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I just learned the medical name for Viagra.

Mycoxaflopin

“Mommy, why did you name me rose?”

“Because when you were born and we were taking you out of the hospital, a rose petal landed on your head. So we names you rose.”

“Is that why little brother is named leaf?”

“Yes, it is”

“Blaaaarghhhh-ddsdbbbb-beeebbbleeee”

“Shut up brick”

I was recently asked to name two structures that contain water

I responded "Well, dam"

This whole time yoda has never revealed his last name. but I just found out

Layheehoo

I met a Jewish girl today , and she asked for my number

I told her we use names here.

A rich philanthropist decides to give some jewelry to a homeless woman on the street, named Edith.

Edith: thanks for the gold!

You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.

You have died from dissin' Terry.

The Teacher Asked the Class to Name Something that Ends in -Tor and Eats Things.

Gabe raised his hand first. He said, "Predator."

"Clever answer! They sure eat things!" The teacher told him.

Next, Dylan raised his hand. "Oh! I know! Raptor!"

"You are very smart! Raptors eat many different things," the teacher said.

Then, little Timmy answered. "Vibrat...

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My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick

Mostly because his name is Steve

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A young man truly in love with his girlfriend decided to have her name tattooed on his penis

Her name was Wendy, and the tattoo was done while the penis was erect, so when it was not erect all you could see was W Y.

Shortly after the couple was married they were honeymooning in Jamaica the man was in a bathroom in Jamaica, and standing next to him was a Jamaican man who also had a W...

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It's cool that last names tell us about old family professions

Like the Smith family were blacksmiths


and the Bowman family were archers


and the Dickinson family... well they were in jail

A Man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The bartender says “What an interesting pet, whats his name?” “Tiny” the man replies. “What an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?”

"Because…He’s my newt.

My horse's name is Mayo.

Mayo neighs.

What would be Einstein's stage name if he were a rapper?

MC Square

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A student visits the principal’s office one day and the principal says to him, “What’s your name, son?” He replies: “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” The principal looks up and asks him, “Oh, do you have a stutter?”

The student replies, “No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was an asshole.”

What’s long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night ?

A new last name.

What’s 50 cent’s name in Zimbabwe?

400 million dollars

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If someone has the Last Name "Smith" then that means that one of their ancestors was likely a Blacksmith.

Which kinda puts John Dickinson in an awkward position.

After my wife had given birth to our baby, the nurse asked me, "Do you have a name yet?" I grinned and said, "Yes, Steve!" She gushed, "Awww! That's a lovely name!"

"Thanks." I said. "But what do you think we should call the baby?"

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Me and my Wife sometimes call each other by Animal Names.

For example: Yesterday she called me a fucking Cheetah.

What do lawyers name there first daughter?

Sue

What’s a good name for a detective?

Mr. E

* My 9 year old daughter came up with this, so please be kind

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Take most Ford and most Dodge models...now put the word Anal in front of the model name

Anal charger, Anal challenger, Anal expedition, Anal Fiesta...

I wrote the names of everyone I’ve unfriended onto a piece of paper; but my roommate took it and rolled it into a joint.

Now he’s high on my list of people I never want to see again.

I've heard the Canadian Prime-Minister has a French last name.

Is this Trudeau?

The most common name in Vietnam can be used as both a first and a last name

I guess for them, it’s a Nguyen Nguyen situation

How Long Is A Chinese Name

No, seriously, it is.

Jesus's Middle Name is Harold...

I've always wondered why people say Jesus H Christ, but I finally figured it out..

​

Our father

Who art' in heaven

Harold Be thy name

What did the dummer name his triplet daughters?

Anna One, Anna Two, Anna Three.

A Jewish guy goes into a confession box. "Father O'Malley" he says, "my name is Emil Cohen. I'm seventy eight years old. Believe it or not, I'm currently involved with a 28 year old girl, and also, on the side, her 19 year old sister."

"We engage in all manner of pleasure, and in my entire life I've never felt better."

