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Proposed Jokes

I proposed to my ex-wife today

She said no, she thinks I'm just after my money

I proposed my Russian girlfriend and she said Yes!

For the wedding, my whole family and friends flew over to her home town of Moscow.

It was a beautiful ceremony, however I did find some things strange. For instance, the priest never said, "You may now kiss the bride", but I just assumed it was purely an American thing and didn't mind.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man had a [Long] penis

He had a 25 inch long package.

It created difficulties in his life as it was not easy to move around with it and women were afraid of him too.

One day he was wondering to himself how he could change his penis and his life into a normal one while walking down a road, there, he came ac...

A guy takes his wife out for the night and they end up at a disco where there’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large – break dancing, moonwalking, back flips, every dance move going. The wife turns to her husband and says...

“See that guy on the dance floor? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.”

The husband replies, “It looks like he’s still celebrating.”

It's Valentine's day! I proposed to my high school girlfriend and best friend ever!

The two of them are out in the parking lot right now having a slapfight.

What did Barack Obama said to Michelle when he proposed?

"I don't want to be Obama-self"

Just proposed and thought to myself..

I can no longer say “I’m really focused” now I have to say “I’m really engaged”

I recently proposed to my mute girlfriend

She was speechless.

I proposed to my wife while in Florence...

... I can't say either of them were particularly impressed.

My Girl Proposed to me

She proposed the idea that it’s better for us not to see each other anymore...

A guy just proposed at the gym.

She said no.



Guess it didn’t workout.

What did the melon say when her boyfriend proposed?

Yes, but we cantaloupe.

An Irishman, by the name of O'Malley proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day.

He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweler. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real.

The young lass on learning it wasn't real returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness.

'It was in hono...

Oh my god! My girlfriend just proposed to me.....

.... that we get a shared Netflix account

What did Ryu say when Ken proposed?

I-DO-KEN

My friend proposed to his girlfriend

She is Chinese. So he learned to ask her in Mandarin. When she answered, he stared at her blankly.

He forgot to learn the words "yes" & "no".

What did the stoner say when he proposed to his girlfriend?

Marriageyouwanna?

I was just proposed to with a Magnesium Oxide crystal.

... OMgOMgOMgOMgOMgOMg...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

She had to go to the bathroom when I proposed her.

It was a real shitty thing to do.

I proposed to my girlfriend during a 4 day bender

She said “we got married yeterday!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I proposed a threesome to my wife. And she said yes.

So this weekend its going to be my stupid fucking ideas, the sofa and me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A married couple had fallen on hard times. The wife proposed that she work the corner giving blowjobs for money.

The husband doesn't like the sound of it, but reluctantly agreed because he has no other option. He couldn't sleep the first night she worked, and was awake when she finally came back in the morning. He asked how it went, and she says it was actually pretty fun.

"How much did you end up maki...

He proposed marriage, because she promised she will make him try different positions

Now he is a husband, a driver, a cook, a gardener and a plumber.

Charles proposed...

A young girl came home from a date looking sad. She told her mother, “Charles proposed to me a few minutes ago.”
“Then why are you so sad?” her mother asked.
“Because he also mentioned he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn’t believe there’s hell!”

Her mother replied, “Marry him anyway. Betwe...

I can’t believe it’s been more than 100 years since Einstein first proposed that Time is Relative.

Seems like only yesterday.

They say marriage is like a three-ring circus

First, you get the engagement ring.

Then, you get the wedding ring.

And finally, you get suffering

The largest law in Australian history was recently proposed. It only impacts women.

Huge she-law, that one is.

My girlfriend of six years is a melon. She broke my heart when I proposed to her today.

She said, “I just cantaloupe with you.”

I heard someone proposed a Tupac movie.

But it was shot down.

What do you call a machine used to predict the answer of a mathematical question before it has been proposed?

A calcuearlier

One man proposed that Geico switch their mascot to a kitten.

"Now, with only 15 minutes, you can save 15 purr-cent on cat insurance"

My deaf girlfriend proposed to me and I knew I just had to say yes.

It was a sign.

If I recall correctly, in the mid 1900s, Albert Einstein proposed a new theory on space,

and it was about time, too.

My brother proposed to his girlfriend while on holiday. I called to congratulate them...

...but they were engaged.

I proposed to a climatologist I've met a few weeks ago

She said we should just go out for now, but I think she's warming up to the idea

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