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An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese guy are hired at a construction site.

The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian, "You're in charge of sweeping."

To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shovelling."

And to the Chinese man he says, "You're in charge of supplies."

So the foreman goes away for a couple of hours and when ...

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Blue Collar Joke

A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.

The young family’s 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers....

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NSFW - The Little Girl and the Construction Site

A family moved into a house next door to an empty construction site. Later in the year, builders started construction.

The family's 8 year old daughter was utterly fascinated by the daily activities of the builders and sat on the fence after school each day and all day weekends, watching....

I have this great joke relating to construction.

I’m still working on it.

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Construction Worker working alone

A construction worker works by himself on the twentieth floor of a building being built. Everything is going fine, until one day he realizes he needs a hand saw. Not having one, the closest worker with one is on the first floor, and since they have not yet installed an elevator, and 20th floor guy w...

What do a construction worker and a cheating husband have in common?

They are both home wreckers

The Democrats agreed to sign over $6 Billion for the construction of the border wall, on one condition... that Trump stay on the other side.

Trump agreed.

​

...but Mexicans refused.

I have 2 reasons why I can't work in construction

When I'm sober I blame my back, when I'm not I blame my BAC

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Bill is laying bricks on the 20th floor of a construction site

When he accidentally knocked a brick, causing it to fall off the edge!
He quickly yelled out "Falling Brick!"

Looking down, he notices that a rather well-dressed businessman has stepped out of the way of the brick and is making his way up to him. "You saved my life mate, here's $100" sai...

Thought of a great slogan for a construction company..

We screw, we nut, we bolt.

TIL about a ground breaking invention that's shaking the construction industry

It's called the jackhammer

The foreman at my bridge construction site is always rushing things. But when I got the beams set ahead of schedule he didn't believe me.

Nobody expects the span is in position.

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A Mexican and a Polish guy worked on a construction site.

They were helping build a skyscraper, and they stopped for lunch. They sat down on one of the beams and Jose opened his lunchbox, pulling out its contents.

"A burrito, again?" he exclaimed. "Man, I'm sick of the same old thing! If I get another burrito for lunch tomorrow, I'm gonna jump from ...

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Hillary's emails would make the perfect construction material for building the great Trump Wall...

Since no one can get the fuck over them.

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Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw

So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.

He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the groun...

Why can't virgins work in construction?

Because they only talk and think about screwing, but never actually do it.

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Berman lives in Alabama and works a new construction job on weekdays.

On Monday he calls in and says, “I can’t come in today. I’m sick.”

He works the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in again and says, “I can’t come in today. I’m sick.”

The boss asks the foreman about him, and the foreman says, “He’s great. He does the work of two men....

A construction worker lost his hand in an workplace accident.

The insurance company is trying to figure out how it happened but they can't quite put their finger on it

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Two construction workers were on a construction site

One of them is working on the ground before the building and the other one is up in the highest floor.
The one on the ground yells at the upper one that he needs the saw which the upper worker is using.
But the upper worker tells him in sign language that he can‘t hear him down there.
So th...

So an Irishman, a Mexican, and a Blond are sitting down for lunch at their construction site....

The Irishman opens his pail and says, "CORNED BEEF! My wife always makes me corned beef....If she makes it tomorrow, I'm gonna jump off the platform and kill myself." The mexican open his lunch pail saying, "Tacos... my wife always makes tacos. If she makes it again I'll kill myself too." The blond ...

Two construction workers are working on a street

The first worker turns to the second and says,

“ I don’t want to work anymore, I will act crazy so the manager sends me home early”.

He then proceeds to tie himself by the feet and swings around shouting,

“ Im a lightbulb, I’m a lightbulb!”

Sure enough, the manager te...

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Duck at a construction site

A duck is working at a construction site as a brick mason.

After work one day the duck decides to walk over to the bar.

He sits down at the bar, turns to the bartender and says, “I’ll have a rum and coke.”

The bartender exclaims, “Woah a talking duck!”

“Yeah, what about ...

The blind construction worker at my school accidentally pulled the fire alarm.

I don't think the fire alarm was a drill.

3 men on construction site

3 men are on a construction site of a highrise during lunch

1st guy opens up his lunch box and sees a ham sandwich. He says "ham ham ham that's all I get. If I get another ham sandwich I'm jumping off this building and killing myself."

2nd guy opens up his lunch box and sees a turkey ...

Three construction workers have had it with their sandwiches...

Three construction workers have had it with their sandwiches being the same for the last 20 years! So they struck a deal, if their wives make them same sandwiches yet again, tomorrow, they're gonna throw themselves off the building.

So tomorrow comes, and one opens his lunchbox, sees the same...

