The female janitor at my building asked if I would chill and smoke some weed with her

I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women

I’ve been diagnosed with a rare condition that makes me think I’m an airport building.

Hope it’s not terminal.

I'm pretty bad at building fences

Oops, wrong place for this post.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw

So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.

He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the groun...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

NSFW: There's a crew of builders working on a high rise building in Australia. They are working on the top; which is over 70 stories high.

Bruce the builder, climbs on a beam hanging from the crane and says to his friend Joe "Hey Joe, stand on the other end of the beam, as a counter weight, I need to take a whizz over the side. Joe stands with his back to him and says "Sure thing, mate." Bruce undoes his fly and starts peeing. The lunc...

What do you call an adequate industrial building?

Satisfactory

A physicist sees a young man about to jump off a tall building.

He yells "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

What do you call a fear of over-engineered buildings?

A complex complex complex

Credit to some guy named Slow Poke on YouTube

Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

Jack says, "You know what, I bet he will." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed...

We shouldn't be too hard on people who use toxic building materials.

They did asbestos they could.

Jack and Mary work in a corporate office building together.

Their boss has a dilemma, both are hard, diligent workers but the company's not doing so well, and cannot afford to keep both. He decides he's going to watch them both from his office one day, and whoever works the hardest will keep their job.


On Friday, he watches them all through the...

What is it called when you leave your office building well before the fire drill begins?

Premature evacuation

After building the wall, Trump to build an electromagnetic barrier to prevent foreign bees from entering the U.S. by sending waves that interfere with their communication.

Trump is strictly against Global Swarming

I have an irrational fear of overly engineered buildings.

I have a complex complex complex.

How do the Mexicans feel about Trump building a wall on the boarder?

They’ll get over it

In a very large commercial building there were three stores owned and run by three different businessmen.

The businessman who had his store at one end of the building put up a sign that read "Year End Clearance Sale".

At the far end of the building, not to be outdone, the other businessman put up a sign that read "Closing Out Sale".

The businessman who ran the store in the middle got nervo...

Three managers worked in the same office at the top of an 80-storey office building.

One day, they were forced to take the stairs all the way up because the elevator wasn't working. One of them suggested telling one another stories in order to take their minds of their tiredness.

As they were walking up, the first manager told the story about how he met his wife.

At th...

I asked my Latino friend if Mexicans are offended by all the talk of building a wall on the southern border...

He said, "Eh... we'll get over it"

My account said I'm crazy for investing all my money in my idea of building a business that offers a boxing gym, a dentist, and a manicurist all under one roof.

But I told him I'm going to fight tooth and nail for it. Now if I could just think of a clever name for it, I'd be all set.

On the roof of a very tall building are four men

one is asian, one is mexican, one is black, and the last one is white. The asian walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and jumps off the roof. Next, the mexican walks to the ledge and also says, "This is for all my people" and then he jumps off the roof. Next is the black guy's tu...

A nearly dead baby is like building a new porch

To finish it off it needs a good railing

Some species of frog can jump higher than a 3-story office building.

It's because of their immensely powerful hind legs, and the fact that office buildings cannot jump.

A man was out for a hike on a mountain when he's caught in a storm. Afraid of traversing the narrow roads in foul weather, he sought help in the first building he saw - a monastery...

"Of course, you can stay here until the morning. We even have spare rooms you can stay in." said the monk, who answered the door.


The man gratefully accepted the offer and followed the monk to the room. He quickly changed out of his wet clothes and lay in bed, only to notice a muffled ...

2 blondes walk into a building.

You think one of them would have seen it.

In 1877 a bartender was building his saloon.

"so i want the floor to creak everytime when someone from out of town walks in and around here, but not when locals do that."

Carpenter: "What?!"

Q: What is the world's tallest building?

A: The library because it has the most stories.

Building electirc vehicles is illegal in Africa,

So i Madagascar.

I just drove my truck into a building!

Good thing I opened the garage door first.

What did the pirate’s dad say when he found out his son burned down 10 buildings?

Arrrrrgh son!!!!!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building.

