A good project manager makes updates.

A bad project manager makes up dates.

How many Project managers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they are all still discussing the best way to do it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between a project manager and a person who poops?

The person pooping gets shit done.

Project Manager Humor

Why do Vampires make poor project managers?


Because the refuse you to meet with stake holders.

(why yes, I am a dad why do you ask?)

My project manager posted in linkedin 'When I die,I want my developers to carry my coffin so that they can put me down one last time"

I commented on that post

"For the first time ,you have mentioned the requirements clearly".

Microsoft has hired a new project manager: Hermione Granger...

She's in charge of spell-check.

A young programmer and his Project Manager board a train, headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats, right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.

After a while, it's obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other, because they're giving each other looks. Soon, the train passes into a tunnel and it's pitch black. There's a sound of a kiss, followed by the sound of a slap.

When the train emerges from t...

Who is a Project Manager?

Project Manager is a person who believes that 9 women can deliver a baby in one month.

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost.

He reduces his height and spots a man below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts:

"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago but I don't know where I am"

The man below says "Yes, you are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet ...

How many project managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Trick question. They can't actually do it. But they can record what percentage is complete.

What do you call an Engineer who doesn’t know how to use a calculator?

A project manager.

Documentation !

Once a Project Manager was travelling by train.

He was traveling alone!

Some time later, a beautiful lady came and sat in the opposite seat.

Our PM was pleasantly happy!

The lady kept smiling at him!  This made PM even more happy!

Then she went and sat next to him!...

Information Technology cannibals

Five cannibals get selected as programmers in an IT company. During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and if you are hungry, you can go to the company cafeteria for something to eat. So don't bother the other employees". The canniba...

Uh.. Lousy Manager..

A Project Manager is floating about 30 ft off the ground in a balloon.
He spots a man on the ground and calls out.

Man in Balloon: "Where am I?"
Man of Ground: "You're 30 ft off the ground in a balloon."

Man in Balloon: "You must be a programmer"
Man of Ground: "How did you kn...

AI: Rise and Fall

So a programming team developed true AI capable of thinking, reasoning, and feeling. They wrote all the code in Scheme They go to their project manager and tell him of their invention and invite him to come talk to it. He agrees and sits down at the terminal they point to.

He types:
Hell...

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