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Scheme Jokes

I think Reddit used a scheme when selling coins,

And I believe it was a shilling technique.

What do you call agents who thwart money laundering schemes?

Detergents

I just graduated with a degree in Egyptology.

So now I am qualified to teach more students Egyptology. I'm beginning to think this is some sort of pyramid scheme.

What do you call falling for a pyramid scheme online?

E-gypped

All these people getting emails from the Prince of Nigeria, I got one from an Egyptian Pharaoh...

But it turned out to just be a pyramid scheme.

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The Queen's breasts

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.


Sid, the Dragon Slayer, obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death, should he try to touch them, but he had to try.


One day Sid revealed his secret desire to ...

Police in Wales (UK) publish results of recent 'Anonymous Offensive Weapon Surrender' scheme.

Cardiff Central Library in which the amnesty took place last night, is already being celebrated as a 'Significant victory for the people of Wales, its safety and security going forward' by its Chief of Police.

Among the 200+ weapons collected in the haul comprised of:

120 knives and s...

How did the pharaoh get so rich?

He was running a huge pyramid scheme.

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I was watching a show about Ancient Egypt, and they mentioned that there were Seven Sacred Oils that they used to anoint the dead with.

I thought that sounded interesting, so I decided to Google "Seven Sacred Oils of Egypt" and the entire front page of results is about where I can buy the essential oils the Egyptians used, you know mlm shit.

I cannot stress enough how this is not what I was looking for, but in hindsight I p...

I lost $5 million dollars investing in a bogus company that claimed to be planning to produce life like/sized Henry Winkler dolls.

It was a Fonzie scheme.

Superman lost all of his money on a digital currency scheme

It was his cryptonite.

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The new ex convict to bartender training scheme was a success!

All the participants ended up behind bars.

Why do we call the aliens creating the pyramids a conspiracy theory?

It's obviously a pyramid scheme.

Did you hear the joke about pyramid schemes?

Share this joke 10 times to find out how!

I am so bored now, So I applied for The NHS volunteer scheme.

Turns out they've got enough gynaecologist, Just waiting to hear back from the breast clinic.

In Australia, we have the new financial assist schemes "JobSeeker" and "JobKeeper"

At least the unemployed get titles that sound like they are on a Quidditch team.

Why does Star Wars Movies numbering scheme starts with 4,5,6?

Because in charge of the numbers, Yoda was

What is the most ridiculous and funniest investment scheme ever?

A Punzi scheme.

What does an evil genius say when he completes one of his diabolical schemes?

Done, done, donnnnnne.

Dang girl, Are you part of a ponzi scheme?

...because something smells fishy.

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[OC, long] There's a new MLM scheme going around getting housewives to bake cookies, cake, and bread.

"Independent Businesses Owners" buy frozen pastries and mixes from the company, bake them in a timeshare commercial kitchen space, and try to sell them at their office, church, kids' activities, public events, and through social media. The typical.

One of my coworkers, Amanda, recently invite...

I came up with a get rich quick scheme to sell Indian sourdough bread you bake at home

...but it turned out that plan was a Naan starter.

My local college has a scheme that lets student earn their tuition by working in the on campus bakery.

The opportunity isn't open to everyone. It's run on a strictly knead to know basis.

Got an email asking me to invest in Egyptian architecture.

Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.

Two scientists walk into a bar...

The first one says, "I'd like some H2O."
The second says, "And I'll have some H2... wait. Why aren't you just referring to water by its normal name? I mean, I know it's our job, but we're just getting a drink."

The first scientist slams the table angrily, for his assassination scheme had ...

What do you call it when a Pharaoh asks you for money to build a monument?

A pyramid scheme.

I heard the mob are trying to promote illegal betting schemes around this year's Wimbledon...

It's a tennis racket!

We asked a group of scientists to study what's an acceptable amount of existential dread to experience.

Their response was, "It doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things."

What does the UK economy and dead pigs have in common?

The Tories love using both for their pump and dump schemes

How were the pyramids built?

Using a pyramid scheme

Dad jokes rule, peace out.

The owners of a 'Happy Days' themed restaurant are being investigated for fraud for paying existing investors with new investors money.

Experts are referring to it as the world first Fonzie Scheme.

Why did the cat have to go to an accountant?

They got caught up in a purramid scheme.

