UPJOKE
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What has 27 actors, three settings, two writers, and one plot?

671 Hallmark movies.

How many GoT plot writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only two, but they'll wait 6 or 7 seasons before screwing it up.

I had an idea for a movie plot.

A retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris, but it turns out that idea was taken.
I had another idea for one where the same agent is kidnapped with his wife in Istanbul, but it turns out that one was taken too.

I found out what that math teacher with graph paper from yesterday’s joke was plotting....

...weapons of math instruction.

Why does the plot of SpongeBob not make sense?

Because it’s full of holes.

An old man lived alone. His only son was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son.

Dear Son,

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my potato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me, if you weren't in prison.

Love,...

Proof that 9/11 wasn't a government plot:

It worked.

I plotted all of my past relationships on a chart

It had an “ex” axis and a “why” axis.

What has 12 writers, 20 actors, and 3 plots?

The Hallmark Channel

I just saw my math teacher lock himself in his office with a piece of graph paper.

I think he must be plotting something.

Why Bilbo had to be Male

Fun fact: Bilbo Baggins had to be a male in order for the plot of The Hobbit to work. If he was instead female, everything would have fallen apart in the goblin cave. Bilbo would have gone off wandering around in the dark and dreary caverns, found the ring, and seen Gollum fishing like in the origin...

plot twist

a little girl was praying when her dad walked in. she said “good night grandma good night mom good night dad good bye grandpa”. the next day the grandpa drops dead. the dad decides to ignore what she says last night and continues on with his day. that night the dad walks in his daughters room prayin...

As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.

The plot thickens.

I'm writing a book with a huge plot twist

So that you'll think:

"Oh, this is how it's gonna be"

And then it turns out to be completely different

Because I'm not actually writing a book.

Two Ukrainian spies have infiltrated into Moscow and have set up for their plot to kill Vladimir Putin.

They are laying in wait for Putin's private car to pass by, having planted a roadside bomb.

One says to the other, "He is supposed to arrive in 5 minutes. Is everything ready?".


"Yes."

An hour later, no car has passed by.


"Are you sure you got the time right?"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man has been arrested after allegedly plotting to enslave humanity and force everyone to make butter.

The suspect has said he just wanted to watch the world churn.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The old professor started each lecture with a dirty joke.

After a real objectionable example of that one day, the
female students got together and decided that next time,
when this happens again, they will all walk out in unison.

The professor got wind of this plot. Next morning, after he
entered the lecture hall, he said: "Good morning! Ha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I watched "The Vagina Monologues" on mute but I still understood the plot

I can read lips.

I plotted a graph of my past mistakes

It has an ex-axis and a why-axis

I love spoiling the plot of The Picture of Dorian Gray

Never gets old

I just watched a movie about a y=x graph

The plot was a bit predictable


And a little flat


Good special f(x) though

CIA Uncovers Chinese Plot to Make America Stupid

It's called Tik Tok.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just got done watching a show with unlikable characters, bullshit plot developments, and a depressing ending.

It's called "The News."

I took my uncle's coffin to the wrong plot.

The groundskeeper told me I made a grave mistake.

I have a story for you. A guy pours cement all over a plot of land...

and then the plot thickens.

When does joker not plot crimes?

When he's riding his Harley

Yo mama was so fat

It takes a week to mow her burial plot.

I always find the plots of Stephen King novels easy to follow.

There’s always a Maine character.

I saw an ad for burial plots

and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

Plot twist

"Your generation is too reliant on technology",said my grandpa

"No, Your generation is too reliant on technology," I reported as I pulled the plug on his life support to further prove my point.

Two chemists walk into a bar.

Two chemists walk into a bar.

The first one says, "I'll have some H2O."

The second says, "I'll have some water too. But why'd you order it like that? We aren't at work."

The first chemist excuses himself and weeps in the bathroom.
His assassination plot had failed.

My ex got sent to jail for plotting a radical socialist coup.

Guess I should have...

Paid attention to the red flags.

Ever wonder why Star Wars has so many plot holes?

It's because the stormtroopers keep missing

Want to hear a plot twist?

Tolp.

Fifty Shades of Grey has no plot.

It's just all climax.

Plot devices have Mary Sues, comic books have Gary Stus...

Hollywood has Terry Crews.

Is your normal probability plot approximately linear?

Cause you can distribute your sample over me

Why was Gimli so interested in plotting equations on an x-y coordinate plane?

He heard it involved axes.

I made a graph to plot the curvature of bells.

The distribution was random.

Cemetery Plot for Christmas

One Christmas time, an elderly woman opens her present from her son-in-law and discovers a cemetery plot inside. Despite the confusion, she thanks him very much for the gift.

The following Christmas, she approaches her son-in-law and asks where her present is. He simply replies that he didn'...

I was arrested for my plot to steal all the precious metals from the Olympics.

I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those medalling kids.

I know a guy who saved all his life to buy a cemetery plot.

Then he took a cruise and was lost at
sea.

Moral:
Be careful what you plot!

A blonde walks into a library and says to the librarian, "The book I borrowed last week was just awful. It had absolutely no plot, and the vocabulary was too complex!"

The librarian calls into the back room, "Hey, we found the lady who took our dictionary!"

"I own a small allotment...", So far I'm the only person I've heard laugh at this joke.

I own a small allotment. Every night someone throws soil in on top of in. I've absolutely no idea why.

The plot thickens.

what happens to a potato after the plot of soil it is growing in quadruples in value?

it becomes an affluent-tato

My local cemetery is working to resell mine and my wife’s burial plots to a new buyer...

We’re in grave danger

I like to spoil the plot of Peter Pan for people.

Never gets old.

I found an plot of soil yesterday. I went back to the site today and found even more soil...

The plot thickens...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Ok.. Hear me out

So the perceived 'Road' in this case is actually the trick by the government to sell more adapters to construction company. This is because the secret lizard people of the UNDERGROUND are controlling the chickens neurons and each brain cell is secretly in on the plot. Y...

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