A billboard advertising a pie shop read...

'Just 3.14 miles away. '

Marvel should use the Hulk in more of its advertising.

He's literally a giant Banner.

What do you call a Hobbit who works in advertising?

Billboard Baggins

(From my son (9) who just finished Fellowship of the Ring and is well on his way to being a dad with jokes like this).

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On Sunday, I walked into the weapons store one day and noticed a banner advertising sarin gas.

I went up to the cashier and asked, "Isn't this stuff illegal?"

The cashier replied, "This isn't your ordinary sarin. This type helps you lose weight," gesturing towards another banner claiming that inhaling a whiff of it every day would help me lose 50 kilos by the end of the week.

Fe...

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A Catholic, a Protestant, and a Jew are walking through Washington DC when they see a poster advertising an epic insult smackdown between all the living former US presidents.

"This looks like such a cool event!" says the Catholic. "I think Carter will win."

"I think the winner will be Clinton," says the Protestant, "with Obama at a close second."

"I'm...uh...not interested," says the Jew.

The other two are shocked. "Why not?" asks the Catholic.
...

Is it just me, or is Hunger Games subliminal advertising for vegans?

Because every 5 seconds all I hear is *PETA!*

A man walks into a bar and notices a sign advertising "World famous punch!"

The man thinks, "Awesome! I love punch!"

He approaches the bartender and asks, "Hey barkeep, saw your sign. I'd love some punch!"

The bartender replies, "Sure thing buddy, you just have to wait in the line."

The man looks around and doesn't see anything.

Trump has violated ethics laws by advertising a can of beans from the Oval Office but he's not worried.

I mean, what are you Goya do about it?

What do you call a hobbit that works in advertising ?

Billboard Baggins

Thinking of starting a liquor brand and getting free advertising from the other major labels

I'm going to call it "responsibly"

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They just offered me sex in exchange for advertising a new detergent brand, can you believe it?

Of course I did not accept, because my will is strong, as strong as the new Axion liquid cleaner, the only true grease and stain remover, now with a new and irresistible vanilla-cherry scent.

The amount of advertising on social media is super surprising.

What’s not surprising? How much money you can save with GEICO Renters Insurance.

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What do you call an anal sex toy that is constantly self advertising?

A shameless plug

My false advertising course...

Is SO WORTH the 7,000 pounds a year that I pay.

I got an advertising email saying 'Google knows maps backwards.'

I thought, that's just spam.

If Whole Foods sells sliced apples,

Is it false advertising?

A man goes to a carnival advertising the three greatest samurai on earth...

He joins the expectant crowd eager to get their money's worth.

"The third greatest samurai" comes the announcement. The samurai steps up. A box is opened and a fly buzzes out. He draws his sword, there's a flash of light, and the fly falls in two equal halves. The crowd cheers.

"The s...

The world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds they make is walking down the street.

He passes a record store that's advertising a sale. The sign says "45 RPM Vinyl First Editions, European Wasps and The Sounds They Make." Naturally, he's intrigued. So he stops on in and says to the record man, "excuse me, but I am the worlds leading expert on European Wasps and the sounds they make...

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I’m going to start putting chromosomes in my advertising.

Because sex cells

They used to say that even bad advertising is good, Blizzard just discovered that is no longer true...

When everyone has phones

My friend is in advertising,lately he ask 10 women whats the worlds number 1 dandruff shampoo.10/10 answered

...HOW DID YOU GET INSIDE MY BATHROOM PERVERT!!!

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Hey, it happens as you get older

NSFW

30 years ago I saw a sideshow that touted, "Harold, the Magnificent Jew"

Intrigued I paid the entrance fee and had a seat in a packed tent with about 50 others.

In the back of the tent was a table on a small stage. The sideshow barker came out with a large fellow in just a ...

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A burnt out advertising executive decides he has had enough of the rat race & buys a property way out west

No electricity, no phones - no company. He has read everything he can &, after a few weeks is getting a bit bored. One afternoon he seens the dust coming up way in the distance coming towards him, a while later a crusty old bushie gets out of a battered holden ute and puts out his hand. "Hello m...

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$5000 Dollar Cow

A couple were driving down the road one day when the man sees a sign advertising a cow for sale for $5000 dollars. Shocked he tells his wife he needs to go see why this cow is worth 5 grand.

