I have an addiction to making references to random Bruce Willis movie titles. People have tried to help me stop but you know what they say. Old habits...

Pulp Fiction

How often do scientists reference the Table of Elements?

Periodically.

A man went to the doctor...

He said, "Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you'll hear it!"

The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh only to hear, "Gimme 20 bucks, I really need 20 bucks."

"I've never seen or heard anything like this before, how long has...

I wrote a reference letter while high on cannabis

I highly recommended him.

I feel bad for the jokers that don't get this reference.

Knock knock

Who's there?

Apitydef

Apitydef who?

Ok there, Mr. T.

People always use "Pavlov" as a reference.

But the name doesn't ring a bell.

"Do you think I reference dinosaurs too much when I write?" I asked.

She was silent, like the p in pterodactyl, but it said everything.

I would post a cheesy joke in reference to Gone With the Wind...

But frankly, my dear, I don’t give Edam

I can’t believe people are still making “Friends” references more than 15 years after the show ended.

No one told me life was gonna be this way.

Cards reference

The teacher asked little Johnny if he knew his numbers.

“Yes,” he said. “My father taught me.”

“Good. What comes after three?”

“Four,” answered the boy.

“What comes after six?”

“Seven.”

“Very good,” said the teacher. “Your dad did a good job. And what comes ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Not your average blonde joke

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is eas...

That’s not a Crocodile Dundee reference...

THIS is a Crocodile Dundee reference.

The front page is filled with memes in reference to that guy being dragged off of a plane. I can't remember the last time the entire reddit user base was so...

... United.

My wife kicked me out of the house for my bad Arnold Schwarzenegger references, but don't worry...

I'll return

A bar walks into Einstein.

Oops, bad choice of reference frame.

My girlfriend said she would leave me if I didn't stop with the Wham references

I said well, wake me up before you go go.

If you’re dating someone who doesn’t enjoy Star Wars references...

Well then you are lost

My girlfriend: If you don't stop making Scooby Doo references, then I'll break up with you.

Me: Alright gang, let's split up.

I got fired from my last job for making too many Linkin Park references but...

...in the end it doesn't even matter.

What's the first reference to soccer in the bible?

"And then Jesus went up for the cross"

I dislike people who constantly make Harry Potter references and I hate the use of malapropism for comedic effect but...

I’ll admit I’m a bit of a hippogryph sometimes.

The Amaretto Joke

(Mentioned this in the comments of another joke and seems like no-one knew it by reference so here goes.)

Three best girlfriends meet for lunch after not seeing each other for a while and the topic turns to the latest news in their lives and as it turns out all three of them have started seei...

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