My ex got sent to jail for plotting a radical socialist coup.

Guess I should have...

Paid attention to the red flags.

CIA Uncovers Chinese Plot to Make America Stupid

It's called Tik Tok.

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I watched "The Vagina Monologues" on mute but I still understood the plot

I can read lips

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"hey man— you buried my grandmother in the wrong plot"

I guess you could say *[stares muthafuckingly]*... I made a grave mistake.

What has 15 actors, four settings, two writers, and one plot?

632 Hallmark movies.

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I met a Harry Potter fanfic writer. But their writting was very boring, they were just retelling the original plot in other words. I recommended them to take a break, read something different for new perspective/inspiration, and then try again.

They took my advice and then month later they sent me draft of the first chapter of their new fanfic.

"-You know Harry, Ron said. I'm not really Irish. I'm actually Jewish.

-Then I have something to tell you too, Harry said, smiling. This train isn't really going to Hogwarts."

...

As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.

*The plot thickens.*

How many GoT plot writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only two, but they'll wait 6 or 7 seasons before screwing it up.

I plotted a graph of my past mistakes

It has an ex-axis and a why-axis

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Two Covid deniers die of Covid and go to heaven. God tell them they can ask anything they want and get the truth....

Two Covid deniers die of Covid and go to heaven. God tell them they can ask anything they want and get the truth

Covid Denier 1: So there was no such thing as covid, right? I died of lung cancer or something!

God: No, Covid is real, you died of covid just like the Doctors said.
...

plot twist

a little girl was praying when her dad walked in. she said “good night grandma good night mom good night dad good bye grandpa”. the next day the grandpa drops dead. the dad decides to ignore what she says last night and continues on with his day. that night the dad walks in his daughters room prayin...

I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself

This is the last thing I need.

AutoCAD Conspiracy.

I'm always suspicious of people who use AutoCAD... they always seem to be plotting something.

When I walked past the charthouse on the upper deck, I saw Larry furiously scribbling on a map!

I just know that guy's plotting something.

BIGGEST PLOT TWIST ENDINGS

3) fight club

2) the sixth sense

1) the song “row row row your boat”

what happens to a potato after the plot of soil it is growing in quadruples in value?

it becomes an affluent-tato

My local cemetery is working to resell mine and my wife’s burial plots to a new buyer...

We’re in grave danger

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OH Henry

A woman is on one of those funeral cruises where the ashes of loved ones may be dumped into the sea. She had been married to a real cheapskate, who after 30 years of marriage finally died. The lady had her husband cremated, at his wishes, because he felt a plot would cost too much. After the memoria...

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On Christmas I was just minding my own business when I was visited by a few ghosts.

The plot Dickens.

What do you get when you cross a gardener with an author?

Someone who perpetually thickens the plot.

I just watched a movie about a y = x graph

The plot was a bit predictable

And a little flat

Good special f(x) though

Farmers would make great writers.

They really know how to work a plot.

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Tommy was 4 when his little brother was born. Tommy was pissed.

His life was suddenly turned upside down. Everyone was too busy doting on little Timmy to notice him anymore, everyone was like "Timmy this, Timmy that, Timmy's the best kid ever". Even his parents seemed to have forgotten about him. Tommy began to go deep into depression, but nobody seemed to care,...

A Tale Of Two Letters

Stalin, knowing that his time was short and that Khrushchev would be his eventual successor, summoned Nikita to a very private meeting. After telling Khrushchev how lonely it could get at the top, Stalin said: "I've left for you two letters containing my wisest counsel in the bottom drawer of the...

Two chemists walk into a bar.

Two chemists walk into a bar.

The first one says, "I'll have some H2O."

The second says, "I'll have some water too. But why'd you order it like that? We aren't at work."

The first chemist excuses himself and weeps in the bathroom. His assassination plot had failed.


<...

A man goes to a cemetery

He asks to buy a plot for his deceased wife. The sales guy looks confused and says “but your wife died 10 years ago and is already buried here.”
The man replies that he needs a plot for his second wife, whom he married 4 years ago.
The salesman says, “Oh, I didn’t know you remarried. Congratul...

Ever wonder why Star Wars has so many plot holes?

It's because the stormtroopers keep missing

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An elderly Italian man in New Jersey...

An elderly Italian man living alone in New Jersey wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, since the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,...

Some people didn’t remember the plot of the short story The Lottery (By Shirley Jackson)

But when they did, it hit them like a rock.

According to a recent article, someone has been kicking dirt on Mark Twain's burial site.

*The plot thickens.*

This season of Earth is not realistic

So many plot holes. Like, where did the murder hornets go? Why introduce them if they're not important to the story?

I'm feeling Lost.

Hallmark movies have formulaic plots, two-dimensional characters, and half the bad guys want to sell some piece of land...

...it’s basically “Scooby-Doo!” for sentimental grown-ups.

A friend of mine told me about his plan to sell burial plots to rich Egyptians.

Sounded like a pyramid scheme to me.

I don't recommend buying thay book about the farmland that the farmer didn't finish seeding

It's full of plot holes

Proof that 9/11 wasn't a government plot:

It worked.

A deer walked into a restaurant...

The deer then ordered a ton of food.

The waiter then told the deer the price of it.

"Sir, all that food is for 30 bucks total," the waiter said to the deer.

The deer replied "Oh no, this is all for me. I'm eating all of this."

Confused, the waiter repeated what he said to...

Stomach finds out all organs are organizing to plot against it.

It turns to bladder and says: urine this?

I was arrested for my plot to steal all the precious metals from the Olympics.

I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those medalling kids.

When does joker not plot crimes?

When he's riding his Harley

I just saw my math teacher lock himself in his office with a piece of graph paper.

I think he must be plotting something.

Never trust math teachers who use graph paper

They're always plotting something.

I had an idea for a movie plot.

A retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris, but it turns out that idea was taken.
I had another idea for one where the same agent is kidnapped with his wife in Istanbul, but it turns out that one was taken too.

I love spoiling the plot of 'Dorian Gray'.

Never gets old.

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A Single Guy Moves From New York City to the DEEP Country

He is so tired of city life he decides to move to the middle of nowhere and try something new. He buys a plot of land with a small farmhouse and 100 acres.

As he is unpacking his UHaul, he sees an old beat up truck kicking up dust down the dirt road. The truck turns on his lane and a man ge...

Plot devices have Mary Sues, comic books have Gary Stus...

Hollywood has Terry Crews.

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That's how the fight got started...

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

'No,' she answered.

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

So I ...

I have a story for you. A guy pours cement all over a plot of land...

and then the plot thickens.

What’s the difference between Hallmark movies and Scooby-Doo?

One has formulaic plots, two-dimensional characters, and bad guys trying to close some kind of real estate deal, and the other has a talking dog in it.

Plot twist joke

The couple drives silently in a car along the country road. She suddenly says,"Walter, I'm getting a divorce!"
He doesn't say anything, just accelerates slightly.
She says,"I've had a relationship with your best friend for a long time, and he's a better lover than you." He doesn't say anything...

I'm fully convinced that Stalin's grave...

...is just a Communist plot.

Did you hear about the failed Canadian plot to bomb Mexico with a nuclear missile?

It went south fast.

Someone's been secretly dumping top soil on my lawn...

The plot thickens...

What do you call a plan to kill a bunch of crows that are hanging around on a gravestone?

A plot to murder a murder plot's murder.

I made a graph to plot the curvature of bells.

The distribution was random.

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