What has 27 actors, three settings, two writers, and one plot?

671 Hallmark movies.

I'm writing a book with a huge plot twist

So that you'll think:

"Oh, this is how it's gonna be"

And then it turns out to be completely different

Because I'm not actually writing a book.

Plot twist, Kylo Ren is not an only child

He's a Solo child

I always find the plots of Stephen King novels easy to follow.

There’s always a Maine character.

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I watched "The Vagina Monologues" on mute but I still understood the plot

I can read lips.

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An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Bubba,


I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the lot for me.


Love Dad.
\~\~\...

How many GoT plot writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only two, but they'll wait 6 or 7 seasons before screwing it up.

A farmhand loses both his farm and his hand after getting into a fight with his dad over politics...

...would be a really bad but accurate way to describe the plot of Star Wars.

So, last semester I met this guy in my business class

He was cool & an international student. His name was Ving and was from China. His English was really good for a second language, better than I could ever be learning a second language. We’d often hang out and I show him the sites and tourist destinations in my city. He's much cooler as well as b...

As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.

*The plot thickens.*

Graphing calculators cannot be trusted.

Theyre plotting something, I can feel it.

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Dear Son,

Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this letter slowly because I know you can't read fast. We are all doing very well. You won't recognise the house when you get home - because we have moved. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from you...

I had a movie idea.

I had an idea for a movie plot where a retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris, but it turns out that idea was taken.
I had another idea for one where the same agent is kidnapped with his wife in Istanbul, but it turns out that one was taken too.

Chic and Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five are plotting to destroy the world, and so former arch-enemies the Village People and the Beastie Boys put aside their differences to stop them

The slaughter is brutal and extremely exciting to watch, but finally, it ends in a showdown: Nile Rogers and Grandmaster Flash, laughing as they square up to the last surviving Beastie Boy and the last surviving Village Person.

He straightens his hard hat, draws his sword and charges at Nile ...

I saw my math teacher with a piece of graph paper, and a very strange look on his face yesterday

I think he may be plotting something.

My ex got sent to jail for plotting a radical socialist coup.

Guess I should have...

Paid attention to the red flags.

Three inmates at the insane asylum gather around the lunch table to plot how they can break out and regain their freedom.

Rudy, the longest standing resident explains they should all meet along the Southern wall at precisely midnight, whereupon he will use his recently illegally acquired hospital issue flashlight to vault them over the wall. Then it’s a short walk across the border into Mexico.

Upon hearing the ...

The owner of a seafood restaurant sends one of his sons undercover to his rival's restaurant

The owner tells him to get a job as a cook, and figure out the recipe for his rival's famous clam chowder.

The first day, the son comes home with a basic list of ingredients that the rival uses. They try making it, but it doesn't turn out the same. The owner sends him back.

The second ...

If you bury a person in the wrong plot of land, and the only thing you can give their family as compensation are the hand shovels you used...

you've made a grave mistake, and are paying for it in spades

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"hey man— you buried my grandmother in the wrong plot"

I guess you could say *[stares muthafuckingly]*... I made a grave mistake.

Why was Gimli so interested in plotting equations on an x-y coordinate plane?

He heard it involved axes.

I plotted a graph of my past mistakes

It has an ex-axis and a why-axis

I'm starting to not like the Middle East.

The plot's too confusing and I can't connect with any of the characters.

There once was a man named Ulf, and he was the meanest Viking in all the land.

Time after time he proved his temperament, and so obnoxious was he that the world knew him as Rude Ulf.

Despite his prowess, the village soon found him unbearable, and even his mother had not a kind thing to say.

Amidst pleas and cries for Rude Ulf’s exile, the chief gave him an ultima...

Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.

They're definitely plotting something.

Proof that 9/11 wasn't a government plot:

It worked.

I have a graph of my relationships

It has an Ex axis and a why axis, trust me I’ve been plotting for a while

My local cemetery is working to resell mine and my wife’s burial plots to a new buyer...

