What did digital clock say to Grandfather clock?

"Look Grandpa, no hands!"

What do you call two digital artists in a fight?

Graphic Violence

I can make digital art and canvas art easily.

But when it comes to paper, that's where I draw the line.

How do you set your digital location to Skyrim?

You use NordVPN

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

By tightly securing our Nuclear Arsenal through human, digital, mechanical and chemical means, we've been able to almost completely eliminate the risk of nuclear warhead explosions due to accidents or hostile attacks, however if these past four years have taught us something ...

... it's that we also need to equip our nukes with child locks.

How do you test a digital microphone?

1, 1, 1, 1, 1...

My dad always brags that his was the first profession to go completely digital.

He’s a proctologist.

If your digital multimeter gives a bogus reading, try it again.

It's probably a Fluke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jack is a cowboy working on a large ranch in a remote pasture in Wyoming.

One day as he’s overseeing the livestock on the ranch a brand-new 7 Series BMW suddenly advances towards him creating an enormous cloud of dust in the process

The car stops and the driver is a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses and YSL tie. He steps out of the car and...

Why were photographers so depressed before digital cameras were invented?

They spent too long processing the negatives.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two friends are in a bar, on a night out, having a couple of drinks.

After several rounds, one of them asks:
„Hey man, what time is it?“

The other one takes a look at his wristwatch and replies: „No clue“

„What do you mean, no clue? You have a digital watch?“

He responds with: „Sure, but you try dividing 23 with 49“

This new digital currency is bitc*in!

Sorry. Bitcoin. It’s called bitcoin

A cannibal had an unusual hobby.

He would save the extremities of bodies and use them to form works of art. The others began questioning him. "What's up with all these pictures made out of fingers and toes?" they asked. He responded, "Oh, I just really like working with digital media."

What was the first form of digital storage?

gloves

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Wife is missing.

Husband:

My wife is missing.

She went out yesterday and has not come home...



Sergeant at Police Station:

What is her height?



Husband:

Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.



Sergeant:

Weight?



Husb...

I put scaffolding on my Hi-fi and steel girders on my digital radio.

Then my mom told me to stop reinforcing stereo types.

It's hard to be a Buddhist in todays digital world, especially when it comes to emails.

No attachments.

I was getting a prostate examination when the doctor said "just so you know, this is a digital rectal exam".

"I understand. I know what is involved", I reply.

The doctor elaborates, "Just so you know, this exam will likely cause an erection".

I consider it for a moment and say, "That's fine, I've got it under control. It should be ok".

The doctor replies, "I wasn't talking about you."

The digital internet consists of 1s and 0s.

That explains alot about my Tinder matches.

I phoned 999 and told the guy that two men had just broken into my house and stolen my CDs.

"Could you please give me a description of them?" the man asked.



"Certainly," I replied. "They're round plastic discs on which music or other digital information is stored."

I got one of those digital assistant things for Christmas, but I think it's defective

It refuses to open the pod bay doors.

How was the first digital sound created?

Someone snapped their fingers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pope taking a shower!

The Pope was having a shower and although he's very strict about celibacy, he occasionally felt he needed to exercise the papal wrist, and this happened to be one of those occasions. Just as he reached the Papal climax, he saw a photographer taking a picture of the Holy semen flying through the air...

Why did Slovakia move to digital banking?

because they ran out of Czechs

My brother has been working on a belt with a built in digital clock.

Talk about a waist of time.

How come erotic games are always digital downloads?

I just want a physical release.

What did the male digital signal ask a female digital signal?

Do you do ANALog?

Why does the US military use digital camo?

They turned down the graphics for better performance

What do you call an anti-aircraft gun that shoots high-quality digital audio files?

A .flac gun

Why aren't digital images of Bob Marley scalable?

Because they're all rasta graphics.

What's the fastest way to read braille?

Digitally.

There was once a billionaire philanthropist with a curious idea....

"What would happen if he gave modern musical instruments to tribal people who have never been in contact with the outer world? He decided to do just that, and to return after 10 years. The tribesmen were given an electric guitar, bass, a drum kit, digital keys, everything needed to make music with o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guys, if you get a digital rectal exam, you might feel like you're going to poop or going to orgasm.

You won't know whether you're coming or going.

After the invention of digital watches, the Swiss were in quite a bind...

Faced with what seemed like an existential threat to their national watch manufacturers, the Swiss Government send out pamphlets to foreign and domestic watch owners, asking them to sign up if they were interested in buying mechanical watches as gifts or fashion statements. Unfortunately, no one sig...

How do you eat a digital elephant?

One byte at a time!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So, I measured my penis with one of those digital rulers...

...Anyone know how to convert LOL into inches?

What do you call a digital tree?

All bark and no byte

How do you catch a digital fish

Online

Mr Peg, my Digital Photography teacher, just passed away.

Rest in peace Jay.

A digital pirate lost his leg.

He now has a JPEG leg to replace it.

I tried to make a clock with no battery for the digital clock competition

but it didn't count.

Why don't lepers use the Internet?

Because they're digitally challenged.

Have you seen my digital boat?

Oh wait, its syncing.

Where does a digital photographer hang his work?

On a jpeg.

I tossed my wife into a well, but then I thought this was too harsh and threw her smartphone after her.

So she can now enjoy digital well-being

David and Shane worked for a small furniture company which had recently developed a new product.

They had been developing a new kind of smart shelf, and it was finally finished. This shelf had everything! Part of it featured a built in wireless charger, there were USB ports, part of it could flip up to reveal a screen which could be used as digital picture frame as well as had access to YouTube...

The man who saved Reddit

In the not too distant future, web censorship is pervasive; speech and freedom are strangers to one another; while pirates sail the seas with impunity, digital pirates are incarcerated by the busload.

Anyone who speaks out against this ban on open-dialogue or the free-sharing-of-ideas is grou...

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