My wife wants me to stop making movie references

But old habits John McClane

That’s not a Crocodile Dundee reference...

THIS is a Crocodile Dundee reference.

(UK reference) Whats' an aircraft mechanic's favourite Oasis song?

Don't Look Back in Hangar.

I can’t believe people are still making “Friends” references more than 15 years after the show ended.

No one told me life was gonna be this way.

Cards reference

The teacher asked little Johnny if he knew his numbers.

“Yes,” he said. “My father taught me.”

“Good. What comes after three?”

“Four,” answered the boy.

“What comes after six?”

“Seven.”

“Very good,” said the teacher. “Your dad did a good job. And what comes ...

My girlfriend said she would leave me if I didn't stop with the Wham references

I said well, wake me up before you go go.

My wife kicked me out of the house for my bad Arnold Schwarzenegger references, but don't worry...

I'll return

If you’re dating someone who doesn’t enjoy Star Wars references...

Well then you are lost

The front page is filled with memes in reference to that guy being dragged off of a plane. I can't remember the last time the entire reddit user base was so...

... United.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Everyone on Cell Block "D" burst into raucous laughter when one of the inmates shouted, "Joke 872!"

Then, another inmate shouted, "Joke 74!" and everyone laughed heartily.

A new inmate turned to his cellmate and asked, "What's that all about?"

"Oh," said the cellmate, "those are references to our master joke book. Instead of telling the whole joke, you just shout out the joke's numb...

Why was the food critic fired?

They didn't reference their sauces

My girlfriend: If you don't stop making Scooby Doo references, then I'll break up with you.

Me: Alright gang, let's split up.

A man goes to a doctor

A man goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you'll hear it!"

The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh only to hear, "Gimme 20 bucks, I really need 20 bucks."

"I've never seen or heard anything like t...

Dunning-Kruger Effect

I think most of the people that reference the Dunning-Kruger Effect think they understand it much better than they do.

"Do you think I reference dinosaurs too much?" I asked.

She was silent, like the p in pterodactyl, but it said everything.

A bar walks into Albert Einstein.

Oops, wrong frame of reference.

There is a horse. The horse says "I don't think." and disappears.

This is a reference to the Descartes quote "I think, therefore I am."

But if I had explained that earlier, it would have been putting Descartes before the horse.

What's the first reference to soccer in the bible?

"And then Jesus went up for the cross"

I dislike people who constantly make Harry Potter references and I hate the use of malapropism for comedic effect but...

I’ll admit I’m a bit of a hippogryph sometimes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Welcome to the Mental Health telephone help line.

If you have short-term memory loss, please press 0.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4 and 5.
If you are in denial, please press 6 to con...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.

The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you do...

I got fired from my last job for making too many Linkin Park references but...

...in the end it doesn't even matter.

Reddit reference...

Heard about the new restaurant called 'Karma'?

There's no menu:

You get what you deserve

Where did the mackerel get the references for its thesis?

From the fish sauce.

A joke by Max Millar that got him banned from the BBC for 5 years in 1944

"I met a beautiful woman on a mountain trail. I didn't know whether to block her passage or toss myself off."


Reference: QI, S18E01

My wife was leaving me because I made too many Legend of Zelda references

My wife was leaving me because I made too many Legend of Zelda references. She packed up her suitcase, and she walked out. As soon as she walked out of the door, I noticed that she had left her suitcase here. We live in a bad neighborhood, so she packed some pepper spray in it just in case. I quickl...

What do you call a reference to the Eye of Sauron?

An optical allusion.

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