The 121+ Best Name Jokes

Walking hand in hand, a daughter looks up at her father and asks, "Daddy, what did YOU want to name me?"

"Zelda honey," he responded, "I wanted to name you Zelda. But on the night you were born, mommy said there was no way I was naming you Zelda. You see honey, mommy went through a lot that night, and I was in no position to win naming rights."

"But why Zelda?" she asked.

"Bec...

My wife said she wanted to name our child Eevee because she thought it would be cool to name it after a Pokemon

I said 'ditto'

You know who really gives kids a bad name?

Elon Musk

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I think we should stop turning normal names like "Karen" into slurs

It's a real Dick move.

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What’s your name son?

The principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” “Do you have a stutter?” the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”

A cat owner invited their neighbor over for dinner and introduced their four cats. "That's Alogue, Aract, Erpillar, and Astrophe," they announced. The neighbor was surprised and asked, Where on Earth did you get those names?

Oh, those are their last names, the owner said. Their first names are Cat.

If Marie Antoinette, Anne Boleyn, Charles I, and Louis XVI formed a band, what would its name be?

The Talking Heads.

Name one superhero that can beat Captain America...

Captain Vietnam

I think my neighbour is stalking me. I caught her Googling my name. At least I think she was...

The focus on my telescope is a little shaky.

I used to date a girl named Sue Denim

Turns out she isn't who she says she is

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”Hello. My name is Paul, and I am a sex addict.“

Group leader: ”Hello Paul. Nice to meet you. But I have to tell you that the sex addicts meet three rooms further down the hall. This is the group for single moms.“

Paul: ”I know.“

My friend is such a big fan of the Royal Family, each of his four sons are named after a king.

**Henry**

**George**

**Charles**

**Burger.**

Why did Batgirl change her name to Batwoman?

She had her Bat Mitzvah.

My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex

They're his watch dogs

Why would no one name thier child Pollen?

Apparently there's a lot of stigma attached.

My rescue dog has no legs, so I named her cigarette

...and every night we go out for a drag.

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A beautiful woman sat next to a man on a plane. After some small talk, the woman admitted that she was getting treatment for sex addiction. "I am doing great, my only remaining issue is I can't resist cowboys and Italian men. By the way, I never caught your name."

"My name is Big Tex Marconi, great to meet you."

What did Willem Dafoe name his son?

Willem Dafive

"Hi my name is Jeff and I’m an alcoholic." "Sir, this is Triple A, not AA."

"I know, I’m trying to explain why my car is in the lake."

All groups of animals have unique names: a gaggle of geese, a pod of whales, a colony of ants… so what do you call a group of Karens?

An HOA

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Adult Names

A man is driving his five-year-old son to school for his first day.

Suddenly the boy shouts out "Daddy! Daddy! Look at those moo cows in that field."

His father says "Hang on, you're a big boy now, you must use adult names. It's a cow, not a moo cow."

The boy i...

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An Asian man goes to rent a car, and the clerk sees the man's name is Herschel Leibowitz

The clerk asks him how an Asian man like himself got the name Herschel Leibowitz. He responds in a heavy accent "When I was going through immigration, we were in a line in the area where we give our names. The name of the man in front of me was Herschel Leibowitz. When they call for me to ask me ...

I will never name my child Amber.

Those are always the ones that seem to turn up missing.

If Will Smith, Amber Heard, and Chris Brown formed a band, what would its name be?

The Heavy Hitters.

What do you name a dyslexic Roman?

Ramon

A French couple named their newborn daughter “CCC”.

Pronounced: Tracey

I never used to use the lords name in vain.

But now that I have a kid of my own, I see why God named his kid Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ was supposed to be named Franklin....

Until Mary stubbed her toe.

My Goldfish are named "one" and "two".

If one dies, i still have two.

I named my pecker Nobody.

Nobody’s perfect.

I named my horse Mayo.

Sometimes, Mayo-neighs

BREAKING: Due to inflation, Dollar Tree will be changing it’s name…

…to Tree Dollar.

There’s a new hotel in town that features glory holes but you’d never know from the name.

The Walnut Inn

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Once upon a time, there was a merchant named Steve who came up with a brilliant plan to make a huge profit transporting peanuts

Once upon a time, there was a merchant named Steve who came up with a brilliant plan to make a huge profit by transporting over 100kg of peanuts to a state facing a severe shortage of nuts and fruits.

As Steve approached the state's border, he encountered a police checkpoint. An officer...

Bartender, you won't believe it. I met a guy with the exact same birthday as me. His parents have the same name and we was born in the same town!"

