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A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment house.

A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment house. While there, a stunning young woman came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious ...

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The police stopped me, came up to my window and said;"papers"

I said "scissors, i win" and drove off. Fucker must want a re-match he has been chasing me for 30 minutes.

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Life is like toilet paper...

You're either on a roll or taking shit from someone.

A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED!
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman wi...

In Germany, A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again.

This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army.

The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."

I wrote the names of everyone I’ve unfriended onto a piece of paper; but my roommate took it and rolled it into a joint.

Now he’s high on my list of people I never want to see again.

Why did the toilet paper NOT cross the road?

Because it got stuck in a crack!

Rock, paper, scissors got complicated.

I was playing it with my deaf cousin, but then he started showing some new signs and I didn't know how to counter them.

A sad piece of paper goes to a therapist

Therapist: "Tell me where it all started."

Paper: \**tears\**

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head.

The bar tender looks at the pirate perplexed “ Why is there a paper towel on your head?”
The pirate looks at him “ Yarg! There be a bounty on me head!”

A number of the jokes in this sub are all paper joke

They're so tearable

Why does KFC not have any toilet paper in their rest rooms?

Everything is finger licking good.

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What do the USS Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?

They both circle Uranus looking for Klingons. Snarf.

What is the difference between good and bad toilet paper?

One is terrible the other is tearable.

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The secretary was leaving the office one night when she saw the CEO standing by a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

“Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a very important document. Can you make this thing work?” The secretary turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
“Great,” said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. “I just need one copy”

I tried to make a paper plane, but it didn't go too well

It remained stationery

I like to write PUN on a sheet of paper and then rip it in half because...

My puns are tearable.

I've always been told, life is like a roll of toilet paper

The closer you get to the end, the faster it seems to go

Never trust a math teacher holding graph paper.

They are always plotting something.

”Do we need more toilet paper?”

“I don’t know, but if you buy some it wouldn’t go to waste.”

Well, technically it would.”

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Me (a Mexican): Oh shit, the printer says no papers

Coworker (also Mexican): Oh shit, Donald Trump is gonna get mad

I always bring a piece of paper to a wrestling match, just in case...

The Rock is my opponent.

A roll of toilet paper walks into a bar...

The bartender says, “Man, you look awful! What’s up?”
The toilet paper says, “Nothing, really. I’m just wiped.”

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I like my women like I like my toilet paper

thick, soft and prepared to spend a lot of time around an asshole

How does Palpatine make paper mache.

Glue it.

What do you do when you’re in a public bathroom and out of toilet paper ?

You ply for help.

Wife (signing divorce papers): I'm sorry I ever married you.

Me: apology accepted.

I got in touch with my inner self today...

Last time I ever buy cheap toilet paper.

A pun I found while cleaning out my school papers

A musician told me he was going to hit me with a guitar.
Is that a fret?

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I can’t stop making horrible toilet paper jokes.

I guess I’m just on a roll.

Sorry for the shitty joke.

Communism is a System That Looks Pretty Great on Paper.

Unless of course, that paper makes up the pages of a History book.

My dad carries around a piece of paper where he keeps a list of all his mistakes.

It is my birth certificate.

Jokes on Reddit are like a paper bag

They're 100% recycled material.

I just saw in the local paper "Barber busted for dealing drugs" and I was amazed. I've been a customer of his for years

and I had no idea he cut hair.

In another town, the cowboy rides in wearing a paper suit. Paper pants, paper jacket, paper chaps. Even a paper holster!

He wasn't in town ten minutes before he was arrested for rustling.

Guy walks into a bar with a brown paper bag and orders a beer. The barman delivers but notices something moving in the bag and asks what's in it.

Guy puts his hand in the bag and pulls out a small piano, then a tiny chair and finally a miniature guy in a tuxedo that proceeds to sit down and play.

"That's amazing," says the barman. "Where did you get him?"

Guy pulls a genie's lamp out of his jacket.

"Wow, do you mind if I ...

I had a paper joke.

But it’d just fall flat.

For my PhD thesis, I wanted to write the best researched paper about General Relativity

But I ran out of time so I failed.

a pun walked in, killed 10 people, the news paper headline was..

Pun in, 10 dead.

I’d like to tell you folks a joke about paper, but...

It’s tearable.

I bought a toilet brush since I saw one in pretty much everyone's bathroom...

but after giving it a try for a week I decided to go back to using toilet paper.

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If the fuckers give you lined paper

write the other way

Found this one in the local paper and translated it

So an honest lawyer, a hard working politician and Santa are walking and they find a 100€ note on the ground. Who is going to pick it up?

Santa because the first two don't exist.

The guest of honor at an awards dinner is about to give his speech when a stagehand gives him a piece of paper from his wife in the crowd.

“What does it say?” the stagehand asks.



“Oh, it just says KISS in very big letters.”



“Wow, that’s very sweet,” the stagehand replies. “She must love you and be very proud of you.”



“Not really,” the man says. “It stands for Keep It Short, Stupid.”

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A horny lion and a horny mouse

agree to fuck each other.

The lion informs the mouse "I'm the king of the jungle with a reputation to uphold, therefore must do this in hiding and I must go first. " The mouse replies "You're so large, you'll fuck me to death, let me go first then when I'm done you can have your turn". The l...

I'm looking for the man who wears a paper towel as a hat...

