I just saw my math teacher lock himself in his office with a piece of graph paper.

I think he must be plotting something.

I ate the exam paper

Which means that sooner or later I will pass the test

I wrote down a list of everyone I hate on a piece of paper and my roommate use it to roll his joint....

He's now high on the list of people I never want to see again

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment house.

While there, a stunning young woman came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a swe...

A man showed up for a duel armed only with a pencil and paper.

He then proceeded to draw his weapon.

A man is looking for a job in the news paper

A man is looking for a job in the news paper and he finds an ad for a donut shop, he applies and almost immediately gets the job.

On his first day he walks in the manager shoves him an apron and says

"all you have to do is sell donuts at the counter"

The man nods his head, pu...

Why do they ask "paper or plastic" at the grocery?

Because baggers can't be choosers.

I actually really like single ply toilet paper...

It helps me stay in touch with my inner self.

I saw an ad for an innuendo competition in the paper

So I entered my sister

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED!
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman wi...

I have a fetish for writing the last paragraph of a paper.

I just came to that conclusion.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Life is like toilet paper.....

Your either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole

I bought a toilet brush yesterday

But I gotta say that I still prefer toilet paper!

A police just pulled me over and said, "Papers?"

I said , " scissors, I won" and drove off.

Why does KFC have no toilet paper?

Its finger lickin' good

A man works at a paper company

His job was to design a new kind of paper that won't rip apart when you need a paper to last. He spent months working on his newest design, and the day his boss was supposed to come by to see his progress, he was full of hope.
His boss comes to his office, grabs the stack of paper that the man h...

Toilet paper is nearly worthless, but you know what is even more worthless?

My high school diploma.

The Boss asks his secretary for some paper

Secretary: A4 paper right?

Boss: No, A for apple.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don’t always use toilet paper but when I do...

I use a shit ton

Why did the Asian mom scream at the paper

Because there was a b on it

Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?

To get to the bottom


My daughter told me that this morning, I assume she didn't think of it herself but how old is it?

I laughed.

Do you want to hear a joke about paper?

Wait never mind, it's terrible...

I successfully stole a case of toilet paper

Got off Scott free

Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.

They're *always* plotting something.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The police stopped me, came up to my window and said;"papers"

I said "scissors, i win" and drove off. Fucker must want a re-match he has been chasing me for 30 minutes.

An ad appeared in the local paper that read "Wanted. Man to mate with an ape, $5,000. Call the zoo"

A less than bright man reads the ad and contacted the zoo. After a few questions, he said he was inclined to proceed with the process with 3 requirements:

1. There will be absolutely no kissing involved.

2. If this union proves fruitful, the children will be raised Catholic.

3. ...

China has been the most important country for American schools.

Because they invented both paper and gunpowder.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Be careful with NASA’s toilet paper...

It will leave rings around your anus.

Just got home and realised Staples had sold me a packet of cardboard instead of paper.

I’m writing them a stiff letter.

Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road?

It got stuck in the crack

I’ve started a business selling toilet paper and it’s going really well.

I’m on a roll.

In Germany, A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again.

This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army.

The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."

I used to wrote down all the dad jokes on a paper

but it was tearrible

I just tried out a more durable type of paper.

It wasn't tearable.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doug lived all of his life in the Florida Keys. On his deathbed, he realizes the end is imminent.

He calls his family to be near his side, along with his lawyer to record his last wishes.
"My son, Andy; you take the Ocean Reef houses. My daughter, Sybil, take the apartments between mile marker 100 and Tavernier. My son Jamie- I want you to take the offices over in the Marathon Government Cen...

Two rolls of toilet paper walked into a bar.

...one ran out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do the starship enterprise and toilet paper have in common?

They both circle Uranus looking for clingons.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?

They both boldly go where no man has gone before, searching around Uranus for Klingons.

I cut myself on a piece of perforated paper.

It was tearable.

What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?

Rough.

I misplaced Dwayne Johnson’s cutting tool for the origami workshop...

I can’t believe I lost the Rock’s Paper Scissors...

A number of the jokes in this sub are all paper joke

They're so tearable

What did the paper say to the crayon when he found out that the crayon was pregnant?

Well color me surprised!

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head.

The bar tender looks at the pirate perplexed “ Why is there a paper towel on your head?”
The pirate looks at him “ Yarg! There be a bounty on me head!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sad piece of paper goes to a therapist

Therapist: "Tell me where it all started."

Paper: \**tears\**

Rock, paper, scissors got complicated.

I was playing it with my deaf cousin, but then he started showing some new signs and I didn't know how to counter them.

I like to write PUN on a sheet of paper and then rip it in half because...

My puns are tearable.

I tried to make a paper plane, but it didn't go too well

It remained stationery

”Do we need more toilet paper?”

“I don’t know, but if you buy some it wouldn’t go to waste.”

Well, technically it would.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Shredder

A young engineer was leaving the office at 5:45 p.m. when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary is not here. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainl...

What is the difference between good and bad toilet paper?

One is terrible the other is tearable.

Why is it pointless to throw scissors in a game of rock-paper-scissors against an illegal immigrant?

Because they don’t have papers.

A pun I found while cleaning out my school papers

A musician told me he was going to hit me with a guitar.
Is that a fret?

Guy walks into a bar with a brown paper bag and orders a beer. The barman delivers but notices something moving in the bag and asks what's in it.

Guy puts his hand in the bag and pulls out a small piano, then a tiny chair and finally a miniature guy in a tuxedo that proceeds to sit down and play.

"That's amazing," says the barman. "Where did you get him?"

Guy pulls a genie's lamp out of his jacket.

"Wow, do you mind if I ...

