The 41+ Best Enterprise Jokes

What did Captain Picard say to the engineer when the Enterprise's sewing machine broke?

Make it sew.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does the USS Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?

They both circle Uranus in search of Klingons.

The Enterprise-D had just accomplished a major Starfleet mission, so the crew went to celebrate at Ten Forward. Captain Picard and Chief O'Brien were chosen to give the toasts.

First O'Brien gave his toast; "May you live as long as you want and not want for as long as you live."

Next Picard gave his toast; "Cinnamon, eggs, bread and maple syrup."

The bartender, Guinan, admired O'Brien's toast, but was absolutely confused by Picard's.

So O'Brien explain...

Why did the enterprise version of Norton Security Firewall flop?

Because it was NSFW.

What did they find in the toilet in the star ship Enterprise?

The captain's log.

How many ensigns does it take to clean the USS Enterprise?

Zero, space is a vacuum.

What did Bugs Bunny say after beaming aboard the Enterprise?

What's up Spock?

What's the worst job to have on The Starship Enterprise?

Cleaning up the hollodeck.

What printers do they use on board the Enterprise?

Hewlett Pickards

A farmer purchases an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise

The fields are grown over with weeds, the farmhouse is falling apart, and the fences are collapsing all around.
During his first day of work, the town preacher stops by to bless the man’s work, saying, “May you and God work together to make this the farm of your dreams!”
A few months later, th...

Why does the starship enterprise smell bad?

Coz William Shat-n-er

Captain Kirk and the crew of the Enterprise encountered an unknown alien craft

However, they proved to be friendly, and soon a dialog was reached. After discussing quite a few differences in culture, they came to reproduction.

One of the aliens said "Let me demonstrate" and a small swelling appeared on his arm. After a couple of minutes, the swelling became the form o...

Enterprise maintenance log, stardate 2259.55: Today, the main sewage system got jammed by the captain's log again.

Medical promised to recommend a change to his diet.

What happened when the USS Enterprise got a new toilet?

William Shatner

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Where are all the Jews on the Starship Enterprise?

on the challah deck

Why are there no Anti-Vaxxers serving on StarTrek’s Enterprise?

Because it’s set in the future.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Being a prostitute on the Enterprise sounded interesting...

But actually it's mostly Data entry.

For Star Trek fans: What did Scotty tell Kirk when The Enterprise flew over western England?

"Thar be Wales here!"

What do you call it when the Enterprise's android science officer drives in reverse?

Data backup

Did you hear that the new captain of the Enterprise is a magician?

His name is Jean-Luc Pick-a-card

The starship Enterprise is about to face annihilation from a superior ship, but Picard comes up with a cunning plan.

"We'll beam Lieutenant Worf on to their ship to offer our unconditional surrender", says Picard

"But Captain", interrupts Riker, "they might not take us seriously if you send Worf. It might be wise to send Commander Troi".

"Nonsense! Put him in a wooly sweater, a wooly hat and gloves,...

What's the worst job on the Enterprise?

The guy who has to clean the holodeck after Riker uses it.

One day on the USS-Enterprise...

Captain Picard tears his uniform. Now, normally he could just replicate a new one, but he was particularly fond of this uniform and so he went to get it mended in the uniform repair machine, but it was broken. So he called Geordi LaForge.

"Geordi, the machine that repairs uniforms is broken....

What suicidal space creature did Kirk find on the Enterprise?

A Tribble with troubles.

My libertarian neighbor posted a newspaper ad selling his collection of Star Trek ships.

And here I thought he believed in free Enterprise.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"How can you watch porn but still claim you love only me?" My wife asked

" The same way I watch Formula 1 whole weekend but still happily drive my 2010 Toyota Camry everyday" I replied..

That satisfied her...

I just failed to mention I take rental at Enterprise when I go on business trips

The European Union is proposing to build a public toilet in Brussels.

They put the job out to tender. They get in 3 responses.

First in is Hans from Germany. He gets straight to the point. "I'll build it for €30,000."
The Eurocrat behind the desk looks up from his note pad. "Can you give us some more detail, Hans?"
"Ja! €10,000 labour, €10,000 m...

Paranormal happenings in the Navy

Just found out that the USS Enterprise (CVN-65, sorry to Trekkies) was haunted. The apparition of a human figure, from the waist down and appearing to have been messily severed from the rest of the body, would walk the ship’s passageways.

While nobody is sure of the ghost’s identity or the ex...

After many years of fighting crime as batman

Bruce Wayne finally got married and had a son. His son turned out to be brilliant at investing, especially in bitcoin, making Wayne Enterprises one of the biggest companies on the planet.

All this time, Bruce had been training him, and when the time was right, Bruce introduced his son to the ...

Tech company mission statements be like

We're a customer centric organization and we deliver the value of IOT, cloud, big data, blockchain, machine learning, and artificial intelligence by using design thinking to drive digital transformation for the connected enterprise.

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Recently, my brother opened a brothel. So far, business is going great. Blowjob is 25, anal 50, vaginal is not offered yet.

It's a new enterprise and he's the only one employed at the moment.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Space joke

Whats the similarity between Starship Enterprise and toiletpaper.

They both circling around Uranus looking for Klingons

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman goes to a pet shop.

She's looking for a present for her husband. Unfortunately, she's on a budget, but the clerk has an idea:
"For $ 20, I can give you something very special" and presents here a frog.

"What's so special about it?" the woman asks.

The clerk says: "Well, this frog is very special, becau...

Why does Data the android cost Starfleet so much money?

Because Data is enterprise hardware.

A couple on their 60th anniversary

Jake and Jane wake up on the day of their 60th anniversary. Jane turns to Jake and says:
Jane: Jake, is there anything you have been keeping a secret in all these years from me? Today is our 60th anniversary and you can come clean! I want be mad.
Jake: Well Jane, now that you asked, it was me ...

I'm planning on opening an art boutique.

I'll sell paintings of jesus smoking weed.

It'll be a high prophet enterprise.

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The King and his donkey? Father Murphy tried that too...

[BringItOnFellas' previous version here](http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/2dru6u/a_king_enrolled_his_donkey_in_a_race_and_won/)

Father Murphy's parish was always scratching for the mortgage payment, until one day he came up with a plan: they would buy a racehorse, enter it in a few race...

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What does Will Riker call his penis?

The Enterprise D

A group of wealthy gentlemen were sitting at a luncheon arguing over who made the most money...

Man #1 says "I am the wealthiest man here. I am a banker. Every month, I make a handsome profit in the interests on all my loans at once."

Man #2 says "Ah, but I own the operations of a massive oil production. I never even have to work and every quarter my profits triple because demand is so ...

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office merger

Mike's startup company wasn't doing that well. He had a great idea for a tech startup, he got funding from venture capitalists, hired programmers, accountants, marketing analysts, everything. But sadly Super Tech Enterprises was failing. For months his former roommate's company was offering to bu...

My teacher put these onto our Word of the Day test in class today.

What illness did everyone on the Enterprise catch? Chicken Spocks!

What animals are on legal documents? Seals!

What is a polygon? A dead parrot!

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