Cite Jokes

The credible hulk

No problem et al

Lloydering.

An influenzer.

Does that make him the credible hulk?

A 120 year old grandfather goes to the doctor for his physical and says he's feeling great. "So great, in fact, I got my girlfriend pregnant!" he proudly boasts to the doctor.

"Let me tell you a story." the doctor says. "A man went for a walk in the woods whereupon he encountered a bear, who... read more

Frightened, he asked his accountant how to dress.


-"Use rags, they'll think you're a beggar," the accountant replied.

When he asked his lawyer, he told him the exact opposite:

-'Don't let them intimidate you. Wear your best suit and most elegant tie'


Confused, t... read more

He said it helped him keep his feet on the ground.

I guess you could call it Creddit

It was love at first cite.

A Cambridge student was sitting an exam in one of the University's oldest and most traditional schools.

Midway through, he leapt to his feet and loudly demanded a pint of ale.

The startled head examiner asked the student to explain himself immediately.

The student promptly cite... read more

(1) There are more lawyers than rats.

(2) Some people like rats.

(3) There are some things a rat simply _will_ _not_ _do_.

Knott, et al.

A friend of mine who was an officer invited me for a ride along. As we were driving along he told me: "I've been a cop for almost 20 years now. I can follow anyone, and I mean anyone for just 1 mile down the road and I can find something I can cite them for." I said prove it, so he started following... read more

Officials cite gross misunderstanding of “March Madness”…

A cop was approaching from about a block away, thinking to himself, "Boy, my eyes must be going. It looks like that woman is hanging out of her blouse."

But, as he got closer, it became apparent that she really was hanging out her blouse.

When the officer got face to face with the woma... read more

My wife said yesterday that she's almost out of coffee beans. I said "Well I guess that's it, instant coffee for you from here on out."

She asked me "How about divorce from here on out"?

I said "C'MON, that's what you're going to cite as grounds for divorce?"

She was cited for littering

A guy was on his boat fishing in a pond and caught way over the bag limit. He was heading back to the dock when the game warden stopped him and asked to check what he caught. The warden opens the fishermen's cooler and sees that the guy has surpassed his limit by about 20 fish. The warden tells the ... read more

I hate having to cite sources when I’m writing research papers. Sometimes it makes me so depressed that I just want to end et al.

I told her I was just ex-cited.

A man was at the lake with a bucket of fish one day when a game warden walked up to him and started to cite him for fishing illegally. The man said “no, you don’t understand, these are my pet fish! I put them in a bucket every day and bring them down to the lake and turn them loose, then I let them ... read more

They cited Eminem domain.

Sources Cited:
1. You know it
2. I know it
3. We all know it

Many cite their strong resumes as the key to their success considering they have a lot of experience pan handling.

Jokes about computers, programming, cellphones, or what have you. So long as it's brief, appropriate to the theme (technology), and in good taste. I'll be very grateful for all the input. Please, I have no skill in joke-writing, but am decent at public speaking, I just need to borrow good some mater... read more

MLA, however, was love at first cite.

In January I spent a couple of days at a Benedictine monastery in California. It was a gorgeous place, with a courtyard garden full of fragrant orange trees and a retreat house full of antiques. When I first came through the door, one of the brothers glided up to me and said, "I know what you're thi... read more