Bartender to server: "The Murphy twins are drunk again."

NSFW A dog and a cat are having an argument about who is the favorite with humans. The dog says, “humans like us more; they even named a tooth after us (the canine). Naming an important body part after us proves they like dogs more.”

The cat smiles and says, “Guess what? You are not going to win this one”

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How did you choose our names father?

A young indian boy asked his father "How did you choose our names father"?

His father replied:

""When your older sister was born I opened the flap to the teepee and looked out, naming her for the first thing I saw. So she is called Running Doe."

"When your older brother was bor...

A retired man named Dave took a part-time job at a small woodshop, but every morning, he was late.

Five minutes, ten minutes, fifteen minutes. The owner wasn't too upset because Dave was great with customers, but one day he got curious.

"Hey Dave," the owner asked. "What did they say at your last job when you came in late all the time?"

"They said the same thing no matter what tim...

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A wife decides to take her husband, Dave, to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if hes been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Dave. "Hes on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
...

My goldfish are named Major, Minor, Dorian, Mixolydian, and Pentatonic.

The only way I can tell them apart is by their scales.

Have you heard the story of the two skunks named In and Out?

They lived in the forest with their mother skunk. And whenever In was in, Out was out. And whenever In was out, Out was in.

One day, when In was out and Out was in, mother skunk said to Out, "Out, I need you to go out and bring In in."

So Out went out and immediately brought In in. <...

What did the Mexican firefighter name his twin boys?

Jose and hose B

Whenever I’m leaving a party, I write my name on a piece of paper, and hand it to the host.

That’s my signature move.

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Because Nintendo's beloved character is Japanese, Mario is his LAST name. His first name?

Itsume.

Did you know Yoda had a last name?

Layheehoo.

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Rich Twocock went to the court to change his name.

He filled up all necessary forms and gave a lengthy explanation about how everybody tell jokes about his name, including his family members and friends. The judge finally accepted his request and at the end of the interview session asked him: what other name do you want to have ?

He answered:...

What was the hippie's wife's name?

Mrs.Hippy

There was a very wealthy Count named Carl

He always threw extravagant parties and almost everyone loved him, but almost no one knew where he got his massive wealth from.

One day, some law enforcement got suspicious of Count Carl’s wealth and went to him demanded to know where it was coming from. Count Carl refused to tell them, howev...

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There once was a man named Dave…

… who lived alone in a small apartment. He was lonely and bored, so he decided to adopt a dog from the local shelter. He went there and saw many dogs of different breeds and sizes, but none of them caught his eye. Then he noticed a large, shaggy dog in the corner of the cage. It had long fur that co...

- Hi, my name is computer.

- Hi, Im virus! Where are you from?

- Im from USA. And you?

- Im from USB!

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A boy asks his mother, "Mommy, why is my cousin named Barry?"

"Well," says the mother, "your aunt Linda named her son Barry because she likes to eat berries."

"I see," says the boy. "And why is my other cousin named Stu?"

"Well", replies the mother, "you aunt Molly named her son Stu because she likes to eat stew."

"Very interesting. Why...

What's the name of the soap opera about a seabird that moved rapidly around and around?

"As The Terns Whirled."

I know a guy, who used to be a great hockey scorer, who now works at a nursing home, his name is

Jerry Hattrick

What is Bill Nye's real name?

William New Year's Eve

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Did you know the prefix Fitz in a name meant "son of"?

So when Patrick had a son, the last name would be Fitzpatrick, and Gerald's son was Fitzgerald, etc.

They had to stop though when Dickinson had a son.

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A young man moved into a new apartment on his own, and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.

While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe.

The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him.

As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke in...

a teacher is doing attendance. she comes across the name “hijkm” she says “i’m sorry, i’m not sure how to pronounce this name,” then spells it out. a girl raises her hand and says this:

“that’s me, and it’s pronounced noelle”

I wish that there was a restaurant named “I don't care,”

so I'd finally know where my girlfriend was talking about.

What do you call someone that doesn’t remember anybody’s name?

True story: my org is discussing the new name for our next project...

Our current project "Servicing 2" is finishing soon. There is discussion around naming the next version, and "Servicing X" came from a "trendy" exec. I mentioned a good abbreviation could be "ServX". I'm waiting for either a commendation or a write-up.

I’ve just found out there’s an actual clinical name for the condition where you can’t sleep and just eat instead

It’s called insom-nom-nom-nom-nia

I just found out that Miles Teller, the actor in Top Gun,uses a stage name.