"My good man," says the priest, "I think you've come to the wrong place. Why are you telling me?"

And the guy goes: "I'm telling everybody!"

A boy approached his mother and asked about his name.

He asked, “Mom, why am I named Leif?”
His mother replied with, “Because when you were a baby a leaf fell on your head.” Satisfied with the answer he left to go play.

A few minutes later the boys sister approached the mom and asked, “ Mom, why am I named Rosie?”
Her mother replied with, ...

What did the Mexican fire chief name his two children

Jose and Hose-B

When I see lovers' names carved in a tree,

I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date

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[nsfw] When HBO launches a show they trademark all the possible porn names. They now own...

“Game of bones”, “Dothraki Bukaki”, “Ass High in the shadow” and of course “Two Cleganes one Bowl”

Time flies when you name your bird after seasoning.

I am aware that the correct spelling is thyme

How did they get the name Canada?

They drew letters out of a hat. "C", eh? "N", eh?. "D", eh?

​

Its an oldie but a goodie, don't know the original credit.

I am broken when my name is spoken. What am I?

McDonald’s ice cream machine

I met a girl with one leg shorter than the other.

I asked her name.

She said ”Ailene”.

I replied ”I can see that, but I asked for your name.”

"Spirit, what is your name!?"

Spirit: WAAAHHHH.

Me: Goddammit, this is a Waluouija board!

Lady of the house: "I want you to stand at the front door and call the guests' names as they arrive."

Butler: "Very well, madam. I've been wanting to do that for years!"

Some names make sense. Like "Johnson" was probably given to the son of a guy named "John". Or how someone with the family name "Smith" most likely had some Blacksmiths in the family at some point.

But when someone has the name "Dickinson." I draw the line.

Why do Slavic names end in ski?

Because they'd sound funny if they ended in toboggan.

Why did the communist spell his name without an upper-case letter?

Because he hated capitalism

Whats the name of the mexican guy who lost his car?

Carlos

What did the dyslexic Satanist name his boat?

Sail Hatan

Why did the ant name its middle segment "Stormbreaker"?

Because that was its Thor axe.

Bro, can you help me name these information pamphlets?

Brochure.

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I started a new job. My boss said "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky". I said "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick"

She said: how do you get dick from kyle?

I replied: you just ask nicely.

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A guy accidentally says another girls name during sex

One day, Matt is fucking his girlfriend, Sarah, in his apartment, after they both spent some time together. They're both passionately going at it, and look into each others eyes, and as Matt is about to climax he yells "Ohhh, Angela!"

Sarah instantly stops, and gives a sharp cold look, and sh...

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I have finally figured out the perfect name for the Country/Rap genre

CRap

After my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, I decided to start thinking about names.

In the end I went for Juan Carlos and hopped on the next flight to Spain.

Facebook should change it’s name to..

reddit from 6 days ago

Robbie: Larry’s mother had four children. Three were named North, South and West. What was her other child’s name?

**Bobbie:** East?

**Robbie:** No. Larry.

Mr. Peterson walks into Cheers, and gets his usual greeting, which is everyone in the bar loudly shouting his first name.

It was funny the first few times, but after that, it became the norm.

what’s another name for road head?

van hoover

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Names are interesting. You can get Bob from Rob, Bill from Will, but how do you get Dick from Richard?

You ask him nicely.

Name a rapper with small abdominal muscles

2Pac

Meghan and Prince Harry have announced the name of their new baby boy.

They're going to call him Seatbelt.

​

It's what his mother would have wanted.

We ordered a Chinese takeaway last night from a local place (I won't name them)

and as I was driving home, I heard the bags rustling and moving!! I thought what the hell is that. Has something got in the bag, I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out at me. I was driving so I leaned forward, picked up the bag, put it on the passenger seat and there it was agai...

What do you call a sandstorm that calls you names?

Da Rude Sand Storm

I just set my fb name to Nobody

So whenever I see an ugly post, I like it and it says Nobody likes your post

Best name for a pet dog with no legs

Doesn’t matter, it won’t be able to come to you.

