A man in rags parks a 40-year-old pickup truck next to a printing store and walks up to the counter.

He says:

- I need 20 pictures of Kim Kardashian. I'll pay later.

The store clerk agrees and makes the prints. The truck guy drives away with them. Some time later, he comes back in decent clothes and a 20-year-old truck, pays for the 20 pictures and says:

- I need 50 pictures of...

Uninvited Guest

A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud toward him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how ...

3 blondes were standing around some tracks.

The first blonde said "look at these tracks! Do you think they're deer tracks?"

The second blonde shook her head "no, there are no hoof prints. If anything these are dog tracks".

The third blonde chuckled, "come on you two. Look at the even spacing, the consistent depth, the distance b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The new priest decides to automatise his church

He hires a programmer to make as many systems as possible, passing most of the grunt work to computers. Donations can be done through PayPal, and credit cards are accepted for paying the tithe. Alexa buys the flowers and candles on schedule while also controlling the lights and the doors. Finally, t...

The private detective is called to a crime scene

As he enters the very large and rustic mansion, he is led to the location where the body was found. It seems like the perfect crime scene. No prints, no clues, just a dead man, with no signs of how he was murdered.

The detective says: “do you have any suspects?” The police officer in charge o...

The Russian president is on a visit to the USA.

So he is taken on a tour of various tech companies to show him their superiority.

"This," says Bob, "is the smartest computer in the world. Ask it any question, and it will answer you correctly."

The Russian president is intrigued. So he decides to trick the computer and asks: "Who wil...

I saw fresh prints in the snow

Wonder what he was doing so far from Bel Air.

I wrote a book titled ‘Do Not Touch’.

Sales have done very well, except for the Braille prints.

I recently started a job as a forensic analyst in Los Angeles.

The first thing I had to do was analyse some fresh prints in Bel Air.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

According to a news report...

a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little li...

How do you track Will Smith in the woods?

You use fresh prints.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to the doctor with a tennis elbow.

The doctor doesn’t even look at it, tells the guy to pee in a cup. Then he inserts the cup in a machine which prints out a paper reading, you have a tennis elbow. The man can’t believe this actually works, so when he gets home he asks his wife to pee in a cup, and then his son to pee in a cup as wel...

What is a Audit?

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road.

Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie gets out and asks the...

I've invented a machine that prints money.

I programmed it to make coins, but for some reason it keeps printing dollar bills....


It makes no cents.

I’m starting a club that prints out and mails content from r/jokes to people without internet.

It’ll be called the re-postal service.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

guy goes to the doctor ..

a guy goes to teh doctor .

doc says " well what seems to be the problem?"



guy says " its my elbow doc , its killing me !"



doc says " well a normal visit would have a $50 co-pay , but we have a new machine that can diagnose you just by peeing in a cup and the co-p...

Why could Will Smith never get away with murder?

First thing they look for at a crime scene is fresh prints.

A couple is hiking when they see a set of tracks...

"Look" says one, "a father and his kids are on this trail." The other asks "how do you know it is the father? It could be mom."

"Nope. Definitely the dad...see the Pa prints?"

Missed my Cake Day but here's a terrible joke (I think) I came up with.

The whole world was in shock last year when Will Smith was found dead. The police suspected foul play but closed the case due to lack of DNA evidence. We're hearing now though that the investigation is being reopened due to the discovery of fresh prints.








I'm sorry...

What did Snow White say when she came out of the photobooth?

Someday my prints will come…

There once was a beautiful, snowy kingdom.

It was ruled by a fair king who joyfully ruled his land. Unfortunately, the kingdom was also home to a wicked thief who loved nothing more than causing mayhem for all the inhabitants of the land.

However, the thief was not your ordinary thief. He only stole bells. Any kind of bell, whether a...

I got a job for British gas the other day. For my first assignment they gave me some blue prints marked in inches. I couldn't understand it at all...

I only read meters.

Fresh Foot Prints!

A Californian went out to follow up a grizzly bear and was gone three days. Then he turned up without his game.

“Lost the trail, Bill, I suppose”, said one of his cronies.

“Naw, I kept on the trail alright “

“Then ,what is the matter?”

“Wall, the footprints was getting to...

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