His original name was Odometer.

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Names for different types of Golf shots.

There have been a number of humorous names for different types of golf shots, and I was wondering if anyone had heard of any more. Some examples:

Rock Hudson - A putt that looked straight, but wasn't.

Princess Grace - Should have used a driver, but didn't.

Princess Diana - Use...

What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?

Same middle name

Fun history fact: The Trampoline was originally sold under the name "Jumpoline"

. . .until June 15th, 1982, when your mom got on one.

My coworker, Kelvin, recently retired from the weather station and was replaced by a new guy named Celsius

He's the new temp.

Lance is an uncommon name now a days

....but in mediaeval times people were named Lance a lot

Most Bobcats are not named Bob.

Like Tomcats.

Most of those aren't named Bob, either.

A man goes to confessional and tells the priest, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I took the Lord's name in vain while golfing."

"I understand, my son," the priest says. "I play the game as well, and it can be frustrating. What happened?"

"Well," the man says, "I hit my drive on the fifteenth green and it sliced to the right, into the trees."

"Was that when you did it?" The priest asked.

"No, the ball b...

Did you hear about the wizard named Sloppy Joe?

He was a Manwich.

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A nun walks into the Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair.

She lets out a sigh, heavy with frustration.

"What troubles you, Sister?" asked the Mother Superior. "I thought this was the day you spent with your family."

"It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You k...

So there's this part of a woman's body that can drive her wild with erotic pleasure and I can't remember the name of it.

It's on the tip of my tongue...

What is Yoda's last name?

Yoda - Le Hee Hoo

The wife and are are trying to name our new baby. She wants to name him Drew

I want to name him Driew. It's only weird if you spell it backwards.

If Apple and Kia were to make a car together, what would it’s name be?

IKEA

While I was at the supermarket, I saw a shopping cart lying around and I named it René

René Descartes

I was wondering if anyone would be willing to support a petition to modernize the name of the Pope Mobile.

I think we should call it the Miracle Whip. It's got more of a tangy zip to it.

Could somebody please tell the name of the 80's comedy based in a bar in Boston starring Ted Danson. I can't for the life of me remember it's name.

Cheers

Who always says his name 1½ times?

James Bond.

My friend Susan identifies as a man and changed his name yesterday.

Susan be Anthony.

I can't remember the name of that Italian dessert where you pour espresso over ice cream.

I asked my Italian friend, but he couldn't remember either.

Did you hear about the celebrity who got stabbed her name is Reece something

Witherspoon?

No with a knife

The only good thing about intestines is the accurate name

Everything else about them is offal

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Everybody Knows Dave, The best joke on my cake day

Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"

"No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So Da...

I'm friends with a Chess grandmaster from Prague, but I can't pronounce his name

Is it OK if I just call him a Czech mate?

If Elon converted to Islam, what would his Muslim name be?

Elon Mosque.

Some idiot bet me $50 that I couldn't name an illness worse than aids.

I said "I definitely *can sir*".

If I ever meet someone named David wanting to start a family

I am going to suggest they name their first son Harley. This way I can introduce their kid as, Harley, David's son.

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. Michael J. Fox has a small one. Madonna doesn’t have one. The Pope has one but never uses. Donald Trump has one and uses it. What is it?

A surname/last name

An older joke but a good one- A frog goes into the bank…

and hops up to a teller. He can see from her name plate that she is called Patricia Whack,
so he says "Ms. Whack, I'd like to borrow $30,000, please."
The teller asks for his name and the frog replies that he is Kermit Jagger, son of Mick Jagger, and a personal friend of the bank manager. Unc...

There was a street in my town named after Chuck Norris but the council had to rename it.

Nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives

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My girlfriend has the same first name as my sister...

... So whenever we have sex and she screams: "Say my name", I always feel bad because it reminds me of my girlfriend.

A Halloween joke I made up when I was 12: What did Dracula name his boat?

The Blood Vessel

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What’s Your Name, Sailor?

The crusty Navy Master Chief noticed a new face and barked at him,

\-“Get over here! What’s your name, sailor?”

\- “John,” the new seaman replied.

\- “Look, I don’t know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy crap they’re teaching sailors in boot camp these days, but I don’t call a...

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French fighter pilot.

A woman is working in the bar she owns when in walks a very handsome man. They get chatting and it turns out he is a frenchman named Piere. They get on very well. He tells her about his daring adventures as an ace fighter pilot. She is getting more and more turned on by him and, when she can stand i...

