Cast Jokes - 89 Hilarious Cast Jokes

Did you hear they're remaking The Princess Bride with an all-potato cast?

"Hello, my name is Idaho Montoya. You peeled my father. Prepare to fry."

In Afghanistan, they've made it illegal to count the votes cast in any election.

It's the Tally Ban.

Why do people say "break a leg" before an audition?

It's so that they'll end up in a cast.

The cast of Star Wars VII just finished their first read through (spoilers)

Mark Hamill pulled JJ Abrams to the side and said "Can I have a word?"

The cast of Friends has reunited to open a DVD shop

A man walks in and says, “My Netflix subscription just ran out. Do you have the latest season of You?”

The staff points to a corner of the shop and says, “Aisle B there for You.”

After I broke my elbow, my buddy wrote all my homework assignments on my cast.

It really classed up the joint.

Cast the first stone,,,

Jesus walks up to a crowd of people getting ready to stone a lady to death for committing adultery and says, “Whoever is without sin may cast the first stone.”

So this little lady walks up with a big rock and smashes it down on the poor woman and splits her head wide open.

Then the lit...

How do you know Will Smith’s slap wasn’t staged?

His son wasn’t cast in it.

Why wasn't Bill Murray cast as Thor?

Because nobody likes an electricity bill.

The cast of Friends got shipwrecked on an deserted island...

Monica, Joey and Chandler were left behind because in real life David is a Schwimmer and Lisa Kudrow.

Kelly hobbled in to the bar on a crutch with one arm in a cast.

“My god! What happened to you?" the bartender asked.

“I got in a tiff with Riley.”

“Riley? He's just a wee fellow" the barkeep said, surprised. "He must have had something in his hand.”

“That he did" Kelly said, “A shovel it was.”

“Dear Lord. Didn't you have anything in y...

If the Ku Klux Klan leaders are wizards, why don't they cast a spell to kill all those that oppose them?

Because they don't have access to black magic.

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My boyfriend is getting me a dildo cast from his own penis for Valentine's day...

We're only doing small gifts this year.

The cast of friends were stuck on a life raft…

But all was well, Lisa Kudrow

Did you hear about the cat that got cast in Richard III?

Meow is the winter of his discontent.

People are really upset about how the cast of Hamilton treated Mike Pence.

I mean, the last time people were this upset about something an actor did to a Republican in a theater, the Civil War had just ended.

The cast of The Wizard of Oz go out for ice cream.

The Lion stops licking his cone, yelling, "Ouch!" and gripping his temples.

The Tinman stops licking his cone, yelling, "Ouch!" and gripping his temples.

Dorothy stops licking her cone, yelling, "Ouch!" and gripping her temples.

The Scarecrow says, "What's the matter with you ...

Why did Obama have the cast of Hamilton preform at the White House?

Because presidents don’t do too well in theatres

I think Model Trains cast an unrealistic beauty standard on actual trains...

But model trains never eat and real trains are always CHEW CHEW CHEW-ing

Why do we tell actors to "break a leg" Because every Movie has a cast

Found this on the internet. Found it funny

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by casting a vote on what movie to watch and pizza to order.

And then I picked the movie and pizza I wanted because they're not at voting age.

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A sex addict, an alcoholic and a pot head die and arrive at the gates of heaven.

Jesus is standing there looking at them sternly he says, " I stand at these gates to judge the souls that have passed on. If you do not deserve to enter heaven then you will be cast to the fire filled depths of hell where you will spend all eternity in agony."

The three sinners knowing the l...

Did you hear about Haley Joel Osment being cast in the Titanic remake?

The most iconic line will be Icy Dead People.

Doctor: Well, your arm is broken. You’ll need a cast for about 8 weeks and you’ll be good as new

Me: When the cast comes off, will I be able to play the piano?

Doctor: I don’t see why not.

Me: AWESOME!!!! I’ve always wanted to play the piano

Avengers cast

Interviewer: are you a human

Avengers endgame cast: I am not sure if I am aloud to tell you that

I Just Got Cast In A Commercial!

I'm the "before" picture

In America you cast your vote.

In India you vote your caste.

What is the LOST cast's favorite cheese?

Smoked Muenster.

