UPJOKE
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I had an idea for a movie plot where a retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris.

Turns out that idea was taken. I then had another idea for a movie where the same agent is kidnapped with his ex-wife in Istanbul, but it turns out that one was taken too.

Why does the plot of SpongeBob not make sense?

Because it’s full of holes.

What has 27 actors, three settings, two writers and one plot?

671 Hallmark movies

I plotted all of my past relationships on a chart

It had an “ex” axis and a “why” axis.

Two Ukrainian spies have infiltrated into Moscow and have set up for their plot to kill Vladimir Putin.

They are laying in wait for Putin's private car to pass by, having planted a roadside bomb.

One says to the other, "He is supposed to arrive in 5 minutes. Is everything ready?".


"Yes."

An hour later, no car has passed by.


"Are you sure you got the time right?"...

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I just got done watching a show with unlikable characters, bullshit plot developments, and a depressing ending.

It's called "The News."

How many GoT plot writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only two, but they'll wait 6 or 7 seasons before screwing it up.

A blonde walks into a library and says to the librarian, "The book I borrowed last week was just awful. It had absolutely no plot, and the vocabulary was too complex!"

The librarian calls into the back room, "Hey, we found the lady who took our dictionary!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Plot twist

So I went to my doctor for a prostate exam. I was bent over the table and the doctor while probing me said "Don't worry, it's quite normal to be aroused and have an ejaculation during this procedure." So I said "Doc, I'm having neither." "No, I am," said the doctor!

What has 12 writers, 20 actors, and 3 plots?

The Hallmark Channel

I saw my math teacher walking down the corridor holding some graph paper.

I thought, “he's plotting something”.

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Three Boys

Three boys were taking a sex ed class. They received grades of D, D-, and F, respectively, so they plotted to get revenge.

"We should get her," said the first.

"Yeah," said the second, "let's grab her."

"Yeah," chimed in the third, "And let's kick her in the nuts."

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I watched "The Vagina Monologues" on mute but I still understood the plot

I can read lips.

I'm writing a book with a huge plot twist

So that you'll think:

"Oh, this is how it's gonna be"

And then it turns out to be completely different

Because I'm not actually writing a book.

My wife is very paranoid.

She keeps saying that the government is plotting to kill her...

It's nice that she views me with such authority.

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An elderly man living alone in Manchester wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, since the ground was hard.

His only son, Paul, who used to help him, was in prison (strange ways) . The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Paul,

I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be di...

I always find the plots of Stephen King novels easy to follow.

There’s always a Maine character.

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[Long] An ex-CIA operative named Arti had a younger sister always getting into mischief...

Arti's sister was beautiful, you see. She would use her looks to get things she wanted, but when she got in over her head, she'd always fall back on big brother Arti's special set of skills to help her out. And since he retired early (after becoming partially disabled saving the President's life fro...

Proof that 9/11 wasn't a government plot:

It worked.

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Jesus died for you sins!

Dumb assholes ruining the story by giving away major plot points. I was gonna read that book.

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"hey man— you buried my grandmother in the wrong plot"

I guess you could say *[stares muthafuckingly]*... I made a grave mistake.

A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and screamed, "I have a complaint."

The Librarian looked up at her and asked, "How can I help you?"

The blonde answers, "I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible."

The Librarian in a puzzled tone, asks, "What was wrong with it?"

To that, the blonde replies, "It had way too many characters and there was no...

My ex got sent to jail for plotting a radical socialist coup.

Guess I should have...

Paid attention to the red flags.

I plotted a graph of my past mistakes

It has an ex-axis and a why-axis

Graphing calculators cannot be trusted.

Theyre plotting something, I can feel it.

CIA Uncovers Chinese Plot to Make America Stupid

It's called Tik Tok.

Three inmates at the insane asylum gather around the lunch table to plot how they can break out and regain their freedom.

Rudy, the longest standing resident explains they should all meet along the Southern wall at precisely midnight, whereupon he will use his recently illegally acquired hospital issue flashlight to vault them over the wall. Then it’s a short walk across the border into Mexico.

Upon hearing the ...

If you bury a person in the wrong plot of land, and the only thing you can give their family as compensation are the hand shovels you used...

you've made a grave mistake, and are paying for it in spades

Chic and Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five are plotting to destroy the world, and so former arch-enemies the Village People and the Beastie Boys put aside their differences to stop them

The slaughter is brutal and extremely exciting to watch, but finally, it ends in a showdown: Nile Rogers and Grandmaster Flash, laughing as they square up to the last surviving Beastie Boy and the last surviving Village Person.

He straightens his hard hat, draws his sword and charges at Nile ...

My local cemetery is working to resell mine and my wife’s burial plots to a new buyer...

We’re in grave danger

Why was Gimli so interested in plotting equations on an x-y coordinate plane?

He heard it involved axes.

plot twist

a little girl was praying when her dad walked in. she said “good night grandma good night mom good night dad good bye grandpa”. the next day the grandpa drops dead. the dad decides to ignore what she says last night and continues on with his day. that night the dad walks in his daughters room prayin...

I love spoiling the plot of The Picture of Dorian Gray

Never gets old

I made a movie about farm life...

...but the film quality was too grainy and the plot was very corny.

I have a story for you. A guy pours cement all over a plot of land...

and then the plot thickens.

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Why aren't there many denstists in porn plot?

Because they always ask to spit and not swallow...

what happens to a potato after the plot of soil it is growing in quadruples in value?

it becomes an affluent-tato

Some people didn’t remember the plot of the short story The Lottery (By Shirley Jackson)

But when they did, it hit them like a rock.

I was arrested for my plot to steal all the precious metals from the Olympics.

I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those medalling kids.

When does joker not plot crimes?

When he's riding his Harley

BIGGEST PLOT TWIST ENDINGS

3) fight club

2) the sixth sense

1) the song “row row row your boat”

Ever wonder why Star Wars has so many plot holes?

It's because the stormtroopers keep missing

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