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Digital Jokes

Q. Why were photographs so depressing before digital cameras were invented?

A. Because they spent too much time processing the negatives.

Digital Milk

What do you call a computer mouse for a cow?...

a Moose!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who is the biggest digital hoe?

Mrs. Pac-Man because for ¢25, she’ll swallow balls until she dies.

The first digital clock

A man is setting up the first ever digital clock, and as soon as he plugs it in, he excitedly calls to his wife, “Honey, come look at this! This technology is truly ahead of its time”

“I could’ve sworn it was only 5:30, but it says its already 12:00!”

What's the difference between a digital camera and a sock?

The camera takes photos and the the sock takes five toes.

Why does Quentin Tarantino refuse to make movies with digital cinematography?

Because he's the reel deal.

I was at the doctor, getting the digital rectal exam, and the doctor says:

"At this point of the exam it is normal to get an erection"

I said"I don't have an erection"

The doctor says "No. But I do"

I can make digital art and canvas art easily.

But when it comes to paper, that's where I draw the line.

What did digital clock say to Grandfather clock?

"Look Grandpa, no hands!"

What did the male digital signal ask a female digital signal?

Do you do ANALog?

What was the first form of digital storage?

gloves

New digital LOTR trading card JPEGs for sale!!!

Non Fungible Tolkien’s

How do you set your digital location to Skyrim?

You use NordVPN

Introducing digital “crypto” humor. There is no set up.

There’s no joke, and there is no punchline. You have to just trust that it’s funny.

There's nothing in the Guinness Book about digital DJs.

They don't hold any records.

Superman lost all of his money on a digital currency scheme

It was his cryptonite.

My doctor asked if I wanted a digital prostate exam..

He didn't mention there were no electronics involved but now I get his point

If your digital multimeter gives a bogus reading, try it again.

It's probably a Fluke.

This new digital currency is bitc*in!

Sorry. Bitcoin. It’s called bitcoin

How was the first digital sound created?

Someone snapped their fingers.

what does a digital seagull wear to the beech

a beak.ini

Why did Slovakia move to digital banking?

because they ran out of Czechs

Spent some cryptocurrency to take digital possession of an image of Gandalf killing the Balrog of Morgoth...

My first non-fungible Tolkien.

My dad always brags that his was the first profession to go completely digital.

He’s a proctologist.

A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud toward him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefu...

How come erotic games are always digital downloads?

I just want a physical release.

Why does the US military use digital camo?

They turned down the graphics for better performance

A digital pirate lost his leg.

He now has a JPEG leg to replace it.

How do you eat a digital elephant?

One byte at a time!

How do you catch a digital fish

Online

I put scaffolding on my Hi-fi and steel girders on my digital radio.

Then my mom told me to stop reinforcing stereo types.

Have you seen my digital boat?

Oh wait, its syncing.

Mr Peg, my Digital Photography teacher, just passed away.

Rest in peace Jay.

What do you call a digital tree?

All bark and no byte

It's hard to be a Buddhist in todays digital world, especially when it comes to emails.

No attachments.

After the invention of digital watches, the Swiss were in quite a bind...

Faced with what seemed like an existential threat to their national watch manufacturers, the Swiss Government send out pamphlets to foreign and domestic watch owners, asking them to sign up if they were interested in buying mechanical watches as gifts or fashion statements. Unfortunately, no one sig...

I got one of those digital assistant things for Christmas, but I think it's defective

It refuses to open the pod bay doors.

Where does a digital photographer hang his work?

On a jpeg.

My brother has been working on a belt with a built in digital clock.

Talk about a waist of time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So, I measured my penis with one of those digital rulers...

...Anyone know how to convert LOL into inches?

I was getting a prostate examination when the doctor said "just so you know, this is a digital rectal exam".

"I understand. I know what is involved", I reply.

The doctor elaborates, "Just so you know, this exam will likely cause an erection".

I consider it for a moment and say, "That's fine, I've got it under control. It should be ok".

The doctor replies, "I wasn't talking about you."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guys, if you get a digital rectal exam, you might feel like you're going to poop or going to orgasm.

You won't know whether you're coming or going.

What do you call an anti-aircraft gun that shoots high-quality digital audio files?

A .flac gun

I tried to make a clock with no battery for the digital clock competition

but it didn't count.

Tech company mission statements be like

We're a customer centric organization and we deliver the value of IOT, cloud, big data, blockchain, machine learning, and artificial intelligence by using design thinking to drive digital transformation for the connected enterprise.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

By tightly securing our Nuclear Arsenal through human, digital, mechanical and chemical means, we've been able to almost completely eliminate the risk of nuclear warhead explosions due to accidents or hostile attacks, however if these past four years have taught us something ...

... it's that we also need to equip our nukes with child locks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A new medical student was seeing a patient in a clinic for a physical

As the student was inefficient and slow, the patient became furious and gave him a hard time. The student then said, “let me bring my preceptor so we can do your physical examination together.” The student steps out and returns with the preceptor.

Towards the end of the physical, the precepto...

What mistake did the chronometer make while it was getting along well with the digital watch?

It asked the digital watch for its hand in marriage.

My proctologist is so high tech...

He said my exam would be digital.

how do you get nerdy girls off?

Digitally

Music

I have been downloading HD digital music but some people don't really like the format so I've been getting a lot of FLAC lately.

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