UPJOKE
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What do you get when you cross a cow and an octopus?

A visit from the ethics committee and immediate withdrawal of your funding.

Why do Republicans hate funding NASA?

NASA aborts rocket launches.

Student: Can I borrow a pencil?

**Teacher:** I don't know, can you borrow a pencil?

**Student:** Aha, but I clearly meant to ask for permission. Since you and the rest of the class understood my intent perfectly well, and the word "may" to show permission is rapidly falling out of fashion, there is nothing wrong with asking...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The administration at my high school was very corrupt

Allowing disgusting school lunches, affairs between teachers and students, and faculty that would show up to school intoxicated.

But one time it went too far. My dad was the tennis coach at my high school, and he always struggled to get funding from the school for his program.

My mom w...

There's a church running out of funding

Because their beliefs aren't popular anymore. They're very conservative, and the members are very loyal. There isn't another church like them in any nearby town, and they don't want to let their members down. The church is run by friars sworn to be completely devout to the church and work nowhere el...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call the funding for a porn?

A thrust fund.

So a wealthy ancient Egyptian was approached by the Pharaoh's messenger asking for funding for their rulers tomb. He replied,

"it seems likes its just a pyramid scheme"

Did you hear the Russians have began funding and creating technology to compromise and undermine the USA’s recent Central American initiatives?

They have created a ladder

TIL that back in the 1940s, as a result of failed communications between engineers and builders, the Soviet Union built thousands of submarines based on recalled 1850s schematics, resulting in millions of dollars in military funding being wasted.

Whoops, wrong sub.

If congress approves funding for the wall ...

... Mexico will get a wall and the USA will pay for it.

Betsy DeVos's school funding plan...

You start with $0.

But if you sign up 5 kids for school, and those kids sign up 5 more kids, and THOSE kids sign up 5 more kids...

Trump wants to cut funding for birth control, renegotiate trade deals, and stop the wars in the Middle East.

It seems pulling out is his solution for everything.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A physicist is called into the dean's office to explain his request for funding.

The dean's pissed. "Why are you spending so much money on fancy gadgets and machinery? Why can't you be like the mathematicians? All they need is paper, pencil, and wastebaskets. Or better yet, why can't you be like the philosophers? All they need is paper and pencil."

What do you get when you cross a chimpanzee with a rhinoceros?

A meeting with the ethics committee and swift removal of your research funding.

How many lab rats does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

More than 500, but we've exhausted our funding.

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