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The die is cast

Hitler took a stroll in one of the concentration camps and he saw some Jews playing around with dice.
He came up to them saying : "if you roll a number from 1 to 5 you will die!
Jews : "And what if we roll a 6?"
Hitler smiled : "You get to roll the die again"

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Two men were cast away at sea

They landed on a island and were captured by the native people. They were taken to the tribal chief and he told them "you have two choices watuk watuk or death". The first cast away chose watuk watuk and a native with the biggest 13 inch cock came in and fucked the castaway. The second cast away sa...

A plumber hobbles down the road in a cast and meets a friend...

A plumber hobbles down the road in a cast and meets a friend.

"How did you break your leg?" asked the friend

"It's like this," he replied: "This guy had promised his wife that he would fix the sink plumbing on a particular day. That day, he realized he would need to stay late at w...

A priest, a minister and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job.

So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins:

“When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”

“I found a bear by the stream,” says the mi...

The casting for Hamilton was awful,

It makes no sense cast an American to play King George who is obviously British.

What did Capt. Ahab’s son write on his father’s cast?

“Get whale soon"

I’m keeping my cast on as long as I can.

The doctor said if I keep it on, I’ll get a trophy.

Casting Dwayne Johnson in a movie is a bold decision...

Casting The Rock is a boulder decision.

Apparently Danny Devito is casting a new film about Baroque composers.

Arnold Schwarzenegger will be Bach.

Which mythical creature casts no reflection?

All of them, technically.

Someone asked me to sign their cast.

So I wrote, "Last warning. You have a week to get the rest of the money together. Next time we won't be so nice."

A movie studio is casting roles for a documentary about classical musicians.

Tom Cruise says “I’ll play the part of Mozart”
Liam Neeson says “I’ll make a great Beethoven”
Arnold Schwarzenegger says “I’ll be Bach”

The lead actress for Avatar Korra is going to be so hard for M. Knight Shyamalan to cast

Gotcha :)

Interview (casting) :

- Please, list your 1 strong feature
- I'm persistent
- Thank you, we will contact you later
- I'll wait here

My D&D group found a walking stick that casts Column of Wind when you go fast.

It's a hurry cane.

When I cast my vote for Bernie Sanders...

When I cast my vote for Bernie Sanders, do I punch the ballot with my sickle or my hammer?

I didn’t believe it when I read that the cast of “Friends” are reuniting after 20 years.

No one told me life was gonna be this way.

Donald Trump should be cast in an X-Men movie

Seems his secret superpower is making vast amount of wealth disappear

Cast the first stone...

Jesus saw a crowd chasing down a woman to stone her and approached them. "What's going on here, anyway?" he asked.

"This woman was found committing adultery and the law says we should stone her!" one of the crowd responded.

"Wait," yelled Jesus, "Let he who is without sin cast the firs...

Which singer has problems casting spells?

Barry Mana Low

A clown goes crazy and starts murdering everybody with a cast-iron skillet.

Don't get the joke? It's deadpan humor.

What beer do the cast of Toy Story drink?

Buzz Light.

Why did the Spanish Mage never cast a spell?

Because his MPnada

I went boating with cast of friends the other day...

None of them could use an oar, but Lisa Kudrow.

Sorry.

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I have a cast iron fetish

I guess you could say I'm pansexual

Did you hear about the witch that was casting spells and driving at the same time?

She turned her car into a tree.

What's the difference between heroin and the cast of the jersey shore?

I wouldn't shoot heroin.

My conservative grandmother used to be a big Trump supporter, but this year her mail-in ballot was cast for Joe Biden.

No way would she have done that if she were still alive.

All these women-casted movie reboots

The studios behind the women-casted reboot movies must be making a fortune by cutting their labor costs by 30%

Why couldn't the ocean mage cast a spell?

He forgot to drink his manatee.

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A woman was having an affair while her husband was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway.

“Oh My God – Hurry! Grab your clothes,” she yelled to her lover. “And jump out the window. My husband’s home early!”

I can’t jump out the window. It’s raining out there.

If my husband catches us in here, he’ll kill us both, she replied.

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs ...

What do you call a witch who can never decide between casting good or bad spells?

A trans-hex-ual.

It wasn’t much fun breaking my neck and being in a cast..

But now I can look back and laugh.

