UPJOKE
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Too many authors to cite?

No problem et al

What do you call a huge, angry, green man that cites all his arguments from peer reviewed journals?

The credible hulk

Warning.... Dad Joke: What was Lloyd cited for?

Lloydering.

A woman was walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out.

A cop was approaching from about a block away, thinking to himself, "Boy, my eyes must be going. It looks like that woman is hanging out of her blouse."

But, as he got closer, it became apparent that she really was hanging out her blouse.

When the officer got face to face with the woma...

A friend of mine who was an officer invited me for a ride along.

As we were driving along he told me: "I've been a cop for almost 20 years now. I can follow anyone, and I mean anyone for just 1 mile down the road and I can find something I can cite them for."

I said prove it, so he started following the next guy he saw. After a mile he said "I can't believ...

If you cited something from Reddit...

I guess you could call it Creddit

What do you call a highly cited epidemiology researcher with a social media presence?

An influenzer.

A citizen was cited for a tax investigation in the IRS.

Frightened, he asked his accountant how to dress.


-"Use rags, they'll think you're a beggar," the accountant replied.

When he asked his lawyer, he told him the exact opposite:

-'Don't let them intimidate you. Wear your best suit and most elegant tie'


Confused, t...

If Dr. Bruce Banner always cites his sources

Does that make him the credible hulk?

An exam was taking place in Oxford's oldest and most traditional college...

The ancient hall was packed with students in deep concentration.

Halfway through, a student stood up, banged his desk and loudly demanded a pint of beer.

The head examiner, furious at the disruption, asked him to 'explain yourself at once'.

The student cited section 7.b of a lon...

Did John Knott mind being the only cited author on his group's research paper?

Knott, et al.

The medical research community recently announced a plan to substitute lawyers in for rats in medical experimentation. They cited three primary reasons...

(1) There are more lawyers than rats.

(2) Some people like rats.

(3) There are some things a rat simply _will_ _not_ _do_.

I finally found someone who cares as much as I do about providing sources for every claim.

It was love at first cite.

Miskatonic University Eliminated First Round of NCAA Tournament

Officials cite gross misunderstanding of “March Madness”…

Bag limit.

A guy was on his boat fishing in a pond and caught way over the bag limit. He was heading back to the dock when the game warden stopped him and asked to check what he caught. The warden opens the fishermen's cooler and sees that the guy has surpassed his limit by about 20 fish. The warden tells the ...

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A man goes to visit a divorce attorney.

"There's just no saving this marriage," the man says, "so I want to make a clean break."

The attorney sighs and consults his notes. "Well, sir, your cited grounds don't make you look good. According to you, your husband is quite the philanthropist... but you're mad that he's distributing clas...

A dog gave birth to puppies on the side of the road

She was cited for littering

A hot mug of divorce

My wife said yesterday that she's almost out of coffee beans. I said "Well I guess that's it, instant coffee for you from here on out."

She asked me "How about divorce from here on out"?

I said "C'MON, that's what you're going to cite as grounds for divorce?"

a boy kills both his parents

he's on trial for his double parricide. in his defence the boy cites his recent orphaning and begs the judge to have mercy

My last girlfriend became a cop and ended up pulling me over and writing me a ticket. She asked why I seemed so happy about it.

I told her I was just ex-cited.

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Amish Driving

An Amish lady is pulled over .

"I'm not going to cite you," said the officer. "I just wanted to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be dangerous."

"I thank thee," replied the Amish lady. "I shall have my husband repair it as soon as I return hom...

I tried to register slimshady.com, and it turns out the US government forcibly took it over.

They cited Eminem domain.

New studies show that becoming a chef is the number one job for homeless people after re-integration into society...

Many cite their strong resumes as the key to their success considering they have a lot of experience pan handling.

Not a fan of APA

MLA, however, was love at first cite.

Trump writing a term paper:

Sources Cited:
1. You know it
2. I know it
3. We all know it

Pet fish

A man was at the lake with a bucket of fish one day when a game warden walked up to him and started to cite him for fishing illegally. The man said “no, you don’t understand, these are my pet fish! I put them in a bucket every day and bring them down to the lake and turn them loose, then I let them ...

Poverty and Chastity

In January I spent a couple of days at a Benedictine monastery in California. It was a gorgeous place, with a courtyard garden full of fragrant orange trees and a retreat house full of antiques. When I first came through the door, one of the brothers glided up to me and said, "I know what you're thi...

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A few statistics...

Studies show ¾ths of the general public prefer to be told statistics in percents as compared to fractions.

10/9 of them are unable to spot errors in said statistics.

63% of the population will believe a statistic if it has a famous name cited with it. - Julius Cesar, May 1973

Th...

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