I tried making plans with the farmer that hays my field....

But he always bales.

Ukraine has announced plans to open Chernobyl as a theme park.

They say ”Its just like Disneyland.” Except the 6-foot mouse is real.

What do you call somebody who keeps on quitting their diet plans?

A desserter

Two high school graduates are discussing their future college plans. The first says "I'm planning on going into farming, it's what my father did and it makes good money." The second asks "What type of farming? Wheat, corn, livestock?"

"I don't know man, there are so many fields to choose from."

What do you call it when a group of crows make plans to get together?

Premeditated murder

One day co-workers Alice and Bob were talking over the water cooler. Soon the conversation turned to Alice's husband Walter and his plans for the future.

"He's up for a promotion, but he's kinda screwed. He'd be moving up from the mail room to a position with some management responsibilities, but he never actually graduated college and that's usually a requirement. They like him though, so there's just one course he has to take and get a good grade i...

Donald Trump has announced that he plans to extend his wall across the oceans

This news came after he discovered that a man named Jesus managed to walk on water

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've decided to scrap my plans for the invisible scoreboard

I just don't see the point

They asked me what are my plans for the next year

Come on guys I don't have a 2020 vision

In 2025 Apple plans to make an electric car

Am just wondering if the car will have windows?

Bohemia just announced its plans to secede from the Czech Republic.

Is this the real life?

In a speech two days ago, Prime Minister Theresa May has announced that she plans to delay Brexit, in the hopes that the UK leaves with her deal on 22 May

May wants to leave at the end of May.

A couple who's been married for 25 years are discussing their anniversary plans

Wife: what do you plan to give me on our silver wedding anniversary?

Husband: Surprise! I'm taking you to Europe!

Wife: Wow! How are you going to top that on our golden anniversary?

Husband: Well, I suppose I'll pick you up!

Best Laid Plans

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years.

One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child....

There were plans to change the design of the 21st letter of the alphabet but Ed Sheeran stopped them

He’s in love with the shape of u

Dr. Jill Stein plans on marrying former senator Al Franken.

She will run for president in 2020 as Dr. Franken-Stein.

What do you call tentative Pirate plans?

Up in the Arrrr.

The Australian government recently unveiled their plans for a 1 dollar coin.

While some critics questioned the economic viability, the kangaroonie will start circulation next year, according to a government spokesperson.

Two friends are making plans...

One says that he’s going to need to ask his girlfriend if she was ok with him going out with his buddy.

Guy 1: “what’d she say?”

Guy 2: “she said I can go if I want.”

After a moment of silence guy 1 goes:

“So... raincheck?”

People keep asking me about my plans for next year.

I don’t know what they expect me to say, I don’t have 2020 vision.

Two hillbillies are discussing plans for dinner

After throwing ideas back and forth of what to cook, their eyes catch some roadkill on the side of the road. One of them eagerly suggests, "how about Himalayan Woodchuck?"

"Himalayan Woodchuck?" the other hillbilly scoffed. "What in the devil is that?"

"You know," the other says, gestu...

If you're having hesitations about your dinner plans in a Native American village...

you have reservation reservation reservations.

Man has plans to kill his wife

This guy is talking to a group of friends,

"I want my wife dead, but I don't want to do it myself, I'll pay anyone $1000 to kill her for me".

One of his friends Arty speaks up and says,

"I don't like your wife either, I'll do it for a dollar".

"Great"! He responds, "you c...

The veteran’s affairs office requests several ex-soldiers to come by and hear about a new pension plan.

“Alright men,” the official begins, “we’ve tried out a lot of pension plans in the past and none of them have worked out. At this point, we’re winging it. We’re going to measure between two points of your body, and whatever the distance is in inches, that’s how many thousand dollars you’ll get. So t...

I couldn't decide whether to use a boat or go swimming, so i aborted my plans.

It was a case of row versus wade

I asked my Hindu friend whether he plans to evacuate for Hurricane Florence.

He said, Na-ama-ste.

I had plans to go to the beach today, but the skies are cloudy and it is raining

It's really irrigating.

I had plans to get together with a buddy of mine who's a clock hobbyist, but he never showed up.

When I asked him where he was he said he was busy binge watching.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In a catholic girsl school the teaching Nun asks the girls about their plans for the future...

Nun:"Susan, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

Susan:"I want to be a teacher, just like you!"
N: "Good, and what do you want to be Alice?"

Alice:"I want to be a doctor!"

N:"Very good! And you Lucy, what do you want to do?"
Lucy:"I want to become a Prostitute!"...

Daniel Birnbaum, your company Sodastream is doing quite well lately, what are your plans for the future?

I'm hoping that our company get acquired by a large corporation such as Coca-Cola


Is Pepsi okay?

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