One turns to the other and says: "You know last week I discoveredthat if you jump from the top of this building-by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window." The bartender just shakes his head i...

A physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician are all locked in separate burning buildings.

The physicist runs to a chalkboard, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, runs and finds that amount, puts out the fire, and survives. The engineer pulls out a calculator, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, runs and finds 10 times that a...

Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?

He's on a round house kick.

If Spidey is out chasing bad guys and he runs out of webbing but is still jumping over cars and climbing buildings, what name does he go by?

Peter Parkour

(Apologies if this is a re-post, but I did come up by myself. My kids hated it too.)

I saw some people building a new bridge near me. Every lunch break they would sit down for afternoon tea complete with tablecloth and napkins.

It was very civil engineering.

Told my mother-in-law that she should leaving the building through the fire exit.

Sadly there wasn't a single flame on the other side.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A suicidal man is about to jump off a building..

when he sees an armless man happily dancing & jumping on the street and he thinks: "Here I am with a complete set of limbs & miserable while an armless man is happy with his life. I better go down to him and ask him what's his secret to his happiness.."

So, he comes down the building ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Hillary's emails would make the perfect construction material for building the great Trump Wall...

Since no one can get the fuck over them.

What’s the difference between a man falling from a 40 story building and a 4 story building?

One goes: “Ahhhhhhhhh.... Splat”
And the other goes: “Splat....Ahhhhhhhhh”

What did the optimist say when he jumped off a building?

So far so good.

Dr. Frankenstein went to a body-building competition...

There was a terrible misunderstanding.

A fireman kicks down the door of a house and carries the family out 1 by 1, but there is no fire. A week later the building catches ablaze.

He suffers from premature evacuation.

A wife comes back home to her husband only to find out that the building of her apartment has caught fire, 'NSFW'

The place is surrounded by fireman and police officers who are not letting anyone through. The wife hysterically goes forward shouting at them to let her through and that her husband was inside.

The Fireman tries to calm her down, tells her his condolences and that all the people that were i...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman falls off of a ten story building...

...and a man on an eighth floor balcony reaches out and catches her in his arms.

"Do you fuck?", he asks.

"No!". she replied, and the man drops her.

On the sixth floor a man catches her and asks, "Do you suck?"

Again she says no and the man drops her.

On the fourth...

A muslim enters a building...

With 500 passengers and a plane.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An 18 year old boy was delivering papers to an apartment building.

While there, a stunning young woman came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a swe...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A residential building with thin walls.

One morning, an old man named Carlos, living on the 6th floor of a residential building stops a young man who lives on the 1st floor of the same residential building.

Old man Carlos says, “You stupid son of a b*tch, don’t you know how thin the walls are in this building ? When your shagging ...

I think Noah might be the craziest of Biblical figures; hearing God, building an ark, gathering animals

The whole thing sounds delugional.

An Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman are working on a building site...

High above the city, they sit together, eating their lunch as they do every lunchtime.
The Englishman, Arthur, opens his lunchbox and picks out his sandwiches.

"I say! roast beef sandwiches. I'm sick of roast beef sandwiches! If I've got roast beef sandwiches tomorrow, I shall throw myse...

a friend of mine set up a boat building company in his attic.

the sails were through the roof.

A physicist goes to the top of the empire state building and sees a man about to leap to his death

He runs up to him and says, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

Relieved, the man climbs off the edge and follows the physicist down to the street. The physicist then looks at him again and says: "ah... Never mind".

I think this lift building company is corrupt...

...and I believe it goes all the way to the top.

Three guys are having drinks on the roof of their office building...

and one of them looks to another and says, “You know there’s a fascinating phenomenon where if you jump off this building a gust of warm air will lift you back onto the roof to safety”.

The other man says, “no way man don’t make jokes like that while we’re drinking”.

In response he sa...

What did the dyslexic lawyer yell from the burning building?

“Recuse me!”

I made a bargain when building my new home.

The slater just told me that the roof is on the house.

Kim Jong Un and Vladimir Putin were having a meeting in a 20-story building.

