The 100+ Best Building Jokes

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I told my girlfriend that the milkman said he had shagged every woman in our building except one!!

“I bet it’s the snooty bitch at number twenty three,” she replied.

My wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning

It's a girl and weighs 7lbs 12 oz

A Muslim, a Buddhist and a Christian are forced to jump off a building

So the Buddhist man jumps first. He prays: Buddha, Buddha, Buddha, Buddha... When he reaches the ground, he lands safely.

The next one is the Muslim. He jumps, and prays: Inshallah, Inshallah, Inshallah... Upon reaching the ground, he smashes so hard and dies instantly.

...

A man leaving his apartment building runs into his female neighbor on the elevator.

"Good morning, what are you up to today?" he asks.

She replies, "I'm going down to give blood."

"How much do you get paid for giving blood?" he asks.

"About $20 a pint." she says.

"Hmm ...," the man, says. "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the spe...

The female janitor at my building asked if I would chill and smoke some weed with her

I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women

I have a fear of overly intricate buildings.

I have a complex complex complex.

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Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw.

So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.

He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his
knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion.

The man o...

My favourite childhood memory with my grandad is when i was building a sand castle with him...

...until my mom took the urn back.

What is the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has so many stories.

I'm pretty bad at building fences

Oops, wrong place for this post.

A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building...

He yells "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

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An 18 year old boy was delivering papers to an apartment building.

While there, a stunning young woman came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a swe...

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Hillary's emails would make the perfect construction material for building the great Trump Wall...

Since no one can get the fuck over them.

Kim Jong Un and Vladimir Putin were having a meeting in a 20 story building.

During a break the two leaders made a bet about the loyalty of their guards.

First, Putin called his guard Ivan into the room, opened the window and said, "Ivan, jump down."

Ivan replied in tears, "Mr. President, how could you do this to me? I have a wife and a son."

Putin expla...

A wife comes back home to her husband only to find out that the building of her apartment has caught fire, 'NSFW'

The place is surrounded by fireman and police officers who are not letting anyone through. The wife hysterically goes forward shouting at them to let her through and that her husband was inside.

The Fireman tries to calm her down, tells her his condolences and that all the people that were i...

3 blonde women walk out of a building.

When they reach their car they realize that they forgot the keys in the car.

The first one said:"I'll go see if anyone has a metal coat hanger to pick the lock".

The second one objected: "If you do that people will think we are stealing the car".

The third one exclaimed:"Hurry u...

The Mandalorian fell on hard times and had to take a job in a body building and health food shop. Turns out he was unexpectedly great at it and smashed the commission targets. He'd just direct people to the protein powder section, and say...

..."This is the whey"

(Sorry)

An Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman are working on a building site...

High above the city, they sit together, eating their lunch as they do every lunchtime.
The Englishman, Arthur, opens his lunchbox and picks out his sandwiches.

"I say! roast beef sandwiches. I'm sick of roast beef sandwiches! If I've got roast beef sandwiches tomorrow, I shall throw myse...

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Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building.

One turns to the other and says: "You know last week I discoveredthat if you jump from the top of this building-by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window." The bartender just shakes his head i...

A physicist goes to the top of the empire state building and sees a man about to leap to his death

He runs up to him and says, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

Relieved, the man climbs off the edge and follows the physicist down to the street. The physicist then looks at him again and says: "ah... Never mind".

Three construction workers have lunch together on top of a tall building.

Three construction workers have lunch together on top of a tall building.

The first one opens his lunch box and goes "Another tuna sandwich? I eat tuna sandwich every day. If I have to eat another tuna sandwich I'm going to jump!". The second one opens his lunch box and also goes "Man, anoth...

Some species of frog can jump higher than a 3-story office building.

It's because of their immensely powerful hind legs, and the fact that office buildings cannot jump.

I was offered a job building Egyptian tombs

Turned out to be a pyramid scheme

"Hey, did you see that flat bullet walking out of the building?"

"Oh, yeah. Him. He got fired."

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NSFW: There's a crew of builders working on a high rise building in Australia. They are working on the top; which is over 70 stories high.

Bruce the builder, climbs on a beam hanging from the crane and says to his friend Joe "Hey Joe, stand on the other end of the beam, as a counter weight, I need to take a whizz over the side. Joe stands with his back to him and says "Sure thing, mate." Bruce undoes his fly and starts peeing. The lunc...

