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Undertaking Jokes

A Strange Undertaking

A lady was at the funeral parlor to see how they had prepared her deceased husband for the viewing.

She complained to the director that her husband was dressed in a black suit. Her brother in law had dropped off the black one and she said that her husband hated that suit and he preferred a l...

“You’re a funeral director? That must be quite the undertaking.”

Yes I make a killing!

A joke my Dad told me that I never understood when I was a child.

A man walking along a California beach is deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord, Grant me one wish."

The sunny Californian sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish"<...

More than half of $2.6bn (£1.9bn) in donations made at a special one-day conference to ease the humanitarian crisis in Yemen were pledged by countries that are either fighting in the civil war or selling arms to those undertaking the fighting.

When life gives you Yemen, you give Yemen aid.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know what they say about driving a hearse..

It's quite the undertaking.

One good tern deserves another

Arctic terns, birds long famous for their thousands of miles migratory habits, have been profoundly affected by climate change. Researchers have determined that as landmarks have disappeared due to loss of ice, some terns get stressed to the point of prematurely ending their flights.

Exposur...

Why did the funeral director fail his driving test?

He kept on undertaking!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Personalities

1) Polite - farts and says "Pardon!"

2) Cynic - Farts while looking you directly in the eyes

3) Chivalrous - lets the lady fart first

4) Gourmand - Farts for his own pleasure

5) Sentimental - Farts and says "Oh..."

6) Idealist - farts out of conviction

7) C...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kid goes into funeral business

A kid from Pennsylvania's gone to Chicago to study the funeral business with Frank E. Campbell, the world's most renowned mortician, and he calls home.


He says, "Pop, you wouldn't believe how exciting it is working with Frank E. Campbell. It's unbelievable."


His father sa...

I knew a successful businessman who decided to shut down everything and run a funeral parlor.

It was quite the undertaking.

I thought about opening up a cemetery...

but it seems like it would be a large undertaking.

Roses are red, violets are blue...

Let's dispel once and for all with this fiction that Barack Obama doesn't know what he's doing. He knows EXACTLY what he's doing. Barack Obama is undertaking a systematic effort to change this country, to make America more like the rest of the world.

That's why he passed Obamacare and th...

Walking past the funeral directors.

I was walking past the funeral directors the other day, and I looked in, and was shocked to see a large, hairy elephant in a black suit showing a family a head stone.

I thought to myself "That's a mammoth undertaking."

Man finds a Genie in a bottle

Man walking along the beach finds a bottle, opens it, out pops a Genie
"Ok, great you found me and all but im busy and you get One Wish. Take it or leave it"

"Well, jeez, I always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I hate flying, and I get sea Sick. How bout a highway from San Francisco to H...

The genie of the lamp

A hipster goes to an antique market where he spots a cool looking brass lamp. It's only $20, so he buys and takes it home.
He spots a black mark on the side so he gets out the brass polish and rubs it to remove the mark. There's a flash and this giant Middle Eastern dude appeares in his lounge. "...

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