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A tea aficionado named “Patrick”…

A tea aficionado named Patrick moved to London to have a wide variety of teas available at his corner store. But that wasn’t enough. He soon began to use all the money he earned to travel the world to taste different styles of tea.

Obviously, he first went China many times, and backpacked to...

One day death came to a Guy and said, Hey, today is your last day.

Guy: But I'm not ready!

Death said, "Well today your name is the first on my list."

Guy: Okay then why don't you take a seat and we will drink a COFFEE before we go?

Death: All right.

The Guy gave Death some COFFEE with sleeping pills in it. Death finished COFFEE and fell...

Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her… As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions."First, you must wear a diaphragm."

Cinderella agrees."What's the second condition?"
"You must be home by 2 a.m. Any later and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."
Cinderella agrees to be home by 2 a.m.

The appointed hour comes and goes and Cinderella doesn't show up.

Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella shows up, l...

They were going to name a street after Chuck Norris…

Then they realized nobody can cross Chuck Norris and live.

Whilst in the pub my friend asked me to name just 3 Qatar players?

I said George Harrison, Eric Clapton and Jimi Hendrix

What is Donald Trump’s Spy Name?

Agent Orange!

This joke killed when I was a kid. Let me know how it holds up.

One time 3 boys went to the mall, their names were Trouble, Shut Up and Be Quiet.

While at the mall Trouble got lost. The other boys went up to a police officer and told him their brother was lost.

The officer asked "what are your name?"

The boys responded "Shut Up and Be Quiet"...

The name and symbol for Bluetooth are based on a Danish-Norwegian king, dubbed ‘Harald Bluetooth’

He had three wives, and four children between them. One then became his heir.

In other words, Bluetooth paired successfully

I wanted to change my name to “Frieza” but had no idea how much paperwork would be involved.

This isn’t even my final form.

I always wanted a super power, so I named my son Tran

I can’t quite turn invisible, but at least I’m transparent

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Two lovers of a recently deceased woman, both named Jack, attended her funeral.

They did not know about each other, nor the woman’s apparent penchant for lovers named Jack. They both, despite their typical emotional despondency, ended up caring for this woman over their respective affairs. Upon meeting and talking, at the reception, they realized they had both been played. Both...

I tried having my mother’s phone disconnected, but customer service told me that since the account was in my dad’s name, he’d have to be the one to put in the request.....

The fact that he’d been dead for 40 years didn’t sway the rep. Then a solution hit me: “If I stop paying the bill, you can turn off the service, right?”
“Well, yes,” she said reluctantly. “But that would ruin his credit.”

There once was a woman named "Ninety"...

her parents couldn't think of a name for her so they just named her "ninety". eventually, ninety had children of her own. the kids were cheerful and playful. one day they asked their mother for a dog, which ninety replied, "no dogs!". saddened, the children simply resumed playing.

then one da...

What was Iron Man's rejected hero name?

Fe Male

Queen farts

The Dutch Queen is in an elevator with three diplomats from France, Italy and Spain.

Suddenly, she farts loudly. At first, everyone is confused, but the French representative quickly comes to his senses, comes to her rescue and says: "Oh, I'm so sorry, that was me".

They don't even tra...

what do you call a guy with 15 and a half rabbits up his bum?

Kyle. My names Kyle.

What's the product name if Apple started making drones?

iSoar

(inspired by ImpulseSV)

I named my dog Seiko

She's a watchdog.

I was down on my luck but got a date from a tinder profile with no pic.

I wasn't expecting mych, probably 400lbs or professional. But i got to her door and low and behold a perky smile and strawberry blonde hair, all the right curves in all the right places. I couldn't believe my luck. We exchanged names and i asked her what she did. She told me "sunday school teacher"....

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A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist named Linda.

Her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ. Unfortunately, this distracted the congregation considerably.

The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.

So on...

What's better than a step-rooster named Steve?

A step-hen named Stephen

We have a family dog named Cigarette.

Sadly, he was born without any legs, and every night, after tea, Dad takes him out the front for a drag..

Lawrence Welk had twin girls and he named them both Anna. How were they distinguished?

Anna 1, Anna 2.

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says, “Hey, they named a drink after you!”

“Really?” replies the grasshopper. “There’s a drink named Stan?”

A thief broke into a house one night.

As he was shining his flashlight around looking for valuables he heard a faint voice say, "Jesus knows you're here."

The thief instantly froze but heard nothing else and continued on.

As he was rifling through a jewelry box he then heard, "Jesus is watching you."

Startled, he sh...

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Indian student in USA

It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said: "Let's begin by reviewing some American History.

Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces except for Ch...

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