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A college professor reminds her class of the next day’s final exam saying, “I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever"

A guy sitting at the back asks, “What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, and says, “Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.”

Trump is visiting a class

Trump is visiting a class in an elementary school where they are talking about words and meanings. The teacher asks Trump if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word “tragedy”.

So he asks the class for an example of a tragedy. One little boy stands up and offers, “if my bes...

A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it, and to return the next day to tell their stories.

In the classroom the next day, Joe gave his example first, “My dad is a farmer and we have chickens. One day we were taking lots of eggs to the market in a basket on the front seat of the truck when we hit a big bump in the road. The basket fell off the seat and all the eggs broke.” The moral of the...

A sixth grade teacher asks her class how many were Trump fans.

A sixth grade teacher asks her class how many were Trump fans.

Despite them not knowing what a Trump fan was but wanting to be liked by the teacher, they all raised their hands. Well, all except for little Timmy.

The teacher looks over to little Timmy and asks, “Timmy, why are you bein...

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The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”

No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to...

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A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her 3rd grade class.

The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

Principal: What is 3+3?

Boy: 6.

Princip...

In class, a teacher asked her students what was something good that they did today

The first kid says "I gave money to a homeless man"

The second kid says "I helped my mom with the chores"

The third kid says "I helped an old lady cross the street"

The teacher was very impressed and had high hopes for the fourth kid

The fourth kid then says "I prevented ...

Why was the mermaid kicked out of Geometry class?

She forgot her Algae-bra.

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A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word “definitely.” To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence.

The first student raises his hand and says, “The sky is definitely blue.”

The teacher says, “Well, that isn’t entirely correct, because sometimes it’s gray and cloudy.”

Another student says, “Grass is definitely green.”
The teacher again replies, “If grass doesn’t get enough wate...

The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question: "When you die and go to Heaven... which part of your body goes first?"

Suzy raised her hand and said "I think it's your hands.” "Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?" Suzy replied "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first.” “What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.

Little Johnny raised his hand and...

A teacher told the students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."

A teacher told the students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."

Suddenly, a pen came flying across to room, practically hitting the teacher in the face.

"Who threw that?!" the teacher shouted angrily.

"Me!" piped up a voice from the ba...

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The third grade teacher was teaching English and repeated for her class...

"Mary had a little lamb, whose fleece was white as snow/And everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go." She explained that this was an example of poetry, but could be changed to prose by changing the last line from "the lamb was sure to go" to "the lamb went with her."

A few days lat...

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A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane..

The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
The man went back to his reading.
A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, and then shuddered violently once more.
The man assumed that the w...

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A teacher asked her third grade class to name things that ended with “tor” that eat other things.

The first little boy said, "Alligator."
"Very good James, that's a big word." The second boy said, "Predator." “Yes, that's another big word Alan. Very well done." Little Johnny says, "Vibrator." After nearly falling off her chair, the teacher says,"That is a big word Johnny, but it doesn't eat a...

My 5th grade class took a field trip to a funeral home - the director told us this joke

Why do you always have an extra chair at a funeral?

For rigor mortis to set in.

Seriously....the funeral director told this joke to a bunch of 11 year olds.

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A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

"That's easy, I want to be an asshole!" yells Little Johnny.

The Teacher is shocked with Little Johnny's response and wants to send him to detention, but out of curiosity she let's him continue hoping for an explanation.

Little Johnny continues: -Well, when I'm out on the street with ...

A joke my chem teacher told my class which his 6 year old son came up with

What do only T-Rexes have?
.
.
.
.
.
.
T-Rex babies

Country boy is late for school class

and teacher asks him "Why are you late? Where have you been?"

\- "I had to bring cow to be inseminated by a bull."

\- "Couldn't your father do it?"

\- "I guess he could but I though bull would do a better job."

I went to my local self defense gym and asked if I can take 2 classes today. They said no

“You can taekwondo”

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In a sex-ed class, the teacher asked me,"What was missing in your first sexual experience?"

Apparently, my answer "Consent" was wrong.

(NSFW) Little Jonny is in sewing class

when all of a sudden, he clumsily catches himself with the sewing needle. Seeing that he is bleeding, the teacher offers him a plaster. ‘That won’t do Miss’, says Little Jonny. ‘What I need is some cider’. ‘Don’t be ridiculous’, says the teacher. ‘What on earth for?’ Little Jonny replies, ‘My sister...

