This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man named Stanley died in a fire accident and his body was burned badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body.

So they sent for his two best deer hunting friends, Jim and Allen. The three men had always hunted and fished together and were long time members of a hunting camp.
Jim arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Jim said, “The face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him ov...

Two Priests decided to go to Goa on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as Priests......

As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

The next morning they went to the beach
dressed in their 'tourist' garb.

They were sitting on the beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the ...

Can some please explain to me what it means to identify as queer

Because looked it up and there were no straight answers

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sexually identify as a Lootbox

I won’t tell you what I’m hiding, it costs too much to open me up, and once you do it’s probably not going to be what you want

So I'm reading a book about a movie star that was born a woman but then comes out as identifying as male, but no one gets upset or judgemental about it, they just accept it and get on with their lives. It's a good book...

It's a real page turner

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do people identify as non-binary?

Otherwise it's just fucking 1's and 0's.

I identify as an elongated fish...

People say im mentally eel

I identify as an ambulance

My pronouns are wee/woo

I identify as Michael Jackson

My pronouns are he/hee

The police asked me if I could identify the man from the lineup, so I looked at them one by one.

"Yes," I said, "they're all men."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In order to identify the body formally, the Los Angeles County medical examiner called in Bubba’s two close friends Jim-Bob and Joe-Bob

The medical examiner showed Jim-Bob the body and he responded with a sharp intake of breath and then said, “Oh jeez, he’s burnt to a crisp. Could you roll him over please sir?”

So the medical examiner rolled the body and Jim-Bob responded immediately saying, “No sir, that ain’t Bubba.”
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Beautiful woman

A bloke is sitting in the bar at a busy airport.

A beautiful woman walks in and sits down next to him.

He presumes, because she's got a uniform on, she's probably an off duty flight attendant.

So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for ...

Trump Supporters are demanding to join the LGBTQ+ community.

They say they identify as Non-Bidenary

Hens were often used in the Revolutionary War to identify colonists that were loyal to the Crown.

You never learned about chicken-catch-a-Tory?

Why are birds so hard to identify?

Because they are always in da sky’s.

How do you identify a fighter pilot at a bar?

You don't, he'll come up and tell you.

If you're trying to identify the blind guy at the nudist colony,

it's not hard.

When I moved to a new state I decided to start identifying as a flower.

I'm a transplant.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The police asked me to identify what they thought was my girlfriends body.

They pulled the sheet back to show her blond hair, blue eyes and pretty face. "I can't be certain." I said. The sheet went down to reveal her creamy white breast and perky nipples. "Sorry, I'm still not sure." They took the sheet completely off. I stared at the pale body and shaved pussy, "That's de...

reCAPTCHA asked me to identify pictures of tractors.

That's really not my field.

Two friends bought two horses

One for each friend. They had to keep their horses at the same place so the 1st friend asked, “How are we going to identify which horse is yours and which one is mine?”
2nd friend: “For that, I have an idea. I'll shave my horse's neck hair. So the one without neck hair would be mine and the one w...

Why are redneck murder victims the hardest to identify?

Because there are never any dental records

If I'm fat but identify as slim

Does that mean I am trans slender?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist said I should identify the people in my life that have hurt me, write letters to them explaining what they did and then burn them.

I feel so much better but I don't know what to do with all these letters.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sexually identify as a toaster

You put bread in me and it comes out brown.

How does a robot identify?

It doesnt its non-binary...well technically it is but...nevermind

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A NSFW joke I tried to translate from Turkish

A group of bandits raided a village. They said to the women of the village; "To save the life of your family, you have to identify your husband by sucking his dick."

They blindfolded women and lined up the men of the village in a mixed order, and a few of the bandits became involved.

T...

My preferred pronoun is "letter"

I was born female, but I identify as mail

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Finnish salesman comes to Russia to sell chainsaws to local lumberjacks.

“With this saw a good lumberjack can cut down 40 trees an hour and not even get tired” says the salesman.

The lumberjacks, thinking that sounds pretty good, place an order for 50 chainsaws.

At first they are delighted but then the miracle wears off as they notice the Finnish salesman...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sexually identify as a vacuum

Because my life sucks

They found a new symptom that can identify Coronavirus.

The sudden urge to travel.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sven and Ole are asked to identify a body. (Sad to discover after Googling that this will be a repost, but I was recently told this by my 86 y/o Wisconsinite grandmother and wanted to share.)

