Can a ninja throw a star?

SHUR-HE-CAN

What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?

Linoleum Blownapart

What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?

Pull the pin and throw it back.

Hagrid cremates Harry Potter and throws his ashes into a snowstorm

"You're a blizzard, Harry"

I have come up with a strategy to keep my kids from misbehaving around Christmas time. I keep empty wrapped boxes under the tree and when one of my kids misbehaves, I throw one in the fireplace

The situation changes however, when I run out of children

A guy throws a snail.

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. 

A year later, there’s another knock at the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says, “What was that all about?”

Q. What do you get if you cover your favourite feline in a mixture of sugar and egg white and throw it out to sea?

A. A cat-a-meringue

What happens if you throw a cigarette off a boat?

It becomes a cigarette lighter.

Why is it impossible to throw a beer at Trump?

Because he's a draft dodger

A man comes home from the grocery store with a 12 pack of Coca Cola and throws a can at his friend.

Friend: What the hell?! What was that for?!

Man: Relax, it was only a soft drink.

What dessert always comes back to you when you throw it away? [OC AFAIK]

A Blue Meringue

How many cops does it take to throw a person down the stairs?

None. They fell.

Put your right hand in throw your backbone out.

It was probably a bad idea to play the hokey pokey at an old folks home.

Why did the Mexican throw his wife off a cliff?

Tequila.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A multi-millionaire living in Darwin, Australia, decided to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors...

He also invited Brian, the only aborigine in the neighborhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns and oysters from the barbecue, and flirting.

Then at the height of the party, the millionair...

What do you call it when you throw a nun?

nunchaku.

I once lived a stones throw away from a family.

They all died of mysterious head injuries.

How do you throw a space party?

Planet!

It is not economically friendly to throw joke books in the trash.

You should always recycle them.

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A drunk guy is sitting at a bar by himself one night and throws up all over the front of his shirt

"Oh great, my wife is going to kill me," he mumbles to himself.

The guy sitting next to him sees what has happened and leans over towards him, "hey buddy, just put a twenty dollar bill in your shirt pocket and when you get home tell your wife the guy sitting next to you threw up on you and ...

Why did the shopkeeper throw out the toeless man?

The shopkeeper was lactose intolerant.

At first it was difficult to remember how to throw a boomerang.

Then it started to come back to me.

What is black and when you throw it out of a tree it breaks your furnace?

Your furnace.

Why did the Polish guy throw away his food stamps?

They tasted terrible

Was about to throw out my old pillows, then I thought

na, I'll sleep on it.

I hate the discus throw ...

makes me want to hurl.

What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.

Why did the physicist throw the stop sign into the ocean?

He was studying sign waves.

What do you call a religious women who throws things?

A nunchuck

What do you throw to a drowning I.R.S. agent?

His co-workers

I’m making a pass/fail exam for churches who claim to throw good parties

It’s a lit-mass test.

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Why did the little boy throw a stick of butter out of the window?

To see a butterfly!

Again, thanks dad.

How many prison guards does it take to throw an inmate down a flight of steps?

None, he slipped!

I throw things at bad doctors

So the quack ducks.

Whenever I have to hire people I throw half of the applications in the trash can

I don't want to hire any unlucky people

After I won the game, I decided to throw the ball into the crowd just like they do on TV.

Now I’m permanently banned from the bowling tournament.

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Did you know that a penny you throw from the Empire State Building can turn into a lethal weapon?

If Jew is standing next to you.

What kind of punch does a boxer dog throw?

A puppercut!

I'm a recruiter for my company. Before I look at any resumes, I always throw half of them out.

I only want the lucky ones.

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You have to be a real piece of shit to throw your garbage out your car window.

I spent the whole day picking up trash along the highway as part of my community service for beating up my girlfriend & it’s really made me develop a hatred for scumbags who litter.

After waking up every morning, my roommate lights up a joint, and then throws it at me once he’s done.

I’m suffering from blunt force trauma l

One of my friends is a nurse who used to throw up everytime someone with no feet came into her ward.

Turns out she was lack toes intolerant.

I attempt to throw my empty Pepsi can into the nearest bin

I miss the bin and the can hits a kid, the kid starts crying, I walk up to him and say "don't cry! It was only a soft drink!"

A teacher said, "whoever answers my question can go home".

Suddenly a boy throws his bag out of window.
Teacher asked, " Who threw the bag?"
Boy replied, "Me."

What do you call it when a guy throws hes laptop in the ocean

Adele, rolling in the deep

My dog ate some scrabble pieces and now he looks like he's about to throw up

This could spell trouble

My brother used to throw pennies at me all the time

And that’s why I’m afraid of change

Starting tomorrow: Whatever life throws at me...

I’m going to duck so it hits someone else!

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A couple moves in together and brings their pets. The man says “before you moved in, my cat used to throw up and shit everywhere, now when I come home the floors are spotless.”

The woman responded “yeah it’s weird, my dog used to whine because he was hungry all the time but not since we moved in.”

What do you call a game where Germans throw bread at each other

Gluten tag

So, after winning the ball game, I decided to throw a ball into the crowd like I've seen pro baseball players on TV do

Apparently that's unacceptable in bowling.