Teacher asks her class, "If there's 14 crows on a fence and you shoot 2 off, how many are left ?"

One little boy says, "None, the shotgun scared them all away." Teacher says, "That's not the answer I was looking for but I like the way you're thinking." Boy says to teacher, "I have a question for you." "There's 3 women eating ice cream cones. 1 is licking, 1 is sucking, 1 is biting. Which one is ...

A kid just finished writing his paper for class

He typed the title “1000 Ways To Cure An Itch” to finish it off. Right as he was about to hit save the screen went black. Surprised, he did all he could to get the computer back on so he could save his work. After a few minutes the boys dad walks in and says “The power went out.”

“What do yo...

Alice had fallen asleep in class when the teacher had called on her to answer a question

The teacher had asked the class "who created the world" she called on Alice who happened to be asleep. John who sat behind her poked her with a pencil to wake her up, she said loudly "Jesus Christ". "Very good" said the teacher

Class continued and the teacher asked another question "who made ...

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The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! what are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"

Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"

"Hello I'd like to register for mime classes"

"Ah, say no more"

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Today I snapped and spanked one of my students for being disrespectful in class.

My son better be more respectful to me during this quarantine school situation.

A guy in my class just claimed that a ring-shaped coral reef is also an island.

But it's not an island, atoll.

A teacher asks her class to use the word Contagious in a sentence...

Harry says: 'At the End of WW1 there was the spanish flu & it was very contagious'

'That's right', said the teacher



Jessica stands up & says: 'In Europe during the middle ages there was the bubonic plague & it was highly contagious'


'Well Done' notes th...

I never did super well in English class

But I always got an A for affort!

Why did Dracula fail Art Class?

He could only draw blood!

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First-year students at the Florida School of Veterinarian Medicine were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving an animal's body." For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger into the butt of...

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Little Johnny is in class...

and his teacher says; ‘Whoever answers my question right, can go home’. Johnny takes a brick from his bag and throws it through the window. ‘Who did that?!?!’ the teacher yelled. ‘I did sir, can I go home now?’

What kind of class do you need to take to be on the hurdling team?

An obstacle course

What’s the difference between the poor and the middle class?

Credit.

I feel really bad for the class of 2020. They say the year really flies by.

I just didn’t realize it would Zoom.

Every day, my teacher starts her class by reading a joke from r/jokes, but today she is absent.

So today, a subreddit

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When I was in high school, my dad f*cked my teacher repeatedly for better grades in my math class.

Thank god im homeschooled or that could have been wierd

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My shop class teacher told me this one.

A physics teacher, an engineering teacher, and a shop class teacher all get on a plane.

As they're getting comfortable, the pilot comes in over the intercom. "Good evening ladies and gentlemen," he says, "I understand we have some teachers on our flight. We've got a special treat for them: ...

Where do you go if you can't afford yoga classes?

The omless shelter.

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A Teacher was Teaching her Class about Flavors

She holds up an Orange Lifesaver and asks them what Flavor it was.

They say Orange

She holds up a Red Lifesaver and asks them what Flavor it Was.

They say Cherry

Finally she Holds up a Honey Flavored Lifesaver and asks them what Flavor it was.

They dont know
...

TIL of Private First Class, Francis Lipton— an American soldier in the Revolutionary war– who invented a delicious new beverage while fighting at Valley Forge.

It was the first known casual tea of
War.

There was this wonderful singer in my choir class once. She couldn't read any of the music, but then again, tons of famous singers didn't read music.

I mean, Ray Charles couldn't read sheet music to save his life.

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An medical forensics professor was giving an introductory lecture to a class of students.

Standing over a corpse, he addressed the class. “There are two things you need to make a career in medical forensics. First, you must have no fear.” Having said that, he shoved his finger up the corpse's anus, withdrew it, then licked his finger. “Now you must do the same,” he told the class. A...

A professor in a Logic class says "Alright class, if you know what 'affirming the consequent' means, then raise your hand."

A student raises her hand.



The Professor says "Ah, yes. You know what it is?"



The student says "No, why would you think so?"

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For a school video project, I was partnered with the class bitch

Wanting it to be finished as soon as possible, I told her that I would do most of the project as long as she would stay out of my way. I then realized that my computer was undergoing repairs so I asked her if she had any audio editing software. And let me tell you,


This bitch had the Auda...

A fifth grade class from Chicago goes on a field trip

A fifth grade class from Chicago goes on a field trip to a farm. One of the chaperones asks the farmer "Why doesn't that cow have horns?"

