What has 15 actors, four settings, two writers, and one plot?

632 Hallmark movies.

I plotted a graph of my past mistakes

It has an ex-axis and a why-axis

How many GoT plot writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only two, but they'll wait 6 or 7 seasons before screwing it up.

I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself

This is the last thing I need.

plot twist

a little girl was praying when her dad walked in. she said “good night grandma good night mom good night dad good bye grandpa”. the next day the grandpa drops dead. the dad decides to ignore what she says last night and continues on with his day. that night the dad walks in his daughters room prayin...

As suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.

The plot thickens.

BIGGEST PLOT TWIST ENDINGS

3) fight club

2) the sixth sense

1) the song “row row row your boat”

what happens to a potato after the plot of soil it is growing in quadruples in value?

it becomes an affluent-tato

My local cemetery is working to resell mine and my wife’s burial plots to a new buyer...

We’re in grave danger

What did the guy say when he buried a body in the wrong cemetery plot?

"I've made a grave mistake."

This season of Earth is not realistic

So many plot holes. Like, where did the murder hornets go? Why introduce them if they're not important to the story?

I'm feeling Lost.

Ever wonder why Star Wars has so many plot holes?

It's because the stormtroopers keep missing

Some people didn’t remember the plot of the short story The Lottery (By Shirley Jackson)

But when they did, it hit them like a rock.

What’s the difference between Hallmark movies and Scooby-Doo?

One has formulaic plots, two-dimensional characters, and bad guys trying to close some kind of real estate deal, and the other has a talking dog in it.

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Two friends go to a performance called "Aladdin's lamp"

Two friends, named Peter and Carl go to a performance called "Aladdin's lamp".

During the first break they feast inside a bar, having some drinks in meantime. After it they return for the second act. Not long after it starts Peters stomach gets heavy and he needs to do number two.

"Tr...

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Why aren't there many denstists in porn plot?

Because they always ask to spit and not swallow...

A friend of mine told me about his plan to sell burial plots to rich Egyptians.

Sounded like a pyramid scheme to me.

I'm fully convinced that Stalin's grave...

...is just a Communist plot.

I just saw my math teacher lock himself in his office with a piece of graph paper.

I think he must be plotting something.

Stomach finds out all organs are organizing to plot against it.

It turns to bladder and says: urine this?

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That's how the fight got started...

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

'No,' she answered.

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

So I ...

Someone's been secretly dumping top soil on my lawn...

The plot thickens...

Proof that 9/11 wasn't a government plot:

It worked.

When does joker not plot crimes?

When he's riding his Harley

I was arrested for my plot to steal all the precious metals from the Olympics.

I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those medalling kids.

I love spoiling the plot of 'Dorian Gray'.

Never gets old.

Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?

Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.

What do you call a plan to kill a bunch of crows that are hanging around on a gravestone?

A plot to murder a murder plot's murder.

A nice movie

Gf: whatcha doing?

Me:I'm seeing a movie right now.

Gf:Oh what is it about?

Me:Once upon a time a family is attacked in which the mother dies and son becomes physically disabled and then a few years later his son gets kidnapped and the rest for the movie is about the father over...

Plot devices have Mary Sues, comic books have Gary Stus...

Hollywood has Terry Crews.

My friend was unconvinced when I told him someone keeps stealing soil from his allotment.

I thought he’d lost the plot.

Now someone keeps adding more and more.

The plot thickens.

I had an idea for a movie plot.

A retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris, but it turns out that idea was taken.
I had another idea for one where the same agent is kidnapped with his wife in Istanbul, but it turns out that one was taken too.

THE PLOT THICKENS

**Never trust math teachers who use graph paper. They’re always plotting something.**

What do you call an unexpected wiggle on a straight graph?

A plot twist.

Thinking outside the box

Fresh out of gift ideas, a man buys his mother-in-law a large plot in an expensive cemetery. On her next birthday, he buys her nothing, so she phones him, furious.
"What are you complaining about?" he fires back. "You still haven't used the present I gave you last year."

I have a story for you. A guy pours cement all over a plot of land...

and then the plot thickens.

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Cute Joke

An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man
wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
<...

Plot twist joke

The couple drives silently in a car along the country road. She suddenly says,"Walter, I'm getting a divorce!"
He doesn't say anything, just accelerates slightly.
She says,"I've had a relationship with your best friend for a long time, and he's a better lover than you." He doesn't say anything...

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Why don't porn movies win Oscars?

Because the plots are full of holes.

Did you hear about the failed Canadian plot to bomb Mexico with a nuclear missile?

It went south fast.

Do you know why there was no CSI Alabama?

Hard to write a plot when everyone around has no dental records and a matching DNA.

I made a graph to plot the curvature of bells.

The distribution was random.

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Did you hear about the truckload of cocktail straws and lemon rinds that crashed in a cemetery and spilled into an open grave?

Plot twist!

I've been reading this farmer's autobiography and just got to the part where he expands his carrot farm.

The plot thickens.

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