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I just learned the medical name for Viagra.

Mycoxaflopin

I met a Jewish girl today , and she asked for my number

I told her we use names here.

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It's cool that last names tell us about old family professions

Like the Smith family were blacksmiths


and the Bowman family were archers


and the Dickinson family... well they were in jail

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A young man truly in love with his girlfriend decided to have her name tattooed on his penis

Her name was Wendy, and the tattoo was done while the penis was erect, so when it was not erect all you could see was W Y.

Shortly after the couple was married they were honeymooning in Jamaica the man was in a bathroom in Jamaica, and standing next to him was a Jamaican man who also had a W...

The Teacher Asked the Class to Name Something that Ends in -Tor and Eats Things.

Gabe raised his hand first. He said, "Predator."

"Clever answer! They sure eat things!" The teacher told him.

Next, Dylan raised his hand. "Oh! I know! Raptor!"

"You are very smart! Raptors eat many different things," the teacher said.

Then, little Timmy answered. "Vibrat...

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My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick

Mostly because his name is Steve

What’s long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night ?

A new last name.

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A student visits the principal’s office one day and the principal says to him, “What’s your name, son?” He replies: “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” The principal looks up and asks him, “Oh, do you have a stutter?”

The student replies, “No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was an asshole.”

The most common name in Vietnam can be used as both a first and a last name

I guess for them, it’s a Nguyen Nguyen situation

What’s a good name for a detective?

Mr. E

* My 9 year old daughter came up with this, so please be kind

I wrote the names of everyone I’ve unfriended onto a piece of paper; but my roommate took it and rolled it into a joint.

Now he’s high on my list of people I never want to see again.

I've heard the Canadian Prime-Minister has a French last name.

Is this Trudeau?

I am broken when my name is spoken. What am I?

McDonald’s ice cream machine

I met a girl with one leg shorter than the other.

I asked her name.

She said ”Ailene”.

I replied ”I can see that, but I asked for your name.”

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A guy accidentally says another girls name during sex

One day, Matt is fucking his girlfriend, Sarah, in his apartment, after they both spent some time together. They're both passionately going at it, and look into each others eyes, and as Matt is about to climax he yells "Ohhh, Angela!"

Sarah instantly stops, and gives a sharp cold look, and sh...

A Man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The bartender says “What an interesting pet, whats his name?” “Tiny” the man replies. “What an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?”

"Because…He’s my newt.

How Long Is A Chinese Name

No, seriously, it is.

What would Cardinal Pell’s rapper name be?

Cardi P.

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"Thank you for contacting Xfinity Internet, my name is Janice, with whom do I have the pleasure of speaking with today?"

*"Hello Janice my name is Daniel."*

Janice: *"Pleased to meet you Daniel, how can I help you"*

Daniel: *"Well, I'd like to increase my Internet access speed to something more suitable."*

Janice: *"Great! That should not be a problem. So what is your current plan?"*

Dani...

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I started a new job. My boss said "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky". I said "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick"

She said: how do you get dick from kyle?

I replied: you just ask nicely.

How Long is a Chinese name

......either you read that correct or you need to read it again to understand!

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In class we learned that last names were determined by what your ancestors did

So I always made sure I kept my distance from my teacher Mr Dickinson

Last Name Only

The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office.



“What’s your name?” he asked the new guy.



“John,” the new guy replied.



The manager scowled, “Look... I don’t know what kind of a namby-pamby place you work...

My girlfriend and I agreed to try some roleplay in the sack, but right at the end she screamed out the wrong name!

That's the last time I'm ever letting her wear her Starbucks uniform in bed.

How many Mexicans do you have to meet before you hear a really stereotypical name?

Juan

I want to get a race horse, and name it My Face.

Just so I can hear people in the stands yell, “Come on, My Face!!”

So much has changed ever since my girlfriend told me we were having a baby!

For instance, my name, address, and telephone number!

All the kids had a name

except

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Russian porn names

Onyaback Yabitch,
Popalotta Puss,
Tonguealotta Gash

John F. Kenndy's birth name was John Kennedy

The f was added to pay respect

When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet.

When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.

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My wife left me for giving my penis a name...

Guess I'll have to take Matters into my own hands

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I was trying to figure out how to pronounce Peter Buttigieg’s name.

Then I was told it rhymes with “Heater.”

What's the name of Bruce Lee's vegetarian cousin?

BrocoLee

God asked Adam to name the animals

Adam began to invent names, “Lion, Tiger, Horse, Cow, Pig…”

Then God said, “You must name the sea animals, too”

Adam was tired already, so he said, “Sea lion, Tiger shark, Sea horse, Sea cow, Sea pig…”

A man name Bob was taking his friend deer hunting for the first time...

He had hyped up the hunting trip all year, as they waited for deer season to arrive. The season starts and Bob drives his friend, Dave, to the land where Dave would kill his first deer.


They had the whole weekend, but after almost two days at it, they hadn't seen heads nor tails of the ...

Whats the worst name for a horse?

ELMER!

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Black people usually name their kids after stuff they can't afford.

Like Mercedes, Diamond, Hope, or Insurance.