The farmer takes off his cap, scratches his head and replies

"Well ma'am, there are lots of reasons why an animal doesn't have horns, some breeds,...

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A first grader kid, John, always asked his teacher, Kate, to place him in a higher grade's class.

"You put me in the wrong class, madam" he says, "I am at least as smart as my older sister bu she is in the third grade, I am not!"

He complained so much that Kate decides to take him to the principal and she tells the story. "Hmm" principal says, "Let's check if it's true or not. If he deser...

Quebecois Joke from French Class

A young boy walks into a pharmacy, and says to the clerk,

“Can I have some weight-loss pills?”

“For your mother?”

“No, for my rabbit! Dad wants to kill it for Christmas dinner!”

What was the BDSM students favorite class?

The Ropes Course.

I went to a comedy class recently to work on my stand-up

I’ve been going there for about a month now and the people are great and I’ve been having a good time, but recently I’ve been kicked out.

You see in this comedy club they have a drink and snacks table, I wasn’t that hungry but I was thirsty so I go to the punch but there was a long line.
...

The girl at the top of my class compared me to the worst type of cookie...

I asked them: What do you mean? How am I like the worst type of cookie?

They responded: Well, you look like you're sweet but you're really just a raisin

I looked at them puzzled, and said: Oh? You meant oatmeal raisin, I thought you meant another type of cookie

They made a confu...

I had a combined class of philosophy and maths today......

The topic's name was " √ 2 Success"

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.

When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.

"It's a period,'' said the little boy.

"Well, I can see that,'' she sa...

Students late for class

A sub fills in for a high-school class and is taking attendance. She notices 4 students missing, but starts the lesson.

A couple of minutes into class, a girl walks in. The sub asks her name, she gives it. The sub asks, "why are you late?" To which the student replies, "I was blowing bubbles....

English Class!

Teacher:"One day our country will be corruption free", which tense is it?

Student: Future Impossible tense

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First year students of a medical college are waiting for their first class

The most senior professor entered the classroom with a naked dead body of an old man on a stretcher lying butt upwardse

"I would like to tell you that to become a great doctor you must have these two qualities" said the professor

The second quality is "you must never feel disgust about...

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The teacher asks her class “What is sex?” and Little Johnny stands up and says “sex is the temptation caused by the sensation when a boy sticks his location into a girl’s destination. Did you get my explanation or do you need a demonstration?”

and the teacher fainted.

When she was a child, Amy Schumer told her class she wanted to be a comedian. Her classmates laughed at her.

Nobody's laughing now...

What did the ghost teacher say to the class?

Look at the board and I’ll go through it again.

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Little Johnny has the foulest mouth in his first grade class

All the teachers at the school know this. One day, a teacher starts teaching her class the alphabet.

She says, "Class, who can give me a word that starts with the letter A?"

Little Johnny raises his hand, but the teacher knows Johnny is going to use a swear word, so she picks someone e...

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9 year old Johnny walks into class

Teacher: Johnny, why have you got a black eye? Were you in a fight?

Johnny: No miss, Me and my parents sleep in one bed. And last night, when the room was dark, my father asked me, "Johnny, are you sleeping?" I said, "No, dad". And I got a slap on my face and got a black eye.

Teacher: ...

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I asked my diabetic friend to fake an emergency so we could get out class.

He said "Piece of Cake"

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A football player at a university wanted to take an easy class

A friend told him he should take the ornithology class. "Ornithology?", he said, "What's that?"

"It's the study of birds," his friend told him, "but don't worry, the professor is 80 years old and hardly ever shows up for class. When he does show up, he falls right to sleep. All you have to do...

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A class of high school art students are broken into groups...

...and tasked with making silly and creative paintings combining culture with food.

One group decides to paint an Indy race car made out of roti. Another group decides to paint a business suit necktie being grated into cheese. Another group paints Donkey Kong serving up a creepy bowl of banan...

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My girlfriend asked me to take a picture of my penis for her college class to use. Said my penis was a perfect specimen!

It was for her microbiology class.

Im failing all my classes the only tests I can pass are my STD ones

I got all positive results

As I was leaving physics class, a classmate walked up to me and called me a nerd.

What an acceleration’.

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I once masturbated in class

Lost my teaching certificate after that

Mr. Tom was teaching his class about abstract nouns.

He explained how abstract nouns refer to something you can think of, but can't touch. He then asked a student sitting at the back of the class for an example.

