I put scaffolding on my Hi-fi and steel girders on my digital radio.

Then my mom told me to stop reinforcing stereo types.

What was the first form of digital storage?

gloves

I got one of those digital assistant things for Christmas, but I think it's defective

It refuses to open the pod bay doors.

I was getting a prostate examination when the doctor said "just so you know, this is a digital rectal exam".

"I understand. I know what is involved", I reply.

The doctor elaborates, "Just so you know, this exam will likely cause an erection".

I consider it for a moment and say, "That's fine, I've got it under control. It should be ok".

The doctor replies, "I wasn't talking about you."

what does a digital seagull wear to the beech

a beak.ini

What do you call a digital cow?

An Emu

How was the first digital sound created?

Someone snapped their fingers.

The digital internet consists of 1s and 0s.

That explains alot about my Tinder matches.

Why did Slovakia move to digital banking?

because they ran out of Czechs

My brother has been working on a belt with a built in digital clock.

Talk about a waist of time.

How come erotic games are always digital downloads?

I just want a physical release.

What do you call an anti-aircraft gun that shoots high-quality digital audio files?

A .flac gun

Why does the US military use digital camo?

They turned down the graphics for better performance

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Guys, if you get a digital rectal exam, you might feel like you're going to poop or going to orgasm.

You won't know whether you're coming or going.

Why aren't digital images of Bob Marley scalable?

Because they're all rasta graphics.

How do you eat a digital elephant?

One byte at a time!

What did the male digital signal ask a female digital signal?

Do you do ANALog?

After the invention of digital watches, the Swiss were in quite a bind...

Faced with what seemed like an existential threat to their national watch manufacturers, the Swiss Government send out pamphlets to foreign and domestic watch owners, asking them to sign up if they were interested in buying mechanical watches as gifts or fashion statements. Unfortunately, no one sig...

A digital pirate lost his leg.

He now has a JPEG leg to replace it.

What do you call a digital tree?

All bark and no byte

Mr Peg, my Digital Photography teacher, just passed away.

Rest in peace Jay.

How do you catch a digital fish

Online

What was the first profession to go all digital?

Proctology.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So, I measured my penis with one of those digital rulers...

...Anyone know how to convert LOL into inches?

What did the digital clock say to it's Mother?

"Look Ma, no hands!"

I tried to make a clock with no battery for the digital clock competition

but it didn't count.

Where does a digital photographer hang his work?

On a jpeg.

What mistake did the chronometer make while it was getting along well with the digital watch?

It asked the digital watch for its hand in marriage.

An artist walks into a bar and orders a beer.

"I don't like the way the art world is going. I've read that in the future many exhibitions will only feature digital images displayed on plasma screens in darkened, futuristic galleries," he complained to the bartender. "I'm going to miss the art formerly known as prints.

Knock, knock

>Who's there?

>> The Australian digital police.

> The Australian digital police who?

>> What? Oh, nevermind. We just let ourselves in through the back door.

Have you seen my digital boat?

Oh wait, its syncing.

A new nurse starts working at the hospital and is assigned to go take the vitals of the patients on the floor.

A second nurse is assigned to follow her to make sure she does it right and to check her work. The new nurse is chatting about how her nursing school is really pushing all kinds of new modern techniques and she can't wait to use them every day.

In the first patient's room, the nurse takes the...

The man who saved Reddit

In the not too distant future, web censorship is pervasive; speech and freedom are strangers to one another; while pirates sail the seas with impunity, digital pirates are incarcerated by the busload.

Anyone who speaks out against this ban on open-dialogue or the free-sharing-of-ideas is grou...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A cowboy named Bud...

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his
herd in a remote mountainous pasture in
Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW
advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The
driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes,
RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the
window ...

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an Israeli are having lunch...

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an Israeli are having lunch. They get to talking about which civilization was the most technologically advanced.

The Englishman proclaims, "Surely England was the most technologically advanced nation. Why, our archaeologists dug 1,000 meters into the earth un...

I have a Photographic memory

Unfortunately it's digital and it didn't come with a memory card.

What letter do pirate's hate the most?

Dear Charter Internet Customer:

Charter Communications ("Charter") has been notified by a copyright owner, or its authorized agent, that your Internet account may have been involved in the exchange of unauthorized copies of copyrighted material (e.g., music, movies, or software). We are a...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Pope was having a shower,

and although he's very strict about celibacy, he occasionally felt he needed to exercise the papal wrist, and this happened to be one of those occasions.


Just as he reached the Papal climax, he saw a photographer taking a picture of the Holy semen flying through the air.


"Hol...

3 men use the restroom...

2 of them use the urinals and start boasting to each other.

"I have this new watch that is the latest in technology. It is inserted in my skin on my wrist and shows the time without all the bulk and hassle of wearing one!" He shows his wrist to his buddy as it shows a digital readout of the ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Some tidbits for your pleasure

I'm wearing the boxers with the little hearts all over them tonight....
It's probably not a good night to go to jail.

Getting married at 22 sounds a lot like leaving a party at 9:30pm.

Probably should not have driven home from the bar last night.. especially considering I walked...

Measuring vs Questionaries

Me: To get the mass of each Can of chicken I used a digital scale


Teacher: Why did you use that method to obtain your data as
opposed to the other methods?


Me: Because the cans refused to answer the questionnaires honestly

Bill Gate's butler was giving Bill's old friend a tour of Bill's house.

The friend couldn't help but notice that everything in the house was digital. They didn't even have a physical tv. Everything was a hologram. Heck it felt like the house itself was digital. Further away into the tour the old friend couldn't help but notice a piece of paper with some ink on it that l...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Last week I got one of those Amazon Echos

It comes with Alexa--the digital secretary. She's great. She's like my real secretary -- keeps my to do list, tells me about the weather, orders things for me. I just haven't figured out where I put my dick.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Apple iBoob

Given the recent slowdown in iPhone sales, Apple announced today that it will skip the wearables market and develop a line of digital implants for adults. The first product, shipping in the summer of 2016, is a breast enhancement device that can store and play music. The new Apple iBoobs, sold in pa...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

"The watch"

My dad just reminded me of this old classic!

Jake is struggling through a bus station with two huge and obviously heavy suitcases when a stranger walks up to him and asks "Have you got the time?" Jake sighs, puts down the suitcases and glances at his wrist. "It's a quarter to six," he says....

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Topical Jokes for April

(didn't post the last batch, so here's all of the recent ones)

4/28
Los Angeles police are looking for a vandal that spraypainted a police horse. The horse didn’t get a good look at the suspect because it was dark, and because the horse has no idea that it’s a cop.

Billionaire Richa...

at the proctologist

I was at the doctor, getting the digital rectal exam, and the doctor says: "At this point of the exam it is normal to get an erection". I said"I don't have an erection". The doctor says "No. But I do".