Donald Trump had a close adviser named Hope Hicks. Which makes sense -- her name suggests his campaign strategy:

Say racist things and hope hicks will vote for you.

All the kids had a name

except

What's the name of Bizarro's girlfriend

Slowis Lane.

So much has changed ever since my girlfriend told me we were having a baby!

For instance, my name, address, and telephone number!

When I was young I decided to go to medical school. At the entrance exam we were asked to rearrange the letters PNEIS to form the name of an important body part.

Those who said spine are doctors today. The rest of us went to flight school.

What do you name a dog with no hind legs and steel balls?

Sparky.

My wife thought I would never give our daughter a silly name.

So I decided to call her Bluff.

What would Cardinal Pell’s rapper name be?

Cardi P.

What's the name of the restaurant You went to yesterday where they had very good Indian bread?

That's naan of your business!

What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons?

José and Hose B

My name is Boninjab

It's pronounced Bob.
The ninja is silent.

“Dad, why is my sisters name Rose?”

“Because your mom loves roses.”

“Thanks dad!”

“You’re welcome BJ.”

Last Name Only

The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office.



“What’s your name?” he asked the new guy.



“John,” the new guy replied.



The manager scowled, “Look... I don’t know what kind of a namby-pamby place you work...

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Yo what up! My name is Rumpelstiltskin!

And if you can guess my name...
FUCK!!!

How Long is a Chinese name

......either you read that correct or you need to read it again to understand!

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"Thank you for contacting Xfinity Internet, my name is Janice, with whom do I have the pleasure of speaking with today?"

*"Hello Janice my name is Daniel."*

Janice: *"Pleased to meet you Daniel, how can I help you"*

Daniel: *"Well, I'd like to increase my Internet access speed to something more suitable."*

Janice: *"Great! That should not be a problem. So what is your current plan?"*

Dani...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

In class we learned that last names were determined by what your ancestors did

So I always made sure I kept my distance from my teacher Mr Dickinson

A cow gives birth to 4 cavles, and one day her oldest comes up and asks "Mother, why was I names 'Lotus'

The mother replies saying "Because when you were born, a lotus petal fell on your head". The next day, the mothers second oldest came up and asked why they were called Rose, and the mother replies "Because a rose petal fell on your head when you were born". Her third child asked why they were named ...

I think my neighbor’s stalking me. She keeps searching my name on google...

I saw it through my binoculars last night.

Can you name the villain from The Jungle Book?

...because I Shere Khan!

What was the name of the actor that played the ship in the titanic?

Tom cruise

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What’s the name of the second studio album by Nirvana?

Nevermind, I found it.

How did the medical community settle on the name for PMS?

Mad cow disease was already taken!

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A pirate can name a bay "Booty Bay" and nobody bats an eye...

But when I name an alley "Anal Alley", suddenly I'm a creep.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How do you name your child in Alabama?

Putyour Dickinson.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A young Indian boy and his father are sitting in a teepee. The child asks his father,”Father, how did you decide what to name me and my brothers?”

His father replies,”Well son, as soon as you are born, I hold you in my arms and we walk outside to show you our land. When your eldest brother was born, I see a majestic soaring eagle, so I name him ‘Soaring Eagle’. I took your second brother and we saw a herd of bison, hence the name ‘Brave Bison’...

They've just announced the birth of the royal baby and the name is 'yet to be decided'.

Unconventional and certainly the most original royal name yet.

What does it mean when a girl in your bed is gasping for breath and calling your name?

You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough.

My pet name for my girlfriend is Copious.

She says it means a lot.

What breaks when you say it’s name?

Silence

A nail company name Nail Bay hired a publicity agency for a new video ad...

After 2 weeks they asked for a meeting to show the new video.

The video started with an aerial take from the desert and kept zooming into a tiny black spot, which as the zooms keep going is a cross with Jesus nailed on it.

Right after this , the screen goes black and the company logo i...