A man worked at construction site...

...and is brought to emergency room with concussion and skull fracture.

His wife, furious, comes to hospital.

"What happened?!"

"Well, I yelled: "John, throw me the hammer!"..."

"And then what?! You didn't catch it?"

"In matter of fact *I did*. But then I remember...

A friend of mine working in construction told me that one day when working down town an elderly woman approached him and said:

There's nothing more annoying than you guys always acting like horney wolves when women walks by... but damn it! It hurts when you stop

There were three construction workers and each of them always ate the same thing for lunch.

1st worker : "I'm tired of sandwiches it's always sandwich, sandwich, sandwich!"


2nd worker : "I know what you mean... I'm so sick of tacos! urgh..."


3rd worker : "I hate these beans!!"


The second day it was the same thing for lunch.


1st worker : "...

A cop, a cowboy, and a construction worker walk into a bar....

The bartender says "Hey fellas, the YMCA is down the street."

I called my wife to tell her that I’d lost my finger in a construction accident.

“The whole finger?” she asks.

“No, the one next to it.”

Four guys were working on a construction site

They were talking about life and one of them misstepped on the scaffolding, fell from the fourth floor, hit his head and died on the spot.

His friends were all shaken. They called 911, took all legal actions they should and their friend's body was removed.

One of them, noticing they fa...

For construction workers

did you know that if you hold your hardhat up to your ear, you can hear OSHA?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three women are working construction. A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette.

The three of them are sitting down to have lunch, and the redhead opens her lunch to find she has the same tuna sandwich she always gets. She exclaims “I swear, if I have to eat a tuna sandwich for lunch again, I’m going to jump off this building and kill myself.”

The brunette opens her lunc...

I met a Chinese-American construction worker the other day.

His name is Bill Ding.

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3 guys having lunch on a high rise construction site.

As they open their lunchboxes

1st guy says. Bologna sandwich again! If my wife packs me another bologna sandwich tomorrow I'm jumping off this high rise and killing myself.

2nd guy opens his lunch up. Ham and cheese again! If my wife packs me this lunch again I'll jump with ya!
...

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Man loses his eye in a construction accident

He can't afford a good prostetic eye so the dr.s give him a woodden one and he gets real insequre about it. One day he gets the courage to go with his friends to a bar to meet a woman. His buddy spots a beautiful woman except her lips are verticle. He turns to wood eye willy and says hey she's a lit...

My city just fired half of the city's construction workers...

Apparently they realized a shovel can stand-up on it's own.

Girl, are you a speeding infraction in a construction zone?

‘Cause you DOUBLE FINE!

How do construction workers party?

They raise the roof.

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Some construction workers are putting up a building...

The foreman is five stories up on the roof, about to cut some 2 x 4's when he realizes he doesn't have a saw. He shouts down to a worker on the ground.

"Hey!," the foreman yells. "I need a saw!"

The worker shrugs, unable to hear him over the machinery.

So the foreman shouts agai...

A Russian, a Mexican, and a Korean all show up to a construction site and get hired.

The boss says that for their first day on the job, the Russian is in charge of concrete, the Mexican is in charge of wood, and the Korean is in charge of supplies.

The boss then leaves and comes back a few hours later to check up on his new workers.

He walks over to the Russian, and al...

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A 5 year old girl watched the construction workers threw the window of her house

She watched for a couple of days when the construction workers saw her and waved for her to come over.
They asked if she wanted to work with them, and she told them yes.
They gave her a job picking up trash for a week, and on Friday have her an envelope with some cash.
She took it to the ba...

A man always works 3rd shift in construction

A man always works 3rd shift in construction. He comes home around 3AM, climbs 3 floors to his apartment and gets in, tired from work. Due to habit he slams his left boot, then his right to get the mud and dust off. Then he carefully removes the boots, changes and falls asleep tired. Unfortunately t...

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Two construction workers are working in a building.

One works on the first floor and the other works on the 2nd floor.

That day the construction worker on the first floor realized that he needed a handsaw, so he yells up to the second construction worker and said, "Hey Tim! I need a handsaw, can you please throw one down to me!?!"

Tim ...

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construction gal

A female carpenters first day on the job.She was told to assist the carpenters with tools and materials.Mary is in the process of bringing materials across field to work site when she notices foreman signaling to her.he touches his eye then his knee then his crotch.Mary returns his signal with her o...

You guys wanna hear a construction joke?

..... hold on I'm working on it.


(Brought to you by my 8 year old nephew)

A construction worker without a helmet walks into a bar.

Ouch.

An Italian, a Mexican, and a Blonde American are working construction.