So Sven and Ole get a sad call to learn that their good friend, Anders, has passed away and they need to identify the body.

When they get to the morgue, Sven goes in first. The doctor uncovers the body and Sven says, “Aww gee, that sure looks like Anders...could ya flip him over and spread h...

Rhonda in the pub

Rhonda wandered down to her local public house, for one of their themed dining nights.

Tonight was Chiili, paired with either rum , absinthe or gin. As she entered, she encountered the fragrant aroma of spicy beef and beans, although there was also the faint undernotes of an aroma associated...

A brilliant scientist successfully creates a lifelike deer cyborg.

Dr. Holmes, after many years of biotechnological research, finally succeeded in his secret project, using funds diverted from his research grant. Because the project needed to be kept off the records, Dr. Holmes kept the deer at home.

The cyborg would grow and develop just as a normal fawn wo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sexually identify as a female

I keep trying to convince my family that Im not a guy, but alas

Scientists were studying rams

They had three rams in their lab. Each ram had a leather collar, and attached to each collar was a tag identifying them as A, B and C.

One of the researchers brought a large gourd from the supply closet and placed it on the head of Ram A. Nothing happened. After five minutes he removed the g...

I don’t care if Caitlin Jenner identifies as a woman,

but April identifying as January is crossing the line.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Police officer: "Can you identify yourself, sir?”

pulls out mirror and say: "Yes, it's me.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sexually identify as a Witch Doctor...

I'll take a little head from anyone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sexually identify as a microwave dinner

I’m done in five minutes and look nothing like the picture

How do you identify the head nurse apart from all the other nurses?

From the dirt on her knees

A woman was walking along the street when she got plowed into by a vehicle and killed...

The police had a tough time identifying her, but they were able to get a picture from the DMV.

They walked up to her house and rang the doorbell.

"Sir, do you know this woman?"

"Yes it's my wife"

(Deep sigh) "Sir, I'm not really sure how to break this to you... but it loo...

The three guys at an interview joke just posted here reminded me of another version we used to tell about 20 years ago.. is it a repost? I don't know, probably yes, but does anyone really care ;) ?

Three guys interviewing to be a detective.

The final step is with the chief inspector who says, "Ahh, so you wanna be detectives, eh? The first skill you need is perception, let's see how you guys do with that"

He calls them into his office one by one.

The first guy goes in and ...

A man walks into a bar and bets drinks that while blindfolded, he can identify any animal pelt and what it was shot with just by touch...

Some patrons agree to the bet and he sits down. A blindfold is placed over his eyes and he is handed the first pelt.

He runs his hand over it and promptly replies, "It's a rabbit, shot with a .22 caliber rifle.

He is correct and is brought another pelt.

Again, he runs his hand o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist tells me that I have difficulty identifying my emotions.

Not quite sure how to feel about that.

What did the Italian marine biologist say when asked to identify an eel?

That's a moray!



I'll see myself out...

If robots can’t identify stop signs or traffic lights in captcha images...

maybe self-driving cars are a bad idea.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hey guys, YouTube recommended me a video on "How to identify if a guy is gay".

Easiest would be to ask them, then again we wouldn't know if they're gonna give a straight answer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sexually identify as drywall

I love getting plastered!

A man was demonstrating a new type of drone to the military.

He was the project tech and was showing them how you could give it coordinates and an image of the objective and off it would go. Multiple options existed for the target - identify, pick up and bring back small packages, or deliver packages to soldiers in the field.

For some reason his boss n...

I identify as Giantkin.

My pronouns are Phe/Phi/Pho/Phum and i'd like you to respect them please.

So if someone decides to identify as a monk...

Does this mean they’re *transcendent?*

Today, I identify as a Giant.

My pronouns are fee, fo, fi, and fum.

Reddit asked me to prove I'm human by identifying fire hydrants.

Joke's on them, I'm a dog and that was easy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why Men Are Happier

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will e...

In WW2 you could identify which nationality your opponent was from by observing their behaviors

If they respond to threats with precise rifle shots, they're British



If they respond with heavy machine gun fire, they're German



If they retreat, they're French



If they switch to your side, they're Italian



If they apologize, they're Canadi...

A blind guy (Dale) goes to a lumber yard looking for a job. Once he finds the freemans office he introduces himself and asks for a job.