How many ants does it take to fill an apartment building?

Ten ants.

My wife just recently completed a 40-week body building course...

It’s a boy and he weighs 11lbs 4oz

I used to love building sandcastles with my grandma

But my parent's eventually found it creepy and glued the urn shut

Who says building a border wall won’t work?

The Chinese built one over 2,000 years ago and they still don’t have any Mexicans.

I just turned on nickelodeon and saw bob the builder building a wall...

... to keep Dora from exploring.

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A man walked into a bar on the 100th floor of a building, chugged a pint, then jumped out of an open window.

Ten minutes later, with no injuries, he ran back into the bar, chugged a pint, then jumped out of the same window.

When he returned ten minutes later, a man asked him how he survived.

“You see, alcohol makes you warmer and heat rises. So if you chug a pint really quickly then concentra...

I noticed that the local convent has no security around the building, so I helped myself...

No 'fence.

Nun taken.

Son: "Dad, how high is that building?"

Building: "Why am I called a building if I'm already built?"

Dad: "Pretty damn high."

A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are observing a building...

A very heavy-set man is seen going in.

A while later two very skinny men exit.

The physicist says "To within experimental error, the conservation of mass has been demonstrated."

The biologist says "reproduction by mitosis must have taken place."

The mathematician scratche...

A Engineering Student commited su*cide by jumping off a building. He had a lot of potential...

But sadly that turned into Kinetic Energy.

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A Physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician are all locked in separate burning buildings

The Physicist runs to a chalkboard, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, runs and finds that amount, puts out the fire, and survives.
The engineer pulls out a calculater, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, runs and finds 10 times tha...

Two idiots are building a house

They just finished the framing and are starting to nail siding on to the house. While one holds the siding,the other drives the nails into it.

The guy holding the siding watches as his buddy with the hammer picks up a nail out if the box, hammers it in, picks up another nail out if the box, ...

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The Homophobics in my apartment building have been boycotting the elevators.

They found out elevators go both ways.

Several churches started having problems with squirrels damaging their buildings.

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.

At the Baptist church, the squirrels had ...

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So this blonde sees a building on fire.

She pulls out her phone and calls 911. Below is a transcript of the phone call.

Blonde: OMG! There is a building on fire.

Dispatch: What is the address?

Blonde: I don’t know.

Dispatch: okay…how do we get there?

Blonde: Duh, red truck.

I was walking past a building site when the guy hammering the roof called me a "paranoid little weirdo"

In morse code

A young woman works alone for the first time late in the evening in a tall building, and her office phone rings unexpectedly.

She doesn't recognize the number but answers, thinking it may be her boss. Instead, a creepy sounding man speaks just two short sentences.

"I'm the viper. I'll be up soon."

He ends the call before she can respond. She shrugs and figures it's just kids messing around. A few minutes late...

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The library building based on the Dewey Decimal System

My town's new library has its floors organized according to the Dewey Decimal System. Books with a code from 001 to 099 are in the basement, and books with a code from 900 to 999 are on the top floor, for example. Books with a code from 100 to 199 are on the street-level floor by the main entrance. ...

A manager lost track of one of his employees, and goes to search for him. Outside the building, he finds the employee reading a document and drinking a pilsner.

“What the hell are you doing!” The manager yells, “lunch ended an hour ago, and here you are drinking on the job!”

“I don’t understand, boss,” the man replies, “I thought you encouraged malty tasking!”

I just came up with this at a restaurant with my girlfriend, she rolled her eyes to ...

What do you call a dog that works on top of buildings?

A ruffer

One day while a cowboy was building a barn.....

he lost his favorite book. A week later, one of his horses came up to him holding the book in its mouth. The cowboy was stunned. He took the book from the horse and said, “It’s a miracle!”

“Not exactly,” said the horse. “Your name is written inside.”

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A man was watching a spider building a web. He thought, “I wish I could build a home out of my ass!”

But his results just turned out like shit.

A joke as told by my grandpa, circa 1985. He was about 75 at the time and his dad taught this to him: Two brick layers were building a wall when they came up a brick short

Get it? A brick short!

Ok ok, most people don't get that joke. Here's a bonus joke:

A man and woman are sitting on a trolley car, she has an annoying yappy dog and he's smoking a cigar.

