I proposed to my Russian girlfriend and she said yes!

I proposed to my Russian girlfriend and she said Yes!

For the wedding, my whole family and friends flew over to her home town of Moscow.

It was a beautiful ceremony, however I did find some things strange. For instance, the priest never said, "You may now kiss the bride", but I just as...

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[nsfw] A man proposes to his girlfriend and to his delight she says yes.

To show her how deep his love is, he decides to get her name, Wendy, tattooed on his penis. Penises being as they are, the name ‘Wendy’ is only visible when he has an erection. When it is flaccid, all that can be seen is ‘Wy’. ‘No bother’, he thinks. ‘This will just make the surprise even better on ...

A husband took his wife to a disco on the weekend. There was a guy on the dance floor busting tile. He was breakdancing, moonwalking, doing back flips - the works. The wife turned to husband and said: "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."

Her husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!"

A young man was about to propose marriage to his girlfriend...

Naturally, he was really nervous and couldn’t think of how to pop the question. One day they were sitting on the couch and suddenly he just blurted out, “I think we should get married!”

“Wait,” his girlfriend said, taken aback, “are you serious?”

“I think I am,” he said.

“You’re...

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You know why a man gets on one knee to propose

Cause hes talking to the vagina not you

Got rejected by long term girlfriend,after I took her to dinner at a fancy restaurant,mustered up the courage,got down on my knee and finally proposed

A threesome with my wife.

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Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance,

Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at maturity of a 12 years old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her so much. “I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could dea...

How did the stoner propose to his wife?

Marriage, Juana?

Oh my god! My girlfriend just proposed to me.....

.... that we get a shared Netflix account

Why is it traditionally the man that proposes?

Because when women get on their knees it means something different

I was going to propose to my girlfriend

I was going to propose to my girlfriend, when my roommate joseph walked into the room, tripped and put his head through the glass coffee table. He had glass in his eye.

I didn't really know my roommate. I didn't even know where he was from, but I postponed the proposal, to deal with this medi...

So I was about to propose to my girl friend when. . .

My roommate Joseph, barged into the room out of no where and tripped over a glass table, breaking it with his face. Totally ruining the mood.

Now I don't know Joseph that well, don't even know where he's from, but I decided to put my plans on hold to help him with his injury.

Joseph ha...

I proposed to my wife while in Florence...

... I can't say either of them were particularly impressed.

I propose a toast

I hope it says yes

I proposed to my ex-wife today

She said no, she thinks I'm just after my money

My girlfriend got covid

This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.

What did the watermelon say to the honeydew when it proposed?

Sorry, I cantaloupe

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Problem solving

A software engineer, hardware engineer, and departmental manager were on their way to a meeting in Switzerland. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes failed. The car careened out of control, bouncing off guardrails until it miraculously ground to a scraping halt along...

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A married couple had fallen on hard times. The wife proposed that she work the corner giving blowjobs for money.

The husband doesn't like the sound of it, but reluctantly agreed because he has no other option. He couldn't sleep the first night she worked, and was awake when she finally came back in the morning. He asked how it went, and she says it was actually pretty fun.

"How much did you end up maki...

Four years ago to this day I asked out the most beautiful girl that I had a crush on. Fitting, today was the day I decided to propose to her...

...and she still said no both times.

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Someone proposed a support group for people who can’t orgasm

Sadly I don’t think it’s coming

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To propose to his girlfriend Wendy, Bill tattooed her name on his...

Penis. Unfortunately, when he was soft, only the 'W' and 'Y' were visible. Nonetheless, the proposal went well when he whipped it out for her, and Wendy accepted happily.

Not long after the proposal, they married and went on a Jamaican honeymoon. At the airport, Bill had to stop and take ...

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A lawyer is hunting ducks in the woods.

Much to his dismay, after hours and hours he hasn't spotted a single one. Finally, he spots a duck past the treeline, and gets ready to shoot. The duck is sitting on a fence post, nice and open; an easy shot. The lawyer takes aim and fires - it's a perfect shot, and the duck falls over onto the othe...

A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour ago."

"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.

"Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell."

Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."

How did the pothead propose to his GF?

"Marijuana?"