The foreman (Greg) is unsure how a blind guy can work at a lumber yard and expresses his concerns.

Dale explains that bind people usually have heightened senses in the other areas. In his case his sense of smell is extra keen.

Greg tells him Dale that he doesn't understand how that wi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sexually identify as a 41 million square mile body of salt water

Im trans-atlantic

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hitler's Game

During the Second World War hitler and his troops storm into a village and gather the people in the village to the square. Hitler wanted to shoot the people there but decided it was too boring. He came up with a game where the wifes would need to identify her man only by touching his dick. If she fa...

An old family joke.

A couple have a baby boy. He learned to speak at an early age, and was quickly learning the names of body parts.

The child's grandfather is playing with him, asking him to identify parts of the body.

"Where is your mouth?" The child would touch his lips. "Where is your foot?". The c...

Me: I'm an expert at identifying birds

Her: OK, what about those ones flying over that tree?

Me: Yup, they're all birds

The Three Babies

An Englishman, Welshman and a Jamaican are in hospital waiting for their wives to give birth.
After much pacing up and down, the nurse emerges from the maternity ward and announces that each are the father to a bouncing baby boy.
“Unfortunately there’s just one small problem” she adds.
“Be...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jerry and Terry need to identify Pat's body in the morgue...

Pat unfortunately died in an apartment fire. His body was burnt so bad that the mortician had difficulty confirming that this body was Pat's. To solve this problem the mortician called in Jerry, one of two of Pat's close friends, to identify the body.

Jerry walks in. "Damn, he's burnt to a...

My brother has decided to identify as thin.

He's translender.

How did the mob identify the copper?

By finding a wire!

I identify as a aggressive letter

I guess I'm an alpha mail.

I Identify as a chair

Why, because I have nice legs and want girls to sit on me

How do you identify a joke made by a redditor?

Proceeds to write three paragraphs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bubba died in a horrific accident and they were unable to reach his family to identify the body.

So they brought in his two best friends Leroy and Jimmy, as the three of them went everywhere together. When they walked into the morgue they were unable to tell for certain, as his face had been badly mangled. Leroy asks the mortician to roll him over so he can check to be sure. As soon as he ro...

Why do introverts identify so much with Thor's brother?

Because he's low-key.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The children began to identify the colours by their colour:

Red -> Raspberry
Yellow -> Lemon
Green -> Lime
Orange -> Orange

Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY flavoured candy. None of them could identify the taste.

The teacher said: ‘I will give you all a clue. It’s what your mother may call your father’

One l...

How does NASA identify dead planets?

They look through the orbituaries.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I identify as a tri-sexual...

I try to have sex, but I fail.

I have a wierd talent where i can identify what's inside a wrapped present

Its a Gift!

I personally identify as one cycle per second.

Because everything hertz.

A joke about heaven

A woman died and arrived at the gates of heaven. St. Peter said “Yes?”
“I want to come in please”.....”Name?”......”Smith.”....”Know anyone here who will vouch for you”? .... “Mmmm, my husband maybe”? “Have you any idea how many men named Smith we have up here, is there any way to help identi...

A man in Shanghai named Sam wakes up one morning to find...

A man in Shanghai named Sam wakes up one morning to find that his car, a Mustang, has had all the internal components removed, leaving only a hollow, useless shell. He calls the police and soon an investigative team arrives.


The lead investigator approaches the victim and says "It appear...

I am an obese man identifying as a skinny man...

I am trans-fat.

if I were Sarah Connor

I would simply defeat the robots by asking them to identify which of the following pictures has a pedestrian crossing in it

I'm stressed. Sometimes I identify as a tipi. Other times as a marquee.

My psychiatrist says I shouldn't worry though, I'm just being too tense.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sexually identify as Counter Strike...

*And I'm globally offended*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sexually identify as a measure of kilometers per second

Because I really want to fucking KM/S

A police officer pulled me over and said "Sir, please identify yourself"

So I took out a mirror and replied "yeah, it's me"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joe, Bob, and Mike are painters working on a house..

Mike says "I'm going to have a smoke break, I'll be back in a few".

A while later Bob noticed that Mike hasn't come back yet. They wait a bit longer, but still no Mike. They try calling his cell phone, but there's no answer.

The next day he's still a no show. They decide to ...

I identify as a ferrari

Because I like to have two people inside of me.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.