*"My father's Cadillac."*

I didn't enjoy my statics class

...but it had its moments!

An English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what they'd do if they had a million dollars.

5 minutes before the bell, Bob handed in a blank sheet of paper. "Bob!" yelled the teacher. "You've done nothing. Why?"

"Because if I had a million dollars, that's exactly what I would do."

I listen to the teachers keenly during my online classes

I take notes and ask questions too.

I met my girlfriend at a African language class

We just clicked!

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It’s Monday morning Show and Tell in Mrs. Brown’s kindergarten class.

She asks the class what they did over the weekend.

Timmy raises his hand, “I rode on the choo-choo!” Mrs. Brown shakes her head and corrects him, “No, Timmy. You rode a TRAIN. Remember class, we don’t use baby words anymore. We use grown-up words when we talk about things.”

Susie thin...

The teacher presents a math problem to the class:

- There are 3 birds on a tree branch. A hunter shoots one of the birds with his gun. How many birds are left on the tree?

After many children raise their hand, the teacher chooses one of them to give the answer. The child replies:

- None. No birds remain on the tree, because the other ...

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What's something you can say both during sex and in class?

"We better wrap this up or you'll miss your next period"

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At the beginning of class, the teacher introduced: "Children, today we welcome our new friend from Japan, his name is Suzuki Shakira."

Let start our lesson today by a few quizzes about American history !

\- Who said "Give me liberty or give me death." ?

The whole class was silent, only Suzuki raised his hand:

\- Patrick Henry, Philadelphia,1775.

\- Excellent ! Next one, who said "...government of the peo...

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A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?”

"We're taking United” was the reply. "We got a great rate!”

“United?" exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight...

So a Sunday School teacher asks her class where Jesus is.

Little Susie says, “In Heaven!”

Little Amy says, “In my heart!”

Little Johnny says, “In my bathroom!”

Perplexed, the Sunday School teacher asks little Johnny why Jesus would be in his bathroom.

“I don’t know, I just hear my dad every morning banging on the bathroom door a...

Why did the girl wear glass only during the maths class?

To improvise d-vision.

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A teacher asks her class what their Fathers do for work.

She calls on a little boy.

"My father died ma'am."

The teacher says, "Well what did he do before he died?"

The little boy thinks for a moment and says, "He turned all purple and then shit on the bed."

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‌‌I use‌‌d t‌‌o smok‌‌e wee‌‌d an‌‌d g‌‌o t‌‌o class...

Snea‌‌k i‌‌n te‌‌n minute‌‌s lat‌‌e wit‌‌h ‌‌a bullshi‌‌t excuse‌‌. Slin‌‌k dow‌‌n lo‌‌w a‌‌t m‌‌y desk‌‌. Pra‌‌y t‌‌o Go‌‌d nobod‌‌y aske‌‌d m‌‌e an‌‌y questions.

‌‌I wa‌‌s th‌‌e bes‌‌t teache‌‌r ever.

Little Johnny is in class the day before summer break

Teacher: Alright class I’m going to ask a question and if you get it right you can go home early.
The first question is, what president is on the penny?

Little Johnny raises his hand

Teacher: Ummm Juanita go ahead

Juanita: Abraham Lincoln!

Teacher: Alright Juanita you...

What do elementary school parties, white belt karate classes, and my jokes have in common?

They all have weak punch lines.

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I lost my virginity during English class...

I hated being home schooled.

Who is the laziest person in class?

Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class? 

Tom: I don't know, father.

Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other...

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A student came late in the class and the teacher wants to know why.

"You know, I woke up as usual, got to my horse and went to school. But I don't know why, my horse suddenly died in the middle of the town square. I had to walk rest of the way and that's why I am late."

Teacher doesn't believe a single word, but there will be enough time to solve this proble...

A young teacher confronts her math class of young kids with a simple question: “Three birds are sitting on a tree when a hunter comes and shoots one down, how many birds are left on the tree?”

“None!” shouts a boy across the classroom.

“Come here” says the teacher while the kid is approaching her through the weird looks of their classmates. The teacher calmly repeats the question again this time holding three fingers up for the sitting birds and removing one for the hunter’s victim...

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I walked out of my Sex Ed class when they started discussing masturbation

I found it to be a very touchy subject.

So anyway, I was in class and my friend Alyssa asked me, "How do I look?"

I answered, "With your eyes Alyssa."



