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Propose Jokes

I was about to propose to my girlfriend

I was about to propose to my girlfriend when my roommate Joseph barged into the room out of nowhere, tripped, and fell over, breaking a glass table with his face. Totally ruined the mood. Now I don't know Joseph THAT well, don't even remember where he was from, but let's say I put my plans on hold t...

I proposed to my ex-wife today

She said no, she thinks I'm just after my money

I proposed my Russian girlfriend and she said Yes!

For the wedding, my whole family and friends flew over to her home town of Moscow.

It was a beautiful ceremony, however I did find some things strange. For instance, the priest never said, "You may now kiss the bride", but I just assumed it was purely an American thing and didn't mind.
...

How did Barack propose to Michelle?

He got down on one knee and said, "I don't wanna be Obama self."

How does an old rich man propose to a young beautiful woman?

Will you bury me?

How did Trump propose to Putin?

He went to Jared.

how do stoners propose?

"Marriage, you wanna?"

I propose we divide the music of 2010s into two distinct eras, centered around the release of "White Iverson" in 2015.

We could call it Pre- and Post Malone

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance

Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at the growth state of a 12 year old.

He stated that it was OK because he loved her so much.

“I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant a...

I propose, to save time and energy that each joke should be given a number..

So that we don't waste time rereading reposts. We can just post #2134 and get the karma.

I was about to propose to my girlfriend at the bar, but the lights suddenly went out.

So I took a shot in the dark.

How did a guy who works at a call center propose to a girl who works at another call center?

He gave her a ring.

How does a physicists propose a threesome?

He says he wants to perform the double-slit experiment

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[oc] Tarzan wants to propose to Jane

So he looks for other couples to understand how to do it.

He sees a man bend down on one knee, pulls out a ring and asks "Will you marry me?"

Tarzan thinks it’s a bit odd, but he goes to Jane, gets down on one knee, pulls out a ring and says "Jane you Tarzan me"

In this age of missinformation and misogony I propose a solution

Misterinformation and mistersogony.

What did Shrek use to propose to Fiona?

An onion ring.

How did Charles Darwin propose to his wife?

He said that she was his natural selection.

A young man was about to propose marriage to his girlfriend...

Naturally, he was really nervous and couldn’t think of how to pop the question. One day they were sitting on the couch and suddenly he just blurted out, “I think we should get married!”

“Wait,” his girlfriend said, taken aback, “are you serious?”

“I think I am,” he said.

“You’re...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man had a [Long] penis

He had a 25 inch long package.

It created difficulties in his life as it was not easy to move around with it and women were afraid of him too.

One day he was wondering to himself how he could change his penis and his life into a normal one while walking down a road, there, he came ac...

I propose a toast

I hope it says yes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

8 years ago today, I shared the worst joke I ever created. I reposted it 4 years ago. Here it is again for those that missed it.

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to g...

In an effort to create a more traditional vibe for our downtown, I proposed bringing in some gas lighting.

The city council called me crazy and said they already talked about this last meeting.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

To propose to his girlfriend Wendy, Bill tattooed her name on his...

Penis. Unfortunately, when he was soft, only the 'W' and 'Y' were visible. Nonetheless, the proposal went well when he whipped it out for her, and Wendy accepted happily.

Not long after the proposal, they married and went on a Jamaican honeymoon. At the airport, Bill had to stop and take ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know why a man gets on one knee to propose

Cause hes talking to the vagina not you

The best time to propose is on April 1st...

If they say no you can yell April fools!

A guy takes his wife out for the night and they end up at a disco where there’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large – break dancing, moonwalking, back flips, every dance move going. The wife turns to her husband and says...

“See that guy on the dance floor? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.”

The husband replies, “It looks like he’s still celebrating.”

I wrote “Will you marry me?” on a balloon to propose to my girlfriend.

Then I chickened out at the last moment, and had to pop the question.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I propose a toast! To rattlesnakes and condoms...

Two thing I prefer not to fuck with

The real reason women will never be the ones to propose

As soon as she gets on her knees, he will start unzipping his pants.

My girlfriend got covid

This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.

How do electrical engineers propose their partners?

j love you.

How does an octopus propose?

"I'd like to ask for your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand."

It's Valentine's day! I proposed to my high school girlfriend and best friend ever!

The two of them are out in the parking lot right now having a slapfight.

I'd like to propose a toast...