Why did Mickey Mouse name his dog Pluto?

Because he's not a planet.

Did you hear about the child who's parents gave him 10 names?

Did you hear about the child whose parents gave him 10 names? He struggled initially.

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A Man goes to a tent that houses a machine that's labeled "Name a superpower you want and I'll tell you what negative effect it will have"...

He inserts the superpower of "waterbreathing" because it had been his dream since he was a kid to swim really deep.

​

The machine whirrs for a minute and then dispenses a slip.

​

He flips over the slip and it reads: "Your penis would become so small,...

Why don't more Trump supporters name their children Donald?

Menopause

BJ: Dad why did you name me BJ?

Dad: Because I wished you were one!

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"One Man's Junk" would make a good name for a pawn shop.

Also for a gay bar.

Name A Scam

My Parents : If you tell us the truth we wont get Angry

If Rolex had an app on PC what would be Its file name?

Rol.exe



Sorry for the trash pun, thought about it while walking in front of rolex

What similarities do Donald Trump and Donald Duck have in common besides their name?

They’re both quacks.

My friends were arguing about who is prime minister of Canada. My first friend said he has a french name. My other friend said that he is wrong.

So I turned to him and said: 'He's trudeau.'

2 twins changing their name.

There are a pair of twins called Ving and Ling. Ving decided to go to the town hall to change his name. Ling decided to give him a lift there. When they arrived Ling reminded Ving that he would disgrace their family if he changed his name to Lee. Ving takes a form and quickly fills it out to change ...

I got a new cat yesterday and have decided to name it Brexit

He always meows loudly to be let out but when I open the door, he refuses to go through it.

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My dog's name is Butter

Butter, short for Butterscotch. Anyhow, one night, around 10pm, I went to the back porch to put Butter in her pen, and she was waiting for me. I pick her up and start to make the 15 yard walk to her pen, and this dog turns around and bites me. Now, I did what any other person would do, I dropped the...

There's a petition going around to name the black hole after Chris Cornell from Soundgarden

There gonna call it the cornhole

What is Minnie Mouse's father's name?

Massive Mouse

(True story, for what it’s worth) My neighbour has a new Spanish teacher at school, his name is Mr Armada.

“Like the Spanish Armada?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he said and I shook my head in disbelief.

“Well,” I sighed. “At least he isn’t called Mr Inquisition. Nobody would have expected that.”

“Hi! My name is Gertrude,” says the lady to the man next to her on the airplane.

“It’s so nice to meet you! I’m flying to New York for my grandson’s third birthday. I’m so excited! I remember when he was just a little pumpkin and now he’s already three! It’s really hard to believe. He’s the most adorable thing you’ve ever seen! You know what? Hold on, I think I might have a pict...

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Back in the day last name said something about your profession...

The Smiths would hammer away creating armor and weapons as blacksmiths. The Fishers would navigate the seas in search as fishermen. And The Dickinsons, well no one really knew what they did.

People think that my wife and I are cruel for naming our baby girl “Siri”.

Especially when they know our last name is Russ.

I made up a dance about an old guy and a kid going on an adventure and asked everyone to name the movie it’s based on.

Someone just guessed it. The jig is Up.

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Student 1: My name is Tom Archer because my ancestors were making bows and arrows.

Student 2: My name is Sam Baker because my forefathers were bakers.

Student 3: My name is John Dickinson, and I hate this game.

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A young man moved into a new apartment of his own and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him...

As they talked, her robe slipped open and it was obvious that she had nothing else on.

The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming."

He followed her...

There was 5 Chinese immigrants. Their names were chu, lu, bu, fu, and su.

When they decided to go to America, they decided to change their names to something more western. They renamed themselves:
Chuck, luck, and buck. Fu and Su didn’t get a passport because they committed tax fraud.

What did the drummer name his twin daughters?

Anna one, Anna two.

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What would Cardi B’s porn name be?

Oral B

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I a guy gets out of prison and heads to the local brothel, but only has two dollars to his name. Knowing it’s not much he goes in anyway.....

To his surprise the madam says, “We have something for every price.” She takes his two dollars and instructs him to go up the stairs to the second door on the right. He goes up, opens the door and finds a brightly lit room. As his eyes adjust he sees a chicken strutting around. He says to himself, “...

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A sailor pulls into port with 5 bucks to his name looking for a good time

He finds the seediest brothel in town and tells the Madam his financial situation.

"Don't worry I got just what you need" she assures him.

She goes to the back and comes out with a behemoth of a woman. The sailor notices she has but 3 teeth, a glass eye is well into her 60's.

Th...

A couple had their first daughter and were deciding on a name.

The man decides he wants to call her Hope. The woman says “I like Love, let’s call her that!” They come to the resolution to name her Love, since that’s what the wife wanted so badly. Times goes by and baby Love is born a happy baby. Love continued to be a happy baby all through elementary school. H...

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Whats the generic name Viagra?

MaCoxAFlopin

A jeweler and blacksmith gets married. What do they name their kid?

Jaden Smith

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All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name

Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen... Aleve is also called Naproxen.   

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.   

After careful consideration by a team of...

Why did karl marx always spell his name in lowercase letters?