Holmes and Watson are out camping in the woods one night

As they're looking up at the night sky, Holmes asks, "Doctor, what do you think when you look at the night sky?"

Watson replied, "Well, sir, I first imagine all the stars I can see, and all the emptiness between them. It really brings home our insignificance in the grand scheme of the univer...

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This is an old one. RIP Pillsbury Doughboy

It is with the saddest heart that I must pass on the following news:

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly.

He was...

What do you call a secret underground Soy Sauce smuggling ring??

A ponzu scheme!

Whats the difference between scientology and ancient aliens?

One is an alien-based pyramid scheme and the other is a pyramid-based alien scheme.

My wife quit her job last year...

To pursue a career in, what I can only assume, is a pyramid scheme. I was worried at first because I don't understand how anyone can make money selling *only* fans, but she raked in 100k last year so I guess she's got a knack for it.

Remember men, no means no, but one thousand no's and one yes

is YouTube Premium's entire marketing scheme.

My dad is trying to get me to invest in joke production.

I'm pretty sure it's a punzi scheme.

I recently went to an Egyptian business seminar....

I'm telling you though, I swear it was some kind of pyramid scheme man.

A former CIA operative gets a job as a software engineer.

At one point in his new career, he comes across a batch of information with what looks, to him, like an unusual encoding scheme.

Thinking it might be some kind of new cipher, he gets in touch with an old contact of his.

The contact, upon seeing the information in question, groans beca...

I know a guy who is asking for money to invest in Happy Days collectibles.

I told him no. I think he is running a Fonzi scheme.

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Protesting dirty jokes

Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest. The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day,...

The best place for a spy to go undiscovered is on a satellite

Because in space, no one can hear you scheme.

Need advice

A bit hesitant to invest my money into this dubious Egyptian real estate company.

I am afraid it might be a pyramide scheme.

King Pharaoh: I have a great business opportunity for you...

Israelites: Umm, is this not a pyramid scheme?

Legal ramifications of roaming livestock

An issue/nuisance some farmers encounter is roaming livestock. For example, a farmer could lose some money if his neighbor’s livestock graze on his land and eat or trample on his crops. In the US, many states have enacted laws to address this issue, deferring the scheme to individual counties.
...

Why did the pharaohs marriage fall apart?

Pyramid Scheme

I just lost a lot of money to a con-artist

He had this great pitch about investing in an innovative company that could identify male sheep by their urine. Turns out it was a pee-ram-id scheme.

Did you hear about the ancient Egyptian man that launched a successful stone quarry business?

Turns out it was a pyramid scheme all along.

So, I have this friend who studied to become an egyptologist

The only way he can make a living is by becoming a PhD and teach others to become egyptologists.

As far as I'm concerned, it is a pyramid scheme.

A guy in a leather jacket told me that if I gave him a hundred bucks, after six weeks he would pay me $500

It turned out to be just a Fonzi scheme.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So my Chinese Zodiac is a rat, and I was conceived and born out of wedlock

I'm very much a Rat Bastard.

My best friend is a Hare for her Chinese Zodiac, and she was planned. — She's clearly a hare-brained scheme.

Why shouldn't you work for an Egyptian company?

They're all pyramid schemes

An old school friend messaged me on Facebook saying I could get rich by selling Egyptian artefacts

Turned out it was just a pyramid scheme

Why did the Egyptian architect go to jail?

He was caught planning a pyramid scheme.

Yes, boss, I know I'm considered essential..

But so are those pyramid scheme oils, and they don't work, either.

My friend from Cairo keeps trying to sell me his time share property...

... I think it might be a Pyramid Scheme.

Once upon a time, a Reddit lurker clicked on a joke in /r/jokes.

They weren't expecting to read that ultimately, their life is meaningless and that nothing they do matters in the grand scheme of things.

1960s USSR. The peak of KGB paranoia.

Neighbors are ratting out neighbors. Employees report their coworkers to the KGB for innocuous jokes. Nighttime knocks on the door are commonplace. Regular citizens are labeled enemies of the people and taken away.

A group of university students are on a government-sponsored trip to a confere...

A guy tried to get me into an MLM plan for selling mini trees once.

Thankfully I realized before I joined that it was just a bonsai scheme.