What kind of fuel does the Fast and the Furious cast use

Vin Diesel

Bruce Willis has been cast to play the lead role in the upcoming Lord of the Rings sequel.

Old Hobbits Die Hard.

a parking enforcement officer just cast a spell on me because I parked in a handicap spot illegally

“you will be toad”

What did the seal with a cast say to the shark?

Do not consume if seal is broken.

I was never really into fishing until the casting accident.

After that I was hooked.

A young couple was getting ready to give birth to their first child,

and they had determined that the child should not be named until after it was born, so that they could meet it and make the name based on that first magical moment. On the day of the birth, a beautiful baby girl was born and the parents were instantly smitten.

"It's 'Love.'" said the mother....

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he was cast in a movie about famous composers?

"I'll be Bach."

Little Johnny casts his vote

A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Trump voters. Not really knowing what an Trump voter is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for little Johnny. The teacher asked little Johnny why he has decided to be different... again. Little Joh...

Did you hear the one about the Vegan Crossfitter who saw Hamilton live on Broadway with the original cast?

He didn't know which one to talk about first.

I'm casting my vote for official anthem of Reddit

I vote that it should be "Karma Chameleon".

What do you call the first episode of a TV series with a predominantly black cast?

A pilot, you racist

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I gave my wife a vibrator moulded from a cast of my own penis for her to use whilst I'm away on business

and she's just sent me a text to say that she's tried it out and it was just like the real thing.
The batteries ran out before she reached orgasm.

Did you hear Charlize Theron has been cast in the next Ant-Man movie?

It's going to be called "Subatomic Blonde."

The next Men in Black movie is supposed to be an all female cast.

FIB

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise".

The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband. ...

A famous casting director dies and ascends to heaven.

He comes to Saint Peter before the pearly gates, and Peter asks him, “Why should I allow you into heaven?”

The casting director smiles and says, “Because I’m without sin.”

Peter raises an eyebrow, and asks, “Are you?”

“Yes, I am. You see, just before I died, I worked on a mov...

I was ordering food for the cast of Black Panther. I asked if they liked pizza.

They said, “It depends. Wakanda pizza?”

What happened to the cast of House of Cards after shooting their last episode?

Kevin Spacey held a Rapp party.

You ever have those days when real life feels like you were cast in a movie?

Sometimes I'm "Pedestrian #4" and other times I'm "Man on bike".

If I die young, I want my girlfriend to cast my ashes headwind

Because she never let me come on her face before.

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Bought a DIY dildo set so I could cast my girlfriend a dildo from my own manhood.

She didn't like it... Takes 24 hours to harden

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I cast a spell on a girl today and it actually worked!

I focused in on the girl and said "Virginus Protectus."

It worked because she walked away with a terrified look on her face.

Peter Mayhew will be reprising his role as Chewbacca in the next Star Wars movie!

They said they wanted to cast the role to a veteran rather than a wookiee.

A man working a 9-5 office job starts feeling worthless and decides to make a career change into the adult film industry

He starts off with vanilla stuff and builds up his self-esteem. He then decides to go for the more fetishized stuff and gets cast making incest films as the role of step-dad.

He wakes up one day and realizes how happy he's become since he started coming into his own.

Microsoft did a commerical for a disability controller, I wonder how they did the casting.

Wanted disabled kid for a commercial must know a Fortnite dance.

The other day I was casting for a movie about my life

I'd chosen the actor to play my father, but he said "I don't wanna be your father"

To which I replied "Perfect, you already know your lines"

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On a cold and snowy day Jim walks into work with a cast on his right arm...

"Why, Jim! Are you ok? How did you break your arm?" asks Steve.

"Well Steve, I slipped on some ice and fell down my front porch. As for how I'm doing? It doesn't hurt that much, but its made things really difficult." says Jim.

"Really? How so?"

"First off, I can't drive my stick...

A tourist drives along the shore of the Dead Sea and spots a fisherman casting his fishing rod into the water.

The tourist, surprised, stops and explains to the fisherman that no fish can live in the Dead Sea.

The fisherman said “Yes, some do. For $10, you may sit next to me and I will show you.”

The curious tourist paid the $10 and waited patiently. After an hour, the tourist said: “hey, whe...

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