But that is also a true story.

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A boy from working class family hears about the crash of the economy

He comes home, runs to his dad and asks him

“Dad, they told us in school that the economy crashed, and that it’s going to affect everyone’s lifestyle. Is it going to affect ours?”

His dad replied : “Don’t worry son, it’s only going to affect the lifestyle of the rich.

You and ...

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This got me suspended from school for laughing in zoom class:



A guy is sitting at the doctor's office. The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. "Why?" "Because," the doctor says. "I'm trying to examine you."

Dr. Parker, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college, said during class, "Miss Smith, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions."

Miss Smith gasped, blushed deeply, then said freezingly,
Dr. Parker, I do not think that is a proper question to
ask me, you should be asking a boy. And I assure you my
parents will hear of this." With that she sat down, very
red-faced.

Unperturbed, Dr. Parker called on Miss John...

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English Literature Class

Professor starts the literature class. "Today's lesson is metaphors. A metaphor conceptualizes and exaggerate a big thing into a small creative image. As an example you can say 'The snow is a white blanket' instead of saying that snow is white. Can anyone say a similar metaphor ? "

"Tom Crui...

A French teacher is asking her students questions in class

Teacher: hey Bradley, what does “beaucoup” translate to in English? By the way nice shirt.

Bradley: thanks, that means alot

In my history class my professor was talking about the American dream.

He asked the German kid if they had a German dream. He responded "Well, we did but no one likes it."

A teacher said to her class

A teacher said to her class, "Right, i'm going to hold something under the desk and i want you to guess it. This one is round and red." Little Timmy's hand shot up, but he was ignored. "It's a plum miss," said a girl. "no it's an apple, but i like your thinking. The next one is oval shaped and green...

I Currently Teach a Class about Suicide

First Semester has been good so far, I Single Handedly Prevented the entire class from having suicidal thoughts or actually going through with it.

I Promised the class that I would do a suicide demonstration to show the perspective of a dead person. Ill be posting my experience in a few minut...

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Johnny wanted to impress the girls in his swimming class.

So he asked his dad what to do.

"Son, just put a potato in your pants, and you'll attract them all!" His dad advised.

The next day after practice, Johnny looked pretty gloomy.

His dad asked, "What's wrong? Did the advice I give you not work?"

"It would've," cried Johnny....

I tried taking a communication class in college....

But ended up hating discourse!!

A policeman searched me in a public toilet last night and found a small bag of class A drugs

"It's not my fault," I said, "Every time I try flushing them down the toilet they magically appear back in my pocket again."

"Do you really expect me to believe that?" he laughed. I said, "I'll prove it to you if you want me to!"

"Go on then." he smiled, handing me the bag.

Afte...

That damned Greek Mythology class is ruining my G.P.A.

I guess you could say it's my Achilles' aorta.

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I once took a class on how to be heterosexual.

I got straight A’s

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One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class.

She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"

One little...

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There was three boys called Zip, Dick and Piss They were in class and their teacher went out to make a phone call

Right then Zip jumped on the table,
Dick jumped in the teachers chair,
And Piss was punchin everyone in sight .
3 minutes later the teacher back in and said

Zip down,
Dick out,
and Piss in the corner

Got a phone call waking me up in the middle of my remote learning class today.

My students are such nerds.

During a zoom band class the teacher asked a student to name different notes. As he was reading them he stopped suddenly and said, "I forgot what note this is"

A bandmate put an F in the chat.

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A teacher is teaching a 5th grade class on Zoom.

The teacher says to Susie, "Tell the class why you want to be a teacher."

Susie says, "Actually, I want to be a stripper."

The teacher asks, "A stripper? I thought you wanted to do my noble profession."

Susie says, "That was before I saw your tiny apartment."


(Origina...

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Little Timmy was taking a math test in class...

The first question was 3+2.

Timmy used his fingers and counted 5. Easy enough.

For the next question, it was 5+6.

Timmy realized he did not have enough fingers so he asked his classmate,

“Hey, can I borrow your fingers to do this question?”

The teacher immediatel...

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A girl in art class

A little girl was in art class. The teacher walked up to her and asked: “What are you drawing?” The little girl replied “I’m drawing a picture of God.” “But nobody knows what God looks like!” The teacher said. “They will in a minute.” the girl replied

My chemistry professor once asked the class if it was a good or bad thing that ice is less dense than water?

I said "It wasn't good for the Titanic."

