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A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.

The young family’s 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers. Eventually the construction crew, all of them “gems-in-the-rough” more or less, had adopted her as a kind of project mascot.

They chatted ...

How can you tell a construction worker from a chemist?

You ask him to pronounce “Unionized“

My friend thought he made a good construction joke.

Unfortunately there was absolutely no build up

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

3 construction workers where sitting on the bridge that they where building having their lunch break.

The first guy says “If I get a Marmite sandwich again I am going to jump off this bridge.”
The second guys says “If get a peanut butter sandwich again I am going to jump off this bridge”.
The third guy says if I get another strawberry jam sandwich then I am going to jump off this bridge.” ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese guy are hired at a construction site.

The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian, "You're in charge of sweeping."

To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shovelling."

And to the Chinese man he says, "You're in charge of supplies."

So the foreman goes away for a couple of hours and when ...

There are three people who die and go to heaven: a teacher, construction worker, and a lawyer

St. Peter greets them and says "Here's the thing: heaven is becoming overcrowded, so in order to get in, you have to answer the one question I give you correctly. If you don't, you go to hell."

The teacher decides to go first; she walks up to St. Peter, and asks "What is my question?"

...

Want to hear a construction joke?

Sorry, I’m still working on it.

What do you hear if you take a construction worker's hat off and hold it to your ear?

The OSHA.

Why did the construction worker buy the Microsoft CD?

To install the windows.

Did you hear the joke about the construction worker?

It was very riveting.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There's a new helper on a construction site.

As he has very little experience, he is given to a mean old fitter. All day long the old fitter is, pick up the crap, bring me my wrench, and the kid gets fed up and said "what makes you so special, why you have to tell me what to do all the time?" The fitter says, "because I am smarter than you", "...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A construction worker on the seventh floor of a building needs a handsaw

A construction worker working on the seventh floor of a building needed a handsaw. He spots another worker on the ground floor and tries yelling that he needs a handsaw. The worker on the ground floor looks up, but because of the distance he can't make out what the worker on the seventh floor is say...

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There are three construction workers sitting on the 20th floor of a building...

As their legs hang off the side of the building, they open up their packed lunches. The first worker looks at his sandwich and says;

"Damn it! A ham sandwich again? If I get one more ham sandwich, I'm jumping off this building!"

The second worker opens his lunch and responds;

"Y...

I just received “Employee of the Month” at my furniture construction company.

But some people call me counter productive.

I have a really great construction joke...

... but I haven’t finished it yet.

A construction worker accidentally cuts off one of his ears with an electric saw.

He calls out to a guy walking on the street below, “Hey, do you see my ear down there?”

​

The guy on the street picks up an ear. “Is this it?”

​

“No,” replies the construction worker, “Mine had a pencil behind it.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

NSFW - The Little Girl and the Construction Site

A family moved into a house next door to an empty construction site. Later in the year, builders started construction.

The family's 8 year old daughter was utterly fascinated by the daily activities of the builders and sat on the fence after school each day and all day weekends, watching....

What is a construction workers favourite thing to do?

Site-seeing

What do a construction worker and a cheating husband have in common?

They are both home wreckers

The Democrats agreed to sign over $6 Billion for the construction of the border wall, on one condition... that Trump stay on the other side.

Trump agreed.

​

...but Mexicans refused.

The foreman at my bridge construction site is always rushing things. But when I got the beams set ahead of schedule he didn't believe me.

Nobody expects the span is in position.

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Bill is laying bricks on the 20th floor of a construction site

When he accidentally knocked a brick, causing it to fall off the edge!
He quickly yelled out "Falling Brick!"

Looking down, he notices that a rather well-dressed businessman has stepped out of the way of the brick and is making his way up to him. "You saved my life mate, here's $100" sai...

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman each placed a bid for a big government construction job.

"I'll do it for 30 million," said the Englishman. "How is that figure broken down?" asked the civil servant in charge of the scheme. "10 million for the labour, 10 million for the materials and 10 million for me," said the Englishman.


The Irishman was called in next and said, "I'll do ...

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Hillary's emails would make the perfect construction material for building the great Trump Wall...

Since no one can get the fuck over them.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Construction Worker working alone

A construction worker works by himself on the twentieth floor of a building being built. Everything is going fine, until one day he realizes he needs a hand saw. Not having one, the closest worker with one is on the first floor, and since they have not yet installed an elevator, and 20th floor guy w...