During a break the two leaders made a bet about the loyalty of their guards.

First, Putin called his guard Ivan into the room, opened the window and said, "Ivan, jump down."

Ivan replied in tears, "Mr. President, how could you do this to me? I have a wife and a son."

Putin expla...

I have an ability that I can leave buildings 3m before the fire alarm goes off

But for some reason people call me pyromaniac

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What is the sturdiest building?

A gallow, it lasts many life times.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Superman sees Wonder Woman sunbathing nude on the top of a building

he is overcome with passion, and simply cannot help himself, he flies down and, faster than a speeding bullet, has his way with her.

"What the fuck was that?" she said!

To which, the Invisible Man replied, "I don't know, but my ass sure hurts!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Physics Student

Some time ago, I received a call from a colleague who asked if I would be the referee on the grading of an
examination question. He was about to give a student a zero for her answer to a physics question, while the student
claimed she should be given a perfect score and would, if the system we...

Frankenstein enters a bodybuilding contest

When he gets there, he realizes he seriously misunderstood the nature of the contest

After burning a building, a son asks his father

"Are we pyromaniacs, Dad?". The father replies, "Yes, we arson"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Superman was flying when he saw that wonder woman was lying naked on the rooftop of a building.

Superman was flying when he saw that wonder woman was lying naked on the rooftop of a building. She while lying naked was moaning and acting all aroused. Superman thought that it was a great chance to fuck wonder woman in supersonic speed and she would never find out who did it. So he went ahead wit...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Instead of building walls we should be building bridges...

to Canada. Let them deal with this shit.

Today, I got to kiss my crush. I leaned in, ready for the big moment, with the suspense building up...

Then my lips hit the mirror

Three builders are eating lunch on a building they’re working on

It’s about 7 stories up and they’re dangling their feet on the end of the building. The first builder opens his lunch box and sees a tuna sandwich. He said that if his wife packs him a tuna sandwich one more time he’ll jump off the building. The second building opens his lunch box and sees a hotdog....

Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.

people start gathering around him, asking "what happened? what happened?"

​

Chuck: "idk, I just got here"

What's the secret to building a staircase?

Just take it step-by-step

A Buddhist, a Muslim, and a Christian all jump off from the top of a 100-floor building to prove their faith can save them.

The Buddhist jumps first. As he's falling, he chants "Buddha, Buddha, Buddha, Buddha, Buddha, Buddha, Buddha, Buddha, Buddha, Buddha." Sure enough, about halfway into falling down, he magically starts slowing down and he gently lands on the sidewalk. "Thank you, Buddha." he says with tears.

T...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There were two guys at a rooftop bar. The first says "you see this beer in my hand? Three swigs of this can make me fly around this building." He takes three swigs, does a swan dive off the roof and flies around it.

As he settles to the ground the second man exclaimed "I need some of that!" The first man gives him the bottle which he takes three drinks from. The second man does an identical swan dive and falls to his death. The waiter approaches and exclaims, "HOLY CRAP SUPERMAN, WHAT THE HELL!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Some construction workers are putting up a building...

The foreman is five stories up on the roof, about to cut some 2 x 4's when he realizes he doesn't have a saw. He shouts down to a worker on the ground.

"Hey!," the foreman yells. "I need a saw!"

The worker shrugs, unable to hear him over the machinery.

So the foreman shouts agai...

Son: "Dad, how high is that building?"

Building: "Why am I called a building if I'm already built?"

Dad: "Pretty damn high."

My body-building Italian uncle died....

He pasta whey.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There's this bar on top of the Empire State Building

The first guy looks at the second guy and says" you know the wind is so strong up here, if you jump out the window, it'll carry you right back up."
The second guy looks at the first and says "I'm not stupid I'm not going to kill myself."
The first guy says "watch." So he heads over to the wind...

I have a phobia of over-engineered buildings.

It's a complex complex complex.

I told my wife she was like an unbuilt building

Flawless.

I was offered a job building Egyptian tombs

Turned out to be a pyramid scheme

My next job, I want to be the security guard at the philosophy building of a university...