The three men eat lunch together each day at the top of the building they are constructing.

The Italian opens his lunchbox and exclaims "Seriously!? Spaghetti again? If my wife packs this one more time, I swear I'm jumping off this building."

The Mexican opens his too. "Tacos again? ...

A group of construction workers, an Irishmen, a Mexican, and a Blonde are sitting on the 24th floor of a construction building...

The Irishman says "corn beef cabbage again, I swear to God if i get corn beef cabbage again I'm gonna jump from this roof"

The Mexican man says "tacos and beans, goddamnit, I swear to god if I get tacos and beans one more time I'm gonna jump from this roof"

The Blonde man says "bologna...

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Three construction workers are eating lunch on a beam of a 50 story building...

First guy looks in his lunch box. "Tuna again. If I have to eat this shit one more time, I'm gonna kill myself."

Second guy looks in his lunch box. "Egg salad again. If I gotta eat this shit one more time, I'm gonna kill myself, too."

Third guy looks in his lunch box. "Goddamn bologna....

What do you call a girl who hops around from guy to guy at a construction company?

Jack off all trades

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three construction workers are building a brick wall in the middle of a swamp.

During a break, the first man, Joe, says, "Let's have a brick throwing competition. Whoever can throw his brick the highest wins!"

"That sounds like fun; I'm in!" Replied the second man, Tom.

"But how will we measure who's goes the highest?" inquired Jim, the third man.

"Simple,...

Seven construction men are all workings​ at the roadside...

That's the joke...

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The 5th floor of the construction site

A man named Alex, is on the 5th floor of a construction site, and he really needed a Hammer but he didn't want to have to climb down to the ground to go an grab one. So Alex called out to his mate Jacob on the ground floor.


"HEY JACOB" Alex yelled, "CAN YOU RUN ME UP A HAMMER, MATE?"
<...

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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are working in a construction yard...

It gets to lunchtime, the men sit down on a half-constructed skyscraper and the Englishman opens his sandwich bag.

He says "Oh great, I've got cheese sandwiches AGAIN"

The Scotsman and Irishman also have cheese sandwiches.

The Englishman says "Tell you what chaps, if I have c...

What did they call the man who gave a handjob to an electrician, a plumber, a welder, and a construction worker?

A Jack Off All Trades

I was offered a construction job in Egypt this morning.

Turned out to be a pyramid scheme

Three construction workers were on their lunch break, sitting on the edge of a cliff next to the site they were working on.

One of the workers was Italian. He yelled, "I'm sick of pasta! If my wife packs me pasta one more time I will jump off this cliff!". The second worker was French. He screamed, "I'm sick of these damn croissants! If my wife packs me a croissant one more time, I'll jump off this cliff as well!". The t...

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A guy gets a job on a construction site. On his first morning, the foreman is showing him around...

... when one of the workers there puts his tools down, hops up on a cinder block, and shouts out, "73!" All the other workers laugh uproariously.

A few minutes later, another worker goes over to the cinder block and shouts out, "12!" Again, everyone laughs. Puzzled, the new guy asks the fore...

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A man with a stutter started his new job on a construction site...

Not sure if this is a repost, my father told me it when I was 11 years old.

A man with a stutter (Dave) started his new job on a construction site and was walking around with one of his colleagues (Jim) being given a tour of the site.
“Th-th-this is a pretty cool p-p-place. I’m so h-happ...

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A construction worker came home just in time to find his wife in bed with another man.

So he dragged the man down the stairs to the garage and put his penis in a vise.

He secured it tightly, super glued it shut, and removed the handle.

Then he picked up a hacksaw.

The man, terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to..to..Cut it off, are you?"
...

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So it's lunch time on a construction site...

An Italian, Mexican, and an American are sitting on top of a construction building. It's their lunch break so they all get ready to eat and the Italian opens his lunch and says " Pizza! If I get pizza one more day I'm jumping off this building". The Mexican opens his lunch and it's tacos, and he sa...

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There are three men that are all construction workers...

... one's a brunette, one's a ginger, and one's a blond. And every day at noon, they all sit together on top of whatever structure they are currently working on, and eat their packed lunches together.

One day, they opened their lunch-boxes to see what had gotten packed for them, and were not ...

What happened to the Irish construction worker?

He got hammered.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Construction fun

How can you tell if a house has been built by lesbians?

There are no studs, it’s all tongue and groove.

"I see," said the blind construction worker,

As he picked up his hammer and saw

I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job at the construction site...

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

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Sign Language at a construction site

These guys were working at a construction site building a multi story building. A guy on the fifth floor realizes that he needs a hammer but doesn't have one. Going down 5 floor again is too much of a hassle. So, he wants a guy on the ground to bring it up to him. He yells, but because of distance a...