When he gets to the farm he knocks on the farmers door and says, excuse me but I seen the sign on the...

I head into my office to print something out, but the printer is out of paper...

I got some paper to refill it, and that's when I noticed something interesting. The paper company was advertising it's social media accounts... I wondered what the Paper Company was doing with an Instagram account so I decided to check them out. Turns out a large percentage of their posts were about...

My barista told me he wants to major in advertising when he goes to college

I thought it was a great idea, it'll help him sell more coffee.

I was loudly advertising my Hawaiian finger-food stand in a public place and everybody started running away - wtf...

"Aloha Snackbar!" "Aloha Snackbar!"

I was browsing through a section in the bookshop titled "Advertising for Idiots."

It said "Buy one and get a second one for the price of two."

Did you know, Google is making a new type of keyboard with only the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9? They're advertising it towards white women...

Because they "can't even"

A blonde buys a chainsaw

A blonde buys a chainsaw to cut down some trees in her backyard and gets the one that sais "Guaranteed to cut down 100 trees a day" on the box.
"Great" she thinks "I only want to cut down 5 trees, but I bet this one will get the job done in no time at all!"


Three days later returns...

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A college advertising lecture is taking place. The speaker is presenting his anti-drug PSA.

He says:

- I am the author of a simple, yet effective campaign against drug use.

He shows the poster he designed. It shows two circles, one big and the other small. The big one is titled "This Is Your Brain", the small one is titled "This Is Your Brain on Drugs". The speaker says:
<...

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I've started using gametes in my advertising campaign.

You know, sex cells.

I'm not panicking yet about ISPs selling my browser history to advertising companies...

On the other hand, when they offer to sell my browsing history to my wife, that would be the appropriate time to panic!

After just 2 days.....

...... I have lost my new job as the marketing manager of Nestle.
They gave me a £3 million advertising budget and told me to spend it wisely or lose my job.
I pulled up in my Ferrari this morning and said, “I’ve decided to lose my job.”

The world's leading expert on European wasps walks into a record shop.



He asks the assistant “Do you have ‘European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week.”

“Certainly,” replies the assistant. “Would you like to listen before you buy it?”

"That would be wonderful," says the expert, and puts on a pair of headphones.
...

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How I tell that the targeted advertising is working

Usually I can tell when they start putting up those dick enlargement pill adds.

Apple is advertising the new iPhone as "The most powerful four inches ever."

I can't believe they stole my slogan.

I was at a lingerie store and they were advertising an old fashioned-looking nighty with the tag line "Just like mother used to wear"...

It's called a Freudian Slip.

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A man went into the Job Center in Denver and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested, he asked the clerk for details.

The clerk pulled up the file and read:
"The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so the...

Two marketing executives were discussing what to call the new advertising signs that were being installed along the highway.

VP Phil: Let's call them Philboards

CEO Bill: I've just had a great idea!

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Wilson runs a nail factory and decides his business needs a bit of advertising.

He has a chat with a friend who works in marketing and he offers to make a TV ad for Wilson's Nails.
"Give me a week," says the friend, "and I'll be back with a tape."
A week goes by and the marketing executive comes to see Wilson. He puts a cassette in the video and presses play. A Roman sold...

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I was offered sex with a 21 year old girl today in exchange for advertising some kind of bathroom cleaner.

Obviously I said no because I am a person with high moral standards and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available in scented lemon or vanilla.

I saw a sign advertising a plowsharing market the other day.

I don't know if that's a more or less politically correct way of talking about a swinger party...

Diaper companies should be sued for false advertising.

Not once have they held the 22-37 pounds they promised.

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A company that sells nails decides to start advertising their product...

Their CEO goes to an ad agency to inquire about creating a large billboard downtown. He meets with an account executive and explains his need:
"We have a good business, but I just feel like most people have never heard of us. They just go down to one of these big box stores and buy whatever bra...

I saw where they pulled all the Steve Irwin sunscreen off the market for false advertising.

It didn't protect against harmful rays.

What should we call this giant advertising board?

PHIL: A philboard

BILL: I have a better idea!

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My grandfather's favourite joke

First time posting here, my grandfather's funeral was yesterday, and in honor of him I thought I would share his favourite joke of all time. My grandfather worked in advertisement, and his favourite jokes had to do with bad advertising. His favourite? Women's dresses, half off.

Rest in peace...

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