Student: Can I borrow a pencil?

**Teacher:** I don't know, can you borrow a pencil?

**Student:** Aha, but I clearly meant to ask for permission. Since you and the rest of the class understood my intent perfectly well, and the word "may" to show permission is rapidly falling out of fashion, there is nothing wrong with asking...

What do you get when you cross a human and a pig?

A visit from the FBI and an immediate removal of your government funding

So a wealthy ancient Egyptian was approached by the Pharaoh's messenger asking for funding for their rulers tomb. He replied,

"it seems likes its just a pyramid scheme"

Old tribal wisdom says that wh...

Old tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. Businesses, however, often try other strategies. These include...
1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Saying things like "This is the way we always have ridden this hor...

"What do we want???"

"Increased funding for Alzheimer's research!!!"

"When do we want it???"

"When do we want what???"

Did you hear the Russians have began funding and creating technology to compromise and undermine the USA’s recent Central American initiatives?

They have created a ladder

What do you get when you cross a hamster with a polar bear?

A loss of project funding and a stern telling off from the university ethics committee

There's a church running out of funding

Because their beliefs aren't popular anymore. They're very conservative, and the members are very loyal. There isn't another church like them in any nearby town, and they don't want to let their members down. The church is run by friars sworn to be completely devout to the church and work nowhere el...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call the funding for a porn?

A thrust fund.

If congress approves funding for the wall ...

... Mexico will get a wall and the USA will pay for it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A brash American tourist got seated next to a Chinese man in a plane.

Mid flight, the Chinese man ordered for a marmalade sandwich. The American could not contain his curiosity so he struck up a conversation with his seatmate.

"You enjoyin' that sandwich, pal?" he asked

"Yes" politely answered the Chinese man after he took a bite and made a few chews....

A group of charity workers are sent to africa to see how their program is working.

They are walking down a street and see a crocodile with mans head in its mouth. When they get home and are asked about how their trip went one of them says "we can cut all funding, they got Lacoste sleeping bags"

TIL that back in the 1940s, as a result of failed communications between engineers and builders, the Soviet Union built thousands of submarines based on recalled 1850s schematics, resulting in millions of dollars in military funding being wasted.

Whoops, wrong sub.

Why do jails receive more funding than nursing homes?

The politicians who make the budget don't worry about ending up in nursing homes.

What would you get if you genetically crossed a rabbit and an oyster?

Your funding taken away and a call from the ethics board.

Betsy DeVos's school funding plan...

You start with $0.

But if you sign up 5 kids for school, and those kids sign up 5 more kids, and THOSE kids sign up 5 more kids...

Trump wants to cut funding for birth control, renegotiate trade deals, and stop the wars in the Middle East.

It seems pulling out is his solution for everything.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A physicist is called into the dean's office to explain his request for funding.

The dean's pissed. "Why are you spending so much money on fancy gadgets and machinery? Why can't you be like the mathematicians? All they need is paper, pencil, and wastebaskets. Or better yet, why can't you be like the philosophers? All they need is paper and pencil."

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