There were three guys named Jackson who were all in the clothing business.

Due to lack of real estate options in their city, they all set up shop next door to each other. In order to convince customers to come to *their* store rather than one of the other Jacksons, they all put up signs to attract customers.

The one on the left puts up a sign that says "Jackson's c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend asked me to name off all my sexual partners in order

I probably should've stopped when I got to her name

My father passed this morning. In his honor, I present his favorite joke: why do polish people have ski at the end of their names?

Because they can't spell toboggan. - Stanley G. Kapuscinski

Edit: thanks so much for the kind words and thoughts and prayers. Thanks so much for your equally awful jokes.

To a lesser but still significant extent, thanks for the awards.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Girl 1: Mother, why is my name Rose?

Mother: Because when you were just a precious little baby, a rose fell off a tree and onto your head.

Girl 2: But mother, why am I named Blossom?

Mother: Well my darling, same with you; a blossom blew from a tree and onto your head.

Girl 3: Mufaghh ma waafaa maaa?

Mother:...

If I have twin daughters, I'll name one Kate

And I'll name the other "DupliKate"

I told my 14 year old son I thought 'Fortnite' was a stupid name for a computer game.



I think it is just too weak.

A guy named Bart walks into a bar, he immediately gets shot and dies. Who killed him?

The Bartender

A Man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The bartender says “What an interesting pet, whats his name?” “Tiny” the man replies. “What an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?”



"Because…He’s my newt.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My boss really hates it when I shorten his name to Dick…

Mostly because his name is Steve…

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NAOMI: Did you know that my name backwards is ‘I MOAN’? That’s just so funny because I love moaning.

LANA: You can just fuck off with your silly games.

I'm going to change my Facebook name to Benefits.

Now, when someone adds me on Facebook, it will say: you are now friends with Benefits.

I named my son COVID-19

So I can say to my wife “Honey let’s beat COVID-19 together!”

No one suspects a thing when I say it in public.

Do you know why I named my stomach "Budapest"?

Because it is the Capital of Hungary!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A student visits the principal’s office one day and the principal says to him, “What’s your name, son?” He replies: “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” The principal looks up and asks him, “Oh, do you have a stutter?”

The student replies, “No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was an asshole.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My GF told me to name all the girls that I had sex with

I should have stopped when I reached her name

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've just learned the medical name for viagra

Mycoxaflopin

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Teacher: Name a native animal

Student: Racoon

Teacher: Excellent! Can you name another?

Student: Its mom

My friend Jay had twin daughters and wanted to name them after him.

So I suggested Kay and Elle.

Dr. Parker, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college, said during class, "Miss Smith, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions."

Miss Smith gasped, blushed deeply, then said freezingly,
Dr. Parker, I do not think that is a proper question to
ask me, you should be asking a boy. And I assure you my
parents will hear of this." With that she sat down, very
red-faced.

Unperturbed, Dr. Parker called on Miss John...

My name is Joe Biden and...

I forget this message.

The Doctor was a time lord, unchallenged in all the lands. David Tennant, an amazing doctor, with only one archnemesis. The enemy's name?

David Lanndlord

Can you tell me the name of an African country?

I don't know... Can ya?

Yeah, that's one

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I named my hard drive "dat ass,"

so once a month my computer asks if I want to "back dat ass up."

The origin of their names

It's the story of a mother who walks with her 3 kids ,

Rose asks her mother why she's called like that, and the mother answer "When we get out of the maternity a rose fell on your head"

Daphne also asks her mother why she's called like that and get the same answer.

Concrete Bl...

What should you name your kid if you want them to be a good news reporter when they grow up?

Justin

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nun plays golf and takes the Lord's name in vain

A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration. "What troubles you, Sister?" asks the Mother Superior. "I thought this was the Day you spent with your family?"


"It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf with ...

"Father, why is my name 'Rose'?

"Because just after you were born, a rose petal landed on your head when we were leaving the hospital."


"Is that also why my sister's name is 'Daisy'?"


"Yes it is."


"eherrnnanenhahenrnanehh"


"Quiet, Brick"

Does anyone have any suggestions for a name for a one-legged girl?

My wife is really against calling her Eileen.

Why did the asparagus change its name to asaragus?

Because its "p" smelled funny.

(Joke by my six-year-old daughter)

When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet.

I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.

Did you know that JFK only had 2 names?

The F was added to pay respects.

So a kid is talking to his dad and he says “hey Dad why i s my sister named make up tutorials” and the dad says “oh that’s what was in your mom‘s search history “. And the kids respond “OK a little weird but thanks”

And the dad says “no problem “

A little boy named Johnny was told by his classmate that all adults have a deep dark secret, and can easily be manipulated.