Communism is a System That Looks Pretty Great on Paper.

Unless of course, that paper makes up the pages of a History book.

A roll of toilet paper walks into a bar...

The bartender says, “Man, you look awful! What’s up?”
The toilet paper says, “Nothing, really. I’m just wiped.”

I've always been told, life is like a roll of toilet paper

The closer you get to the end, the faster it seems to go

Communism sounds good on paper...

...unless you’re reading a history book.

I always bring a piece of paper to a wrestling match, just in case...

The Rock is my opponent.

My dad carries around a piece of paper where he keeps a list of all his mistakes.

It is my birth certificate.

How does Palpatine make paper mache.

Glue it.

I got in touch with my inner self today...

Last time I ever buy cheap toilet paper.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me (a Mexican): Oh shit, the printer says no papers

Coworker (also Mexican): Oh shit, Donald Trump is gonna get mad

I had a paper joke.

But it’d just fall flat.

a pun walked in, killed 10 people, the news paper headline was..

Pun in, 10 dead.

Wife (signing divorce papers): I'm sorry I ever married you.

Me: apology accepted.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I can’t stop making horrible toilet paper jokes.

I guess I’m just on a roll.

Sorry for the shitty joke.

A cowboy walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the bartender delivers it, the cowboy looks around and notices the bar is completely deserted other than himself and the bartender...

"Where is everybody? This place is usually packed this time of day," the cowboy says.

The bartender replies, "They've gone to the hanging."

"Hanging? Who are they hanging?"

"Brown Paper Pete," says the bartender.

"What kind of name is that? Why do they call him Brown Pap...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A horny lion and a horny mouse

agree to fuck each other.

The lion informs the mouse "I'm the king of the jungle with a reputation to uphold, therefore must do this in hiding and I must go first. " The mouse replies "You're so large, you'll fuck me to death, let me go first then when I'm done you can have your turn". The l...

I bought a toilet brush since I saw one in pretty much everyone's bathroom...

but after giving it a try for a week I decided to go back to using toilet paper.

In another town, the cowboy rides in wearing a paper suit. Paper pants, paper jacket, paper chaps. Even a paper holster!

He wasn't in town ten minutes before he was arrested for rustling.

Jokes on Reddit are like a paper bag

They're 100% recycled material.

Found this one in the local paper and translated it

So an honest lawyer, a hard working politician and Santa are walking and they find a 100€ note on the ground. Who is going to pick it up?

Santa because the first two don't exist.

I just saw in the local paper "Barber busted for dealing drugs" and I was amazed. I've been a customer of his for years

and I had no idea he cut hair.

For my PhD thesis, I wanted to write the best researched paper about General Relativity

But I ran out of time so I failed.

I’d like to tell you folks a joke about paper, but...

It’s tearable.

I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed

How could anyone stoop so low?

I'm looking for the man who wears a paper towel as a hat...

...he has a bounty on his head.

The guest of honor at an awards dinner is about to give his speech when a stagehand gives him a piece of paper from his wife in the crowd.

“What does it say?” the stagehand asks.



“Oh, it just says KISS in very big letters.”



“Wow, that’s very sweet,” the stagehand replies. “She must love you and be very proud of you.”



“Not really,” the man says. “It stands for Keep It Short, Stupid.”

I read a newspaper article about a woman who stole a bunch of toilet paper from wal mart

They said she got away with it scott free

I just had my first experience with one of those new environmentally-friendly, paper straws.

They suck.

Hey girl, are you my Physics examination paper?

Because I can stare at you for 3 hours and not understand a single thing

What did Ludacris say when he used up the last of the toilet paper?

ROLL OUT!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did they make the toilet paper so hard in the Soviet Union?

Because they wanted to make every asshole Red.

A kid in school hands in a blank piece of paper for his art homework.

The teacher says, "What's this?"

The kid says, "A picture of a cow eating grass."

The teacher asks, "Where's the grass?"

The kid says, "The cow ate it all."

"Ok, then where's the cow?"

"It left because there was no more grass."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Brown Paper Larry

A cowboy rides into town and sees a few guys working on a gallows. The cowboy dismounts and calls out, "Hey, sheriff, when's the hangin'?"

The sheriff says, "Saturday. We're fixin' to hang Brown Paper Larry."

The cowboy's brow furrows. "How come he's called Brown Paper Larry?"

"...

I met a guy who works at a toilet paper company

He was quite charmin, I must say.

A man is stuck inside a public restroom without any toilet paper.

He calls over to the man in the next stall, “Hey, you got any extra toilet paper in there?”



“No,” replies the man.



“You got any newspaper over there?” the stranded man asks.



“Nope,” the second man replies.



After a moment of silence, the fir...

So my brother works at a research facility. His employer only stocks the bathrooms with single ply toilet paper.

They say it leads to the most breakthroughs

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the woman bring toilet paper tot he gala?

She was a party pooper!

Told by my 7 year-old

Today I turned in my rough draft of a paper on Darwin’s theory.

The teacher said it would be decent with modification.

A man enters a pun contest in a local paper...

He loses. So the next year, he enters 2 puns, doubling his chances. He still loses. So the third year, determined to win, he enters 10 puns. He waits, hoping at least one of his puns will win, but no pun in 10 did.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy buys a vintage motorcycle he saw for sale in an ad in the paper.

When he goes to pick the bike up, the dude who sells him the bike says, "

"Now remember....that's all original leather. You can't let it get too wet. If it starts raining and you don't have anywhere to shelter it, make sure you keep a tub of vaseline with you. Rub it all over the seat so the ...

I’m never smoking weed with mexicans again.

I asked who got papers, and they took off running.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.