I was excited to work for the ancient Egyptians

Until I realized it was a pyramid scheme

So a wealthy ancient Egyptian was approached by the Pharaoh's messenger asking for funding for their rulers tomb. He replied,

"it seems likes its just a pyramid scheme"

Captain America loses his voice...

Captain America loses his voice due to a scheme concocted by Doctor Doom.

He tries everything. Dr Strange can't help because he doesn't detect any magic causing the problem. Reed Richards can't help, because the problem isn't explainable with science. After a barrage of failed attempts, even ...

A son tells his dad that the number of Coronavirus cases has reached 200,000

The dad replies:

"Oh 400,000 cases of Coronavirus, huh? Did you know that over 60 million people get the flu every year? 800,000 cases isn't so much in the big scheme of things- When 2.8 million people are dying from obesity every year- why should I give a damn about 1.6 million cases?"

A friend of mine told me about his plan to sell burial plots to rich Egyptians.

Sounded like a pyramid scheme to me.

Landed a job a few weeks ago as an archeologist excavating tombs in Egypt. But when I went in for work, they just had me go and recruit more archeologists.

Turns out it was a pyramid scheme

After hearing a speech on how to motivate employees,

the business owner posted signs that read "Do It Now" in every department
It was impossible for the employees not to see them all through the day.

A friend dropped by a week later. Seeing the signs, he asked if the scheme really worked.

"Well," said the business owner, "not exactly ...

Two tourists get lost in a pyramid

As they are wandering about, a man in a suit approaches them.

"Are you lost, gentlemen?" he says. "Would you like to buy a map? Perhaps you can buy more of them so you can sell it to other people."

"Don't trust him," says one tourist to the other, "it's a pyramid scheme."

Henry Winkler committed investment fraud

It was a Fonzie scheme

What is it called when buckets of paint conspire with each other?

A colour scheme.

As two kids left the store, one of them suddenly realized that they had put something in there pocket.

It was a toy from Disney's The Jungle Book. One of them wanted to just confess to it. but the other said.



Confess!? Are you out of your mind? Do you know what they do to people like us? Were not talking about some dumb mail-fraud scheme or hijacking here...



WE STOLE A B...

My investment banker used all of my money to buy a leather jacket and a motorcycle, and when I asked for it back he told me to 'sit on it'.

I think he might be running a Fonzi scheme.

Why should you never answer an Egyptian telemarketer?

They will try and get you in on their pyramid schemes

While traveling in Giza, a man said he’d take me on a tour if I paid him $300. I did and then he immediately ran away, never to be seen again.

I’m starting to think I fell for a pyramid scheme.

Did you hear about the blueprints for Giza?

Don’t trust them. All looks like one big pyramid scheme to me.

I was offered the chance to buy some real estate in Egypt's Valley of the Kings

but it turned out to be just a pyramid selling scheme

Aliens suckered humans into making mass temples

It was the first pyramid scheme

A mother has two babies, and she breastfeed them everyday

During breastfeeding, each baby would suckle on one of her nipples.

One day, one of the baby came up with a scheme to murder his brother, thinking that he would get more milk to himself that way. So, he secretly applied poison to the his brother's "nipple".

Little did he know, his br...

Why did the financial system collapse in ancient Egypt?

Pyramid schemes.

A friend tried to get me to wear jeans, a white t shirt, and a motorcycle jacket - but I said no.

It sounded like a Fonzie scheme.

Tutankhamen: If you find ten guys to help, I'll cut you in on a slice of the treasure

Slave: This sounds like a pyramid scheme

Tutankhamen: A what?

I blew all of my money on leather jackets and juke boxes...

I’m worried that I may be caught in a Fonzey scheme.

How did the Egyptians trick their slaves into working so hard?

With a pyramid scheme.

I started investing in Egyptian tourism

Until I realized it was just a pyramid scheme

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tyrion devises a cunning plan to invade Westeros...

... but Daenerys, Grey Worm, Missandei, Varys, Yara and Theon are all hesitant about his risky scheme -- so Tyrion says "What, am I the only one with balls around here?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of five park wardens decided to start a band together...

... They all agreed on playing music of a rock subgerne kind, mixed in with symphonic elements, fantasy based subject matter and strong choruses. However they could not agree on a specific aesthetic, as each one of them turned up for their first practice session with a different color scheme.
...

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