Got sent out of class

What do cannibles call a pregnant woman
A kinder surprise

I planned to go to a class on how to deal with disappointments.

But it was cancelled.

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So a girl comes in late to class...

The teacher asks her “why are you late?”

Girl replies, “I was outside blowing bubbles and lost track of time.”

Another girl comes in late, the teacher asks her: “and why are you late?”

Girl replies, “I was out blowing bubbles.”

Once again, another girl comes into class la...

What's a lesson you'd take in online classes?

Internet history

My friend took me to a blindfolded fencing class, but I didn’t enjoy it.

I couldn’t see the point.

When would you like your yoga class?

I'm flexible.

My anatomy class is covering the nervous system and I don't get any of this stuff.

It's so nerve-wracking.

Frank farts in the classroom and his teacher gets really upset and throws him out.

He goes and sits outside the class and can’t stop laughing. The principle walks by and sees him. He asks, “Frank, why are you sitting outside your class laughing?"

“I farted in class and the teacher threw me out.” The principle asks him again, “Well then, why are you laughing?”

“Becaus...

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Jack was doing his online classes when he got bored and decided needed to say something, so he clicked the raise hand button.

Mr.Cooper (the teacher) said,

"Yes Jack?"

Jack replies with,

"Oh sorry sir I was just stretching."

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Coincidentally, my friend asked me if I knew who Pavlov was while I was taking my intro to Psychology class.

I told him: "yeah, that name rings a bell"

If Hannibal Lecter taught a class about eating people...

He’d give a cannibal lecture

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I’m a special education teacher. We do a joke of the day. A student made this up and told the class: What did the 2 say to the 4?

You’re a cunt.

Still cracks me up whenever I think about riz

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A history professor is lecturing his class on changing beauty standards. He shows his class a black-and-white picture of a woman who is 4'10" and has very small breasts.

"This woman won several beauty pageants in the 1930s," says the professor. "Do you think she'd do very well in a beauty pageant today?"

"Definitely not," says one of the students.

"What makes you say that?" implores the prof.

"Well," says the student, "she's very, very old today...

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My anatomy class is currently covering the skeletal system and my professor is being unreasonable with the amount of material we need to know so I made an office hour appointment to speak with him.

You can bet your ass I have a bone to pick with him.

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A young boy says to his father "Dad, our maths teacher is asking to see you."

"What happened?" The father asks.

"Well, she asked me, 'how much is 7 * 9?' I answered '63' , then she asked, 'and 9 * 7?' So I asked 'what's the fucking difference?'

"Indeed, what is the difference?" asks the father. ''Sure, I'll go.''

The next day, the boy comes home from sch...

A class is working on antonyms

A teacher asks a child what the antonym for peace is, he doesn't respond. When the teacher asked what's wrong, the child replied, "Violence is never the answer".

Just started taking Sign Language classes

Who knew it would come in handy?

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A teacher was doing role call in class and had called Timmy's name

A boy raises his hand and says: "Timmy is not going to be at school for a while. His brother told me he was using the air compressor on his asshole and is now in the hospital."

The teacher corrected the boy: "don't you mean rectum?"

The boy: "Wrecked him? His brother said it damn near ...

This is a joke we tell in Armenian, I think it comes out well in English too.

Little Johnny is in school one day when his teacher tells the class that she wants to hear each of them say a little about their families, and specifically what is needed in their lives.

The first student is a little girl, she stands up and says "my family is mostly happy but what we really n...

In a tailoring class, the teacher asked her students how long should a miniskirt be for a person who is 6ft in height and waist is 34.

One of the students replied: Short enough to have the interest and long enough to hide the interest.

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A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day". T...

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A tale of two friends !!

One was a very bright student while the other one was quite dumb. The brighter one always helped the other passing exams be it a class test or end term exams. The teachers were quite furious with them and at last, called upon a meeting to discuss with the principal what could be done. All came to th...

A chemistry professor was taking the first class for a new batch of students who just joined the college.

So, he made all of them stand infront of a table that had a beaker with some liquid in it.

"Observation is very crucial in Chemistry.. the more you observe, the better you can learn", he said as he dipped his left index finger into the beaker containing the liquid.

After 15 seconds, he...

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A flight is on its way to Sydney when a blonde in economy class gets up, and moves up to the first class section and sits down.

The flight attendant watches her do this, and asks to see her ticket.

She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class, and that she will have to sit in the back.

The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Sydney and I’m staying right here”.

The flight...

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