Johnny decides to test it out, and when he came home, he walked up to his mother and said

“Mom, I know everything” his mom shushes him, gives him $10, and says “just don’t tell your dad”

Johnny does it again, but this time with his dad.

“Dad, I know everything” the dad shushes ...

I named my dog “5 miles” so I could say “I walked 5 miles”

But today, I ran over 5 miles

I have six goldfish named Major, Minor, Flat Nine, Bebop, Altered, and Blues.

The only way I can tell them apart is by their scales.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dick is often used to shorten the Name Richard. How does one get Dick from Richard?

You ask him nicely

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Had a neighbor named Richard Noggin.

He was a real dick head

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I named my dick life...

I can't get out of bed in the morning because life is hard.

What did the drummer name his daughters?

Anna 1, Anna 2, Anna 3

In case you didn't know, Yoda has a last name...

It's Layheehoo

Teacher : name something beginning with E that your not very good at.

Johnny : Spelling.

The man who kidnapped me was named Dave Green.

But everyone keeps calling him Mike Aptor.

My ex-girlfriend's name is Eileen.

whenever I hear the song "come on Eileen" I can't help but think "I already did"

Today my son asked, "Can you lend me a book mark?"

I immediately burst into tears.

12 years old and he doesn't know my name is Brian

Is your name Michael?

Thanks.




I'm doing a Mike Check.

A middle school band director named Joe is having trouble instructing his students to play their instruments.

One girl is being extremely difficult and cannot play the flute to save her life. Finally he walks over to her and hits her in the head with her flute, killing her. She dies instantly and he is sentenced to death by electrocution. The warden asks what he would like his last meal to be. Joe says "I'd...

I didn't take my husband's name when I got married.

I figured it'd be confusing if we were both called Keith

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I named my female dog Karma

Because Karma is a bitch.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Karma is a weird name...

They should rename "karma" to "creddit"

They should also rename the "share" button to "spreaddit"

They should then also rename the "delete" button to "shreddit"

But they don't, and I don't geddit

“Dad, why did you guys name me Achilles?”

“Well son, you did break through the Trojan wall.”

They name a virus after a beer, and what do we do?

Whine.

I'm going to name my first child a German name, "Etwas"...

...that's German for "Something".

That way, when people ask my child what his/her name means in English, they'll say, "It's German for 'something'".

I imagine the dialogue would go like this:

*"What's your name?"*

*"Etwas."*

*"What's the meaning of your name? Di...

Damn girl, is your name Christianity?

Cause I wanna spread you. Whatever means necessary.

God’s last name

Isn’t “damnit”

I Named My Dog Traffic

So when I'm late for things I can say, "Sorry I was stuck in Traffic."

I'm gonna 1 up Elon Musk and name my kid

58008

I couldn’t come up with names so...

Person 1: Did you know that there’s a secret menu at that burger place?

Person 2: No, tell me about it.

Person 1: The most secret is a burger. This burger is so hardcore that it qualifies as breakfast, lunch and dinner for 7 people, for 7 years. And if you finish it in under an hour, t...

There are 2 things I hate in this world: (1) People who put animal names in words...

...and (2) Hypocrites

Son: Why is my sister's name Paris?

Dad: Because we conceived her in Paris.

Son: Thanks dad.

Dad: No problem Quarantine.

A man named Rick went shirt shopping with his wife and asked her:

\- What size should I pick?

\- Pick L, Rick.

Haha that's the funniest s\*\*t I've ever seen.

A son asks his dad, "Why is my sister named Teresa?"

"Because your mom loves Easter, and Teresa is an anagram for Easter."

"Thanks Dad!"

"You're welcome Alan."

Receptionist: May I have your name please?

OP: Why! You don't like yours ?

What's another name for cumming inside a woman?

Loading the dishwasher

A young man named Dave bought a horse from a farmer for $250

The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next day, the farmer drove up to Dave's house and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died"

Dave replied, "Well, then just give me my money back"

The farmer said, "Can’t do that. I went and spent it already"
...

My friend met a girl named simile

He didn't know why he metaphor

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had a dog once. Named Minton. He kept eating all my shuttlecocks.

He was a bad Minton.

I was visiting the country to the north of the US and forgot how to spell its name. So I asked a local and he said

C, eh

N, eh

D, eh

I think Saturn's name is the best in our solar system

It has a nice ring to it

2 girls were discussing their names.

Naomi: Mine backward is "I moan!" Can you believe that?

Lana: Shut up...

There's a man named Rudolph who's a Communist Party official in Soviet Russia.

One day, he and his wife are walking outside when it starts to precipitate.

"Oh look, Rudolph," says his wife. "It's snowing!"

"That's rain, honey," says Rudolph.

"No, no, no, it's definitely snow," says his wife.

