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Digital Jokes

Why were photographers so depressed before digital cameras were invented?

They spent too long processing the negatives.

My church decided to modernize and replace the collection plate with a digital platform

Called Papal.

I was at the doctor, getting the digital rectal exam, and the doctor says:

"At this point of the exam it is normal to get an erection"

I said"I don't have an erection"

The doctor says "No. But I do"

Why does Quentin Tarantino refuse to make movies with digital cinematography?

Because he's the reel deal.

What's the difference between a digital camera and a sock?

The camera takes photos and the the sock takes five toes.

A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud toward him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefu...

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Who is the biggest digital hoe?

Mrs. Pac-Man because for ¢25, she’ll swallow balls until she dies.

The first digital clock

A man is setting up the first ever digital clock, and as soon as he plugs it in, he excitedly calls to his wife, “Honey, come look at this! This technology is truly ahead of its time”

“I could’ve sworn it was only 5:30, but it says its already 12:00!”

What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?...

Look grandpa, no hands!!

I can make digital art and canvas art easily.

But when it comes to paper, that's where I draw the line.

Digital Milk

What do you call a computer mouse for a cow?...

a Moose!

How do you set your digital location to Skyrim?

You use NordVPN

Spent some cryptocurrency to take digital possession of an image of Gandalf killing the Balrog of Morgoth...

My first non-fungible Tolkien.

New digital LOTR trading card JPEGs for sale!!!

Non Fungible Tolkien’s

My doctor asked if I wanted a digital prostate exam..

He didn't mention there were no electronics involved but now I get his point

My proctologist is so high tech...

He said my exam would be digital.

If your digital multimeter gives a bogus reading, try it again.

It's probably a Fluke.

There's nothing in the Guinness Book about digital DJs.

They don't hold any records.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

By tightly securing our Nuclear Arsenal through human, digital, mechanical and chemical means, we've been able to almost completely eliminate the risk of nuclear warhead explosions due to accidents or hostile attacks, however if these past four years have taught us something ...

... it's that we also need to equip our nukes with child locks.

Superman lost all of his money on a digital currency scheme

It was his cryptonite.

What was the first form of digital storage?

gloves

My dad always brags that his was the first profession to go completely digital.

He’s a proctologist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

I put scaffolding on my Hi-fi and steel girders on my digital radio.

Then my mom told me to stop reinforcing stereo types.

Music

I have been downloading HD digital music but some people don't really like the format so I've been getting a lot of FLAC lately.

how do you get nerdy girls off?

Digitally

I was getting a prostate examination when the doctor said "just so you know, this is a digital rectal exam".

"I understand. I know what is involved", I reply.

The doctor elaborates, "Just so you know, this exam will likely cause an erection".

I consider it for a moment and say, "That's fine, I've got it under control. It should be ok".

The doctor replies, "I wasn't talking about you."

What did the male digital signal ask a female digital signal?

Do you do ANALog?

It's hard to be a Buddhist in todays digital world, especially when it comes to emails.

No attachments.

This new digital currency is bitc*in!

Sorry. Bitcoin. It’s called bitcoin

what does a digital seagull wear to the beech

a beak.ini

I got one of those digital assistant things for Christmas, but I think it's defective

It refuses to open the pod bay doors.

My brother has been working on a belt with a built in digital clock.

Talk about a waist of time.

How was the first digital sound created?

Someone snapped their fingers.

Why does the US military use digital camo?

They turned down the graphics for better performance

Why did Slovakia move to digital banking?

because they ran out of Czechs

How come erotic games are always digital downloads?

I just want a physical release.

How do you catch a digital fish

Online

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guys, if you get a digital rectal exam, you might feel like you're going to poop or going to orgasm.

You won't know whether you're coming or going.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So, I measured my penis with one of those digital rulers...

...Anyone know how to convert LOL into inches?

What do you call a digital tree?

All bark and no byte

Mr Peg, my Digital Photography teacher, just passed away.

Rest in peace Jay.

After the invention of digital watches, the Swiss were in quite a bind...

Faced with what seemed like an existential threat to their national watch manufacturers, the Swiss Government send out pamphlets to foreign and domestic watch owners, asking them to sign up if they were interested in buying mechanical watches as gifts or fashion statements. Unfortunately, no one sig...

A digital pirate lost his leg.

He now has a JPEG leg to replace it.

I tried to make a clock with no battery for the digital clock competition

but it didn't count.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Old Joke

The year is 2120, and our story follows Joe McFlinch and his journey to overcome his inner demons. 'Who is Joe?', you may be wondering. Well, Joe is a cowardly 29 year old male. He has no special talents or skills, no hobbies, and most sadly, no friends. If I were to describe him as a dish, he would...

Have you seen my digital boat?

Oh wait, its syncing.

Where does a digital photographer hang his work?

On a jpeg.

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