What has 15 actors, four settings, two writers, and one plot?

632 Hallmark movies.

I plotted a graph of my past mistakes

It has an ex-axis and a why-axis

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Star Wars Episode V plot twist.

R2D2 had been trying to tell Luke that Darth Vader was his Father by saying '' Motherfucker! '' every time they saw him.
They just bleeped it out.

I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself

This is the last thing I need.

plot twist

a little girl was praying when her dad walked in. she said “good night grandma good night mom good night dad good bye grandpa”. the next day the grandpa drops dead. the dad decides to ignore what she says last night and continues on with his day. that night the dad walks in his daughters room prayin...

How many GoT plot writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only two, but they'll wait 6 or 7 seasons before screwing it up.

BIGGEST PLOT TWIST ENDINGS

3) fight club

2) the sixth sense

1) the song “row row row your boat”

what happens to a potato after the plot of soil it is growing in quadruples in value?

it becomes an affluent-tato

My local cemetery is working to resell mine and my wife’s burial plots to a new buyer...

We’re in grave danger

Ever wonder why Star Wars has so many plot holes?

It's because the stormtroopers keep missing

Some people didn’t remember the plot of the short story The Lottery (By Shirley Jackson)

But when they did, it hit them like a rock.

Hallmark movies have formulaic plots, two-dimensional characters, and half the bad guys want to sell some piece of land...

...it’s basically “Scooby-Doo!” for sentimental grown-ups.

As I expected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.

*The plot thickens.*

I took my uncle's coffin to the wrong plot.

The groundskeeper told me I made a grave mistake.

A friend of mine told me about his plan to sell burial plots to rich Egyptians.

Sounded like a pyramid scheme to me.

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That's how the fight got started...

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

'No,' she answered.

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

So I ...

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Why aren't there many denstists in porn plot?

Because they always ask to spit and not swallow...

So as predicted the economic crisis has hit my local area and all attention has turned to the hardship caused to small business. Its been a simply disastrous start to the week.....

Our bra manufacturer has gone bust.

The specialist in submersibles has gone under.

A dog kennel has had to call in the retrievers.

The suppliers of paper for origami enthusiasts has folded.

The Heinz factory has been canned as they couldn’t ketchup with orders.

A t...

Thinking outside the box

Fresh out of gift ideas, a man buys his mother-in-law a large plot in an expensive cemetery. On her next birthday, he buys her nothing, so she phones him, furious.
"What are you complaining about?" he fires back. "You still haven't used the present I gave you last year."

I just saw my math teacher lock himself in his office with a piece of graph paper.

I think he must be plotting something.

I know a guy who saved all his life to buy a cemetery plot.

Then he took a cruise and was lost at
sea.

Moral:
Be careful what you plot!

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Cute Joke

An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man
wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
<...

Stomach finds out all organs are organizing to plot against it.

It turns to bladder and says: urine this?

Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?

Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.

When does joker not plot crimes?

When he's riding his Harley

I was arrested for my plot to steal all the precious metals from the Olympics.

I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those medalling kids.

I love spoiling the plot of 'Dorian Gray'.

Never gets old.

Plot devices have Mary Sues, comic books have Gary Stus...

Hollywood has Terry Crews.

Proof that 9/11 wasn't a government plot:

It worked.

Do you know why there was no CSI Alabama?

Hard to write a plot when everyone around has no dental records and a matching DNA.

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Why don't porn movies win Oscars?

Because the plots are full of holes.

I've been reading this farmer's autobiography and just got to the part where he expands his carrot farm.

The plot thickens.

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Did you hear about the truckload of cocktail straws and lemon rinds that crashed in a cemetery and spilled into an open grave?

Plot twist!

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I just realized the fight between obi wan and Anakin perfectly sums up the past year of fighting between Millenials and Boomers, respectively.

When Jedi business becomes too real.

---------------

Millenials: You have allowed this giant turd to twist your mind, until now, until now you've become the very thing you swore to destroy.

Boomer : Don't lecture me, child, I see through the lies of the libtards I do not fear t...

I had an idea for a movie plot.

A retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris, but it turns out that idea was taken.
I had another idea for one where the same agent is kidnapped with his wife in Istanbul, but it turns out that one was taken too.

I just watched a movie about graphical functions, but was really disappointed.

The plot was predictable, the special f(x) terrible.

I don’t trust people that use large format printers.

They’re always plotting something.

Never go to bed angry

Stay up all night... plotting.

Did you hear about the failed Canadian plot to bomb Mexico with a nuclear missile?

It went south fast.

Guy walks into a funeral home

He tells the receptionist, “my wife is dying, and i need to buy a gravesite.”

Receptionist says, “sure, no problem. Just fill out this paperwork and we’ll get the process started.”

Guy says, “well you should know up front this might get complicated. See, my wife weighs 800 pounds.”
...

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I recently read a book about someone driving down a shitty road

Had a lot of plot holes

Two Chemists Walk Into A Bar

Two chemists walk into a bar.
The first one says “I will have some H2O.”
The second one says “I’ll have some water too, but why did you order like that? We’re not at work.”
The first chemist excuses himself and weeps in the bathroom.
His assassination plot has failed.

I have a story for you. A guy pours cement all over a plot of land...

and then the plot thickens.

Plot twist joke

The couple drives silently in a car along the country road. She suddenly says,"Walter, I'm getting a divorce!"
He doesn't say anything, just accelerates slightly.
She says,"I've had a relationship with your best friend for a long time, and he's a better lover than you." He doesn't say anything...

A blonde walks into the library

A blonde walks into the library. She walks up to the counter, slams a book down and screams at the librarian, "This is the worst book I've ever read. It has no plot and far too many characters!"

The librarian looks up and calmly remarks: "Ahh… so you're the one who took our phone book."

A group of farming mathmeticians in the Midwest are doing well for themselves

These farmers use their mathmatical expertise to best know how to plot their lands, when to start planting or harvesting, and overall how to have a good yield.

Recently, the state has been pushing for a ban on diesel-engine tractors due to their heavy usage on non-renewable resources and how...

I made a graph to plot the curvature of bells.

The distribution was random.

Fifty Shades of Grey has no plot.

It's just all climax.

Bribe...

A farmer consults a lawyer friend for his case. He had built a house in the plot of another farmer and now the other farmer has sued him, demanding the house demolished.

The lawyer calmly explains the farmer is in the wrong, he should not have built a house on another person's land. He advise...

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