To this, he replies with "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dea...

I changed my iPhone name to titanic.

Its syncing now.

I have a horse named Mayo.

Mayo neighs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day, a ridiculously bored King in a small town decided to have a contest and the winner would choose, either to marry his daughter, gold and riches... Or name anything that he desires.

Whomsoever jumps down the moat filled with crocodiles, swims to the sides and climbs back up unharmed shall win the contest and name his price.

The crowd gathered near the edge of the moat where the king shouted:

"Is anyone brave enough to entertain me?". And noone dared to respond.<...

what's another name for a complicated starbucks drink?

food for thot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the pharmaceutical name for Viagra?

Macoxaflapin.

A little girl ask to her mom: "mom, why am I named Rosa?"

And her mom said: "because when you were born a rose fell on you head"

Her sister Daisy heatrs this and ask: "why is my name Daisy?"

And her mom said: because when you were born a daisy fell in your head"

When their brother Brick heard this, he ask: "GHTAKNDIALFJKQODK"

My son Luke loves that we have named our children after Star Wars characters

My daughter Chewbacca not so much

I wrote the names of everyone I’ve unfriended onto a piece of paper; but my roommate took it and rolled it into a joint.

##

Now he’s high on my list of people I never want to see again.

What did the frog name its daughter?

Rebec.

A man named Naver fell in love with a woman named Yoo

After a while of awkward conversations, Naver confessed his love to Yoo. Yoo accepted, and they started dating. It started small, going to the movies, and eventually they moved in with eachother.
Eventually, they got married, had a massive wedding, inviting all of their friends, family, and the...

What is the name of the colour which is screaming?

YELLow

William Shatner has discontinued his new line of lingerie.

Apparently, Shatner panties wasn’t the best choice for a name.

I just bought a new SUV and named it Karen.

It’s a white Suburban.

This farmer has about 500 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster that he would sell.

The other farmer says, "Yep, I've got this great rooster, named Kenny. He'll service every chicken you got, no problem." Well, Kenny the rooster costs $3,000, a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Kenny.

The farmer takes Kenny home and sets him down in the barny...

My mom said I was named after my grandfather—a war hero who died in Korea.

Of course I was named after him, I was born like 80 years after him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How can you tell the difference between a Protestant and a Catholic? Ask them to name the books of the bible.

If you listen carefully, you'll notice that the protestant answer excludes the duetrocanonical texts, such as Tobit and Judith, while the catholic answer will be "How the fuck should I know? There's like 50 of them. Piss off."

Why do they name hurricanes after women?

Because when they arrive they are wet and wild but when they leave they take your house and car with them.

Did I tell you about my friend in Africa named Dwayne?

I haven’t seen him in a while.

I miss Dwayne... down in Africa.

What is the other name for a really bad party bus?

A porta party

I can’t figure out my Chinese friend’s last name

I always take a guess at it, but he says “Nope, Yiu-Wong”

Gonna start a petition to change Reddit's name

How does Re-post-ddit sound?


...sounds bad? Gimme some slack, it's hard to create original content on here

Now that I have officially divorced my wife, and she has chosen to keep my last name.

I wanted to be clear that you cannot trust a word she says.

Regards,

Mr Information.

I was named after my dad

Because I couldn’t have possibly been named before him

Why did Elon Musk name his child X Æ A-12?

Because the username X Æ A-11 was already taken

Different names for a Power On Self Test, when it goes wrong and smoke comes out of the device:

Power On Smoke Test

Power On (and) S#!T Trousers

Power Oh S#!T TURNITOFF

If I were a rapper, my rap name would be..

Lay-Z

A cop stops a Harley for travelling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name

'Fred,' he replies.
'Fred what?' the officer asks.
'Just Fred,' the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a
break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then
presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mom, how did we get our names?

Girl: mom, how did me and my siblings get our names.

Mom: well when I had your sister I was looking over the water and noticed some water lilies, so her name is Floating Lily.

When your brother was born I looked out and noticed that the river was just flowing so peacefully, so I named...

My friend is called Mutepaul. It's a weird name. It's pronounced "paul"...

...because the mute is silent.

A man got mocked and bullied all of his life because he had a girl’s name.

He got married and was so happy that someone treated him normally.

His wife had a baby girl, who she named Love, in honor of their love and his unique name.

She was also mocked and bullied at school.

One day she couldn’t take it anymore. Love shot her dad in the chest and scre...

I'll never have a storm named after me.

They don't name depressions.

somethings are wrongly named like "housefly"

it can't even lift up a window, how the hell it supposed to make my house fly ?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three kids with interesting names

They are each named Shut Up, Manners, and Poop. One day Poop goes missing in the woods. Manners goes to search for Poop while Shut Up calls the cops to report a missing person.