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Uranus, Earth, and Pluto decide to throw a party.

Earth: so how are we going to do this?

Pluto: don't ask me. I don't know how to Plan-et.

Husband: The kids haven’t eaten their sandwiches

Wife: ok just throw them out

[Later]
Husband: *helping the kids pack a suitcase* look I'm as surprised as you are

An employee’s only job was to throw away M&M’s that weren’t perfect. His boss came to check on him, and found he had thrown away almost half of the M&M’s. When asked why, the employee replied...

“A lot of them had W’s instead of M’s, so I threw them out.”

I throw big words randomly in the middle of a conversation

so i look photosynthesis

Where do you throw corn?

In the corner

What do you get if you throw a kid into a pirhana tank at the aquarium?

some red water and a lifetime ban, apparently

What do call it when a toddler with antivax parents throws a temper tantrum?

A midlife crisis

An apple a day can keep anyone away

as long as you throw it hard enough

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I'm a rockstar, I'll throw feces at the audience.

So the shit will hit the fans.

I like to randomly throw things at ballerinas.

Keeps them on their toes.

Fire fighters throw the best parties.

They’ve got a lot of hose with smoking hot bodies.

What do you name an Irish baby that bounces when you throw it at a wall?

Rick O’Shea

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A guy is in a bar after work getting drunk when he throws up on himself.

He says to the bartender "*what am I going to do? My wife says if i came home drunk one more time she was kicking me out!"*

Bartender says, *"No worries, seen this before. Take $20 out of your wallet, put it in your jacket pocket. Tell your wife you were just having a couple of drinks, that's...

What do you get when you throw a piano down a mineshaft?

A flat miner

Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?

**They were past their hexpiration date!**

*I'm so sorry. My 8yo kid asked me to make up a joke and it's SO HARD to craft a joke that's kid-appropriate.*

What do you call a person with no arms and no legs that you throw into your pool?

Bob.

What do you get when you throw an epileptic into a lettuce patch?

A seizure salad

When arguing, never throw dirt at your opponent

All you do is lose ground

Whenever I get a stack of job applications, I always choose half at random to throw away.

After all, I can’t have unlucky people working for me.

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I don't understand my wife. She seemed enthusiastic when I suggested we make some homemade porn, then she throws a fuckin' fit…

…when I start auditioning women for her part.

[Serious] Just a reminder to be careful when telling jokes that may be offensive.

A few days ago I was talking to some friends, and friends of those friends, at a bar.

I decided to break the ice with the new friends with a few jokes, most of which went down very well...until I decided to tell a few more offensive ones...and picked the worst possible one to start with.
<...

What do you get when you throw a billion lawyers in the ocean?

A Sue-Nami!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bush, Trump, and Hillary are all on a plane...

Bush says, "I could throw this 100$ bill out the window and make someone happy". Trump, with a smug look on his face replies and says, "I could throw ten 10$ bills out the window and make 10 people happy". Hillary smirks and says "oh yeah, I could throw one hundred 1$ bills out the window and make 1...

Why did Thor throw his axe at Thanos's chest, instead of cutting off the hand with the gauntlet?

Because he was going for the kill shot instead of disarming him.

What do you call Post Malone when he throws a party?

Host Malone

What do you get when you throw ungrateful kids in to a meat grinder?

Bratwurst

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you have one big shit, and divide it into 3 equal parts and throw 2 of them away. What are you left with?

One turd

I’m planning to throw a rock at my grandma with dementia

She won’t know what hit her

Why did Lady Gaga throw the lettuce out

Cuz it was a bad romaine

I told my (blonde) sister this joke: "How do you confuse a blond? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her."

She replied, "I don't get it."

I competed in a contest to see who could throw a package the farthest.

I won and got the job as an UPS driver!

A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception.

His friends are quite jealous and in a quiet moment one of them asks him how did he land such a hot 23 year old beauty?

“Simple,” grins the millionaire, “I faked my age."

His friends are really amazed and ask him how much he said.

"Well", he replied.  "I said I was 87!"

When your grandpa throws a nokia and knock you out, but you throw a note 7 and it explodes.

The future is now old man

What snaps, crackles and pops when you throw them on the ground?

The elderly.

No matter what, there is one sure way to make me throw up...

by playing darts towards the ceiling.

Our one-year-old throws a complete fit if his breakfast doesn't include toast.

We think he might be lack toast intolerant.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They say those in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones...

Or masturbate in the day time.

Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?

Because it'll come back to bite you.

Why does Cotton Hill from "King of the Hill" like to throw rocks?

Because Jesus said, "Let he who is without shins cast the first stone."

Why did the baker throw a loaf in the trash?

Because he didn't knead it

3 guys are on a boat and they have 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with. What do they do?

They throw one cigarette off the boat and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Whenever I get a stack of resumes, I throw half of them in the trash

I sure don't want unlucky people on my team.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An English joke

American, Frenchman, Englishman and Pakistani all on top of Eifel tower.

American throws aload of money over the edge. "What did you do that for?" the others ask. "We have so much money in the states that I can afford to."

The Frenchman throws loads of bottles of wine over the top and...

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