...he has a bounty on his head.

I just had my first experience with one of those new environmentally-friendly, paper straws.

They suck.

My Maths teacher puts my test paper on the desk

"Either she really likes me or I've failed"





\*Because its covered in X's\*

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Why did they make the toilet paper so hard in the Soviet Union?

Because they wanted to make every asshole Red.

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Brown Paper Larry

A cowboy rides into town and sees a few guys working on a gallows. The cowboy dismounts and calls out, "Hey, sheriff, when's the hangin'?"

The sheriff says, "Saturday. We're fixin' to hang Brown Paper Larry."

The cowboy's brow furrows. "How come he's called Brown Paper Larry?"

"...

A cowboy walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the bartender delivers it, the cowboy looks around and notices the bar is completely deserted other than himself and the bartender...

"Where is everybody? This place is usually packed this time of day," the cowboy says.

The bartender replies, "They've gone to the hanging."

"Hanging? Who are they hanging?"

"Brown Paper Pete," says the bartender.

"What kind of name is that? Why do they call him Brown Pap...

A man is stuck inside a public restroom without any toilet paper.

He calls over to the man in the next stall, “Hey, you got any extra toilet paper in there?”



“No,” replies the man.



“You got any newspaper over there?” the stranded man asks.



“Nope,” the second man replies.



After a moment of silence, the fir...

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Why did the woman bring toilet paper tot he gala?

She was a party pooper!

Told by my 7 year-old

What did Ludacris say when he used up the last of the toilet paper?

ROLL OUT!

I met a guy who works at a toilet paper company

He was quite charmin, I must say.

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(NSFW) I just had my first experience with Anal

That's the last time I buy single-ply toilet paper.

I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed

How could anyone stoop so low?

A box of tissues is mingling with a roll of toilet paper at a party.

Tissues to toilet paper: “so that’s what I do. It’s so embarrassing. What is it that you do?”

Hey girl, are you my Physics examination paper?

Because I can stare at you for 3 hours and not understand a single thing

Today I turned in my rough draft of a paper on Darwin’s theory.

The teacher said it would be decent with modification.

So my brother works at a research facility. His employer only stocks the bathrooms with single ply toilet paper.

They say it leads to the most breakthroughs

Third magic trick now perfected.. transforming myself into toilet paper.

I'm on a roll!

I’m never smoking weed with mexicans again.

I asked who got papers, and they took off running.

Einstein: Dad, my paper on The Theory of Relativity finally got published!

Einstein’s Dad: Damn son, it’s about time.

A man enters a pun contest in a local paper...

He loses. So the next year, he enters 2 puns, doubling his chances. He still loses. So the third year, determined to win, he enters 10 puns. He waits, hoping at least one of his puns will win, but no pun in 10 did.

What do you call a sleeping paper towel?

A napkin.

A kid in school hands in a blank piece of paper for his art homework.

The teacher says, "What's this?"

The kid says, "A picture of a cow eating grass."

The teacher asks, "Where's the grass?"

The kid says, "The cow ate it all."

"Ok, then where's the cow?"

"It left because there was no more grass."

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A paper bag walks into the doctors because he's feeling a little down

Has some tests and come back a week later.

Doctor says, "I'm sorry son, but you're HIV positive"

The bag is in disbelief "How can this happen, I'm a paper bag?"

"Have you ever had unprotected sex?"

"We'll no, I'm a paper bag"

"What about sharing needles"

"No...

I may not know how to bake toilet paper

But I do know how to brown one side.

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A deer had a bar. One day, he found the toilet window broken, so he asked the patrons "Who broke the window!?"

A hare responded "I kinda did..."

The deer asked "What do you mean by "kinda"?"

The hare says: "Well, I was taking a dump and after the bear finished his, he took me and tried to wipe his butt, but then he saw I wasn't toilet paper and threw me right out of the window".

The deer...

Why did the paper lose the race against the rock?

Because it was stationary.

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A participant in a duel showed up armed with a pencil and paper,

He then proceeded to draw his weapon.

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A man is told by his employer that he has to go see the company doctor in order to keep his insurance...

He reluctantly goes, and is amazed to find no examination table, just a wall full of computer equipment. The doctor walks in and says, "Just place your hand on the scanner here" and shows the man a screen. Bewildered, he places his hand on the screen and immediately the panel glows beneath his hand,...

Year 2108 :A guy writes a suicide note on a paper

_Can't find a tree to hang_

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Whoever said technology would replace paper....

has clearly never tried wiping their butt with an iPad.

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A guy buys a vintage motorcycle he saw for sale in an ad in the paper.

When he goes to pick the bike up, the dude who sells him the bike says, "

"Now remember....that's all original leather. You can't let it get too wet. If it starts raining and you don't have anywhere to shelter it, make sure you keep a tub of vaseline with you. Rub it all over the seat so the ...

On an examination paper, The professor required his students to sign a form stating they had received no outside assistance...

....Unsure of whether he should sign the form, a student stated that he had prayed for the assistance of God.

The professor carefully studied the answer script....

...and then said: "You can sign with a clear conscience. God did not assist you."

My wife has been secretly storing plenty of graph paper inside her closet.

I bet she is plotting something against me.

The bar manager said I could pay with bits of dry wood, bark, paper, even steel wool.

I asked him why and he told that it's legal tinder.

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