My friend works in construction and he’s the biggest womanizer I know

He’s got his girlfriend, a side chick and a backhoe

Two construction workers are working on a street

The first worker turns to the second and says,

“ I don’t want to work anymore, I will act crazy so the manager sends me home early”.

He then proceeds to tie himself by the feet and swings around shouting,

“ Im a lightbulb, I’m a lightbulb!”

Sure enough, the manager te...

I have 2 reasons why I can't work in construction

When I'm sober I blame my back, when I'm not I blame my BAC

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Duck at a construction site

A duck is working at a construction site as a brick mason.

After work one day the duck decides to walk over to the bar.

He sits down at the bar, turns to the bartender and says, “I’ll have a rum and coke.”

The bartender exclaims, “Woah a talking duck!”

“Yeah, what about ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Berman lives in Alabama and works a new construction job on weekdays.

On Monday he calls in and says, “I can’t come in today. I’m sick.”

He works the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in again and says, “I can’t come in today. I’m sick.”

The boss asks the foreman about him, and the foreman says, “He’s great. He does the work of two men....

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Mexican and a Polish guy worked on a construction site.

They were helping build a skyscraper, and they stopped for lunch. They sat down on one of the beams and Jose opened his lunchbox, pulling out its contents.

"A burrito, again?" he exclaimed. "Man, I'm sick of the same old thing! If I get another burrito for lunch tomorrow, I'm gonna jump from ...

TIL about a ground breaking invention that's shaking the construction industry

It's called the jackhammer

A friend of mine working in construction told me that one day when working down town an elderly woman approached him and said:

There's nothing more annoying than you guys always acting like horney wolves when women walks by... but damn it! It hurts when you stop

Thought of a great slogan for a construction company..

We screw, we nut, we bolt.

A construction worker lost his hand in an workplace accident.

The insurance company is trying to figure out how it happened but they can't quite put their finger on it

So an Irishman, a Mexican, and a Blond are sitting down for lunch at their construction site....

The Irishman opens his pail and says, "CORNED BEEF! My wife always makes me corned beef....If she makes it tomorrow, I'm gonna jump off the platform and kill myself." The mexican open his lunch pail saying, "Tacos... my wife always makes tacos. If she makes it again I'll kill myself too." The blond ...

I met a Chinese-American construction worker the other day.

His name is Bill Ding.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three women are working construction. A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette.

The three of them are sitting down to have lunch, and the redhead opens her lunch to find she has the same tuna sandwich she always gets. She exclaims “I swear, if I have to eat a tuna sandwich for lunch again, I’m going to jump off this building and kill myself.”

The brunette opens her lunc...

The blind construction worker at my school accidentally pulled the fire alarm.

I don't think the fire alarm was a drill.

A Russian, a Mexican, and a Korean all show up to a construction site and get hired.

The boss says that for their first day on the job, the Russian is in charge of concrete, the Mexican is in charge of wood, and the Korean is in charge of supplies.

The boss then leaves and comes back a few hours later to check up on his new workers.

He walks over to the Russian, and al...

A man worked at construction site...

...and is brought to emergency room with concussion and skull fracture.

His wife, furious, comes to hospital.

"What happened?!"

"Well, I yelled: "John, throw me the hammer!"..."

"And then what?! You didn't catch it?"

"In matter of fact *I did*. But then I remember...

Four guys were working on a construction site

They were talking about life and one of them misstepped on the scaffolding, fell from the fourth floor, hit his head and died on the spot.

His friends were all shaken. They called 911, took all legal actions they should and their friend's body was removed.

One of them, noticing they fa...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two construction workers were on a construction site

One of them is working on the ground before the building and the other one is up in the highest floor.
The one on the ground yells at the upper one that he needs the saw which the upper worker is using.
But the upper worker tells him in sign language that he can‘t hear him down there.
So th...

There were three construction workers and each of them always ate the same thing for lunch.

1st worker : "I'm tired of sandwiches it's always sandwich, sandwich, sandwich!"


2nd worker : "I know what you mean... I'm so sick of tacos! urgh..."


3rd worker : "I hate these beans!!"


The second day it was the same thing for lunch.


1st worker : "...

A man always works 3rd shift in construction

A man always works 3rd shift in construction. He comes home around 3AM, climbs 3 floors to his apartment and gets in, tired from work. Due to habit he slams his left boot, then his right to get the mud and dust off. Then he carefully removes the boots, changes and falls asleep tired. Unfortunately t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

3 guys having lunch on a high rise construction site.