Because he wanted to abolish all forms of capital

If a scientist rewrote “The Fault In Our Stars” what would they name it?

The Fault In Our Tectonic Plates

Imagine if a serial killer would name themselves The Suspense

Everytime they kill someone, the victim would say "The Suspense is killing me".

If Dracula were a furry, what would his name be?

Nos-fur-atu

Starbucks job interview

"What's your name?".

"Alyssa".

"Could you spell that please?".

"L A R I S S A".

"When can you start?".

If my name was Victor, I’d become a historian.

Because history is written by the victors.

Dad, why did you name me Cilantro?

Because sweetheart, it's the only way I could ever know what it felt like to love Cilantro.

3 Mountain Men Are Sitting in a Bar Trying to decide What to Name Their Newly Settled Land

They throw all the letters of the alphabet into a hat and draw them out one at at a time.

​

The first draws, "'C', eh."

The second, "'N', eh."

The third, "'D', eh."

Hi, my name is Cage and if I had a Nickel for every time i told a funny joke...

I would be Nickeless Cage.

What's the most stereotypical Irish name?

Klee Shea

About a year ago I changet my name to Fun...

Apparently Cyndi Lauper is a liar.

In a world where you get what rhymes with your name... Candy for Mandy. Cats for Matt...

Poor Nick...

After World War 2, France seriously considered changing its name.

Unfortunately Iran was already taken.

My wife didn’t believe that I would give our daughter an embarrassing name.

But I decided to call her Bluff.

"Who Wants to be a Millionaire" is a silly name for a show; everyone wants to be a millionaire. The only people who don't want to be millionaires...

are billionaires.

What did Kanye name the free wifi at his house?

KANYE-GUEST

The other day I passed a school with a car brand as their name

Can you imagine, who would call a school Tesla

After a long discussion about our future, my partner and I decided to name our first born ‘No Pun’.

That way they’ll certainly be aware that they weren’t intended.

If Tinkerbell had a Latina sister, what would her name be?

Taco Bell.

Why did the old lady name her cat "Popcorn"?

Because she liked to put it in the microwave.

Tim Cook joked about Trump getting his name wrong. Trump claimed it was fake news. Shows a lot about their character...

But that's comparing apples and oranges

LPT: Use a name brand shopping bag as a trash bag while traveling in Europe

Once the bag is full, take some photos of your surroundings looking away from the shopping bag. By the time you look back, you no longer will have trash to get rid of.

Italian Altar Boy's Confession

An Italian altar boy goes to confession.

He starts, "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"

"'Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the girl you were with?"

"I can't tell you, Father. I do...

I told my wife I wanted to name our unborn son Obvious.

She said, "That's a stupid name."

I said, "Now you're gestating the Obvious."

I got talking to this girl the other day. I asked her her name.

She said, "My name's Batarka."


I said, "That's an unusual name, you don't hear that every day."


To which she replied, "Actually, I do."

So theres this Mexican magician, and his name is Gustavo

His signature trick is hed say "uno, dos" and *poof. Hed disappear without a tres

I thought up a good band name last night. Hillary and the Emails.

Would be HYUUUGE in 48% of the US.

What did the zoologist and herbologist name their child?

Tiger Woods

A Priest and a Nun Decide to Go Golfing

They get to the first hole and tee up, the nun hits her first shot and the ball goes right in the hole. The priest steps up to shoot and hits the ball straight into a sand trap.

"God damn it, I missed!"

The nun shouts back to the priest

"Father! You shouldn't take the Lord's na...

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Name changing

A guy came to my office asking to have his name changed.

"What's your name?" I asked.

"John Shit. I can't stand it anymore"

"And what's the name you want to have?"

"Alex Shit"

When he asked me why I was laughing at his name, I told him:

because it was Hugh Morris.

"Dad what is the name of that flower?"

"Well son, that's a rhododendron"

"How do you spell that?"

"On second thought, I think that's a rose"

There were three sisters and all were wondering how they got their names

So the first one goes, “mommy, why is my name rose?” Mom says, “because a rose fell on your head when you were born” second sister says, “mommy, why is my name tiara?” Mom says, “because a tiara fell on your head when u were born”. The last sister goes, “BLAHWARADURGABAAAA!!” And the mom says, “shut...

What did Han Solo’s last name change too after he married Leia?

Han Duet.

Name your kid Allah Akbar

Then lose him in the mall

"You have a weird last name!"

....is what she said to him. He replied,

"Well, it's pretty common in my family"

Adele names albums by numbers, relating to important things in her life.

Her next is rumoured to be called 3.14159265359

Can someone please tell me Voldemorts last name

My friends talk in riddles

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My girlfriend was mad because she found out that her contact name was “Bitch” on my phone.

Good thing she didn’t notice that it was “Bitch #3”.

Why did The White Stripes chose that name?

Because calling themselves Cocaine Lines was too on the nose.

What’s Darth Vader’s stage name when he plays his electric piano?

The synth lord

Polyphemus the cyclops learns his assaulter's name and yells to Poseidon to strike him down Poseidon asks why?

Polyphemus:
"He's O-dissing-us"