I will spend my days asking philosophy students “Who are you, and why are you here?”

A company is building a tower with diffrent floors

The first floor will be a hexagon the 2nd pentagon, ah you dont need to hear it from me, each story has diffrent sides anyways

Why does Trump put his name on all of his buildings?

So the banks know which ones to take back.

A hospital director catches up with a patient running bare foot from the building

Why did escape from the operating room? said the director

Because the nurse was saying: " it's ok be brave, it's just appendicitis it's a simple operation..."

So what? she was just trying to reassure you...

She was talking to the surgeon!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A priest and a Rabi are running out of a burning building

The Priest says "What about the children?"
The Rabi replies "Fuck the children!"
The priest stops and looks at the Rabi and says "Do you think we will have time?"

What do you call a cow on the top of a building?

High steaks.

A group of construction workers, an Irishmen, a Mexican, and a Blonde are sitting on the 24th floor of a construction building...

The Irishman says "corn beef cabbage again, I swear to God if i get corn beef cabbage again I'm gonna jump from this roof"

The Mexican man says "tacos and beans, goddamnit, I swear to god if I get tacos and beans one more time I'm gonna jump from this roof"

The Blonde man says "bologna...

I noticed that the local convent has no security around the building, so I helped myself...

No 'fence.

Nun taken.

Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site

Paddy says to Murphy "I'm gonna have the day off, I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!"

He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts

"I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!"

Murphy watches in amazement!

The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home"
So he leaves the si...

When asked to secure the building, the different branches of the military all took unique approachs.

The Army set up a defensive perimeter. Surrounding the building with 50cal implacements, tanks, sandbags, barbed wire and strategically placed snipers.

The SAS approached under the cover of night and stormed the building with a hard and fast two pronged ground and air assault.

The Na...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

If a building has 12 floors and each one is named after a month, how do you call the elevator?

By pressing the button

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

3 men are standing in the roof of a tall building

One man turns to one of the others and says "This building is magic. I can jump off and then float back up."

The other man calls bullshit, and dares the first to prove it.

The man jumps and and a short time later floats up to the roof and goes back to standing next to the others.
...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why is there so much toilet paper in the U.S. Capitol building?

Because there are a lot of assholes

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man walks into a rooftop bar

and takes a seat next to another guy. “What are you drinking?” he asks the guy.
“Magic beer,” he says.
“Oh, yeah? What’s so magical about it?”

He swigs some beer, dives off the roof, flies around the building, then finally returns to his seat with a triumphant smile.
“Amazing!” the m...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A lady walks into a bar and sees a really cute guy sitting at the counter.

She goes over and asks him what he is drinking.
"Magic Beer", he says
She thinks he's a little crazy, so she walks around the bar, but after that there is no one else worth talking to,goes back to the man sitting at the bar and says,"That isn't really Magic Beer, is it?"
"Yes, I'll show you...

3 Guys walk into a building

Surely one of them would have seen it coming..

Two blondes were building a house.

When one blonde looked over, she saw the other blonde throwing away every other nail!

"What the hell is wrong with these nails?" said the second blonde, "the heads are on the wrong end"

"You idiot!" says the first blonde, "they're for the other side of the house!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two construction workers are working in a building.

One works on the first floor and the other works on the 2nd floor.

That day the construction worker on the first floor realized that he needed a handsaw, so he yells up to the second construction worker and said, "Hey Tim! I need a handsaw, can you please throw one down to me!?!"

Tim ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So there’s a 12-floor building

The first floor is named January
Second floor is February
Third is March
Forth is April
Fifth is May
Sixth is June
Seventh -July
Eight - August
Ninth - September
Tenth October
Eleventh November
And finally the twelfth floor is named December.

How do ...

To earn extra money, I started a home-based business building small boats in my attic ...

Business was really slow until I switched to larger vessels, and now sails are through the roof!

I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office building

20 minutes later my boss caught me and two kids smoking outside the office building.

What happened when I jumped off a famous building in France?

Eiffel