a time, three brothers named...

Fart, Shut Up, and Respect robbed a bank together. Fart was unlucky and got caught, so Shut Up and Respect decided to try to bail him out of jail. They went to the prison, but Respect was tired; he stayed in the car, so Shut Up went to talk to the guard. The guard said,
“What are you here for?” <...

What was the name of the brother of reddit?

Bluedit

Can you tell me another name for a ninja star?

Sure I can.

Before he died, Steve Jobs opened up a children’s hospital named after his daughter, Eve.

It’s called St. Eve Jobs.

Three old spinsters die and go to heaven and at the Pearly Gates, they are met by St Peter. He says: “Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives that I’m granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you want to be.”

The first spinster says: “I want to be Sophia Loren.”

With a bang, she’s gone.

The second says: “I want to be Madonna.”

She also disappears immediately.

The third says: “I want to be Sara Pipalini.”

St Peter looks perplexed. “Who?” he says.

“Sara Pipalini,” ...

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