What do you call a river amphibian that spends a lot of time on the dark web?

Haxolotl

What web developers like bugs?

Spiders

If you hear, "Oh, what a tangled web we weave"

There's usually a looming problem.

Struck up a conversation with a spider today at home while dusting.

Nice guy. He's a web designer

Did you know all the web addresses are piled together in Russia?

They're callrd the Url mountains

Why does sandwich meat have webbed fingers?

Because it's in bread.

Who writes the most frightening tales from the dark web?

... HTTP Lovecraft

My kid said he was able to access the dark web today.

He still doesn’t know what the browser with dark mode is called yet

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just created a web site for English girls who got a sunburn at the nude beach.

It's called Redtit.

What kind of career would a spider excel in?

Web design
Hehehe

Why do ducks have webbed feet?

To stamp out bushfires.

Why do elephants have big feet?

...















To stamp out burning ducks

Since MIT is giving free access to their courses online, I shall study Computer science web programming with Python and Java

as I thought it would be so cool to have a large snake round my neck as I drink coffee.

Joe Biden is like a web browser with 19 tabs open

17 are frozen and he doesn't know where the music is coming from

What do you call recently married spiders?

Newly Webs

Jesus and Satan are having a contest

They want to see who is the best programmer.

So the first challenge is screens. It's a tie.

Then Assembly. Tie again.

Web Design. Tie again.

Challenge after challenge nobody is winning. So after like five days the power fails. So they wait for it to come back on. Th...

What’s the difference between a spider and a web designer?

The spider likes bugs on their web

What would you call a web developer who enjoys finding bugs?

Spider

It is in the news that Russia's "Sovereign Web" test will cut off the entire country from the web today.

Donald Trump said in a statement, "I hope that doesn't hurt my approval rating."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

God creating critters

Angel: *Hey God, you gotta minute?*

God: *What's Zzzupp bobby, my compadre!*

Angel: *Its Jose, but whatever, can we go over your most recent animal submission*

God: *Yeah, but hurry, Fox 911 is about to come on*

Angel: *Ummm ok, 8 legs, mysterious, can be poisonous, eats ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just been on the web site BIGBUSTYCOONS.COM

Those guys really know how to run bus companies!

I made a web site for older people to hook up.

It's called Carbon Dating.

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him.

Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He’s a web designer.

If Peter Parker's webs are made out of spider silk ,then what is Miles Morales webs made out of ?

Cotton.

PS: I am black , so yeah , don't fill my inbox.

A reporter is interviewing the President of the United States…

WALLACE (Interviewer) But I've got to tell you, if I may, sir, respectfully, in the Fox poll, they asked people, who is more competent? Who's got -- whose mind is sounder? Biden beats you in that.
TRUMP: Well, I'll tell you what, let's take a test. Let's take a test right now. Let's go down, Jo...

I figured out why I’m so tired!

For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. But now I found out the real reason. I'm tired because I'm overworked.

The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the w...

A fly keeps annoying a spider, which is building his own web.

Annoyed, the spider rages: "Screw off 'ye annoying pest! Once this web is complete, I will catch you, I will tie you up and then dissolve you *while you are alive*!! Just wait until _tomorrow_ when this web is finished!"

The fly, unimpressed by the spider's threats, replies before it flies of...

What do you call a web developer that likes English?

A pro grammar

What's a spider's dream job?

Web developer

Who called it Spider-Man trilogy and not..

A web series.

I was in a band called Dark Web.

We was always on tor.

My pet spider got sick today

I checked his symptoms on WebMD

I would assume spiders adapted pretty quickly to online learning.

After all, they were already comfortable on the web.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the web developer say after oral sex?

</head>

A large semiaquatic rodent with webbed hind feet and a broad flat tail walks into a bar carrying a hammer and screwdriver.

He starts working on various wobbly bar stools, wonky tables, stuck doors, sagging rails and so on, fixing misalignments and straightening everything up, all the while humming and singing under his breath.

After several minutes of careful work to get everything straight and level he finishes...

I wonder if Spider-Man has done any web design

He would be good at it

Yo mama’s so fat

that when Spider-man was saving her from falling off a building, he had to use the world-wide-web.

What do Linda McCarthy and a spider web the in common?

They hang out with dead Beatles.

We used to say my Grandad was like Spiderman, not because he was a web-slinging superhero...

But because he struggled to get out of the bath.

If Spidey is out chasing bad guys and he runs out of webbing but is still jumping over cars and climbing buildings, what name does he go by?

Peter Parkour

(Apologies if this is a re-post, but I did come up by myself. My kids hated it too.)

Moms being Moms

*Issac Newton's mother--* "But did you wash the apple before eating it?"

*Archimedes's mother--* "Didn't you have any shame running naked in the street from? And, WHO is this girl Eureka???”

*Thomas Edison's mother--* Of course I am proud that you invented the electric bulb. Now tu...

Did you hear that Heaven’s web designer quit his job?

He felt it was wrong to tamper in God’s domain.

What do you call skid marks on Spider-Man underwear?

The Dark Web

"Grandpa caught a virus yesterday while browsing the web at the nursing home.."

".. apparently there were hot shingles in his area."

Why was Peter parker promoted in his IT job?

Because ever since the spider bit him he became the best at web designing

If Aladdin used a web browser

It would be called Jafari.

(I'm so sorry my friend made me do this.)