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I’m gonna name my kid Jesus Christ

Cause it will be a miracle if anyone ever has sex with me

2 twins changing their name.

There are a pair of twins called Ving and Ling. Ving decided to go to the town hall to change his name. Ling decided to give him a lift there. When they arrived Ling reminded Ving that he would disgrace their family if he changed his name to Lee. Ving takes a form and quickly fills it out to change ...

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I've decided to name my dick Arya.

It goes in undetected and it's over before you realize what happened.

Policeman: What's your name?

Man: The Wizard of Oz

Policeman: What is your FULL name?

Man: (mumbled) The Wizard of Ounces...

I want to get a race horse, and name it My Face.

Just so I can hear people in the stands yell, “Come on, My Face!!”

Why did Mickey Mouse name his dog Pluto?

Because he's not a planet.

What is the name of Asgard’s chef?

Thaw

What's the name of that addictive thing that affects my short-term memory? I use it all the time, but can't remember what's it's called...

*Googles* ... "Oh yeah! The internet!"

John F. Kenndy's birth name was John Kennedy

The f was added to pay respect

What did the paleontologist call his newest dinosaur discovery, after running out of new or interesting names?

The Saurus

What was the name of the Italian inventor who hated Christmas?

Leonardo da Grinchi

God asked Adam to name the animals

Adam began to invent names, “Lion, Tiger, Horse, Cow, Pig…”

Then God said, “You must name the sea animals, too”

Adam was tired already, so he said, “Sea lion, Tiger shark, Sea horse, Sea cow, Sea pig…”

Baby names

A couple is visiting another couple's house for the first time. They walk into the living room and are introduced to their daughter "Peaches" who is sitting politely.

"How did you think of the name Peaches?" the visitors ask. They answer that it was the first thing she would eat after milk....

How many Mexicans do you have to meet before you hear a really stereotypical name?

Juan

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My wife left me for giving my penis a name...

Guess I'll have to take Matters into my own hands

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was trying to figure out how to pronounce Peter Buttigieg’s name.

Then I was told it rhymes with “Heater.”

What's the name of Bruce Lee's vegetarian cousin?

BrocoLee

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A rich Mexican buisnessman by the name of Jesus bought an apartment at the top floor of Burj Khalifa

He decided to invite his father to view his apartment and have a nice time together.He sent a plane ticket for his father in Mexico, and ordered his personal assistant to wait for him outside the airport.

When the father arrived, the assistant approached him to carry his luggage. The father a...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Russian porn names

Onyaback Yabitch,
Popalotta Puss,
Tonguealotta Gash

My girlfriend and I agreed to try some roleplay in the sack, but right at the end she screamed out the wrong name!

That's the last time I'm ever letting her wear her Starbucks uniform in bed.

[OC] What was Muhammad Ali’s flatulent brother’s name?

Gaseous Clay

A young Native American boy asks one of the tribe elders: “How children get their names?”

The elder replies:

“When two get married they make love in their teepee and when they are done, they look outside, and the first thing they see will be the child’s name. Why do you ask two dogs humping?”

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Student 1: My name is Tom Archer because my ancestors were making bows and arrows.

Student 2: My name is Sam Baker because my forefathers were bakers.

Student 3: My name is John Dickinson, and I hate this game.

BJ: Dad why did you name me BJ?

Dad: Because I wished you were one!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My dog's name is Butter. one day, I went outside and accidentally stepped on his testicles.

Anybody want some butter nut squash?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Man goes to a tent that houses a machine that's labeled "Name a superpower you want and I'll tell you what negative effect it will have"...

He inserts the superpower of "waterbreathing" because it had been his dream since he was a kid to swim really deep.

​

The machine whirrs for a minute and then dispenses a slip.

​

He flips over the slip and it reads: "Your penis would become so small,...

What do you call a group of people name Chris

An MCU

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Black people usually name their kids after stuff they can't afford.

Like Mercedes, Diamond, Hope, or Insurance.

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