The police dispatcher ask for the caller’s name, to which Shut Up responds: “Shut Up.”

Astonished, the police...

What name has 4 letters and 2 body parts?

Tony

A pastor asked the congregation what's the name of the city Cane found his wife?

He said if anyone knows the answer "Nod"

What did the kidnapper name the child

Richard's son

Elon Musk has just announced the name of his next child

8=D. It's pronounced Chode

All the girls I meet think my name was Joe.

Every time I ask for a date, they say I must be Joe King.

The name's Eddy.

But in school everyone calls me "special-ed"

I named my eraser Confidence...

Because it gets smaller with every mistake I make

I knew a girl who's name was Diamondtina.

She changed it though. It's Justina now.

My wife always wanted a son with a foreign sounding name.

So, after she
gave birth she decided on Mark but
with a C.
I just went now to register his name!
l am so excited on my way home to see
little baby Cark!

What's a good backup name to have for a baby?

Justin Case.

I just formed a grunge band and named it "1023 Megabytes"

... haven't gotten a gig yet though.

Why doesn't a hillbilly boy have to memorize his name?

It's tattooed on his mom's lower back.

If you think Chinese names are funny,

the joke is on Yu.

What do you call a competition to judge who can consume the most tarts in the name of God?

A Piety Contest

Why was the ship named 3.14?

Because it was owned by π-rates

I had a cat named schrodinger that ran away...

I have no idea if he is alive or dead.

A king has 3 cups in front of him. The first 2 cups are full, the third cup is empty. What is the King's name?

King Philip III

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy named Sarim works at a bakery in Lahore, Pakistan.

As a gopher, he is obligated to serve the baker. One day the baker says "Sam, go and get me a bag of flour." Sam goes to get the bag and puts it on his head. Unfortunately the bag breaks and covers him from head to toe. Dejected, he walks back to the kitchen. "Oh my goodness Sam! What happened?"
...

Why does DJ Khaled shout his name at the beginning of the songs he produces?

So you know that it's time to change the channel.

One night, a viking named Rudolf the Red was looking out the window when he said, "it's going to rain"

His wife asked, "how do you know?“

>!"Because Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear"!<

When my female teacher's name on a Zoom call is 'something'...

Something's amiss...

I asked my wife what Jesus's full name was and she said she didn't remember...

till I dropped a bowling ball on her foot.

Normal people use their children’s names to set their email passwords.

Elon Musk uses his email password to name his baby.

One from 3rd Grade: What's the name of the funniest mountain range?

The Himhilarious

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man who is terrible at remembering people's names starts talking to a beautiful woman at a party

They enjoy talking to each other, some sparks happen, and they agree to meet again the next day.

He asks her for her name, and she replies 'Franny'.

He says 'It's been lovely to meet you Franny, my name is John. I'm really looking forward to see you again tomorrow' and they part ways...

I was sat opposite a girl yesterday, for the life of me I couldn't remember her name.

I decided to just be honest and tell her, "I'm sorry but what was your name again".
"Jessica" she said. "Do you have trouble remembering girls names" she added in a wry way.
"Only the ugly ones" I blurted out.
Anyway to cut a long story short I didn't get the job.

When you take a pen name ....

... that's a nom de plume.

When you take a name for war, that's a nom de guerre.

When you take a name for an eating contest, that's a nom de om nom nom.

What do you call two quadriplegics that are both named Charles?

A pair of numb Chucks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So, there's this man named Dave and he's been a really successful doctor

However, lately he's been facing a little dilemma of wanting to have sex with his patients. One voice in his head says, "Oh come on Dave, there's probably been plenty of doctors who have done this before, it won't be any different if you do it too". The other voice in his head says "But Dave, you're...

I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...

He's a small arms dealer

I think my dad forgot my name

He keeps calling me adopted

Security question: What was the last name of your first grade teacher?

My first grade teacher hacking my bank account: I'm in

Man 1: “I love sandwiches!” Man 2: “Me too. By the way, I heard you just bought a horse! What did you name it?” Man 1: “Mayo.” Man 2: “Mayo? Why Mayo?”

Man 1: “Because he neighs.”

The artist named “Feat” has a monopoly on the music industry and should be tracked down.

Every time I see a song, Feat is always on it. This is too suspicious, and must mean he has a monopoly on the recording industry. Maybe he has parents with connections, maybe he is holding someone hostage, or maybe it is something much worse. What is apparent though, is that he is definitely breakin...

I've changed my Facebook name to Nobody

Now when I Like something it will say "Nobody likes this".

My girlfriend and I were coming up with baby boy names and we came across the name Saul.

I asked if he turned out to be a good person would his name change to Paul?

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.