Plot Jokes

671 Hallmark movies.

Only two, but they'll wait 6 or 7 seasons before screwing it up.

A retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris, but it turns out that idea was taken.
I had another idea for one where the same agent is kidnapped with his wife in Istanbul, but it turns out that one was taken too.

...weapons of math instruction.

Because it’s full of holes.

Dear Son,

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my potato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me, if you weren't in prison.

Love,... read more

It worked.

It had an “ex” axis and a “why” axis.

The Hallmark Channel

I think he must be plotting something.

Fun fact: Bilbo Baggins had to be a male in order for the plot of The Hobbit to work. If he was instead female, everything would have fallen apart in the goblin cave. Bilbo would have gone off wandering around in the dark and dreary caverns, found the ring, and seen Gollum fishing like in the origin... read more

a little girl was praying when her dad walked in. she said “good night grandma good night mom good night dad good bye grandpa”. the next day the grandpa drops dead. the dad decides to ignore what she says last night and continues on with his day. that night the dad walks in his daughters room prayin... read more

The plot thickens.

So that you'll think:

"Oh, this is how it's gonna be"

And then it turns out to be completely different

Because I'm not actually writing a book.

They are laying in wait for Putin's private car to pass by, having planted a roadside bomb.

One says to the other, "He is supposed to arrive in 5 minutes. Is everything ready?".


"Yes."

An hour later, no car has passed by.


"Are you sure you got the time right?"... read more

It has an ex-axis and a why-axis

Never gets old

The plot was a bit predictable


And a little flat


Good special f(x) though

It's called Tik Tok.

The groundskeeper told me I made a grave mistake.

and then the plot thickens.

When he's riding his Harley

It takes a week to mow her burial plot.

There’s always a Maine character.

and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

"Your generation is too reliant on technology",said my grandpa

"No, Your generation is too reliant on technology," I reported as I pulled the plug on his life support to further prove my point.

Two chemists walk into a bar.

The first one says, "I'll have some H2O."

The second says, "I'll have some water too. But why'd you order it like that? We aren't at work."

The first chemist excuses himself and weeps in the bathroom.
His assassination plot had failed.

Guess I should have...

Paid attention to the red flags.

It's because the stormtroopers keep missing

Tolp.

It's just all climax.

Hollywood has Terry Crews.

Cause you can distribute your sample over me

He heard it involved axes.

The distribution was random.

One Christmas time, an elderly woman opens her present from her son-in-law and discovers a cemetery plot inside. Despite the confusion, she thanks him very much for the gift.

The following Christmas, she approaches her son-in-law and asks where her present is. He simply replies that he didn'... read more

I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those medalling kids.

Then he took a cruise and was lost at
sea.

Moral:
Be careful what you plot!

The librarian calls into the back room, "Hey, we found the lady who took our dictionary!"

I own a small allotment. Every night someone throws soil in on top of in. I've absolutely no idea why.

The plot thickens.

it becomes an affluent-tato

We’re in grave danger

Never gets old.

The plot thickens...

Ok.. Hear me out

So the perceived 'Road' in this case is actually the trick by the government to sell more adapters to construction company. This is because the secret lizard people of the UNDERGROUND are controlling the chickens neurons and each brain cell is secretly in on the plot. Y... read more