How many GoT plot writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only two, but they'll wait 6 or 7 seasons before screwing it up.

Some people didn’t remember the plot of the short story The Lottery (By Shirley Jackson)

But when they did, it hit them like a rock.

Hallmark movies have formulaic plots, two-dimensional characters, and half the bad guys want to sell some piece of land...

...it’s basically “Scooby-Doo!” for sentimental grown-ups.

A friend of mine told me about his plan to sell burial plots to rich Egyptians.

Sounded like a pyramid scheme to me.

I would never resort to plotting revenge on an ex.

Just her having to acknowledge that she slept with me is punishment enough.

I just saw my math teacher lock himself in his office with a piece of graph paper.

I think he must be plotting something.

How do you trace a scatter plot?

Give the pencil to Michael J. Fox.

-Bo Burnham

I plotted all of my past relationships on a graph...

It has a “why” axis and an “ex” axis.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why aren't there many denstists in porn plot?

Because they always ask to spit and not swallow...

Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?

Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.

I know a guy who saved all his life to buy a cemetery plot.

Then he took a cruise and was lost at
sea.

Moral:
Be careful what you plot!

As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.

*The plot thickens.*

I took my uncle's coffin to the wrong plot.

The groundskeeper told me I made a grave mistake.

Stomach finds out all organs are organizing to plot against it.

It turns to bladder and says: urine this?

When does joker not plot crimes?

When he's riding his Harley

I was arrested for my plot to steal all the precious metals from the Olympics.

I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those medalling kids.

Guy walks into a funeral home

He tells the receptionist, “my wife is dying, and i need to buy a gravesite.”

Receptionist says, “sure, no problem. Just fill out this paperwork and we’ll get the process started.”

Guy says, “well you should know up front this might get complicated. See, my wife weighs 800 pounds.”
...

I love spoiling the plot of 'Dorian Gray'.

Never gets old.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A student walked up to his psychology class's professor after class day

Student: I don't really get what happened today. Can you re-explain deductive reasoning to me?

Teacher: Alright, I'll show you an example. So you're from a farming family. Do you own a tractor

Student: Yeah I do

Teacher: Okay so from that I can tell that you own a reasonably bi...

I saw an add for burial plots

And thought this is the last thing I need

I just watched a movie about graphs, and it was really disappointing.

The plot was predictable, and the special f(x) was terrible.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old Italian gentleman wanted to plant his annual tomato garden. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son:

"Dear Vincent, I am pretty sad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days. Love, Papa."...

What did the Irish farmer name his potato plot?

Carb O'hydrate

Proof that 9/11 wasn't a government plot:

It worked.

Why are cemeteries the best place to write a story?

Because they have so many plots in them

I just read through an old phone book to pass the time.

Lots of characters, but not much of a plot.

The greatest treasure wins

Once, there were two tribes - the Ubangis and the Wallawallas. They worshiped the same gods, and their religion told them that whoever possessed the greatest worldly treasure had the gods's favor.

For many years, the favor of the gods lay with the Ubangis, whose chief had made a throne of ...

Wife refusing to leave.

So this was told by my hubs. He doesn't use reddit, so he asked me to post it.




Police: Sir, we can't make your wife just leave the house when she has no where to go.



Husband: That's not true. I bought her a place years ago, just for her and she refuses to go there....

One snowy day, Donald Trump is leaving the White House.

He notices that in a nearby snowbank, someone has urinated a message into the snow: "DIE DONALD!" He grabs his head of security and says, "I demand to know who's responsible for this! Get the Secret Service on it immediately!"

A week later, the security chief enters the Oval Office. "Sir,"...

You can never trust farmers

They are always plotting something

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Back in the middle ages, there was a boy named Eddie, who was born as just a head.

His mother, concerned for his well-being, visited a witch in the woods near their house, seeking a remedy for the poor boy's affliction. The witch felt charitable, looking upon the poor body-less infant, and told Eddie's mother that not only would the boy be fine, she would also make him a body! How...

Did you hear about the failed Canadian plot to bomb Mexico with a nuclear missile?

It went south fast.

I made a graph to plot the curvature of bells.

The distribution was random.

My publisher didn’t like my Erotica...

He said the plot was full of gaping holes

I had an idea for a movie plot.

A retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris, but it turns out that idea was taken.
I had another idea for one where the same agent is kidnapped with his wife in Istanbul, but it turns out that one was taken too.

Plot twist joke

The couple drives silently in a car along the country road. She suddenly says,"Walter, I'm getting a divorce!"
He doesn't say anything, just accelerates slightly.
She says,"I've had a relationship with your best friend for a long time, and he's a better lover than you." He doesn't say anything...

I have a story for you. A guy pours cement all over a plot of land...

and then the plot thickens.

A British man visits a small American family farm... [Long]

And he's impressed at just how much food the farmer is able to grow on his small plot. "This is most impressive!" he says. "It seems like more than one family could eat, old boy! How do you deal with the excess?"

The farmer, a man of few words, replies: "We eat what we can, and what we can't,...

The joke about the priest and an bus driver

(If i have mistakes in my writing,i am sorry cuz english is NOT my prime language)
Ok so a priest and a bus driver were at the gates of heaven,and they were greeten by jesus himself.BUT here is the plot twist.Jesus only lets the bus driver in heaven but not the priest.
The priest:Excuse me Jes...

Fifty Shades of Grey has no plot.

It's just all climax.

Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.

They're *always* plotting something.

In the City of Loafington, there lived a superhero named Wonderbread.

Wonderbread was, predictably, a superhero with bread-themed powers. He could beat up a gang with a baguette, trap someone in a giant pita, or cushion someone's fall with swiftly-rising dough. He was beloved by all in the city, for his escapades had the lovely side-effect of feeding the entire city f...

I watched 4 guys carry a coffin around a cemetery for an hour

Thought to myself, "well they've lost the plot"

A man moved in to a new apartment,

He was excited because he now lived very close to his job and would no longer have to endure the horrendous traffic to and from work. While plotting his walk in the morning he noted that his path took him by a mental institution. Thoroughly enjoying his morning stroll , he heard some voices drifting...

Just left a cemetery where earlier I saw 4 men carrying a coffin. 3 hours later I saw the same men carrying the same coffin.

I thought to myself, they've lost the plot.

Recycled ones. But love them. 36 Math jokes and puns

Beginner

1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal?

Because he would have to convert.

2. Why do plants hate math?

It gives them square roots.

3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?

It was a mean thing to s...

Want to hear a plot twist?

Tolp.

My life is like going to see a M. Night Shyamalan film....bizarre characters, lots of plot twists

and I want my money back.

Back when I was a Scooby Doo villain I had an allotment....

Every time I went to tend to my vegetables I would find them covered in thin sheets of aluminium.

Those pesky kids were always foiling my plot.

(I'm sorry)

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.