As they open their lunchboxes

1st guy says. Bologna sandwich again! If my wife packs me another bologna sandwich tomorrow I'm jumping off this high rise and killing myself.

2nd guy opens his lunch up. Ham and cheese again! If my wife packs me this lunch again I'll jump with ya!
...

I called my wife to tell her that I’d lost my finger in a construction accident.

“The whole finger?” she asks.

“No, the one next to it.”

An Italian, a Mexican, and a Blonde American are working construction.

The three men eat lunch together each day at the top of the building they are constructing.

The Italian opens his lunchbox and exclaims "Seriously!? Spaghetti again? If my wife packs this one more time, I swear I'm jumping off this building."

The Mexican opens his too. "Tacos again? ...

Girl, are you a speeding infraction in a construction zone?

‘Cause you DOUBLE FINE!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A 5 year old girl watched the construction workers threw the window of her house

She watched for a couple of days when the construction workers saw her and waved for her to come over.
They asked if she wanted to work with them, and she told them yes.
They gave her a job picking up trash for a week, and on Friday have her an envelope with some cash.
She took it to the ba...

My city just fired half of the city's construction workers...

Apparently they realized a shovel can stand-up on it's own.

How do construction workers party?

They raise the roof.

You guys wanna hear a construction joke?

..... hold on I'm working on it.


(Brought to you by my 8 year old nephew)

A group of construction workers, an Irishmen, a Mexican, and a Blonde are sitting on the 24th floor of a construction building...

The Irishman says "corn beef cabbage again, I swear to God if i get corn beef cabbage again I'm gonna jump from this roof"

The Mexican man says "tacos and beans, goddamnit, I swear to god if I get tacos and beans one more time I'm gonna jump from this roof"

The Blonde man says "bologna...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

construction gal

A female carpenters first day on the job.She was told to assist the carpenters with tools and materials.Mary is in the process of bringing materials across field to work site when she notices foreman signaling to her.he touches his eye then his knee then his crotch.Mary returns his signal with her o...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Some construction workers are putting up a building...

The foreman is five stories up on the roof, about to cut some 2 x 4's when he realizes he doesn't have a saw. He shouts down to a worker on the ground.

"Hey!," the foreman yells. "I need a saw!"

The worker shrugs, unable to hear him over the machinery.

So the foreman shouts agai...

A construction worker without a helmet walks into a bar.

Ouch.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Man loses his eye in a construction accident

He can't afford a good prostetic eye so the dr.s give him a woodden one and he gets real insequre about it. One day he gets the courage to go with his friends to a bar to meet a woman. His buddy spots a beautiful woman except her lips are verticle. He turns to wood eye willy and says hey she's a lit...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two construction workers are working in a building.

One works on the first floor and the other works on the 2nd floor.

That day the construction worker on the first floor realized that he needed a handsaw, so he yells up to the second construction worker and said, "Hey Tim! I need a handsaw, can you please throw one down to me!?!"

Tim ...

I was offered a construction job in Egypt this morning.

Turned out to be a pyramid scheme

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three construction workers are eating lunch on a beam of a 50 story building...

First guy looks in his lunch box. "Tuna again. If I have to eat this shit one more time, I'm gonna kill myself."

Second guy looks in his lunch box. "Egg salad again. If I gotta eat this shit one more time, I'm gonna kill myself, too."

Third guy looks in his lunch box. "Goddamn bologna....

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are working in a construction yard...

It gets to lunchtime, the men sit down on a half-constructed skyscraper and the Englishman opens his sandwich bag.

He says "Oh great, I've got cheese sandwiches AGAIN"

The Scotsman and Irishman also have cheese sandwiches.

The Englishman says "Tell you what chaps, if I have c...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a girl who hops around from guy to guy at a construction company?

Jack off all trades

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three construction workers are building a brick wall in the middle of a swamp.

During a break, the first man, Joe, says, "Let's have a brick throwing competition. Whoever can throw his brick the highest wins!"

"That sounds like fun; I'm in!" Replied the second man, Tom.

"But how will we measure who's goes the highest?" inquired Jim, the third man.

"Simple,...

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What did they call the man who gave a handjob to an electrician, a plumber, a welder, and a construction worker?

A Jack Off All Trades

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man with a stutter started his new job on a construction site...

Not sure if this is a repost, my father told me it when I was 11 years old.