Everyone knows of Cassandra, the Greek woman cursed to see the future but to never be believed. I would like to propose a new figure as her opposite: a man who pretends to know to future and have everyone believe him.

Or as I call him, Trump.

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Peter Piker

When Peter Piker peeked at Penny,

And peeped her perfect pooper

His peepers paused and then his jaw

Plopped down into a stupor



But he perked up and pressed his luck;

Professed he pined to pipe her

He self-composed and then proposed

While poin...

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The Sensitive Man

A man and a woman meet in a singles bar. They chat, they click, they connect. The fellow proposes that they continue their discussion over drinks at his place. The woman agrees.

They arrive at his apartment, and the woman is genuinely pleasantly surprised to see that, unlike a lot of bache...

A hunting joke ( read full it's totally worth it)

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.  As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a...

How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring

What do you call a machine used to predict the answer of a mathematical question before it has been proposed?

A calcuearlier

I recently proposed to my mute girlfriend

She was speechless.

How did Trump propose to Putin?

He went to Jared.

The real reason women will never be the ones to propose

As soon as she gets on her knees, he will start unzipping his pants.

My Girl Proposed to me

She proposed the idea that it’s better for us not to see each other anymore...

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I propose a toast! To rattlesnakes and condoms...

Two thing I prefer not to fuck with

I propose we divide the music of 2010s into two distinct eras, centered around the release of "White Iverson" in 2015.

We could call it Pre- and Post Malone

Permission To Marry Your Daughter

Jimmy asks his girlfriend's father permission to propose.

The father says, "I need to ask you two questions. The first question is, do you love my daughter?"

Jimmy eagerly responds, "Sir, I love her with all my heart."

My second question is, "Do you think you earn enough money t...

A couple of years ago Barry went hiking across Europe

But as time passed by he never returned home. His many friends tried contacting him in any way they could imagine, but his phone was disconnected, he wasn't active on his social media accounts anymore - it was like he disappeared off the face of the Earth.

Ultimately, everyone had forgotten a...

I wrote “Will you marry me?” on a balloon to propose to my girlfriend.

Then I chickened out at the last moment, and had to pop the question.

How do stoners propose to one another?

Marriage, you wanna?

Reddit should rename 'share' to 'spreddit', 'delete' to 'shreddit' and 'karma' to 'creddit'. Yet they haven't.

I don’t geddit.

Eddits:

Courtesy to The_maxi : I propose to add a function to remove awards and name it “regreddit“

I wanted to propose my friend in physics way but...

Me: you attract me like gravity
Her: then move with escape Velocity to stop that attraction

One night, after a romantic meal, I was walking home with my girlfriend, and I decided it would be the right time to propose to her.

So I turned to her, looked her in the eye and got down on one knee. But, as I was grabbing the ring, the old local drunk named Joseph came by. He'd injured his eye and was wearing a cotton patch to cover it. No one knew where he'd once lived and he never told. But, he stumbled over, grabbed my girlf...

Want to propose but don't quite know how to make it special?

Give that someone special a ring they'll never lose: Tinnitus.

My friend decided to use balloons to propose to his online girlfriend, but then he met her face to face for the first time.

He immediately popped the question.

I can’t believe it’s been more than 100 years since Einstein proposed The Theory of Relativity.

Feels like only yesterday.

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The Gator

A guy walks into the bar with a gator on a leash, bartender looks down and says “what you doing in here with that reptile”. Guy says nothing and stands up on the bar.

“Ladies and Gentlemen. I propose a challenge, if I can place my balls in this gator’s mouth and remove them undamaged everyon...

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The history of the middle finger

I never knew this before, and now that I know it, I feel compelled to send it on to my more intelligent friends in the hope that they, too, will feel edified. Isn't history more fun when you know something about it?

Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory ov...

How did Barack propose to Michelle?

He got down on one knee and said, "I don't wanna be Obama self."

Court Ruling from the UK

A seven year old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should’ve custody of him.
The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with the child custody law and regulation...

I saw a guy at the gym propose to his girl and she said no.

That didn't workout.

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She had to go to the bathroom when I proposed her.

It was a real shitty thing to do.

Husband goes with his wife to her high school reunion

After meeting several of her friends and former school mates, they are sitting at a table where he is yawning and overly bored.