"Can you put out that nasty cigar?!"

"Can you make that rat shut up?"

The old ...

My friend got jailed 6 months for pulling 4 people out of a burning building.

Turns out they were firefighters.

What’s the difference between the Capitol building and a clown car?

A clown car is smaller and has wheels.

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Two construction workers are working in a building.

One works on the first floor and the other works on the 2nd floor.

That day the construction worker on the first floor realized that he needed a handsaw, so he yells up to the second construction worker and said, "Hey Tim! I need a handsaw, can you please throw one down to me!?!"

Tim ...

Why can't you run inside the office building?

Because it's nsfw.

Now that Donald Trump is actually building the wall, I hear Mexicans are depressed

I'm sure they'll soon get over it

Interviewer : "Just imagine you're in the 20th floor of a building and it's on fire. How will you escape?"

"It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination."

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Newlyweds are going at it in their apartment building

That is to say they are fucking hard. But the lady was very loud.
So the next morning neighbour Jon tells the man:
"Look Mike, I'm fine with the youngs having sex, but do you mind putting some tape over her mouth so the rest of us can get some sleep?"
So Mike does. That night the young coup...

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A bar on the Empire State Building..

So as some people know, there's a bar at the top of the Empire State Building.

One night, 2 guys were drinking and one guy says, "hey did you guys know that one of the reasons this building has such interesting design is that they made it so when people jump out of windows, the wind holds th...

I'd like to rent a pueblo style building and open a business selling photographic prints.

It will be called: Adobe Photo Shop

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If a man fails to blow up a building, but gives good sex advice, what will people say about him?

This Guy Fawkes.

The oldest joke I know. Three men are working on a building site.

Every day, they sit down to eat their lunch together at the top of the building.

The first man opens his lunchbox to reveal a ham sandwich.

“By god” the man exclaims, “I hate ham sandwiches. I’ve been working in construction for twenty years and every day, despite me telling her how ...

I just recently finished building a model of Mt. Everest and a friend asked, "Is it to scale?"

"No," I said.
"It's to look at."

Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the street when he sees a building on fire. A lady is standing on a third story ledge holding her cat in her arms.

"Hey, lady", yells Larry, "Throw me the cat!"
"No," she cries, "It's too far!"
"I play football. I can catch him!"

The smoke is pouring from the windows. The woman kisses her cat goodbye and tosses it down to the street.
Larry keeps his eye on the cat as it comes hurtling down toward...

The power cut in my building was fixed immediately by the electrician

I couldn't hold a candle to his efficiency

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I’m building a sex dungeon

No one asked me to, but people always say if you build it they will cum.

Frankestain enters into a body building competition...

and finds he has seriously misunderstood the objective.

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Two window cleaners are working at the airport building

One of them says, «I want to pee, let's come down»

«Dude, just piss from here».

«But there are people down there».

«See that fountain? Lean down and aim right there, no one will notice»

«No way, I'll fall down»

«Don't worry man, I'll hold you by the galluses»
...

I just found out that Murrah building domestic terrorist accomplice Terry Nichols is still alive at 67 years old.

OK Boomer

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Why did Saturday and Sunday win the body-building competition?

Because Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday are week days.

A bunch of Russian labourers are building a fence

and one of them goes to the foreman and says "Foreman, I have a problem. I just opened this packet of nails and all the heads are on the wrong end."

"Idiot!" yells the foreman. "Those nails are for the other side of the fence!"

Volkswagen and Toyota are building an EV for the current generation

It will be called ID. Yota

Donald Trump and Michael Pence are having a race from the roof of a very tall building. They both decide to jump down, as it’s the fastest way down. Who wins?

Society

What’s the difference between a man falling from a 40 story building and a 4 story building?

One goes: “Ahhhhhhhhh.... Splat”
And the other goes: “Splat....Ahhhhhhhhh”

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What is it called when you lift a port-a-potty on the roof of a 2 story building with a crane?

Taking that shit to the next level.

Passed by a building made entirely of keilbasa.

Never sausage a place before.

A physicist is walking along a road when she looks up at a tall building...

She sees a man on the roof getting ready to jump and shouts out to him, "Don't do it, you have so much potential!"

There's going to be a big, new multi-building back pain treatment center here soon.