What's it called when there's an accident at a construction site?

Erectile dysfunction.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There were three men working at a construction site...

...an Australian called Bruce, an Englishman called John and an Irishman called Paddy.

Bruce got tired of getting the same old sandwich day after day, so he said "if I get another Vegemite sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump of this building".

John got tired of getting the same old sandwich d...

Three construction workers are sitting down for lunch on the roof.....

The first construction workers says, "I swear to god if my wife packed me another bologna sandwich I'm going to kill my self by jumping off this roof." He opens his lunch and there is a bologna sandwich. He goes and jumps off the roof.

The second construction worker says, "If my wife packed ...

Why was the dog wearing a construction hat?

His speciality is roofing.

What's the most common problem in construction?

Not mine.

Did you hear the joke about the construction?

...hold on I’m still working on it.

Stolen from a friend, who when asked his source, simply replied: “a 5 year old whispered it to me”

I bought a dog from a construction worker today...

...I had a rough idea what it would've been like, but this dog raised the roof.

I once went high to my construction...

I once went high to my construction job. The supervisor sent me home. Mfw I am the stoner that the builder refused.

Hey girl are you a construction worker?

Cause you're erecting something right now

A construction worker, a Native American, and a soldier are standing on top of a hill

...and as they look down, they see a small village at the bottom of the hill.

The construction worker throws a hammer from the top of the hill, then goes down the hill into the village, where he sees a little boy crying.

"Why are you crying, little boy?" he asks.

The boy says, "...

Three construction workers take their lunch break together on the high steel

The first guy is Italian. He opens up his lunch box and says "Momma mia, spaghetti and meatballs again. If I get this one more time, I'm gonna jump off."
The second guy is Jewish. He opens up his lunchbox and says "Oy vay, matzo ball soup again. If I get one this more time, I'm gonna jump off.” ...

Two construction workers are eating lunch together

"Say, friend," says the one, "do you like fat women with long greasy hair?"

"Not on your life!"

"Do you like them with cross-eyes, big noses, and flat faces?"

"Never!"

"Maybe you like girls with crooked teeth and bad breath?"

"Of course not!"

Silence fell fo...

(Original) A professor, a construction worker, a biologist, and a doctor walk into a bar.

A professor, a construction worker, a biologist, and a doctor walk into a bar.

First the professor sighs. The bartender asks him what's wrong. The professor says, "As you can see, I'm a professor of philosophy, and today I went in too deep. I was in a lecture and was explaining a particularly...

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Little Johnny is walking down the street and sees a construction site building new houses

He has a look at what's going on and he's amazed and in awe of it all. He rushes home as fast as he can. He runs in and shouts ''Dad, dad, can we play builders?'' His dad says ''Sure Johnny''

Johnny runs to the top of the stairs and shouts ''Oi, get them bricks up here now you cunt''

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging...

...that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.

After several minutes, the older worker had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a whe...

How do you advertise a boxing match between a Hispanic construction worker, and a Catholic priest.

Alien vs predator

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Nun walks over to a construction site foreman

There was a construction site next to a convent. Mother superior walks over and asked to speak with the foreman. Mother superior told the foreman that the men have been talking extremely vulgar and the other nuns are hearing this type of language. The foreman replies by explaining to mother superior...

Three construction workers on their lunch break...

One of them is Italian, one is Irish and one is German. They sit on the top of an 8 story building they are currently working on, ready to open their lunch boxes.

The Italian opens his lunch box: "Spaghetti again? Every day it'sa Spaghetti! Always a Spaghetti! If I have to eata the Spaghetti ...

A construction worker goes to the foreman and says "Sir, there's something wrong with the wheelbarrow"

The foreman says "What do you mean?" and the worker says "Well, when I push it, it goes 'Squeak... *squeak*... Squeak... *squeak*... Squeak... *squeak*... Squeak... *squeak*... ' "

The foreman says "You're fired!" and the worker says "What for?"

"Because," says the foreman, "it shoul...

Do you know what impresses me most about gloryhole construction?

The load-bearing walls.

I was walking past a construction site and the guy hammering on the roof called me a paranoid little weirdo...

...in morse code.

[Credit goes to Emo Phillips]

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

John, Simon and Bill are having their lunch on a construction site...

John opens up his sandwiches and says: "ham and cheese, I hate ham and cheese. Don't know why the wife keeps making them".
Simon opens his:
"Tuna mayo. I hate tuna. Why doesn't my wife ever listen!? "
Bill has peanut butter and jelly:
" Disgusting. I'll need to tell my wife to get her a...