The band cranks up and people are beginning to dance. There's a guy on the dance floor living it large, break dancing, moon walking, back flips, buying drinks for p...

What did Barack say when he proposed to Michelle?

"I don't want to be obamaself."

How does an octopus propose?

"I'd like to ask for your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand."

I was just proposed to with a Magnesium Oxide crystal.

... OMgOMgOMgOMgOMgOMg...

A man proposes.

A man goes down on his knees and proposes to her:

*Marry Me... and Make me the Happiest Man in the World*

Looking bewildered she replied:

**You want Both !!!??**

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A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender he's short on cash. He proposes that he plays the piano in exchange for some drinks.

The bartender agrees and the guy walks over to the piano and starts playing. The bartender and patrons are amazed at the beautiful sounds that are produced from this old piano. He plays several songs in a row. After about 20 minutes he walks up to the bartender and asks if that was worthy of a drink...

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Arizona bill proposes charging porn consumers $20 to fund Trump's border wall. [OC]

In other words: If you cum, they will build it.

(Resubmitting due to rule violation the first time)

What did Ryu say when Ken proposed?

I-DO-KEN

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The year is 1944. The Americans are advancing fast. Adolf Hitler is furious and starts to listen to defensive tactics proposed by his commanders...

The first commander suggests they pull out the tanks from the Eastern front and deploy them in the Western front, so that the defenses there would be hard to go past.

"Are you crazy? That's a horrible idea!" Hitler exclaimed.

The second commander steps in and suggests a horrible idea f...

What did the stoner say when he proposed to his girlfriend?

Marriageyouwanna?

I proposed to the girl I've been seeing for a while. She was freaking out and apparently she wanted to make things official.

I'm now signing some papers with the police.

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Two years ago, my friend told me the worst joke I'd ever heard. Here it is for those of you who don't know it

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to ge...

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Do not read this [OC] joke.

...I was in some South Dakotan ‘mountains’ ...or ‘rolling hills’ as the rest of the world would call them. It was just a fun journey to burn an afternoon and prep my legs for a trip with my friends to Yosemite. (I would actually go on to propose to my girlfriend at the top of Yosemite Falls, and we’...

The White House reversed its proposed cuts to the Special Olympics.

Now Don Jr. can finally get back to training.

Milking competition

Bruce Lee, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Rajesh Hamaal aka 'Rajesh dai' met at a farm one day where they came to buy some milk. They started with a light conversation which soon turned into a feud as to who is the greatest.


They turned to the farmer and asked him as to who is the greatest. Th...

The Ancient Romans were debating how to count things

Their city state was already hundreds of years old, and their Republic was barrelling down the pathway to Empire: but they still hadn't decided fully how to count things.

The Senate was a blaze of fury as populares and optimates rowed over the proper way to measure and record all things numer...

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A man is staying at an old fashioned pub/inn

Downstairs in the tavern he is drinking before retiring to his room. The innkeep approaches him and proposes a challenge. He has a magical chicken that will grant him one wish if he can beat her in a trivia contest. The man is bemused but accepts the challenge, figuring there’s no harm in indulging ...

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A Siberian joke about a bear

A tourist comes to Siberia for a hike, but wishes to be safe from bears. A local man proposes him to buy a whistle

Tourist: But how do I use it?

Local man: Whistle, the bear will flee, and keep away from bear trails.

Tourist: How do I know where are the trails?

Local ...

So a guy is about to propose to his girlfriend and has already spoken to his father-in-law-to be.

The only problem is that his girlfriend's gorgeous little sister is always flirting with him and he finds it hard to ignore.

One night he gets a text from the younger sister telling him to stop over at her place for a talk. When he arrives, she invites him in and confesses that she is despera...

Ernie's roommate asks him if he wants to go out for ice cream. Ernie refuses and proposes an alternative, but his roommate does not understand the response:

Sherbert!

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I proposed a threesome to my wife. And she said yes.

So this weekend its going to be my stupid fucking ideas, the sofa and me.

Just watched the news and a guy in the UK proposed to his wife with the ring on the udder of a cow.

How dairy.

He proposed marriage, because she promised she will make him try different positions

Now he is a husband, a driver, a cook, a gardener and a plumber.

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