We’re in grave danger

plot twist

a little girl was praying when her dad walked in. she said “good night grandma good night mom good night dad good bye grandpa”. the next day the grandpa drops dead. the dad decides to ignore what she says last night and continues on with his day. that night the dad walks in his daughters room prayin...

The owner of a restaurant sends his employee undercover...

...to the vastly more successful restaurant across the road.

Before sending him, the owner says "That restaraunt is ruining business here, all because of their famous chowder. I need the recipe and the secret ingredient ASAP!"

The employee manages to infiltrate the kitchen of the succe...

what happens to a potato after the plot of soil it is growing in quadruples in value?

it becomes an affluent-tato

I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself

This is the last thing I need.

BIGGEST PLOT TWIST ENDINGS

3) fight club

2) the sixth sense

1) the song “row row row your boat”

I read an article that said there was a major plot hole due to Pennywise's actions

I don't believe It!

I just read a novel that took place in the world's smallest graveyard

Honestly, it sucked. It didn't even have a plot.

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Why aren't there many denstists in porn plot?

Because they always ask to spit and not swallow...

Some people didn’t remember the plot of the short story The Lottery (By Shirley Jackson)

But when they did, it hit them like a rock.

Ever wonder why Star Wars has so many plot holes?

It's because the stormtroopers keep missing

n a certain suburban neighborhood, there were two brothers, 8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly mischievous.

Whatever went wrong in the neighborhood, it turned out they had had a hand in it. Their parents were at their wit’s end trying to control them.
Hearing about a priest nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the parents thought that they should ask the priest to talk with the boys. The priest agre...

I love spoiling the plot of The Picture of Dorian Gray

Never gets old

How Can You Trust an Omnipotent, and Omniscient God...

When he's been plotting to kill you since the day you were born?

I was arrested for my plot to steal all the precious metals from the Olympics.

I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those medalling kids.

When does joker not plot crimes?

When he's riding his Harley

No present for your mother in law

At Christmas, a man just opened presents from his mother in law and she asks, "where's mine?"

He says, "I didn't get you anything this year."

Visibly upset, she asks why.

He says, "you never used what I got you last year."

She yells, " it was a burial plot!"

I have a story for you. A guy pours cement all over a plot of land...

and then the plot thickens.

A friend of mine told me about his plan to sell burial plots to rich Egyptians.

Sounded like a pyramid scheme to me.

Did you hear about the new Bruce Willis movie?

Bruce Willis has to go undercover in a retirement home for nuns to stop a terrorist plot.

It's called "Old Habits Die Hard".

Hallmark movies have formulaic plots, two-dimensional characters, and half the bad guys want to sell some piece of land...

...it’s basically “Scooby-Doo!” for sentimental grown-ups.

Plot twist joke

The couple drives silently in a car along the country road. She suddenly says,"Walter, I'm getting a divorce!"
He doesn't say anything, just accelerates slightly.
She says,"I've had a relationship with your best friend for a long time, and he's a better lover than you." He doesn't say anything...

One day, a family from mexico moves up from Mexico city all the way to Jacksonville Florida

One day, a family from mexico moves up from Mexico city all the way to Jacksonville Florida. They settle in a small little house. The neighbors are a little skeptical, being their race and all, so they keep an eye out on their plot for a few days. To his suprise, he sees that the family is one of th...

I saw a movie once.

In the movie, a guy put a thumbtack on a girls chair, and she sat on it.

Not much of a plot I'll admit, but I like movies where the guy gets the girl in the end.

Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?

Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.

Plot devices have Mary Sues, comic books have Gary Stus...

Hollywood has Terry Crews.

I found an plot of soil yesterday. I went back to the site today and found even more soil...

The plot thickens...

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Why don't they show vaginas in anime?

Because then it would be a plot hole

Did you hear about the failed Canadian plot to bomb Mexico with a nuclear missile?

It went south fast.

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