To burning bread. Will you marry me?

How did the pothead propose to his GF?

"Marijuana?"

How does a jamaican propose?

Marry Ju Wanna?

Just proposed and thought to myself..

I can no longer say “I’m really focused” now I have to say “I’m really engaged”

Why do women not propose to men?

Because as soon as a woman goes down on her knees, a man automatically unzips.

One of my buddies made a trans girl cry yesterday. So I angrily asked, "How could you..."

"... propose to her without telling me first?"

I recently proposed to my mute girlfriend

She was speechless.

Two mathematicians are in a bar

The first one says to the second that the average person knows very little about basic mathematics. The second one disagrees, and claims that most people can cope with a reasonable amount of math.

The first mathematician goes off to the washroom, and in his absence the second calls over the w...

What's the best place to propose to a French person?

At the top of a roller coaster so on the way down they say wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Want to propose but don't quite know how to make it special?

Give that someone special a ring they'll never lose: Tinnitus.

What did Anakin say to Padamae when he proposed?

Yoda only one I want

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This man was about to propose, until she revealed this detail...

Steve and Sara met while on a Royal Caribbean singles cruise and Steve fell head over heels for her. And when they discovered they both lived in New York City Steve was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home.

Within a couple of weeks, Steve had taken Sara to the mo...

Why don't women propose to men?

Because the guy'd always be disappointed when she took out a ring.

A man proposes.

A man goes down on his knees and proposes to her:

*Marry Me... and Make me the Happiest Man in the World*

Looking bewildered she replied:

**You want Both !!!??**

What did the melon say when her boyfriend proposed?

Yes, but we cantaloupe.

A guy just proposed at the gym.

She said no.



Guess it didn’t workout.

An Irishman, by the name of O'Malley proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day.

He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweler. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real.

The young lass on learning it wasn't real returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness.

'It was in hono...

A watermelon proposes to a honeydew melon

A watermelon proposes to a honeydew melon and says

“honey, I love you and I just can’t wait to get married. Let’s just run off to the farmers market and get it done.”

And the melon says, “baby I love you too, but I just cantaloupe”

A man proposes to a beautiful young girl and attempts to entice her by telling her that his father is 100 years old and possesses a fortune of several million pounds. The girl asks for two weeks to consider the proposal ...

Two weeks pass and the man calls the girl for her decision 'I can't sorry' she tells him 'I'm your stepmother'

Why is it traditionally the man that proposes?

Because when women get on their knees it means something different

I proposed to my wife while in Florence...

... I can't say either of them were particularly impressed.

what does one rock use to propose to another rock?

A bouldering.

(Sorry guys ive been indoor rock climbing lately)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[nsfw] A man proposes to his girlfriend and to his delight she says yes.

To show her how deep his love is, he decides to get her name, Wendy, tattooed on his penis. Penises being as they are, the name ‘Wendy’ is only visible when he has an erection. When it is flaccid, all that can be seen is ‘Wy’. ‘No bother’, he thinks. ‘This will just make the surprise even better on ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day the boss of a company approached his Secretary

He said that he wanted to have sex with her. Naturally she said no but the boss responded that he would make it very quick.

“I’ll throw $1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down and pick it up I’ll be done”

She thought for a moment, then decided to call her boyfriend and tell him...

What did Ryu say when Ken proposed?

I-DO-KEN

My Girl Proposed to me

She proposed the idea that it’s better for us not to see each other anymore...

My friend proposed to his girlfriend

She is Chinese. So he learned to ask her in Mandarin. When she answered, he stared at her blankly.

He forgot to learn the words "yes" & "no".

I was going to propose to this girl i have a crush on

But my mom woke me up

It's 1980 in the Soviet Union

The economic situation is absolutely dire. Leonid Brezhnev, General Secretary of the Communist Party, calls an emergency party meeting to discuss solutions.

"Comrades," Brezhnev begins, "according to our projections, within 2 years we will have run out of meat! What do you propose we do, comr...

One night, after a romantic meal, I was walking home with my girlfriend, and I decided it would be the right time to propose to her.

So I turned to her, looked her in the eye and got down on one knee. But, as I was grabbing the ring, the old local drunk named Joseph came by. He'd injured his eye and was wearing a cotton patch to cover it. No one knew where he'd once lived and he never told. But, he stumbled over, grabbed my girlf...

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