A Thoracic Park, if you will.
I'll see myself out now.

An apartment building is on fire and a woman screams out the window for help.

“Just jump out the window,” a man yells. “I am a baseball player. I can catch you.”

“Wait,” she says. “What team do you play for?”

“The Cincinnati Reds,” shouts the man.

“Ehhhh,” shrugs the woman. “I will take my chances with the fire.”

The US Marines, Delta Force and the Harris County Sheriff's Department are on one of those team building weekends out in the woods.

The US Marines, Delta Force and the Harris County Sheriff's Department are on one of those team building weekends out in the woods.

First night and the instructor says "Right guys. First night out in the woods! Your first test is to go catch your dinner. I want each team to go out and catch a...

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead get in to an elevator at their apartment building.

As the door closes the brunette looks down on the ground and see what appears to be a puddle of cum and says, “Eeeeeeew there cum on the ground!”

The redhead gets on her hands and knees and sniffs it and says, “Yeah it smells like cum!”

The blonde dips her finger in it and tastes it an...

What did they say about the artist who completed suicide by jumping off a building?

Well, at least they finally made an impact on the world.

Two guys are in a burning building

"Let's jump out of the window" says the first one.

"What floor are we on?" Answers the other.

"Thirteenth."

"What? Thirteenth? There is no way I jump from here!"

"Come on, now, it's no time to be superstitious."

There was a building with 4 apartments

In the first apartment was a boxer named Sean. In the second apartment was a soccer player named Andres. In the third was a blind man named Ian, and in the 4th apartment was a beautiful woman named Elizabeth. One day, Elizabeth decided to take a shower. She got in the shower then heard the doorbell ...

Due to the lack of space, the city morgue and the comedy club will be in the same building

This Friday is open Mike night.

Why do the buildings that shelter horses never run into any problems ?

Because they’re stable

Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

Jack says, "You know what, I bet he will." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed...

If the corporate building for a company is called a headquarters, what do you call the gym?

Bodybuilding.

A guy was standing on the 100th floor of a building.

"Imagine what would happen if you fell from this height", he says to the guy standing beside him.

"Oh, you CAN'T fall from this height" says the guy standing next to him.

"What?"

"It's not possible to fall from this height"

"What do you mean?"

"Due to the air press...

Bodybuilders agree on most methods of building muscle...

but they can never agree on which is the best whey.

I asked my Mexican friend how he felt about Trump building the wall...

He said he’d get over it.

What's the difference between a person falling off 10th floor and 1st floor of a building?

The person falling of the 10th floor would sound like "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" *THUD*

The person falling of the 1st floor would sound like *THUD* "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

A muslim enters a building...

With 500 passengers and a plane.

Can I buy the building?

The reason why the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker among themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For instance, Take the simple phrase "secure the building".

The Army will post guards around the place.

The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.

...

I've started a business building yachts in my attic

Sails are going through the roof!

What do you call spiderman after he lost his powers, but still jumps from building to building?

Peter Parkour

3 construction workers on the Empire State Building are hanging lunch

The first guys opens his lunch box and finds his usual ham and cheese sandwich. He begins to shout,”IF MY WIFE MAKES ME AN OTHER STUPID HAM AND CHEESE IM JUMPING OFF THIS BUILDING”

The second guy opens his lunch box and finds his usual BLT. He begins to shout,”IF MY WIFE MAKES ME AN OTHER STU...

Did you hear that Apple is building a car?

Apple is designing an automatic car but they're having trouble installing windows...

A woman gets on a bus carrying her baby. The driver says 'Oh my, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen' The woman goes to her seat with an angry rage building. The man sat next her asks 'What's the matter?' To which the woman says the driver was so rude to her she might lose it...

'That's outrageous' says the man 'You should go and tell him off for whatever he said. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you whilst you do'

What do parents say when the find out their son got arrested for setting a building on fire

“That’s arson!”

A group of blondes walk into a building...

You would think at least one would have seen it...

What happened when I jumped off a famous building in France?

Eiffel

Three men work on top of a building.

They are taking their lunch break when the brown haired man says, “Chicken salad again! If I get chicken salad again I’m going to jump.”

Next the red haired man says, “Tuna fish again! If I get tuna fish again I’m going to jump.”

The third blonde haired man says, “PBJ again! If I get P...

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