A man decides he wants to put a hit out on his wife...

So he checks the dark web and finds a hit man who goes only by the name of Artie. The man and Artie meet up to discus the job, and Artie asks for payment upfront.

“Well,” says the man, “I put every bit of money I have into my wife’s life insurance policy, so I only have one dollar on me at t...

Quarantine going good so far

I met a spider last night. Pretty cool guy. Talked to him a bit, he said he works as web designer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear that Virginia's Governor and First Lady actually met on a dating web site?

It was called OKKKCupid.

What's the worst thing you can come across while searching the web?

Your keyboard.

So apparently Microsoft is working on a new Chromium-based web browser to replace the old ones..

Hooray! We'll finally have a decent web browser for downloading other web browsers.

Add a word to ruin a movie:

**- Batman Begins College - The Longest Yard Sale - Charlottes Web Cam.**



Your Turn :)

This lockdown is not bad as it seemed

Today I had a great chat with a web designer.

Can you guys believe, the guy lived in my attic the whole time!

I went and tried to buy a toaster on the Dark Web

One of them was called the "Bath Bomb."

Jesus and Satan were arguing over whom should be able to walk the Earth...

God stepped in and told both of them to draft a detailed, 7 page, 10 font, MLA format, report as to why they deserve it. He gave them 1 day to complete the report.

As they both were furiously typing and conducting web searches, and citing away, the final hour was upon them. All of the sudd...

I met a web developer the other day and ran away as quickly as possible

I'm scared of spiders

What do you call someone who rips you off on the web?

A .con artist.

I'll see myself out.

The most common type of web developers are not even human

they are spiders

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Franz was reading his book on death row...

It was the ‘storm of the century’. On death row, Franz was reading his religious texts, looking for God, even as the inmates of the neighbouring cells were having an explosive argument about who should get to shower first. ’14 days to execution’, Franz thought, as he physically and mentally trembled...

Life before the computer:

Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show.

A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider's home. A virus was the flu.

A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad wa...

My taxi driver asked me what I did for a living.

Me: work as a web developer and also part time as a graphic designer.

Driver: I don't like working for anyone, I like to be my own boss.

Me: that's cool, turn left ahead after the signal.

I hired a guy to teach me all about the dark web.

He was just my tormentor.

I've just visited Canada's national web page, and it was down for maintenance.

It was a sorry sight.

Did you know that the internet was invented by Spiderman?

That's why it's called The World Wide Web.

If it had been invented by Superman, it would be called the World Wide Cape.

Why do ducks have webbed feet?

To stamp out burning fires.
Why do elephants have big feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.

First and last original joke from 6 year old self

How did Rey exit out of her glitching web browser?

Force quit.

What is a web developer's favorite snack?

Cookies

Why can’t orphans use any web browsers effectively?

Because they can’t access any of the homepages.

A boy asks his father for a spider for his birthday.

The father stops by the pet shop on the way home from work to find out more about spiders.



“What does one of those big ones cost?” the father asks, pointing into the glass case full of the arachnids.



“About fifty dollars,” the store clerk replies.



“Fifty ...

A Web Designer decided to use right aligned text

His boss yelled at him for it, because it wasn't justified.

What do the World Wide Web and the Prime Minister of Israel have in common?

They are both Net and Yahoo.

I know this guy who teaches people how to access the Dark Web, but if they're incompetent then he physically and psychologically abuses them

He's a Tor mentor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For all you web developers out there.

Why couldn't the div buy a drink?

It lacked id.

Why couldn't the div find a girlfriend?

It lacked class.

Why wasn't the div good at diplomacy?

Its position was absolute.

Why was the div an anarchist?

It had no borders.

Why couldn't the div pla...

Would you rather be a spider or the most boring man on earth?

Either way, you're still a web developer.

A duck waddled into a country grocery store and asked the clerk; "Do you sell duck food?".

"Of course not," replied the clerk, "We sell groceries to humans, not ducks."

The next day, the duck returned and asked again, "Do you sell duck food?"

Annoyed, the clerk snapped, "No! No duck food!"

When the duck returned the next day and posed the same question, the clerk thre...

When I was a young, I loved basketball and was a huge Michael Jordan fan. But I wasn't sure if I had enough talent to become a pro player. Until one day I saw this huge poster. In the poster Jordan points at me and the caption reads "JUST DO IT". I got tears in my eyes and decided "I will do IT! ".

That's how I became a web developer.

EMINEM: his palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy

WEB MD: Cancer.

I really don't want to be a professional web developper

Selling my <body> feels wrong.

Where does the spider get his weapons?

The dark web...





(Like where my parents will be selling me)

I hope that Cyber Monday extends to the deep web...

Because I'm going to need to a discount on a new liver after all of that Thanksgiving drinking!

If Wonder Woman and Spiderman went into business together

would they call it Amazon Web Services?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Spider Webs

There was once a young biologist who was researching the eating patterns of spiders. There wasn't much demand for biologists in his local area so he worked as a taxi driver by day, it was a steady job but there was long hours and pay wasn't very good. He spent his nights collecting spiders and bugs ...

What do white girls and web developers have in common?

nobody ever compliments our back end
:(

I asked my web server engineer wife to give me head.

All I got was information and not the actual act.

Have you heard about the new Web MD zodiac?

All the signs say Cancer.

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