A man with a stutter (Dave) started his new job on a construction site and was walking around with one of his colleagues (Jim) being given a tour of the site.
“Th-th-this is a pretty cool p-p-place. I’m so h-happ...

Two Mexican men are working on a construction site...

It's brutally hot out, and after a while Miguel just can't take it anymore. He sits down in the shade and tips his hard hat over his eyes to take a break.

His friend Joaquin looks up and sees a man approaching them. "Hey, Miguel!" Joaquin says, "Look alive, man! El jefe's coming! He'll fire y...

Seven construction men are all workings​ at the roadside...

That's the joke...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A construction worker came home just in time to find his wife in bed with another man.

So he dragged the man down the stairs to the garage and put his penis in a vise.

He secured it tightly, super glued it shut, and removed the handle.

Then he picked up a hacksaw.

The man, terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to..to..Cut it off, are you?"
...

I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job at the construction site...

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

Three construction workers were on their lunch break, sitting on the edge of a cliff next to the site they were working on.

One of the workers was Italian. He yelled, "I'm sick of pasta! If my wife packs me pasta one more time I will jump off this cliff!". The second worker was French. He screamed, "I'm sick of these damn croissants! If my wife packs me a croissant one more time, I'll jump off this cliff as well!". The t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Sign Language at a construction site

These guys were working at a construction site building a multi story building. A guy on the fifth floor realizes that he needs a hammer but doesn't have one. Going down 5 floor again is too much of a hassle. So, he wants a guy on the ground to bring it up to him. He yells, but because of distance a...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So it's lunch time on a construction site...

An Italian, Mexican, and an American are sitting on top of a construction building. It's their lunch break so they all get ready to eat and the Italian opens his lunch and says " Pizza! If I get pizza one more day I'm jumping off this building". The Mexican opens his lunch and it's tacos, and he sa...

What happened to the Irish construction worker?

He got hammered.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There are three men that are all construction workers...

... one's a brunette, one's a ginger, and one's a blond. And every day at noon, they all sit together on top of whatever structure they are currently working on, and eat their packed lunches together.

One day, they opened their lunch-boxes to see what had gotten packed for them, and were not ...

Three construction workers are sitting down for lunch on the roof.....

The first construction workers says, "I swear to god if my wife packed me another bologna sandwich I'm going to kill my self by jumping off this roof." He opens his lunch and there is a bologna sandwich. He goes and jumps off the roof.

The second construction worker says, "If my wife packed ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy gets a job on a construction site. On his first morning, the foreman is showing him around...

... when one of the workers there puts his tools down, hops up on a cinder block, and shouts out, "73!" All the other workers laugh uproariously.

A few minutes later, another worker goes over to the cinder block and shouts out, "12!" Again, everyone laughs. Puzzled, the new guy asks the fore...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The 5th floor of the construction site

A man named Alex, is on the 5th floor of a construction site, and he really needed a Hammer but he didn't want to have to climb down to the ground to go an grab one. So Alex called out to his mate Jacob on the ground floor.


"HEY JACOB" Alex yelled, "CAN YOU RUN ME UP A HAMMER, MATE?"
<...

Did you hear the joke about the construction?

...hold on I’m still working on it.

Stolen from a friend, who when asked his source, simply replied: “a 5 year old whispered it to me”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There were three men working at a construction site...

...an Australian called Bruce, an Englishman called John and an Irishman called Paddy.

Bruce got tired of getting the same old sandwich day after day, so he said "if I get another Vegemite sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump of this building".

John got tired of getting the same old sandwich d...

Why was the dog wearing a construction hat?

His speciality is roofing.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Construction fun

How can you tell if a house has been built by lesbians?

There are no studs, it’s all tongue and groove.

What's it called when there's an accident at a construction site?

Erectile dysfunction.

"I see," said the blind construction worker,

As he picked up his hammer and saw

What's the most common problem in construction?

Not mine.

I once went high to my construction...

I once went high to my construction job. The supervisor sent me home. Mfw I am the stoner that the builder refused.

Hey girl are you a construction worker?

Cause you're erecting something right now

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging...

...that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.

After several minutes, the older worker had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a whe...

(Original) A professor, a construction worker, a biologist, and a doctor walk into a bar.

A professor, a construction worker, a biologist, and a doctor walk into a bar.

First the professor sighs. The bartender asks him what's wrong. The professor says, "As you can see, I'm a professor of philosophy, and today I went in too deep. I was in a lecture and was explaining a particularly...

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